margot13 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 So I got to angry phase (I hope it stays) better than crying, moaning, fantasies of return phase. Today I woke up bad and then got really really angry. I don't care if he is depressed, he made a complete mess of everything. I hope this phase is easier than the last one.... Is it? :-) 4
strive Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Welcome to your first step to detaching from your ex. It will eventually lead to true healing. Good luck on your journey! 4
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Personally I find the phases aren't linear, I go back and forth between the phases unfortunately. So you might feel anger today and then sadness again tomorrow. It's great that you are getting through the phases though. I wish you the best in your healing. 2
barky2 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Best phase ever. Stay and hold onto it as long as you can. Barky 2
jphcbpa Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 A friend of mine shared this with me... "This is a critical step in healing. Sadness and then anger. Feel it. It will assist you in being crystal clear in your next relationship. You won't avoid the tough questions out of fear of loss, doubt about your abilities, or not wanting to hurt someone. Agape love demands clarity and accuracy. We step into a person's world, create a safe place, establish trust, walls come down. We also may discover something we do not want to be involved in or with. Agape love is God's love--seeing someone the way God sees them--clearly. It is not about naive kindness. Let the anger be your wakeup call--wish I had known this before kind of anger. It will make you a better man." 4
Author margot13 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Personally I find the phases aren't linear, I go back and forth between the phases unfortunately. So you might feel anger today and then sadness again tomorrow. It's great that you are getting through the phases though. I wish you the best in your healing. I need faulse hope :-) Really don't want to go back to crying, sad, pathetic me....... But I understand what your saying. Still like the liberating feeling if only brief.
Author margot13 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Best phase ever. Stay and hold onto it as long as you can. Barky So I have been paying attention, and seems you are somewhat an expert :-) What is the next phase?
jphcbpa Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 So I have been paying attention, and seems you are somewhat an expert :-) What is the next phase? acceptance perhaps peace of mind indifference joy
polynomial Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Im definitely going back and forth with phases.. i di love the angry one when it comes along though. 1
Author margot13 Posted January 8, 2014 Author Posted January 8, 2014 Im definitely going back and forth with phases.. i di love the angry one when it comes along though. Yes it is really a better alter ego than the sad one!!! I hope it lasts. How long have your phases been going on for?
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Mine lasted a loooong time. Months and months. Unfortunately, during that time I was quite bitter and held a 'victim' mentality. Really hard to let go when angry. And, I'm typically not an angry person, so this felt awkward to me. But yeah, better than some of the other phases, I guess
barky2 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 So I have been paying attention, and seems you are somewhat an expert :-) What is the next phase? Bargaining and or sad/loneliness. Most people break nc during this time. It's imperative you stay nc during this tough time because after this stage is acceptance, you're somewhat ok with the situation and you begin to move forward. There's many different " stages " everyone says there is. But I believe (personal experience / what I've seen) this is usually the next stage. Stay strong. Barky 3
Chi townD Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 You're on a roller coaster right now. You're going to have a lot of ups and downs and no one knows how long this coaster ride is. It's different for everyone. But, one day, you'll wake up and you'll feel nothing but indifference. THAT'S the goal. That's when you know that you're healed.
vassilbg Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Yup, month and a half post BU, lots of ups and downs... I've hit the acceptance, then hit anger, bargaining (I actually sent her a text apologizing, but not asking for a second chance or any of that crap... she sent me an apology a week post BU)... Its tough, even though I don't see myself with her long term, its still tough emotionally.
Softie Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Best phase ever. Stay and hold onto it as long as you can. Barky And if you can use it to focus yourself into doing something or something's good for yourself, I tried to do "ill show you you how blumin awesome I can be you'll see" not to get them back but just to channel my anger to get my bum down the gym or work out harder or focus on healthier eating, organising counselling, a trip abroad, an online course etc Xx 1
David87 Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 Margot13, I'm in the angry phase to Soon it will turn to indifference . 2
WYSWYG Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 taken and well said from user "downtown" : ....."Toward that end, hold on to all the righteous anger you have toward her. Use that anger as a crutch to help you walk away and stay away. A year or two later -- when you are safely away -- you can kick aside that crutch."....
WYSWYG Posted January 8, 2014 Posted January 8, 2014 ......I'd also advice on using this anger for your benefit. Take a boxing class at the gym (I hit the heavy bag harder)..... 1
Author margot13 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Have been doing the working out at the gym since day 1...... Ironically tonight I went to see a theatre show, it was about unrequited love!!!! Made me even angrier, while my friend was sitting next to me worrying if I would get sadder. We then finished a bottle of wine together while talking about life, and laughed at all our mistakes......Life feels fun for this minute :-) 1
JDPT Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 I'm still at the angry phase. However, I think I've been on it for too long that's screwing me. 1
KatZee Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Ooo I had tons of fun with the anger stage. I think tons of people on here had a great time reading my threads too. If you want a really good laugh check this one out (I was legit all over the place like a psycho): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/338793-course-day-going-come-fuming And a slightly more normal one: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/336622-how-do-i-get-past-anger I didn't bounce around stages. I went through them in a straight line. First I bargained, then I was sad, then I was angry, and then I began to detach. I stayed in anger for a really long time though. Probably 4-5 months or so. The anger stage really starts to fade when you really forgive YOURSELF. 1
Author margot13 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Ooo I had tons of fun with the anger stage. I think tons of people on here had a great time reading my threads too. If you want a really good laugh check this one out (I was legit all over the place like a psycho): http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/338793-course-day-going-come-fuming And a slightly more normal one: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/336622-how-do-i-get-past-anger I didn't bounce around stages. I went through them in a straight line. First I bargained, then I was sad, then I was angry, and then I began to detach. I stayed in anger for a really long time though. Probably 4-5 months or so. The anger stage really starts to fade when you really forgive YOURSELF. I must say I am also liking this angry phase. Day 2 and still angry, no tears!!! What a liberation. Mind you the descriptive words I now have for him are also quite ammusing, didn't know I could think of that many ways to describe someone :-) My mother would be shocked!!! 1
David87 Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 KatZee your thread made me feel much better. I read it at work, I lought a lot thanks. Sorry you had to go through that situation. 1
Author margot13 Posted January 9, 2014 Author Posted January 9, 2014 Actually anger has now been replaced with RAGE, FURY AND BRIMSTONE!!! He actually just sent me a song he wrote for me (he is a musician) Seriously this guy has told me to get lost in the most hurtful way possible, with "I suffer depression so can't be with you and if I treat you like s**t don't take it personally." And he did treat me like ****, and I let him for 4 weeks because he was sooooooo sad and depressed blah blah blah blah...... And then I get another love song (second one in two weeks) Almost tempted to send him a message back telling him that his music sucks and he should go get a real job.
flightplan Posted January 9, 2014 Posted January 9, 2014 Almost tempted to send him a message back telling him that his music sucks and he should go get a real job. Lol.. you took the words right out of my mouth. Guys like that tend to think life is like a movie. Tell'em to stick the song where the sun don't shine. 1
Recommended Posts