How to tell if a guy is interested - are there subtle signs?

[Phoe]

I think a telltale sign is when he's calling you, asking you out, etc.

 

Granted, not all men operate that way, and wait to see signs first from a woman before he pursues, but in those cases, you're probably going to have to be the aggressor. Or, drive yourself crazy trying to interpret subtle signs. Don't pretzel yourself into figuring out what those subtle signs mean, and/or how to act upon them. That's the guys job. Of course, if you think he's a good guy and you're attracted to him, by all means, express that. Delicately over course. From past experience, when I've been the aggressor, it frazzled the hell out of me because I had a hard time finding a middle ground (if that makes sense) and I was not used to it so it did not come naturally for me.

 

I suppose it's a matter of knowing just how aggressive to be, or if I even should be at all. If I'm getting no indication, it is likely that I should not try, it seems.

 

 

I'd hate to just sit and waffle in the rare case that a guy IS interested but is being too shy to come forward, but also don't want to make a friendship seriously awkward by coming onto a guy, telling him I'm interested, and make him have to tell me he isn't interested. Neither party would enjoy that!

[Divasu]

I suppose it's a matter of knowing just how aggressive to be, or if I even should be at all. If I'm getting no indication, it is likely that I should not try, it seems.

 

 

I'd hate to just sit and waffle in the rare case that a guy IS interested but is being too shy to come forward, but also don't want to make a friendship seriously awkward by coming onto a guy, telling him I'm interested, and make him have to tell me he isn't interested. Neither party would enjoy that!

 

Well that's the thing.

If you are friends and neither of you have expressed a romantic interest in the other throughout your friendship, it could be a case of him not wanting to ruin the friendship or simply not knowing that you are interested in him romantically. He could have very well viewed your invitation as two friends hanging out, since the dynamic has always been, platonic.

 

Have you tried getting more touchy feel-y with him physically when the two of you hang out?

[Phoe]

Look Phoe, it's difficult for me to react to this post. I don't want to give you false hope, but I also don't think it's fair of me if I keep silent.

 

So please take this post with a grain of salt okay? And just decide for yourself what makes sense and what doesn't.

 

That flirting you did? In my point of view it's within the parameters I expect from normal female interaction. I wouldn't have recognized this as flirting, personally, because in my experience it's just how (a minority of) women behave(s) while they have no romantic intentions at all.

 

The invitation to a local restaurant? In the split second he considers your request, he's going to be honest with you.

 

Honest whether or not he's hungry or not that is.

 

A friend asked him to grab a bite, he wasn't hungry, so didn't want to get food. Simple as that.

 

Only when you left, he may have considered the implications of you inviting him and no one else. If he's into you he's beating himself up right now why he didn't pick up that signal and is feeling awesomely awkward about accidentally rejecting you.

 

IF that is the case, he'll be on the lookout of signals now that indicate whether or not you forgive him for rejecting a date. So, IF you flirt with him again, he either does not respond, which means he's actively not into you, OR you give him the signal he needs to ascertain that a) you like him, b) you're okay with him asking you out, c) you don't hold it against him that he didn't pick it up that you were making a move on him, so he'll probably ask you out.

 

 

 

I suppose I don't quite know how to flirt, but in the past week 3 of my other male friends have made insinuations and accusations about my behavior towards him.

 

 

I missed something that happened and I got a "maybe if you weren't so busy flirting with X maybe you would've noticed".

 

 

The second one was a playful "God, why are you trying to be such a distraction to X? He has things he's supposed to be paying attention to."

 

 

Then the 3rd one was a phone call that HE got while I was talking to him, from someone across the room. I'm not sure what all was said, but the guy was a bit flustered and embarassed.

 

 

So it would seem that OTHERS are aware of me being drawn towards him, I doubt he's so thick that he wouldn't notice my change in behavior from quite platonic to a bit more flirty.

