JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 But anyway did I not just get done saying she doesn't know what she wants? I am thinking that NC was good for not only you but her as well. She has done a lot of thinking during NC and that has made her miss you. Maybe more NC will clear thinks up further. Let us know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I am thinking that NC was good for not only you but her as well. She has done a lot of thinking during NC and that has made her miss you. Maybe more NC will clear thinks up further. Let us know what happens. Yea i'm thinking of replying saying our old relationship is over and you need to think if you want me in your life or not. Or just leaving it and not talking to her for a few days. Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 She has ALWAYS thought low of herself. Like she was never pretty enough or to fat. To be honest she has a few extra pounds but its not like she was ugly? Or the whole you can do better then me sentence was always used. I just want to say LISTEN BITCH. lol but thats to far. I know what you mean. They have a low opinion of themselves and if you actually like them the way they are, they don't respect you for it. I know that the ladies here at LS probably have plenty to say about us guys and our hang ups but that is another story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I know what you mean. They have a low opinion of themselves and if you actually like them the way they are, they don't respect you for it. I know that the ladies here at LS probably have plenty to say about us guys and our hang ups but that is another story. I think its a chick thing. Another thing is to when they think of themselves like this it really does effect their confidence in bed if you know what I mean. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 yeah, very true, I don't mean the main stuff at all, just some little things where I think the individuals perspective should be considered. I was reading a post about never taking an ex back if they had slept with someone while broken up. For me personally, I don't view that as a betrayal/deal breaker, so the standard advice on that wouldn't really fit so well with me. I don't see that as standard advice, just a personal preference. Personally, whether an ex sleeps with someone else while we are broken up doesn't matter to me IF they started sleeping with that person after we had broken up. Now if they had started sleeping with them before the break (even if she was planning to break up with me before she slept with the other guy but just hadn't yet), I wouldn't want anything to do with them. But I'd be a hypocrite if I demanded an ex remained celibate after she broke with me if she wanted to reunite with me. I mean, I slept with a woman less than a week after my ex broke up with me. It was more to mask my pain and prove to myself I was still a man instead of a sad bastard, but it'd be really two-faced for me to demand chastity when I'm not doing it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I personally would rather know. She wants him back= he can take that, come to the conclusion she is a waste of time or get back with her. She wants closure=It was closure for her, she's selfish. etc etc these outcomes might set things back, but he will know the answer, and then gets to chose whether to act on them or let it go. Done. I agree completely with ignoring the majority of times the dumper reaches out, but I'd want to know on this one. Hearing someone out doesn't always mean giving someone power or whatever. See, the way I take it is that the answer is no until they go out of their way to say yes. These situations are hard enough without wishy-washy bullsh*t meetings like this one seems to be. I wouldn't seriously consider it until the other guy is clearly out of the picture. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Yep exactly, Simon. So Stormer, you got your outcome, now let it go and keep going. Analyzing her thinking is a slippery slope. DON'T DO IT I did the same thing you did, with my ex. I indulged in a conversation with him, which gave me hope, I thought about it for days. Came to the conclusion there was really not a lot to be hopeful about. I had to learn the lesson for myself. I got my answer, lesson learned. We can tell you over and over again that unless they 'move mountains' then don't respond, but it takes some time to understand what that means. Dumpers are able to spark hope with a small amount of effort. Now you know the difference between someone willing to move mountains, and someone prepared to give only a little. Let the process continue. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Yep exactly, Simon. So Stormer, you got your outcome, now let it go and keep going. Analyzing her thinking is a slippery slope. DON'T DO IT I did the same thing you did, with my ex. I indulged in a conversation with him, which gave me hope, I thought about it for days. Came to the conclusion there was really not a lot to be hopeful about. I had to learn the lesson for myself. I got my answer, lesson learned. We can tell you over and over again that unless they 'move mountains' then don't respond, but it takes some time to understand what that means. Dumpers are able to spark hope with a small amount of effort. Now you know the difference between someone willing to move mountains, and someone prepared to give only a little. Let the process continue. Right now the ball is in her court. I'm letting it go for a few days and letting her think about it. We talked again for a while last night and I came to the conclusion that 1. she isn't in love with this guy 2. she still loves me (so she says) 3. she told me that she's afraid I won't be happy with her. 4. She's afraid of things going back to the way they were. 5. She wants me in her life for sure. But she needs to prove to me these are true before I even consider taking her back. I even asked her "so you really don't think I will be happy with you?" and she said no. The conversation again in a nutshell went like this: Idk what to do I'm scared about being together I still care about you and I just want you to be happy No I don't think you'll be happy with me I'll talk to you later goodnight. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Right now the ball is in her court. I'm letting it go for a few days and letting her think about it. We talked again for a while last night and I came to the conclusion that 1. she isn't in love with this guy 2. she still loves me (so she says) 3. she told me that she's afraid I won't be happy with her. 4. She's afraid of things going back to the way they were. 5. She wants me in her life for sure. But she needs to prove to me these are true before I even consider taking her back. I even asked her "so you really don't think I will be happy with you?" and she said no. The conversation again in a nutshell went like this: Idk what to do I'm scared about being together I still care about you and I just want you to be happy No I don't think you'll be happy with me I'll talk to you later goodnight. I wish people like this were interested in being SINGLE for a couple of months. I'm sure that after being single, the mind gets clearer that way they can really make a decision without feeling confused and/or guilty. Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I wish people like this were interested in being SINGLE for a couple of months. I'm sure that after being single, the mind gets clearer that way they can really make a decision without feeling confused and/or guilty. You're absolutely right. How can anyone hope to clear their head when they can't stand being alone for 5 feakin' minutes! Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 You're absolutely right. How can anyone hope to clear their head when they can't stand being alone for 5 feakin' minutes! yeah, they're pretty much juggling with other people's feelings and their feelings as well. While being single they might discover and LIKE the amazing and sometimes forgotten concept OF BEING SINGLE!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 yeah, they're pretty much juggling with other people's feelings and their feelings as well. While being single they might discover and LIKE the amazing and sometimes forgotten concept OF BEING SINGLE!! I know, right? Before I got together with my recent ex I was happy. When I together with her, I was happy. A year and a half later she broke up with me and now I am not so happy. But I will get back to being happy without latching onto the first person that comes along, unlike my ex . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Right now the ball is in her court. I'm letting it go for a few days and letting her think about it. We talked again for a while last night and I came to the conclusion that 1. she isn't in love with this guy 2. she still loves me (so she says) 3. she told me that she's afraid I won't be happy with her. 4. She's afraid of things going back to the way they were. 5. She wants me in her life for sure. But she needs to prove to me these are true before I even consider taking her back. I even asked her "so you really don't think I will be happy with you?" and she said no. The conversation again in a nutshell went like this: Idk what to do I'm scared about being together I still care about you and I just want you to be happy No I don't think you'll be happy with me I'll talk to you later goodnight. Whatever you do, do not initiate the next conversation. It's up to her to get you back, not the other way around. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I know, right? Before I got together with my recent ex I was happy. When I together with her, I was happy. A year and a half later she broke up with me and now I am not so happy. But I will get back to being happy without latching onto the first person that comes along, unlike my ex . Yeah, it's really important to remember who we were before we had our painful breakup. I have some guys who are interested in dating me, but to be honest, I know this is not the right time. I know I'll start comparing them to my ex, and that's not what I want. Also, and most importantly, I want to be happy being single for awhile, and then we'll see what happens. Of course I still miss my ex, last weekend was his birthday and even though I had zero interest in texting him I still found myself crying, feeling nostalgic. But overall, I think I'm starting to like the idea of being single. But then again, I'm trying to focus only on the positive side of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I wish people like this were interested in being SINGLE for a couple of months. I'm sure that after being single, the mind gets clearer that way they can really make a decision without feeling confused and/or guilty. I totally would be ok if she said she wanted to be single. I COMPLETELY understand this. It took me about 2 months to see things clearly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Whatever you do, do not initiate the next conversation. It's up to her to get you back, not the other way around. I've only initiated 1 conversation since the BU. The other 20 or so she started. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Yeah, it's really important to remember who we were before we had our painful breakup. I have some guys who are interested in dating me, but to be honest, I know this is not the right time. I know I'll start comparing them to my ex, and that's not what I want. Also, and most importantly, I want to be happy being single for awhile, and then we'll see what happens. Of course I still miss my ex, last weekend was his birthday and even though I had zero interest in texting him I still found myself crying, feeling nostalgic. But overall, I think I'm starting to like the idea of being single. But then again, I'm trying to focus only on the positive side of things. I did loose a piece of myself later in the relationship and I now have that back. My life is back on track 100% and being single isn't bad at all. Its actually kinda nice seeing a girl smile at you every so often and you don't feel guilty about doing it back. But right now the timing might not be right for her and I can understand that. But I think she does need some time to clear her head. Like I said before IF she decides she wants me back i'm not going to just jump into it. I'm going to wait a little while and go really slow and cautious. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Update: got another text from her today saying "were you ever ashamed of me when we were together or ever embarrassed by me?" I just replied "never". I didn't really want to get into a conversation because I was at work and I think she just needs time to think. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I've only initiated 1 conversation since the BU. The other 20 or so she started. Well, then don't be so available. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Well, then don't be so available. I never replied to all of them. Not even half of them. Maybe 1/8 of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I never replied to all of them. Not even half of them. Maybe 1/8 of them. Probably too many. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Probably too many. Why do you say that? I replied to maybe 2-3? Most of its been a couple words so she doesn't have anything to go off. Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Update: got another text from her today saying "were you ever ashamed of me when we were together or ever embarrassed by me?" I just replied "never". I didn't really want to get into a conversation because I was at work and I think she just needs time to think. Ugh, I feel like she wants to play games. The make-me-feel-you-deserve-me-back game.... Anyway, thanks for keeping us updated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Ugh, I feel like she wants to play games. The make-me-feel-you-deserve-me-back game.... Anyway, thanks for keeping us updated. Nah she always thought I was embarrassed by having her as my gf. But idk still playing it day by day. Not getting any hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Why do you say that? I replied to maybe 2-3? Most of its been a couple words so she doesn't have anything to go off. Because one word let her know that you are on the hook. She's basically using you for ego boosts. She's being wishy washy and now she's fishing for compliments. Link to post Share on other sites
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