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The whole dreaded body type thing

curlygirl40

By curlygirl40
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curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

Posted
Posted

This is one of the things I hate about online dating.

 

Just to set the stage. I would call myself average (body type). Some people might not. I know it's subjective and I know that likes and dislikes are all over the map.

 

I'm a size 8/10. Baby making hips and 36G bra size. Ya, curvy. But in the good way. No muffin top. I rock a pair of jeans, guys (guy friends, guys I have dated) have a thing for my behind. Apparently, it's good to look at. lol

 

I'm fit as in I run 5 and 10K's. I run a few times a week. I would not call myself fit and toned though. I would say average.

 

I have a full body pic of myself on my profile. I think it's a very good representation of my body type.

 

I know I'm not what you would call thin or slender or petite. I am just not, never have been. I have no problems with guys who prefer this obviously, but it's just not me.

 

So now that I have set the stage. I just don't know what to do when I have a guy contact me online who has in his profile that he likes thin girls, or prefers his match to have a slender body type. The last guy I was talking to said his type is a 'petite girl'. Well, he contacted me. I list myself as average. I have a full body pic up. Is it up to me to tell him I'm not slender, thin or petite?

 

I am VERY comfortable with my body. I don't have any issues with it. So to tell them 'oh, by the way, I see you like thin girls, I'm not thin' reaks of insecurity to me. I don't want them to think I have a problem with my body.

 

Ugh, I hate this. Most of the guys that I have met with OLD want to see me again. But I still dread meeting up with guys who I think are going to be disappointed.

 

I'm talking to a guy now and this evening via e-mail he told me that he puts 'slender' on his profile to weed out the people who think they are average but are actually much more than average. If I know what he means, he goes on to say.

 

Well, he might say that about me once he meets me, correct?

 

And again, he reached out to me, I have average as my body type and I have a clear picture of my curvy self on my profile.

 

What do you all think? This has come up so many times.

tbf Established Member

tbf

Posted
Posted

If the pic you placed in your dating profile is an accurate depiction of the current you, I wouldn't worry about it. It's not up to you to decide for them, what they're attracted to since they wouldn't have contacted you without finding your pics attractive.

  • Like 10
Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
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If the pic you placed in your dating profile is an accurate depiction of the current you, I wouldn't worry about it. It's not up to you to decide for them, what they're attracted to since they wouldn't have contacted you without finding your pics attractive.

 

Agreed.

 

I recently had a guy contact me who included a long paragraph about how he prefers brunettes and blondes were missing as an option from his selected date preferences. I figured he wouldn't contact me without being okay with the very accurate and very blonde photos in my profile. ;)

  • Like 3
soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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If you have CLEAR straight ahead, full-body pics, then there's no reason for these guys to feel mislead in any way when they meet you. It's not your responsibility to let them know, but if you feel that it will minimize complications and awkwardness even before the date, before you meet, text, call, email and remind them that you describe yourself as average.

 

I put in my profile that I like women who are fit and athletic, but I know that there are women that are so-called average that are also very attractive. So, yeah, if your pics are fully revealing of your body, they find something attractive about you already.

Edited by soccerrprp
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curlygirl40 Established Member

curlygirl40

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  • Author
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Thank you both. Yes I think the picture I have up is a good, clear pic. Facing forward in my running clothes (not the most flattering, probably actually look better in jeans).

 

Going to try to stop worrying about it in the future.

 

I do have a few other pics that have a lot of friends in the pics and one with my son at his graduation, so I don't put them online but I have been known to send them to guys via text when we're talking in the beginning.

 

Thanks!

mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

Posted
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We women tend to see ourselves bigger than what we actually are. Most of time, when a guy says he wants an slim girl, he means slim where it matters. Not many men want slim ass or chest! sounds like you're fine and if this guy is talking to you, means he is enjoying what he sees. Don't worry about it.

 

PS. Post your pic here for a more accurate response. :D

  • Like 10
MrNate 2.0 Established Member

MrNate 2.0

Posted
Posted
We women tend to see ourselves bigger than what we actually are. Most of time, when a guy says he wants an slim girl, he means slim where it matters. Not many men want slim ass or chest! sounds like you're fine and if this guy is talking to you, means he is enjoying what he sees. Don't worry about it.

 

PS. Post your pic here for a more accurate response. :D

 

Mes hit the nail on the head again.

 

'Slim' always means slim where it matters.:cool:

 

If there's an ass there..even better.:love:

 

Please provide a picture for... better analysis.

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Noproblem Established Member

Noproblem

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What is your height and weight ?

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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What is your height and weight ?

 

Oh, forget that, just show us a pic. :)

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Sanitarium Established Member

Sanitarium

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OP most guys just want a girl who is relatively thin in the waist/has no or minimal cellullite/no muffin tops

 

 

As long as you have a nice figure, you have nothing to worry about. Not too many guys are going to complain that your breasts are too big or your butt is too big and round

 

 

We women tend to see ourselves bigger than what we actually are. Most of time, when a guy says he wants an slim girl, he means slim where it matters. Not many men want slim ass or chest! sounds like you're fine and if this guy is talking to you, means he is enjoying what he sees. Don't worry about it.

 

PS. Post your pic here for a more accurate response. :D

 

 

This ^

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Giraffe1 Established Member

Giraffe1

Posted
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You are over thinking it too much. If you have an accurate picture of yourself up, what you see is what you get. If they like what they see then perfect.

 

I feel that from what you said your profile sounds honest and true to you so continue doing what your doing. Nothing wrong here.

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chex Established Member

chex

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I'm dating a girl who's said very vehemently she only dates older guys ..

 

I'm younger than her.

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted
We women tend to see ourselves bigger than what we actually are. Most of time, when a guy says he wants an slim girl, he means slim where it matters. Not many men want slim ass or chest! sounds like you're fine and if this guy is talking to you, means he is enjoying what he sees. Don't worry about it.

 

PS. Post your pic here for a more accurate response. :D

 

Please forgive me for saying and bursting some bubbles here, but though this may be true perceptually and outside of the OLD world, it is typically not true in the OLD dating world.

 

There's a reason why the one guy made the comment about women putting average when they are more than that...it's b/c many women do that. Yes, for the most part body-types are subjective, but many women's idea of average was yesterday's extra or for many men, still "extra". It could be that there is a new average, don't know.

outsidethebox Established Member

outsidethebox

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I agree with your reasoning and description, curlygirl. Curvy is not used precisely as curvy as we all know. I googled 36G and that is a very attractive bra size. Average is accurate for filtering imo.

 

As far as guys go, on OKC there is a thin or fit settings for that look they want. If they are too dense to see you have average selected and please nobody try to tell me they are going to meet someone and didn't look at your profile pics, it's beyond my comprehension how they could be surprised at what your body type is.

 

That they're that dense and still managed to wangle a meeting with you gives the rest of us hope.

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MissIndependant Member

MissIndependant

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What you need to remember is that everyone views things differently.

 

What you see as average others may well see as slim or petite.

 

The problem with categorising ourselves and others is that we are trying to put into groups things which are highly subjective based on the individual.

 

Unless the dating site gives you exact measurements for what is average etc then I don't think that anyone can say what is or isn't average. Also, depending on your location, the value of "average" changes depending on what is "average" or stereotypical for that area.

 

And one last point, we tend to be disparaging towards ourselves. I have the same body type as you. I see myself as having a normal body I'm comfortable with. But I often get comments about having a rocking body and how good it looks. You said you've had this happen... Proof that average is in the eye of the beholder! lol :D

 

So when a guy says "I like petite girls", you might just be what his idea of petite is. Just go with it. They say photo's are worth a thousand words, so let your photos do the talking. And don't sweat it.

 

Good luck in the dating game!!

  • Like 1
grkBoy Established Member

grkBoy

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The body type thing only comes into play when one does advanced searches and thus only checks off body types he's into.

 

I am with others...put up good photos that tell the picture and men won't even fathom what "body type" says if they like what they see.

Michelle83 Established Member

Michelle83

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I'd say if he's contacting you, you have absolutely nothing to worry about if you have accurate pictures up. If you're contacting him, then you may want to expect not getting a response back.

 

I think a lot of men would put thin to avoid getting a lot of heavier girls messaging them. There's a lot of women out there who think that 30 pounds overweight just makes them curvy...when it doesn't. It makes them overweight and a lot guys don't want that.