 

 

After the declined invitation from 2 weeks ago I backed off and went back to normal with him. Yesterday he texted me a picture. He was at the restaurant I'd asked him to, and was drinking the beer I like. He texted me a photo of it.

 

 

Either the both of us are just incredibly thick, or he's just not interested.

 

 

Last week at a party, me and him were having a conversation with another guy... the conversation turned to how both of them have no game and can't get any girls. I was amazed haha. I would date both/either of them in a heartbeat...

[Phoe]

Well that's the thing.

If you are friends and neither of you have expressed a romantic interest in the other throughout your friendship, it could be a case of him not wanting to ruin the friendship or simply not knowing that you are interested in him romantically. He could have very well viewed your invitation as two friends hanging out, since the dynamic has always been, platonic.

 

Have you tried getting more touchy feel-y with him physically when the two of you hang out?

 

not EXCESSIVELY touchy feely, but I stand very close with him (he smells nice so this is a bonus haha), I'll touch his arm or his back, if he is trying to show me something on his phone I'll let our shoulders touch or my hand will graze his.

 

 

We've hugged a few times in greeting or when saying goodbye.

[Phoe]

He might want a girl that's shorter than him though. I'm like 1/2 inch taller than him and he might find this unacceptable.

[jba10582]

is it possible there is some group dynamic happening where the guys are c**k blocking each other or having an overinflated bro's before hoes attitude or something? Only thing I have experienced when this seemed to happen is when a really attractive, high value girl feels attracted to a lot of the guys around her (which happen to be high value, attractive, and non-creepy guys). she seems to be all over the place unable to decide and changing her mind very quickly. (although, you seem to feel like they are not attracted back for some reason). it is not a typical reality.

[Midnight_Princess]

I agree with "personal problems". With men its easier to be straight forward. Men dont tend to pick up on the little hints we give. Just say your interested, whats the worst that can happen? He might not be, so what? Better to find out that way instead of flirting with him for months and him not knowing how to say no without making it awkward.

Please dont listen to the posts implying something is wrong with you! If it were soooo easy and such a quick fix to ourself to find love we would all be with someone. Its about finding the right person BEING YOURSELF! Not changing yourself to have just anyone.

Take care phoe

 

Oh and to the people telling her to dress differently, this girl would turn heads wearing a potato sack! What a stupid thing to say!

[William]

OK, one looks theory troll ejected and let's get back to the topic of the subtle signs men give off when interested. Thank you!

[Phoe]

is it possible there is some group dynamic happening where the guys are c**k blocking each other or having an overinflated bro's before hoes attitude or something? Only thing I have experienced when this seemed to happen is when a really attractive, high value girl feels attracted to a lot of the guys around her (which happen to be high value, attractive, and non-creepy guys). she seems to be all over the place unable to decide and changing her mind very quickly. (although, you seem to feel like they are not attracted back for some reason). it is not a typical reality.

 

I get what you mean but I don't quite think that dynamic applies too well.

 

 

While I find all of them attractive and hypothetically would date any of them happily, I'm only actually legitimately interested in 2 of them. The 2 of them who are single and have never told me that they are not attracted to me.

 

 

The rest of them are mostly all taken or if they are single, I am not their type.

 

 

In regards to the bolded part above, that is not just "for some reason" it is because they have told me so.

 

 

They tell me that they think I look okay but they are not attracted to me, or that I am too tall for their liking, or they see me like a sister and would be appalled at having any kind of sexual or romantic relations with me.

 

 

The 2 that never said anything like that, I thought maybe that meant they were interested and that they might just be giving subtle hints, but I'm probably just out of my mind haha.

[veggirl]

OP, have you considered seeking out a dating coach?

 

There's obviously a reason why you can't dates that goes beyond anything anyone can advise here.

 

Someone needs to see you and evaluate you in real life.

 

But, to stay on topic, I don't give subtle hints personally. If I like a girl, I go for it.

