So Broken....

[Eddie007]

Yes I just let her go with no attempt to contact her.

 

We were together 4+ years lived together most of that time and were engaged.

 

Its the hardest thing ive ever had to do but when she says she is not happy and starts packing your stuff what are you supposed to do?

 

I have too much pride in myself to stay where Im not wanted.

 

Its been over 3 months and we've not uttered so much as word or text to one another.

 

I still love her but had to let her go and try to find happiness without me. It was her choice to end the relationship. if she wasnt prepared for the consequences than its not my fault

 

Judging by the lack of communication id say she doing just fine and so am I.

[nevergoodenough]

Yes I just let her go with no attempt to contact her.

 

We were together 4+ years lived together most of that time and were engaged.

 

Its the hardest thing ive ever had to do but when she says she is not happy and starts packing your stuff what are you supposed to do?

 

I have too much pride in myself to stay where Im not wanted.

 

Its been over 3 months and we've not uttered so much as word or text to one another.

 

 

 

I still love her but had to let her go and try to find happiness without me. It was her choice to end the relationship. if she wasnt prepared for the consequences than its not my fault

 

Judging by the lack of communication id say she doing just fine and so am I.

 

Whoa.. I wish I was that strong. Thanks for sharing your story. I know I shouldn't contact her, it's hard not to do it though.Trying to stay strong despite how depressed I feel.

[Eddie007]

Its not really about being strong. I dont consider myself to be that strong.

 

To me its more about character, responsiblilty and being a man of my word.

 

Looking back after these months I can see we both had/have self esteem issues. We always looked to each other for self validation. She would often say if we ever split up she would never date again and just spend the rest of her life alone.

 

I always told her I would never leave her. The only way she would ever be rid of me is if she wanted me gone, but if that day ever came it was over. I would not come back begging and pleading. I wont stay where Im not wanted.

 

Those words are what have kept me sticking to NC. Granted when I siad them I never thought id actually have to do it but alas here I am.

 

Im a proud and stubborn person, maybe to a fault.

[nevergoodenough]

Its not really about being strong. I dont consider myself to be that strong.

 

To me its more about character, responsiblilty and being a man of my word.

 

Looking back after these months I can see we both had/have self esteem issues. We always looked to each other for self validation. She would often say if we ever split up she would never date again and just spend the rest of her life alone.

 

I always told her I would never leave her. The only way she would ever be rid of me is if she wanted me gone, but if that day ever came it was over. I would not come back begging and pleading. I wont stay where Im not wanted.

 

Those words are what have kept me sticking to NC. Granted when I siad them I never thought id actually have to do it but alas here I am.

 

Im a proud and stubborn person, maybe to a fault.

 

I know what you mean, it's really hard for me though. I always get the urge to send her an "i miss you" text or "I'm sorry for the things that happened, I love you" and hope that things could go back to the way they were. I'm holding myself back though, don't want to make things worse than I have already.

[nevergoodenough]

A friend of mine suggested I stop by her house and try and talk to her (she lives by herself). Does anyone think this is a good idea????

[Eddie007]

I'm of the opinion you know your relationship better than anyone on here, so it is really your call.

 

However I will follow that up by saying in the majority of situations it is not a good idea.

 

My best advise is.... Do nothing.... If she wants to talk she will let you know.

[CaliBabe]

Since she is not responsive to your texts and emails I would say this is not a good idea.

[nevergoodenough]

Since she is not responsive to your texts and emails I would say this is not a good idea.

 

You're right, she hasn't given me any indication that she is ready to talk. Even though all of my emails and texts concluded by saying when she was ready to talk, I would be here for her. I guess it really just sucks to feel like your never going to speak to someone you love again and there is nothing you can do about it. Really sucks

[nevergoodenough]

Anyone else care to lend their point of view?

[Jcoll2288]

I'm going to be pretty blunt on this.. You need to give it some time and stop contacting her. Your only going to push her away even more. I learned from experience with my ex. We broke up but then I wanted her back. I told her the usual things that I will change for her but I'm telling you when your seperated from someone you care about you learn a lot of things about your relationship and how you can improve with someone else.

