How strong is intuition? Dreams about infidelity?

[todreaminblue]

Without any evidence or proof, did you have a 'gut feeling' or did you dream about your partner cheating on you?

 

 

i dreamt of infidelity before it happened and the women it was with...all were blond........and the break up.......just didnt know it was true when i dreamt it......deb

[tired girl]

Yes to both with my husband. And I was right.

 

This last time that I finally busted him, I had a dream a few weeks right before I caught him and I was so sure that I was wrong, due to the fact that we were in MC and I thought we were working on things. I finally put all of the red flags together and investigated him and caught him.

 

This is what will happen to you eventually. Whether you like it or not, when you are in an affair, you detach from your spouse, and they feel it.

 

I guess we will all just wait for your thread where you let us know that you have been caught.

 

We can tell you about the devastation that this will wreak upon your family, but until you experience it, you are just not going to believe it. Keep believing that you have it all under control.

 

For the record, the personality disorder that your counselor has suggested just doesn't fit with how you present here.

[harrybrown]

So your H will never find out?

 

My wife did not think I would ever find out.

 

Her POSOM was having more than one affair. Your OM would not lie to his wife and he will not lie to you, would he? His other AP became upset and sent me pictures.

 

"That is not me with him", I must have been photoshopped into the picture.

 

Yes, I had a dream about it, because she was different, she was moody and cross with the kids, she was selfish and spent her time and energy elsewhere.

 

To justify her actions, she had to magnify any faults she could conceive.

 

Her friend was also having an affair. She got stds from her OM that would never lie to her. Once her friend found out in reality what the OM was like without her rose-colored unicorn affair fog glasses, she saw the real cheater. And her doctor asked about her sexual partners when she was positive. Her husband found out that she had given him stds. He divorced her and her AP dropped her like a hot potato.

 

Keep living in the land of unicorns. It will not end pretty. One of the kids also mentioned the OM. Kids can not stand her.

 

You are selfish and your H is more of a man than your AP. You are in the selfish affair fog and can not see what you have and how you can not give all your energy to two different men.

 

You love one and the other you do not. You will never tell him. But if you keep it up, it will be all over town.

 

Divorce your H. do not tell him why. Set him free to be with someone who will love him.

 

or if you can't stop the affair, can't divorce your H or tell him about your affair, stop being selfish. Let him believe that you consider your marriage to be an open marriage. Set him up with a dozen women to date while you continue your affair.

[Clay]

So you never tell your husband and one day just by fate he does find out. He is lost. He can't do anything he starts to realize its been going on for a long time. He goes home and he starts to drink. He feels horrible inside. The worst pain he has ever felt. He wants to call you on it. He wants to do all these things but the alcohol starts to really kick in. He starts feeling sorry for himself. Your gone with the other man having a wonderful evening together. You come home late. You see the lights on. You wonder why they are all on. You walk in and realize something is wrong. Your husband killed himself while you were with the OM. You were not there for him. You could not save him. The damage you have caused will ruin many peoples lives.

 

If you think this stuff is not possible just take a look out there.

 

There are stories like this in the news every day.

 

You think this will never happen to you well I can tell you two months ago in my city a man killed his wife so he could be with his AP. I bet she never saw it coming. Now she is dead and her kids get to live with someone else.

 

 

Clay

[Sub]

It's more than a coincidence that both of the BS's in this situation have dreamt of their WS's having A's. There's no such thing as concrete proof of a negative, in this case that your H doesn't have a clue about what's going on. The dreams will put him in a position to question, and that curiosity will be bad news for you and the OM.

[tiredofitall2]

So you never tell your husband and one day just by fate he does find out. He is lost. He can't do anything he starts to realize its been going on for a long time. He goes home and he starts to drink. He feels horrible inside. The worst pain he has ever felt. He wants to call you on it. He wants to do all these things but the alcohol starts to really kick in. He starts feeling sorry for himself. Your gone with the other man having a wonderful evening together. You come home late. You see the lights on. You wonder why they are all on. You walk in and realize something is wrong. Your husband killed himself while you were with the OM. You were not there for him. You could not save him. The damage you have caused will ruin many peoples lives.

