mikejensen3355 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I can't imagine this not ever hurting anymore. How I'll ever be able to think about the fact that she imagined a life with me and with someone else, and chose someone else. How can that not ever hurt again? Does it ever stop? It's so hard to envision just being healed. Do people who are in that deep of despair ever really make it out?
elbe Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 It is going to hurt for a long time. It's a lot like the grief experienced with death. It will always hurt but it dulls over time. You can make it positive if you better yourself and get back on the market. 1
theonlyjuan Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Yep, it defiantly goes. I can't say how long it takes everyone is different. I chose to be more selfish and do what I want, it's the best thing I ever did. You get caught up in your self and new things occupy your mind. I've always been good at coping with setbacks and stuff like that. I dunno why, I just pick myself and move on quickly. 2
Keenly Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 It stops. One day you will realize that you don't care anymore. You are not happy that you don't care, its indifference, but it still feels better than being sad. 3
acrosstheuniverse Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 It ends. I promise. The overwhelming majority of us will say that it does get better, listen to us! Getting over my ex who left me last year was harder than getting over the death of my mother in many ways. It was more painful, that's for sure, although the pain was over faster. I have found with the few breakups I've had that the first week is absolute agony, the second hurts, the third and onwards just get better and better. Usually one or two little dips where you feel okay and then get down again when something triggers you, but it's mostly an upward spiral. Eventually you just can't process that level of pain and hurt any more and you start to numb to it a little. As each day passes, your new reality becomes the ONLY reality, that you're not with your ex any more, you are single. Being with your ex becomes just a memory, and each day that passes diminishes the relative fraction of your life that you were together, you build new memories alone and with friends that have nothing to do with your ex. It will likely always hurt, but you just get past it. I doubt I'll ever be 100% over the pain and damage my significant breakup caused, but I know I'm over the guy. I don't wish him harm, there's no bad blood and I know I could contact him if I wanted to (we smoothed things over a couple months back) but I just have no desire to, and don't. The best thing you can do is go no contact, personally I needed to know I was definitely not going to hear from my ex each day in order to start to heal and move on. Otherwise you're always waiting to hear from them, overinterpreting every single text, hurting if they don't text, on edge and so forth. Rejection is agony... I used to see it as 'so they weighed up a life with me, and a life without me in it, and decided they preferred having a life without me in it'. That rejection was horrendous! Knowing they wanted me not to be by their side any more. But hey, not every relationship is meant to go the distance. Not every pair of individuals who happen to be attracted to each other and have chemistry have enough in common or are similar enough to really go the distance. 99.9% of relationships fail, and the ones that don't fail are usually preceded on both parties' sides by a string of others that already failed. Look after yourself physically, keep yourself busy, surround yourself by the people that do love and care about you and in an unspecified period of time you will soon start to realise you're not in complete excruciating pain every day. Some day soon you'll just feel a little numb rather than in pain, and that will be blissful relief. Eventually you'll suddenly realise you have had a moment of happiness, or a day of happiness, or that you've gone a week without really thinking of your ex, or that you can think about them and remember a fond memory and then move straight on to the rest of your day or the rest of your train of thought without feeling bummed out. Good luck. It's the most difficult journey I ever travelled. But it simply will end. 4
cavalier99 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Yup it ends. Took 7 months pure NC to get indifferent after a 8 year rs. I think it would have taken many additional months if i had broken NC. But i never did until i was over it. Start NC early and never break it!! This time last year i was a basket case. Rock on! Cav 1
Trick1004 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 It gets better. Been about six months for me and for the first couple I was a mess, never thought the pain would leave. It’s impossible to see the daily changes because it’s such a slow process but I can look back now and know I’m in a better place than I was. You eventually just get tired of feeling like crap and start to rebuild your life for you. The wound will heal but the scar will always be there. When I was eight I found a bullet in the street and decided to bang on it with a hammer. It went off and hit me in my thumb. Did that hurt? Hell ya. Eventually the wound healed but I still have a scar to remind me to never bang on a bullet with a hammer again. Emotional wounds take longer to heal than physical ones but give it enough time healing will happen. I’m seeing this as one of the best learning experiences of my life. In the long run it will make me a better person. Trick 1
mysteriouschic Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Getting dumped for somebody else is the worst feeling ever it's far harder than just being dumped. I was only with my ex a month an a half it took me nearly 2-3 months to get over him. He contacts me every month even when I ignore. You will get over her eventually the best thing for you to do is to not contact her and ignore every message she sends you if she does.. This is the best way to heal. It's always hard knowing they chose someone over you which makes you feel like second best. It hurts your self esteem. I think these kind of break ups even when you are over them you'll still think of them occasionally remembering they chose someone else it'll hurt less over time . 1