  • Like 3
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
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I have exactly the same problem. I am too insecure to go for guys that are into slim, so I just avoid them :o I really want to be with a guy that is into curvy women, there are plenty around :)

  • Like 4
Michelle83 Established Member

Michelle83

Posted
Posted
I have exactly the same problem. I am too insecure to go for guys that are into slim, so I just avoid them :o I really want to be with a guy that is into curvy women, there are plenty around :)

 

Are there any sights where you can actually search by that as a preference?

 

Just curious... I've only seen searching on the other person's body type versus what they are looking for.

 

I always seem to come across 'slender, about average, and athletic and toned'.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

To expand on this; I think that are quite a few men out there that have a strict preference for slim and petite women. They are obsessed by even a few extra pounds (like my ex was ) and these men will usually mention this in their profile. You may be at their upper level of acceptable weight, but what happens if you gain a few pounds? Men being very visual, its very important to be their physical type. If they are not 100% sexually attracted, it well spell major trouble later on.

 

There is also another more sinister angle, they are looking for some easy sex and men are quite a lot less picky when it comes to casual :/

  • Like 1
outsidethebox Established Member

outsidethebox

Posted
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Michelle, OKC has a range of body types to choose to describe yourself, and which you can use in matching if you have a paid account (it's a small monthly fee).

 

When my paid account runs out in a couple of months I won't be renewing it but it was useful when first joining. But all in all there were such few responses that it wasn't nearly as useful as walking across the street from where I live to a nice bar and buying drinks.

  • Like 1
grkBoy Established Member

grkBoy

Posted
Posted
To expand on this; I think that are quite a few men out there that have a strict preference for slim and petite women. They are obsessed by even a few extra pounds (like my ex was ) and these men will usually mention this in their profile. You may be at their upper level of acceptable weight, but what happens if you gain a few pounds? Men being very visual, its very important to be their physical type. If they are not 100% sexually attracted, it well spell major trouble later on.

 

There is also another more sinister angle, they are looking for some easy sex and men are quite a lot less picky when it comes to casual :/

 

I'm sure there are guys who want 2% body fat girls, but I think the mass majority of men who get into body type simply do not want a woman that looks like a "before" image for Jenny Craig/Weight Watchers.

 

When I did online dating in my past, it seemed to be two extremes. I'd either see very thin and/or athletic women, or very fat women. Not much "in between".

 

And based on your photos, you have a desirable body (from a male point of view). I'm sure the OP does as well. It's unfortunate when pretty girls meet men who obsess and thus their self-esteem takes a hit. Astounds me when I meet women who always claim they're fat (when their not) and then upon peeling back layers you find she had an ex who made her feel like she's a hippo while he obsesses over magazine pictures.

  • Like 3
Michelle83 Established Member

Michelle83

Posted
Posted
Michelle, OKC has a range of body types to choose to describe yourself, and which you can use in matching if you have a paid account (it's a small monthly fee).

 

When my paid account runs out in a couple of months I won't be renewing it but it was useful when first joining. But all in all there were such few responses that it wasn't nearly as useful as walking across the street from where I live to a nice bar and buying drinks.

 

Interesting, thanks for that reply. I've only used Eharmony actively before, but was a bit unsure of OKCupid. I know free sites can get a bad rap, but I've heard some not so bad things about that one.

 

Very true though; I want to start focusing on meeting people in real life a bit more as well. Online dating is easier for me but I think I might have better success just getting out and being more approachable.

  • Like 1
Sanitarium Established Member

Sanitarium

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Posted

I don't get why women make this so complicated

 

 

Guys just want a girl who is in good shape and is not fat. It doesn't really matter if you're size 4 or size 8 - as long as you're not chunky around the waist

  • Like 3
mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

Posted
Posted
I have exactly the same problem. I am too insecure to go for guys that are into slim, so I just avoid them :o I really want to be with a guy that is into curvy women, there are plenty around :)

 

Honestly....I feel like men who want extremely slim women have some weird issues OR are Asian.:p

 

Seriously though, I'm a woman and I just can't see how a man can't like curves on a woman. Heck I even find myself looking at the solo female porns sometimes and I always end up with a "meh" and close the page quickly if it's some twig.

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