 

If you think this stuff is not possible just take a look out there.

 

There are stories like this in the news every day.

 

You think this will never happen to you well I can tell you two months ago in my city a man killed his wife so he could be with his AP. I bet she never saw it coming. Now she is dead and her kids get to live with someone else.

 

 

Clay

 

I read a story like thin on another forum. Te man shot himself in the head.

[Clay]

The guy in my city never even showed any remorse most people did not even know until after his wife was dead that he had a affair going on with one of his neighbors until she spoke up in court. They damn near hauled her off to jail because she was trying to talk to the jurors.

 

The sad thing about it is he did have kids. They will now never see there mom again all because he wanted to be with his AP.

 

What a loss.

 

Clay

[BurnedAndLost]

I definitely felt something. The previous poster who said that sometimes our subconscious picks up on behavior changes that gives us a gut feeling.

 

For me this is very true. For weeks he had been distant. I had noticed several things that at the time, seemed like no big deal. The first was the OW. A couple of weeks before the DD, he left his Facebook open. I jokingly made a status as him saying I left him. We were in a store and he gets a text from her asking if it was true and that she will gladly take him. He told me and it bothered me, but I let it go.

 

Then he asked me what I would do if he cheated on me. Again, I Let it go because we often had conversations about weird things like that.

 

Then I noticed he was always on his phone. He had never been the type to constantly be on the internet, text people etc. He also had a lock on his phone, which he never did before.Yet again I said nothing... But by this time My gut was telling me something wrong but I didn't necessarily think it was cheating...

 

On the night of the DR he had been very distant. At this point I was sick to my stomach because I knew something was not right. Something was off about his behavior. He was antsy. Couldn't sit still... passing,, etc. was thinking he might have been stressed. I asked him if something was wrong and he told me no. He started laughing while looking at his phone. I asked him what's funny and he got defensive.

 

I went to bed sick to my stomach. I think I knew at that point but I ignored it. I woke up in the middle of the night with that same feeling. Something told me to check the computer. He had fallen asleep next to the laptop. I took it and lo and behold, there it was. He had left open his Facebook open. There was a series of long messages to an obviously fake account. I woke him up and confronted him. He immediately got angry and snatched it away. He refused to talk about it and that told me what I needed to know....

 

He told me later on that night he was just talking to the ow because he felt neglected and he vowed to stop. At this point my suspicions on her identity were not confirmed. He asked me to put out some nice clothes because he had to go pick h our son's god sister up from the airport. This a long with the flirty text from her made me more suspicious. He never cared too much about how he dressed. So why now?

 

Things were worse over the next few days. I finally asked him if he wants to end the relationship and he said no.... Then he started to cry and confessions he DID have sex with OW. I knew who she was at this point.... Because he told me when I found the messages, they were just talking... He picked her up from the airport the next day because she lives out of state. So before that, it COULDN'T be physical...He had sex with her for the 1st time when he picked her up....

 

 

I am going to end it here because this is already too long....

My point is, I can almost guarantee they are suspicious.... like my s/o you are probably giving off signals that you aren't aware of.... A reaction to something like someone mentioning them... Things like that... If you aren't the OM probably is.... One day something is going to slip. And when that happens, they will connect all of the dots.

[bobwhite007]

I dreamed it, long before I became paranoid. Me and this man were at a table eating and she came in and looked at me and said " this is how I want to be loved " and kissed him. I haven't slept well since. In my last dream I was Euriah.

[BHsigh]

I will leave you with this. If you continue, you will get caught. The parties involved are too close and interconnected. It may be too late already. And whatever destruction and pain you imagine getting caught will cause, multiply it by 10.

 

I think your husband and your friend deserve to know the truth. However, if you want to avoid the inevitable pain and destruction you are going to cause you must end your affair now and find a way to disengage from this other couple.

 

And by the way, it will absolutely affect your kids more than you know.

 

I would like to add to this, I agree with you that if she continues that she will be caught.

