Silly_Girl Posted October 30, 2013 Share Posted October 30, 2013 In the short term, to recognise 'ridiculous' is so important. It's how you'll keep your equilibrium. Which is so important for you now, pregnant an' all! Walking away and refusing to rise, not being pulled in to the push/pull nonsense is so healthy. I have 2 issues... 1) he MAY start finding other ways to provoke if you're not providing the reaction he requires. 2) it's not much fun for you, and I wonder how long you can put up with it. It might not seem so tolerable when you've slept 3 hours and baby is crying for a feed. I know you know this stuff. Sorry. I hope your approach triggers some real changes in him 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 This sounds like my very first relationship I ever had started with fighting like this, after the first year I took physical abuse for the next 5 years blindly thinking we could fix or go back to the guy he was when I met him, cept the guy I met was the fake. Even through almost losing my life I always went back it was my fault he got that way always my fault I needed to try harder this is all bull****. Only when I fell pregnant and was still being abused I realised I could no longer hope things would get better and I needed to act for her safety I left never saw him again Take it from me, it only gets worse, it sounds like your counciling isnt working And I know one of your thoughts might be how can I rase a child alone, my child is so very very happy I hate the thought of how she would of been if I had stayed, she very well could of been motherless. Its Worth it to leave. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CrystalCastles Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) I must say, I am sort of in a similar relationship, but with a friend. Constant fighting, constant power struggles. I think when we saw each other regularly, we used to fight at least every other day. About dumb things. And he never took any blame for anything or acted like he cared, and it was always my fault no matter what. He's Chinese and his mom runs one tight ship. She even picks out potential girls for him! Not to mention he's 27, never been in a real relationship lasting longer than a month or two, and the only thing he does to get his rocks off is watch porn. You say those things to him- like telling him he should do his hwk and such- because you care. You care about him. Instead of appreciating the love and care you show, your man gets mad. That is just stupid and unfair. Not to mention EXTREMELY immature. A mature man would understand where you are coming from, and not throw random tantrums just because he feels like it. He's sooooo selfish. All he does is take take take. It's exhausting. Eventually you have nothing left to give because he's taken everything and left you with nothing. Be strong and dump this loser. It seems like you keep hoping he'll change. Maybe you're even trying to create change. Except change can only happen when he wants to change, and he doesn't. He's selfish, just like my friend. In his mind, he's free to walk all over you, piss on you, do whatever he feels like and you should be ok, because he's awesome and powerful and you're not. Wrong! You deserve better. Your baby deserves better. There are plenty of men out there who are actually worth your attention and love, and this guy is not it. Edited October 31, 2013 by CrystalCastles 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted November 3, 2013 Share Posted November 3, 2013 Hi Arabella, I've read your thread and am really interested in what he lied about (you say it wasn't cheating). I ask because I feel my previous relationship was so similar to what you describe. I wonder what he lied about, how you found out, if he justified it and if he has lied again, or you have FELT he has or will. I ask because I had a really hard time coping with some not-so-major lies my ex had told me, more like half-truths regarding the extent of his relationships with his female "best" friends so.... he would also say I was constantly abusive because I wouldn't let it go and was always mistrusting him. I've never read anyone in a situation like this so if you would be willing to provide some details for perspective on a similar scenario, this would be great to me and maybe we can discuss Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Hi Arabella, I've read your thread and am really interested in what he lied about (you say it wasn't cheating). I ask because I feel my previous relationship was so similar to what you describe. I wonder what he lied about, how you found out, if he justified it and if he has lied again, or you have FELT he has or will. I ask because I had a really hard time coping with some not-so-major lies my ex had told me, more like half-truths regarding the extent of his relationships with his female "best" friends so.... he would also say I was constantly abusive because I wouldn't let it go and was always mistrusting him. I've never read anyone in a situation like this so if you would be willing to provide some details for perspective on a similar scenario, this would be great to me and maybe we can discuss I'm sorry, but I'm not going to disclose the specifics here. Everyone has a right to choose their partners on whatever criteria they deem acceptable... and I'd rather not open up my criteria for discussion and be judged for it. Suffice to say it's something I highly disapprove of because it goes against my values. Mind you, I am not religious. I just would never date a man who had done the things he did. He knew this, and when I asked him specifically, he lied about it. By the time I found out, we'd been involved for most of the year. I found out because... I just had a gut feeling that he wasn't being honest. So over a period of time spanning 7-8 months, I just mentioned it once in a while, knowing something was wrong. This happened a couple times before he eventually confessed. I guess the guilt finally got to him? Who knows. Shortly after that, I saw a text on his phone that confirmed another big lie, and I confronted him on that one. I felt betrayed and manipulated, because if he had been honest with me from the beginning, I would never have become involved with him. He took the choice away from me. And his answer when I eventually found out amounted to "well, you have a choice now, so what's it going to be?" Yeah... okay. Not so simple at that point, many months down the road, when there are feelings involved. Honestly? I haven't forgiven him for it and I probably never will. He has lied again about smaller things and when confronted, he felt that he just couldn't be honest with me. But then again, we have a very different standard of what constitutes being honest. In my mind, that's also a values issue, and an on-going problem. How can I trust somebody who bends the truth and justifies lying? So, I get where you're coming from. Feel free to PM if you'd like to discuss this topic further. -A Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 Thanks for the reply. And done, sent a (long) PM. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts