My girlfriend broke up with me over e-mail.

[tricolors]

Our first date was in March of this year.

 

We became "official" in late June.

 

Someone else on this site knows our entire story from beginning to end, who I talk to privately.

 

Just for a LITTLE background, here is me even talking about her in threads from April, well before we were even close to being official.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/385029-starting-something-woman-i-think-she-s-been-hurt-badly-before

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/384647-whole-dreaded-body-type-thing-3.html#post4778563

 

She's 40. I'm 34. If you read either of the threads above, you'll see I was very enamored with her. Her personality was the most amazing thing. I thought she was beautiful, too. I still do.

 

We first went out March 30th. We went out last Wednesday at the latest. In between these two dates, March 30th and December 11th, we went out to dozens of dinners, we went to museums, we stayed all night in various locales, the beach, and so on. We had a good time with each other. We slept together when we could, we got along marvelously. We met each other's parents, dined with each other's parents, our parents really liked each one of us.

 

We literally never raised our voices at each other. Not ONCE. Never. We never got into an argument in person. Is that not amazing for a nine month relationship? We did have the occasional disagreement in e-mail or text, which, but it was relatively minor.

 

Last Wednesday, we went out to eat. Everything was normal. I held her hand in the car for about 30 minutes each way driving. We talked normally. We had good conversation. We had a simple kiss at the end of the night.

 

On Sunday, I sent her an e-mail asking if she would like to spend Saturday night in a hotel on the beach somewhere.

 

Here is the response I got Monday morning, via e-mail. (I will cut out some formalities for the sake of room.)

 

Hey there,

 

I thank you very much for your very nice email and invitation for a weekend getaway! You are so very thoughtful!

 

I would like to take a step back and just be FRIENDS with you.

It is nothing you have done or said or not done or not said, but it is just me. Please don't ask yourself any questions...it is just me. No, I have not met someone else.

I sincerely apologize, I never wanted to cause you any sorrow or disappointment, I just don't feel right. Many reasons....but again, please don't ask yourself, it is nothing about you but more about me.

I would love to still be friends with you, of course if you wish so (as you have also mentioned in several texts), but I would understand if you decide the opposite.

I would still like to go out to dinners with you and spend time together but as friends.

Please forgive me...you have been so kind and generous in so many ways, I can only say THANK YOU so much for such great moments together never to forget.

Again, I hope we may stay friends, and this may take some time for you to agree...or perhaps not...but please believe me I will never forget all our times together if you decide to completely shut off.

 

 

Naturally, I was outraged by being broken up with over e-mail. But I didn't let that show...at first. I sent kind, sad e-mails and texts to her asking why she would dump me out of the clear blue via text.

 

Her response? I've already deleted the text, so I can't tell you exactly how it was worded, but it essentially said "Give me some time and I'll get back to you."

 

I tried calling her, I tried texting her, and I tried e-mailing her. I never got any response. As the saying goes "The only thing worse than hating someone is ignoring someone."

 

As the week has progressed, while staying relatively okay, but at the same time obviously sad, I started to become angry. How could someone I've been sleeping with and dating for the largest part of the year just ignore me and break up with me via e-mail, with no explanation?

 

It finally came to a head last night when I just threw a bunch of angry and childish things at her in text, to which she finally responded to me, no doubt in anguish herself. She didn't deserve many of the things I said. Some needed to be said, many didn't. I feel terrible about that, even though I was broken up with via e-mail.

 

I already knew ahead of time it'd make me feel bad, too. Try to never be angry in a breakup. It will only make you feel better for a few hours at best.

 

There is nothing else to be said. I do not know, and I doubt, I will ever hear from her again. I am left having no idea why she would not take the time to break up with me in person, a woman who I shared an intimate relationship with nearly the entire year.

 

I don't suppose it really matters at this point.

 

The defining point of this post is, don't say mean things even if someone wrongs you. It doesn't help.

[theothersully]

12 year relationship, 10 year marriage, broken off by a 3 minute phone call after lots of closeness the day before, never fighting, etc.

 

The issue is you were dating a coward. I was married to one.

[fortyninethousand322]

She either doesn't like you or she's got issues. Just do like the Beatles and let it be...

[StanMusial]

Cold as ice.

 

They come and go, some of 'em.

[MidwestUSA]

I remember the beginnings of this relationship without looking. You're a great guy. I'm so sorry it came to this.

 

Wow, just wow, to the choice of email to deliver this.

 

Hugs to you.

[tricolors]

12 year relationship, 10 year marriage, broken off by a 3 minute phone call after lots of closeness the day before, never fighting, etc.

 

The issue is you were dating a coward. I was married to one.

 

I am truly sorry to hear that.

 

Yes, I called her a coward. She did not seem receptive to being called one.

 

By all means, I was not perfect in this relationship...but we got along very well. Never, ever any kind of blowout argument or the like, not even close.

 

I would not have done this to her (I would have had the balls to break up with her in person.)

 

It was bad enough she wanted to break up with me by e-mail, but at the very least she could have e-mailed or texted me back and TALKED about it. But I didn't even get that. I would have even stopped being angry if she'd given me that much.