 

I agree. On here you seem like a cute girl with a nice personality. There is something we aren't getting.

 

What do your girlfriends think is the problem?

 

I've never had a guy be subtle about his intentions, or if he was I didn't pick up on it.

[Phoe]

OP, have you considered seeking out a dating coach?

 

There's obviously a reason why you can't dates that goes beyond anything anyone can advise here.

 

Someone needs to see you and evaluate you in real life.

 

What exactly does a dating coach do? That's probably expensive...

[Phoe]

What do your girlfriends think is the problem?

 

I only have 1 girlfriend, we don't talk about my dating life though. lol.

 

 

I have plenty of female acquaintances though, but again, my dating life would NOT be a topic of conversation.

[Phoe]

I agree with "personal problems". With men its easier to be straight forward. Men dont tend to pick up on the little hints we give. Just say your interested, whats the worst that can happen? He might not be, so what? Better to find out that way instead of flirting with him for months and him not knowing how to say no without making it awkward.

Please dont listen to the posts implying something is wrong with you! If it were soooo easy and such a quick fix to ourself to find love we would all be with someone. Its about finding the right person BEING YOURSELF! Not changing yourself to have just anyone.

Take care phoe

 

Oh and to the people telling her to dress differently, this girl would turn heads wearing a potato sack! What a stupid thing to say!

 

Thanks

 

 

Im just so nervous about ruining the friendship and getting massively rejected, so I don't act straightforward. I just try to flirt to indicate that I'm open if he is interested.

[Divasu]

not EXCESSIVELY touchy feely, but I stand very close with him (he smells nice so this is a bonus haha), I'll touch his arm or his back, if he is trying to show me something on his phone I'll let our shoulders touch or my hand will graze his.

 

 

We've hugged a few times in greeting or when saying goodbye.

 

Sorry, got a bit side tracked.

 

How do you feel about maybe next time amping it up a wee bit and seeing how he responds? Obviously not when you're around other friends but if there's an opportunity for the two of you to be together one-on-one.

[Phoe]

Sorry, got a bit side tracked.

 

How do you feel about maybe next time amping it up a wee bit and seeing how he responds? Obviously not when you're around other friends but if there's an opportunity for the two of you to be together one-on-one.

 

Any suggestions on what to try?

 

 

At a party the other night another girl came up to him and ran her fingers through his beard and gently scratched his face, going "mmmmm, I just love beards"

 

 

I feel like if I did something like that my hands would get smacked away.

[Phoe]

So you should make some female friends and have them analyze you, imo.

 

I don't have much in common with females.

 

 

I get along with them just fine, and have many acquaintances, but it rarely goes past that because there's nothing for us to connect over.

 

 

My best girlfriend is a lot like me.

 

 

 

 

Regarding a dating coach - do they just watch me in my day to day activities or do they actually get me on a date and watch that particular type of interaction?

[Divasu]

Any suggestions on what to try?

 

 

At a party the other night another girl came up to him and ran her fingers through his beard and gently scratched his face, going "mmmmm, I just love beards"

 

 

I feel like if I did something like that my hands would get smacked away.

 

Now I can't give away all my secrets.

Actually, I've only been the touchy feely instigator first with one person, in all other cases, they made the move first. All I did initially was lean in and kiss him. It seemed to work at the time. (little secret though, I had already had a drinky poo so my walls were a bit down at that point)

[lollipopspot]

I don't have much in common with females.

 

I think this is really odd. You seem to have a very strong image of what most females are like. They're just humans who have vaginas. It doesn't say much about interests or temperament. They're over half the population!

 

I've known women who say they don't like or get along with other females (you're a variation of that). They always make a problem in the relationship. If it doesn't exist, they create it, or blow some minor problem out of proportion. I have to think that your stereotype of women causes you to prejudge and reject other females as incompatible with you, before giving it a chance.

 

Just my opinion.

[Phoe]

They watch you with guys that you're with....how you act and how they respond to you.