me85 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Getting dumped for somebody else is the worst feeling ever it's far harder than just being dumped. I was only with my ex a month an a half it took me nearly 2-3 months to get over him. He contacts me every month even when I ignore. You will get over her eventually the best thing for you to do is to not contact her and ignore every message she sends you if she does.. This is the best way to heal. It's always hard knowing they chose someone over you which makes you feel like second best. It hurts your self esteem. I think these kind of break ups even when you are over them you'll still think of them occasionally remembering they chose someone else it'll hurt less over time . YES. This is what happened to me. I'm having kind of a down day today. Knowing that he is probably with his "new gf" while I am picking up the pieces and trying so hard to move on and heal in all the healthy ways. & he's just, over it. I know I can't get involved with someone new for a good long while because it will still feel wrong to me. That sounds crazy but I guess I'm still connected in a lot of ways and all I want to do is break away and not see his face in my mind all the time and think of how we were truly best friends for nearly 3 years. 1
KatZee Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Yup, you eventually get over it and don't care anymore. It took roughly 6-7 months to get over a 3 year relationship for me. But that was STRICT NC. As in, I never broke it at any point. He was deleted and completely wiped out of my life. Blocked on my phone, email and FB. Whatever I didn't return back to him, got thrown out. I then forced myself to reconnect with old friends, do new things, and vowed to never sit at home feeling sorry for myself. I'm honestly such a better person now than I was when I was with my ex. 6
me85 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Yup, you eventually get over it and don't care anymore. It took roughly 6-7 months to get over a 3 year relationship for me. But that was STRICT NC. As in, I never broke it at any point. He was deleted and completely wiped out of my life. Blocked on my phone, email and FB. Whatever I didn't return back to him, got thrown out. I then forced myself to reconnect with old friends, do new things, and vowed to never sit at home feeling sorry for myself. I'm honestly such a better person now than I was when I was with my ex. This is the path I'm on. I'm happier every day that passes, but yet I am struggling to get over the betrayal, you know, all he "how & why's"...
Leeway Harris Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Like everybody else said, it takes time, but you do get past it. And it takes a different amount of time for everybody, so don't rush yourself. It will take as long as it takes. So the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept that you're hurting right now, and be gentle with yourself. And going without any contact with your ex is usually the best thing.
jba10582 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 (edited) I take the words of "letting go" as a means of non-resistance to WHAT IS and a means of reaching acceptance. The more you dwell on the past and resist reality, the more mental friction is created and the more energy exerted. As time goes by you become less attached to the outcome of what was, and shift your focus to what you can do to improve your life NOW. The more you let go, the more you realize things are as they should be right NOW, the more you become happier with life and the more energized you feel and are able to exert in areas of you life you DO control. Edited November 30, 2013 by jba10582 2
BC1980 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Yes, it will stop. I'm at 7 months post breakup from a 3 year relationship. I can't say I'm 100% over it, but I recently felt a total shift in my emotions. I just don't care anymore. I'm over it. Trust me, I was very scared I would never get over this. I have had some of the darkest days after this. Absolutely awful at times. I just woke up one day, and I didn't care anymore. I did break NC after about 90 days, but it actually helped in the end because I saw how useless this person was to my life. How he added so little to my life. Just keep going. I've reconnected with old friends, and I've picked up some new hobbies. I'm truly in a better place and a better person. 2
AnyaNova Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I can't imagine this not ever hurting anymore. How I'll ever be able to think about the fact that she imagined a life with me and with someone else, and chose someone else. How can that not ever hurt again? Does it ever stop? It's so hard to envision just being healed. Do people who are in that deep of despair ever really make it out? In chronological order...as best I can reconstruct it (if it isn't on the post here thread and doesn't have post numbers behind it, I probably mean my opening post and it is probably a thread I started). http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/428642-what-happened-i-don-t-understand http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/427004-did-he-care-all http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/426531-really-really-really-want-contact-him http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex-611.html #9162 and http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex-601.html#post5231603 #9009 and #9012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex-612.html #9168 and #9171 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/438226-i-do-not-understand-mentality-all http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/440492-feeling-something-new http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/117844-post-here-instead-contacting-your-ex-643.html #9632 and #9634 There is a whole lot more in between these, but it gives a pretty good chronology. Yes. I know it is hard to believe, but read these, or at least pick and choose a few of them from the beginning, middle, and end. It really, really does! To be fair, over the Holiday, I did take a little dip and got a little sad over it, but that is alleviating now. Take heart.
ks0985 Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 Everyone reacts differently. Usually the ones who begged and pleaded take longer to heal because they are the ones who hold hope for the longest. The ones who go straight N.C usually heal much faster. 18 days NC. Ex has sent me a few text ignored them and forced myself to ask out many women since breakup. Been on a few dates and already feel like I'm doing pretty good. All depends how fast you want to heal tbh
skydiveaddict Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 How can that not ever hurt again? It can't. You just learn to live with it.
Haydn Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 I agree, Out of a 3 year RS. On 4 months NC. Its getting better but like Cav says about being a `basket case` it still peeps out once and a while! My i manage to control it. Have been dating a little nothing too heavy, trying to get my self esteem back and vainity levels up! Keep going. Yup it ends. Took 7 months pure NC to get indifferent after a 8 year rs. I think it would have taken many additional months if i had broken NC. But i never did until i was over it. Start NC early and never break it!! This time last year i was a basket case. Rock on! Cav 1
Am4Real Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 And you're a good "poster" as well!! I'm honestly such a better person now than I was when I was with my ex.
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