 

I thought it was utterly insulting she said "Give me time and I'll get back to you."

 

Um, hello? You're the one breaking up with me, I deserve the time now, not when you feel better about yourself."

[tricolors]

I remember the beginnings of this relationship without looking. You're a great guy. I'm so sorry it came to this.

 

Wow, just wow, to the choice of email to deliver this.

 

Hugs to you.

 

Thank you. I tried very hard to make her feel appreciated and cared for. She has a history of moving around and never staying in one place long. I perhaps foolishly thought I could change that. I bought her things. I bought her family things. I complimented her regularly, we talked almost every night. I was attentive, caring, and there for her when she felt down. She was not bad to me either, she did things for me, she was kind to my parents, and so on. But the whole breaking up over e-mail thing sure has soured my opinion of her.

 

Nonetheless, I wish I would not have used the petty attacks on her last night via text, even if she did do me wrong.

[tricolors]

She either doesn't like you or she's got issues. Just do like the Beatles and let it be...

 

A little from column A, a little from column B.

 

That's relationships for you. She's got every right not to like me or want to be with me.

 

If she had such burning problems with me, though, it would have been nice to know about them, instead of letting them come to a head this way.

[theothersully]

I hear you, bro. I did get a little laugh in that you actually called her out as a coward... ha ha ha. I'm sure she didn't like that. Cowards do not like the truth. They hide from it. Just shared my experience so you could see you are not alone in this ridiculous type of break up. These kinds of people are everywhere.,..

[StanMusial]

A little from column A, a little from column B.

 

That's relationships for you. She's got every right not to like me or want to be with me.

 

If she had such burning problems with me, though, it would have been nice to know about them, instead of letting them come to a head this way.

 

I bet if you watched your time with her in instant replay on the Jumbotron it would be glaringly obvious.

[tricolors]

I hear you, bro. I did get a little laugh in that you actually called her out as a coward... ha ha ha. I'm sure she didn't like that. Cowards do not like the truth. They hide from it. Just shared my experience so you could see you are not alone in this ridiculous type of break up. These kinds of people are everywhere.,..

 

She did not like it.

 

I think I texted it to her on Tuesday morning, along with a few other things.

 

Her response was "I'm going to pretend I never read these messages!" then she stopped responding to me for days.

[Poppyolive]

This is sad, so sad. Im sorry you are hurting and angry and hurting some more. What an ass! Firstly to break up via email, with crap about friends, if you want to be...blabla, didn't have the decency to reply to you....which means all this friends, spend time with you as friends is to soften the blow and take away guilty feelings. I totally feel you and its a ****ty place with emotions so big they blow you over, smack your face. I dated.lived with my boy for 5 years..out of the blue...we're done....left...nothing! Its the most disrespectful way to treat someone and behave that you supposedly care about.

 

Advice for you....rise above her ****tiness and callousness. Be the bigger person and leave her be. Cut off contact, come here for inspiration and healing. Take care of your heart. I found for me getting to the place where i look at him and feel sad for him, the place he is in, the behaviour, not having the respect to talk about things. I think thats a ****tier place to be, at least you can sleep at night knowing you gave everything, held love and respect for her and your relationship....her...couldn't give a ****e about you, herself and her actions. Hugs!!!

[somedude81]

Wow that's really cold. Breaking up over email is just pathetic.

 

BTW, what's the deal with women randomly breaking up with guys they are with with no warning? How come I never hear about guys doing this?

[Poppyolive]

Guys do it too!! Its super pathetic, i just feel for their mindset!

[StanMusial]

Wow that's really cold. Breaking up over email is just pathetic.

 

BTW, what's the deal with women randomly breaking up with guys they are with with no warning? How come I never hear about guys doing this?

 

 

Two of my buddies:

 

 

1. His wife woke up one morning and said she didn't want to be married anymore. He remarried, his current wife is really attractive and a real sweetheart.
   
2. HE woke up one morning and said he didn't want to be married anymore. Moved out that day. Married some old skank a couple of years later and divorced her too.
   

[theothersully]

Agree with Stan. A cute younger girl I know recently got the vanishing act pulled on her by a coward dude. Big mistake... this girl is a total sweetheart of a person. Kind, caring, has feelings and treats others well. Very good looking too. He messed that one up.

[Under The Radar]

Two of my buddies:

 

 

1. His wife woke up one morning and said she didn't want to be married anymore. He remarried, his current wife is really attractive and a real sweetheart.
   
2. HE woke up one morning and said he didn't want to be married anymore. Moved out that day. Married some old skank a couple of years later and divorced her too.
   

 

Jesus

 

(10 Characters)

[charlietheginger]

Next time understand every relationship can come to a end....

 

next time it happens end it with this response...

 

" I really enjoyed the time we spent together In life we all

have to do what is best for ourselves. I really care about

Your happiness and what's best for you at this time of your

life. It's a honor to be a friend I really care about what's best

for you and we can take it a step in that direction at your pace

if you need a ear to listen or shoulder to lean on I'm here."