 

 

It's easier said than done.. The first two months might be really hard but you have to focus on yourself and try to move on. If it was really mean't to be she will contact you later down the line. I know you want to get back together but I'm telling you the truth when I say it's not going to be healthy relationship and it would probably end for good. You have to make her miss you in order for her to contact you. So that means no contact at all and shut out all outlets for her to see you.

[nevergoodenough]

I'm going to be pretty blunt on this.. You need to give it some time and stop contacting her. Your only going to push her away even more. I learned from experience with my ex. We broke up but then I wanted her back. I told her the usual things that I will change for her but I'm telling you when your seperated from someone you care about you learn a lot of things about your relationship and how you can improve with someone else.

 

 

It's easier said than done.. The first two months might be really hard but you have to focus on yourself and try to move on. If it was really mean't to be she will contact you later down the line. I know you want to get back together but I'm telling you the truth when I say it's not going to be healthy relationship and it would probably end for good. You have to make her miss you in order for her to contact you. So that means no contact at all and shut out all outlets for her to see you.

 

I hope this works, I want to be with this girl so bad. I am so depressed without her.

[nevergoodenough]

I would appreciate more replies if anyone else has a point of view or similar experience that can help.

[Eddie007]

Friend, it seems you are looking for someone to tell you it's a good idea. I don't think you are going to get what you're looking for.

 

In the end no matter the advice given here you will do what you believe is best to achieve your ultimate goal wether that be reconciliation or moving on.

 

Whatever you decide make sure you can handle the outcome.

[nevergoodenough]

Friend, it seems you are looking for someone to tell you it's a good idea. I don't think you are going to get what you're looking for.

 

In the end no matter the advice given here you will do what you believe is best to achieve your ultimate goal wether that be reconciliation or moving on.

 

Whatever you decide make sure you can handle the outcome.

 

I'm not looking for someone to tell me to go after her. I'm well aware that I already did that. I guess what I am seeking is the strength to stick to NC. I want to be with her more than anything. All I want is the best approach to make sure I don't mess things up forever. I don't have a pre determined set of advice here, just feeling really low and my heart is shattered.

[Eddie007]

This sentence has helped me throughout

 

"The only way to avoid saying the wrong thing is to say nothing at all"

 

Please remember that when you get the urge to contact.

[nevergoodenough]

This sentence has helped me throughout

 

"The only way to avoid saying the wrong thing is to say nothing at all"

 

Please remember that when you get the urge to contact.

 

Every time you think of contacting your ex, this is what you say to yourself? Are there more things or just that. I imagine it has to be really hard given your situation.

[Eddie007]

I believe things happen for a reason. I believe in karma.

 

I don't really get the urge to reach out to her anymore. When I did I would just tell myself the same thing I said to her on the day she left me. " no good will come from us keeping in contact"

 

I was right. No good would come from it. The feelings were still raw and we were both emotional.

 

3+ months later I still feel the same at least on my end. I'd like to think she misses me and thinks of me, especially on days like today being Thanksgiving, but I have no way of knowing.

 

My love for her has not subsided but I'm learning to live without her as I assume she is doing or has done the same.

 

I've been through breakups before and I never took it well and made a fool of myself. I didn't take this one well either but the difference is I didn't show her how much I hurt. I learned from the past experiences and long before we split I decided if it ended I would go out with my dignity intact.

 

You just have to tell yourself it's for the best. The other person is trying to heal as well. She decided to end it. If she ever wants to reach out she will have to make that effort and you will then decide if you want to connect again.

[nevergoodenough]

I believe things happen for a reason. I believe in karma.

 

I don't really get the urge to reach out to her anymore. When I did I would just tell myself the same thing I said to her on the day she left me. " no good will come from us keeping in contact"

 

I was right. No good would come from it. The feelings were still raw and we were both emotional.

 

3+ months later I still feel the same at least on my end. I'd like to think she misses me and thinks of me, especially on days like today being Thanksgiving, but I have no way of knowing.

 

My love for her has not subsided but I'm learning to live without her as I assume she is doing or has done the same.

 

I've been through breakups before and I never took it well and made a fool of myself. I didn't take this one well either but the difference is I didn't show her how much I hurt. I learned from the past experiences and long before we split I decided if it ended I would go out with my dignity intact.

 

You just have to tell yourself it's for the best. The other person is trying to heal as well. She decided to end it. If she ever wants to reach out she will have to make that effort and you will then decide if you want to connect again.