 

However, if he does have suspicions and was testing her with his dream about her cheating statement, then it's probably already too late for her to successfully hide it from him.

 

In my case, I was very suspicious during my wife's affair, but could never find the proof, I even confronted her once during the affair and I fell for the excuses. I wasn't until 3 months after the affair ended that I finally forced my wife to admit it, yet I can almost pinpoint the day that their affair ended, just by her starting to treat me better again.

 

I have to suggest that hayleym just confess and get it over with, because odds are, he is suspicious already.

[BHsigh]

Not gonna happen. Nothing anyone on the Internet could say would change my stance on confession.

 

He does not suspect an affair with the guy I'm having an affair. I have ways of knowing this for a fact that I will not be sharing here, but just as Betrayed spouses have seen concreit evidence by snooping, I have as well that he does not know.

 

But I do feel he's sensing I am pulling away from him and really it's never been my intention to disconnect from him. So I'll be focusing on our relationship to make us both feel better.

 

Does your concrete evidence happen to be OM, his "friend"? Has he been talking to his "friend" with concerns about you?

 

I sure hope not, I'm getting sick just thinking about it.

Edited December 18, 2013 by BHsigh

[hayleym]

Does your concrete evidence happen to be OM, his "friend"? Has he been talking to his "friend" with concerns about you?

 

I sure hope not, I'm getting sick just thinking about it.

 

He doesn't talk to OM about his concerns so much as he talks to him about how good a wife I am. I am not just saying that. He apparently tells his friends how great I am a lot and it gets back to me. Meaning when they bitch about their wives he counters that with what I do right. This may seem ironic and horrible to people here knowing what they know. But I am a good wife in all other facets, I take care of my man.

 

When he complains about me to other people, it's that I don't keep things completely spotless around the house on the days I work. That's always been his biggest complaint. We have sex almost daily. Apparently not common for a married couple that's been together almost a decade but we are still young, another of his complaints is he'd like it twice a day. He does say this to OM and other friends. It doesn't bother me that he talks about it.

 

The sex he likes and the sex I like don't always line up. That's a big reason I became attracted to OM in that first place but that's another story.

 

There has also been a couple situations where my husband has been recorded without his knowledge, not going to get into specifics but has to do with my job and cameras that are up that people don't know about. I'm the one with access to them and found a few things out I otherwise wouldn't have known.

They are no longer active because of some of the things I found out, I just didn't need to know and changed the system to only snap pictures instead of sound and video. But I did hear conversations between OM and my husband as well as OM's wife and my husband a couple times before I disabled the camera. I wasn't trying to spy on anyone, the purpose of the cameras was only because there had been some theft and I was trying to figure that out.

 

My husband would be what one would refer to as an alpha male. He's not insecure, at all, and his dream was in his words brought on by stress.

I feel though that after two years it's very possible I've distanced from him emotionally just enough that he would be getting an 'off' feeling.

 

I have not contacted OM since the beginning of the month, I had sensed we all needed some space. But my husband still talks to him and he still contacts me and we are all still close. If the physical aspect of our affair ended people here are adamant that we can't keep being friends but I disagree. We have went back to being friends a few times over the years for a couple months at a time sometimes but just always end up back together.

Edited December 18, 2013 by hayleym

[Owl]

He doesn't talk to OM about his concerns so much as he talks to him about how good a wife I am. I am not just saying that. He apparently tells his friends how great I am a lot and it gets back to me. Meaning when they bitch about their wives he counters that with what I do right. This may seem ironic and horrible to people here knowing what they know. But I am a good wife in all other facets, I take care of my man.

 

Reminds me of a story of a dad baking brownies for his kids to prove a point. He used all the finest ingrediants...the best cocoa, the richest milk, organic eggs. They were baked to perfection.

 

He told his kids that these were perfect brownies...but he added just a pinch of dog poop to the mix. Just a small amount...surely that small of an amount would be completely untasteable.

 

They still refused to eat them.

 

Go figure.