 

This situation happens all the time guys blow up but someone

who really cares will except the situations at hand

[Mrlonelyone]

I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you by way of a cold dry email and some text. That is a really cowardly way to handle things. Nothing we can say can make it better.

 

 

The only comfort I can offer is, that you are not the only or first to have this happen. That such cowardice in love predates email. It was the basis for a 1980's sitcom (with the happy go lucky sounding theme characteristic of the era.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSNT4Y6-5fI

 

 

 

 

Men did it too, then wrote songs about it.

[somedude81]

Two of my buddies:

 

 

1. His wife woke up one morning and said she didn't want to be married anymore. He remarried, his current wife is really attractive and a real sweetheart.
   
2. HE woke up one morning and said he didn't want to be married anymore. Moved out that day. Married some old skank a couple of years later and divorced her too.
   

Hmm, any background to the stories?

 

Where they in a happy healthy relationship, were their problems etc?

 

The OP's example is a relationship that has everything going for it, then suddenly she decides to end it. The same exact thing happened to me, which is why I have an interest in his story.

[charlietheginger]

Women are like that ......

 

would you have liked it to have been another year or 5 years

then get the e-mail ?

 

If she had mixed feelings be glad she DIDN'T go further with it....

[StanMusial]

Hmm, any background to the stories?

 

Where they in a happy healthy relationship, were their problems etc?

 

The OP's example is a relationship that has everything going for it, then suddenly she decides to end it. The same exact thing happened to me, which is why I have an interest in his story.

 

They were obviously not healthy relationships. Did the other party know this? No.

 

A little background, in Case 1 they liked banging each other but she wanted a better lifestyle. In Case 2 the guy was the restless type and just didn't want to be tied down right then. I will add, you never really know what goes on behind closed doors.

 

I recall this gossipy lady telling me one time about how her neighbor's old lady ran off one day. "He thought they were happy," she said.

[soccerrprp]

One thing I've learned in that last few years from dating and from being on LS is that feeling really irked about the method in which one is dumped is fruitless and doubt that anyone deserves to be dumped in any preferred method he/she deems appropriate.

 

Coward or no, it is more than likely she chose email b/c it allowed some advantages that speaking or texting didn't.

 

1. She doesn't like confrontation

2. It was easier for her to express her thoughts via email (texting is too cumbersome)

3. There would be little or NO chance that by emailing she'd be emotionally coerced to change her mind

4. No one likes to dump or be dumped and "talk" about it.

5. Like others have said, this is not strictly a girl thing and the most cowardly thing I would imagine is to simply cheat on you and let you find out that way or simply fade away (talk about rude)

 

Look, I'm sorry you have to go through this. I've been through this very thing. Got an email to tell me that she didn't want to date me "right now" and we could be friends if I wanted to.... I responded by thanking her for the time we'd had and friendship was a possibility and good luck. This girl I was dating dreaded confrontation, hated the idea of dumping me and it was more comfortable for her to email instead, so it did not surprise me that she used email, rather, the surprise was being dumped. But, I burned no bridges, and remained courteous...

 

Over a year later, seeing each other occasionally "as friends", we are together again and STRONGER than ever! The funny thing was that neither of us thought getting back together was going to happen. I certainly didn't.

 

In the end, I never asked her why she was dumping me. Didn't get pissed and angry and b/c I genuinely cared about her and we liked each other a lot, we remained friends. But never really tried to get together for any particular reason and I continued dating other women after the breakup.

 

It turns out her reasons for breaking it off were pretty important and understandable.

 

Anyway, good luck man. Don't lose your cool next time. I can imagine this is going to make you even more cautious in your next relationship. Too bad.

[Targetlock]

I can sympathise with this as i have also been dumped like this, but by text rather than e-mail. it hurts, but being dumped always hurts i suppose, best to move on.

[Mrlonelyone]

Hmm, any background to the stories?

 

Where they in a happy healthy relationship, were their problems etc?

 

The OP's example is a relationship that has everything going for it, then suddenly she decides to end it. The same exact thing happened to me, which is why I have an interest in his story.

 

 

The problem is many people will put on a happy face and go forward with a relationship because. They made promises and commitments and they want to keep them. They don't want to disappoint people they care about/ their friends and family really like their mate. They fear being alone more than they dislike their relationship. They weren't really in love to begin with and once the novelty of sex with that person wears off they find that they can't really stand them.

 

 

 

Did You Marry the Wrong Guy?

 

 

Thirty percent of now-divorced women say they knew it was wrong from the start.*

 

So those people go on feeling trapped or coerced or pressured into the relationship. Sometimes this is justified, often it isn't and is just a matter of not wanting to be tied down, being restless, or what is known here as GIGS. Sometimes they feel real intimacy coming and real commitment coming and they run from it. Other times their really is peer pressure keeping a couple together and not too much more.

 

 

Eventually these people are honest with themselves about their feelings and they flee from commitment and intimacy

 

*That could just be women who idealize marriage who are remembering the past more negatively because of the negative result.