 

I suggested the female friend because THEY could watch you (as opposed to a dating coach).

 

Just like I believe men receive the best dating advice from other men. The same is likely true for women.

 

I did a quick google search and there are no dating coaches in my area. Do they travel far? Still, seems like that would be even more ridiculously expensive.

 

 

I could try asking some girls I know but lord knows they might give me crazy advice, lol.

[Phoe]

I've known women who say they don't like or get along with other females (you're a variation of that). They always make a problem in the relationship. If it doesn't exist, they create it, or blow some minor problem out of proportion. I have to think that your stereotype of women causes you to prejudge and reject other females as incompatible with you, before giving it a chance.

 

I'm not a problem starter in the slightest. I can't think of a single woman I know who I have even the slightest problem with. I get along with anyone. Easy peasy.

 

 

I get along and I like females just fine, I just rarely am very close with them as most women have very different interests than me. It doesn't make anyone wrong, there just isn't a connection

 

 

Like I said, I have many female acquaintances and have no problems being friendly. I'm just not close enough with them to ask them to analyze my love life, lol.

[Kate9292]

I've noticed plenty of guys who look at you whenever you aren't looking, but as soon as you do look at them, they turn away and pretend they weren't.

 

I have fun catching some off guard that way.

[string of letters]

A few stray thoughts:

 

I didn't read the thread you alluded to about people claiming the impossibility of male-female friendships, but like you I get so tired of the 'standard line' on this subject. And why (again, I didn't see this particular thread) does the movie 'When Harry Met Sally' keep coming up over, and over, and over, and over, whenever this subject comes up? (I don't even mean this forum - I mean, like, *everywhere*. For crying out loud, I've even seen an otherwise scholarly book on evolutionary psychology open a chapter with a reference to this film. Please, just let this movie die!).

 

Now, with regard to your main question, no there are no unmistakable signs. However, a couple of things:

 

- Generally speaking, male signs of interest are easier to read than female ones. For instance, in a psych study on speed dating, male and female subjects were asked to watch many filmed short interactions between male and female would-be daters. Each prospective partner was asked to rate his or partner - and the people watching these films were asked 'How do you think the man and woman are rating each other?'. Both men and women were pretty good at guessing how highly the men rated the women, but men and women were equally bad at guessing how the women rated the men. There were plenty of cases where folks - again, both women and men - thought that the women were rating the men highly as possible romantic partners, but nope, in many the women actually gave low ratings and were 'just being friendly'.

 

- For both men and women, their pupils dilate when they are attracted to someone. I don't really know what you can do with this information though. In the long run, it may not indicate much about substantial interest either. For example, I have one female friend who, for whatever reason, seems electrifying to me for the first couple of minutes whenever I bump into her (and I'm sure she notices this, and I'm sure my pupils dilate). However.... , truth be told, I otherwise find her really boring, and I cannot claim to be interested in her in any real sense.

[nomadic_butterfly]

Maybe try online dating? At least the intentions are clear from the get go and there might be less guess work.

[Phoe]

all in all, I'm gonna assume this guy just isn't interested and move on.

 

 

 

I might try online dating, I'm a bit wary though. The last time I posted on here suggesting I was gonna try it I got drenched with a deluge of warnings saying "NOOO OLD will suck your soul out, it's horrendous, don't bother!"

 

 

I've browsed through the POF for my area and sooo many of the men had very unattractive attitudes. A lot of bitterness.. intros with "I'm tired of fakes so if you're not the real deal don't bother" or "no one even reads these why am I wasting my time" or "wat u doin lukin 4 my 1 true luv holla atta boi"

 

 

What?!??

[Iguanna]

I think I'm too old to try to read the signs. What I want from a man is an honest approach with a flirty attitude. If someone I'm interested in starts to play games to show me he likes me, obviously is in another "level" than I am.

 

Or maybe I'm too obsessed with honesty?...