 

I would like to think that also, despite the fact I'm going to be hurt at a lack of a thanksgiving greeting. I'm trying to look at my silence as the only thing I can do to have any chance of us speaking in the future. It's really hard though. Every time I wake up, I am let down when I don't see a text from her. It really sucks.

[nevergoodenough]

I'm feeling kinda down guys, no thanksgiving text... I guess I'm never going to hear from her again. Sitting in my room fighting the tears ;/

[RDawg]

Nevergood.. you are still young yes? You have many years in front of you, and many experiences both good and bad await you.

 

This is just another phase that you are going through and it will pass. Be strong brother, go outside and talk to someone, go for a walk, breathe..

You are beautiful and one day you will find someone who loves you so much they will never leave you.

Edited November 29, 2013 by RDawg

[nevergoodenough]

Nevergood.. you are still young yes? You have many years in front of you, and many experiences both good and bad await you.

 

This is just another phase that you are going through and it will pass. Be strong brother, go outside and talk to someone, go for a walk, breathe..

You are beautiful and one day you will find someone who loves you so much they will never leave you.

 

I'm personally not a fan of blanket statements, though I know you are just trying to help. I'm quite sure her friends are saying to her "one day you will find a guy that will love you and not threaten you with naked pictures or break things out of anger". None the less, my love for her is real despite the work that I need to do on myself (which I am doing). I just don't think it's would be fair to reduce it down to if she loved me enough she wouldn't have left, because the other person could easily reply if you cared you wouldn't have taken those actions. I am hurt though, and I assume she is also. But I suppose that's how people grow. I just hope it doesn't have to come at the expense of losing someone I felt so connected to.

[RDawg]

I hear what you are saying. And it's great that you can see it from her point of view.

 

We are all human and we will always make mistakes. We all have character flaws that we should be aware of and work on, and it's great that you are addressing yours. The fact that you are flawed is not a reflection of how much you love the other person.

 

When someone really loves you they will forgive you and help you develop into the person you are capable of becoming, provided you're willing to admit your mistakes and commit to really improving on the areas of your character and life that need work, (of course there are things like physical abuse, cheating, addiction etc which may be the exception, but by the sounds of things you are not guilty of these.)

 

Yes, making mistakes and learning about ourselves is how we grow, and relationships are great at teaching us about ourselves.

 

What I am suggesting to you is that it is possible, in fact quite likely, that one day you will find someone again, fall in love again, go through the honeymoon phase and that when the problems come, when you unfold and the other person sees the real you with all your issues, your mistakes and challanges AND STILL stays with you then that is real love. That is how people end up in life long committed relationships.

 

Love is not about not making mistakes, it's about not being prepared to give up on the other person and the relationship because of the mistakes.

[nevergoodenough]

I do see what you are saying, but some people would argue that blackmailing her with naked pictures would be considered a form of abuse. She is the 2nd person I have ever done that to, both of them discontinued the relationship at that point. I don't take it as the person not loving me, but more so there are things you should not do. I totally agree that I should have a bigger window of allowable actions, but this may very well be one of the things you should add to the list you made. She was even willing to accept it when it was just me telling her, but it was a different thing when she explained to her parents that I may be sending naked pics of her to their phones. Still though, all I can do is leave it up to her to decide, regardless of how badly I want to talk to her.

[RDawg]

Yes, there are certainly boundaries which if get crossed end up as "deal breakers". (hate that word)

 

Dude, I got drunk and punched my girlfriend in the face. Game Over. And I'm 42 years old and we owned a house together. She also said her family could never forgive me and that I could never be her man after I did that, that she would be ashamed of what people thought of her.

 

So if it's any comfort to you we all have our crosses to carry.

[nevergoodenough]

Yes, there are certainly boundaries which if get crossed end up as "deal breakers". (hate that word)

 

Dude, I got drunk and punched my girlfriend in the face. Game Over. And I'm 42 years old and we owned a house together. She also said her family could never forgive me and that I could never be her man after I did that, that she would be ashamed of what people thought of her.

 

So if it's any comfort to you we all have our crosses to carry.

 

That actually was a comfort to me, not sure why though. I find comfort in the shared pain despite how ****ty I feel. And do you feel it is likely your ex speaks to you in the future?