 

 

 

I have not contacted OM since the beginning of the month, I had sensed we all needed some space. But my husband still talks to him and he still contacts me and we are all still close. If the physical aspect of our affair ended people here are adamant that we can't keep being friends but I disagree. We have went back to being friends a few times over the years for a couple months at a time sometimes but just always end up back together.

 

The last two sentences contradict one another. You claim in the first that there's no reason why you can't remain friends (against the advice of others), and in the second you clearly demonstrate exactly why you can't. (which is the very reason why people say it can't be done...that you agree with)

 

Denial...it's not just a river in Egypt.

[hayleym]

For the record, the personality disorder that your counselor has suggested just doesn't fit with how you present here.

 

I'm not trying to say what my counsellor has suggested is why I'm doing this. its not WHY Im in an affair.

 

it was something brought up, I had never heard of it before. My past is dramatic and overly sexual, starting from a young age. That's mostly what we have discussed in IC. It's since been brought to my family doctors attention as well and she highly agrees with my therapist that it answers a lot of questions, and does very much line up with how I present myself in my life, whether it does with how I present myself here or not.

However again meds were suggested by my family doctor, surprise surprise. Where instead IC thinks the best course of action is talk therapy.

Doesn't make a whole lot of difference to me right now but does spark my curiosity. I also think that it could help knowing if and when I do decide I want to get out of the affair.

 

I wouldn't use a personality disorder as an excuse to cheat, but if its something that could be treated I would use the knowledge of it being a possibility to stop cheating, if that makes sense. I wouldn't use it to justify anything to anyone else I mean, wouldn't even bring that up to my husband. Ever.

Edited December 18, 2013 by hayleym

[Owl]

I'm not trying to say what my counsellor has suggested is why I'm doing this. its not WHY Im in an affair.

 

it was something brought up, I had never heard of it before. My past is dramatic and overly sexual, starting from a young age. That's mostly what we have discussed in IC. It's since been brought to my family doctors attention as well and she highly agrees with my therapist that it answers a lot of questions, and does very much line up with how I present myself in my life, whether it does with how I present myself here or not.

However again meds were suggested by my family doctor, surprise surprise. Where instead IC thinks the best course of action is talk therapy.

Doesn't make a whole lot of difference to me right now but does spark my curiosity. I also think that it could help knowing if and when I do decide I want to get out of the affair.

 

I wouldn't use a personality disorder as an excuse to cheat, but if its something that could be treated I would use the knowledge of it being a possibility to stop cheating, if that makes sense.

 

Not really. It won't change HOW you get out of the affair, nor will it impact why you choose to do so.

 

It won't change the steps needed to end the affair, it won't change how anyone else feels about your affair, it won't change the outcome of the affair, nor will it change the damage done by it.

 

It's just a convenient 'reason' to remain in the affair without spending too much focus on the real baseline reason you're in the affair...because you feel you deserve to get what you want, no matter the cost to anyone else.

[hayleym]

Reminds me of a story of a dad baking brownies for his kids to prove a point. He used all the finest ingrediants...the best cocoa, the richest milk, organic eggs. They were baked to perfection.

 

He told his kids that these were perfect brownies...but he added just a pinch of dog poop to the mix. Just a small amount...surely that small of an amount would be completely untasteable.

 

They still refused to eat them.

 

Go figure.

 

 

 

 

The last two sentences contradict one another. You claim in the first that there's no reason why you can't remain friends (against the advice of others), and in the second you clearly demonstrate exactly why you can't. (which is the very reason why people say it can't be done...that you agree with)

 

Denial...it's not just a river in Egypt.

 

We end up back together because we've never ended the affair, just taken breaks. If we had a discussion about really ending it, I think we could.

[hayleym]

Not really. It won't change HOW you get out of the affair, nor will it impact why you choose to do so.

 

It won't change the steps needed to end the affair, it won't change how anyone else feels about your affair, it won't change the outcome of the affair, nor will it change the damage done by it.

 

It's just a convenient 'reason' to remain in the affair without spending too much focus on the real baseline reason you're in the affair...because you feel you deserve to get what you want, no matter the cost to anyone else.

 

I'm not using it as a reason to stay in the affair at all. I don't even think about it that much. It was only suggested in the last couple weeks, it's not something I'm latching onto, didnt even bring it up here except for one time just to say it was suggested.

 

The reason I say it could be more important when I decide to end the affair is because I would put a lot more focus on trying to heal my issues. Right now I'm ok with my situation and don't care to change anything.

[BHsigh]

He doesn't talk to OM about his concerns so much as he talks to him about how good a wife I am. I am not just saying that. He apparently tells his friends how great I am a lot and it gets back to me. Meaning when they bitch about their wives he counters that with what I do right. This may seem ironic and horrible to people here knowing what they know. But I am a good wife in all other facets, I take care of my man.

 

Well, that's sort of a relief, at least he isn't voicing concerns to OM.

 

It is very disgusting that he tells OM how great you are though, I wonder what runs through OM's head?

 

BS to OM: My wife is great, she does everything just right and I love being with her.

Edited December 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[threelaurels]

It's just a convenient 'reason' to remain in the affair without spending too much focus on the real baseline reason you're in the affair...because you feel you deserve to get what you want, no matter the cost to anyone else.

 

OP is beyond the help of this forum. She knows she is hurting others but doesn't care. She feels no remorse, no empathy. The cycle of abuse is complete--the victim has become the abuser. She is a danger to others, and the best way to minimize the damage she causes is to lock her up and keep her away from the rest of us.

 

You are walking on eggshells, OP. If the thought of your children's pain isn't enough to make you end the A, nothing is. You don't love your husband, your OM, your children, or even yourself. You don't know what love is, and you never will if you keep walking the path you're on. Wake up and get help.

[Sub]

If the physical aspect of our affair ended people here are adamant that we can't keep being friends but I disagree. We have went back to being friends a few times over the years for a couple months at a time sometimes but just always end up back together.

 

You do realize that proves their point, though.

[BHsigh]

We end up back together because we've never ended the affair, just taken breaks. If we had a discussion about really ending it, I think we could.

 

I always start "type in bad behavior here" again because I never really quit, I just took breaks from "type in bad behavior here". I could quit if I really wanted to.

[hayleym]

I really don't think he's laughing at my husband behind his back. He genuinely likes him the same as I genuinely like his wife.

 

I think what people are picturing is different from the situation I'm in. We all spend a lot of time together, and the affair is more than two years old. It's not like a movie , there is very little drama.

 

The cameras at my work were brought up because someone asked how I know for a fact he doesn't think I would ever cheat on him. I heard him having several conversations about me, infidelity was brought up about someone else and it was quite a lengthy conversation.

Edited December 18, 2013 by hayleym

[BHsigh]

I really don't think he's laughing at my husband behind his back. He genuinely likes him the same as I genuinely like his wife.

 

I think what people are picturing is different from the situation I'm in. We all spend a lot of time together, and the affair is more than two years old. It's not like a movie , there is very little drama.

 

The cameras at my work were brought up because someone asked how I know for a fact he doesn't think I would ever cheat on him. I heard him having several conversations about me, infidelity was brought up about someone else and it was quite a lengthy conversation.

 

Om told me that he thought that I was a really cool person, and that he liked hanging out with me. This was before I was sure about the affair and confronted him, when I told him to stay away from my wife, because their friendship was causing problems.

 

My point, he's a liar, and your OM is a liar. If he genuinely liked your BS as a friend he wouldn't be banging his wife (you). The same goes for you and OM's bs.

[Clay]

Om told me that he thought that I was a really cool person, and that he liked hanging out with me. This was before I was sure about the affair and confronted him, when I told him to stay away from my wife, because their friendship was causing problems.

 

My point, he's a liar, and your OM is a liar. If he genuinely liked your BS as a friend he wouldn't be banging his wife (you). The same goes for you and OM's bs.

 

Do you ever get the feeling your wasting your time?

 

Clay

[BHsigh]

Do you ever get the feeling your wasting your time?

 

Clay

 

Heh, I do, but it's something to do between busy times at work, so why not.