Mariposa10 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 You mention reconciliation but as far as I can tell she hasn't mentioned that as of yet. Assuming she does bring it up if he meets with her then yeah there is a chance it won't work out. And as you mentioned there is another guy in the picture. I know that some here don't believe in second chances. And others feel that they would never take someone back after the ex has been with someone else. But how does Stormer feel about all that? If you believe that second chances can work, if you can overlook the ex being with someone else, then Stormer has a good chance of making this work if that's what he wants. As he said he knows the risks. We can say as much as we want, the problem here is that SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. There's nothing one can do if the other person is in a relationship. Oh wait there is, get away from that person. Of course they can get back together at some point, after all we don't own our exes they are free to do whatever they want. However, in my opinion, the timing right now is really really bad. This girls needs to be alone/single for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 We can say as much as we want, the problem here is that SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. There's nothing one can do if the other person is in a relationship. Oh wait there is, get away from that person. Of course they can get back together at some point, after all we don't own our exes they are free to do whatever they want. However, in my opinion, the timing right now is really really bad. This girls needs to be alone/single for awhile. You make good points and I am not disputing what you've said. I just think he should hear what she has to say. We keep talking about Stormer and her getting back together but that may not be what is on her mind at all. Imagine Stormer says to her "I don't think we have anything to talk about face to face as long as you're in a relationship" and she responds "fine" and that's the end of it. Yet Stormer is sitting back carrying false hope that she wants to get back together, waiting for her to break up with the other guy, when it's possible she only wanted to talk to Stormer for some kind of closure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Honestly, the "micro" is just people making something simple more complicated than it needs to be. Honestly, too many people feel the need to try to reinvent the wheel. yeah, very true, I don't mean the main stuff at all, just some little things where I think the individuals perspective should be considered. I was reading a post about never taking an ex back if they had slept with someone while broken up. For me personally, I don't view that as a betrayal/deal breaker, so the standard advice on that wouldn't really fit so well with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 So you're saying your life wouldn't be great if you got back together? No I'm saying my life is actually pretty good right now. I mean I want her back in my life if it means that I'm going to be happy (I say I'm because I'm thinking of myself in this situation) but if it means nothing but emotional drama I'm better off without. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Keep us updated!! I want to see how this ends because it reminds me of my ex and me. Anyway, I do think you guys might be able to get back together, but that's not gonna happen right now. And if it does, I don't know if it'll work out. Please, see this from as many angles as you can. Remember if it was you the person she really wanted to be with, she'd be with you and not with the other guy. She might be confused, she might come to her sense later. I don't think she knows what she wants. My point is: how can you two talk about reconciliation when she's withe someone else? How old are you two again? She is VERY confused from what she is saying. I have never brought up getting back together. She is the one who keeps thinking of it. She always will mention it and I kinda just ignore it right now. But yes you are right I'm not even thinking of it until this other douche is out of the picture. Yes we are young I'm 21 she's 19. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 This is what sucks. It is always a guessing game. I have seen dumpers think that have lost their chance and so resort to tactics to make the dumpee want them back. My brother (was 22 at the time) broke up with a long term girlfriend, she cut him off, moved on with her life, acted like she was fine. He wanted her back, the tables had turned. When he reached out she acted 'indifferent', he said he was seeing someone but couldn't stop thinking about her. He lied about seeing someone. He felt just as unsure and insecure about where he stood as she did. I mean your ex could think she has a better chance if she does it in person. She could have a boyfriend. She could have five boyfriends. She could just want to say she doesn't want to see him again, it could be closure for her. She could be just messing around She could be genuine Who knows. When you are dealing with another person it is always guessing, and risk taking. Even when two people have been together for years, it is still guessing, and the risk that they may leave/cheat/lie has been made. In my opinion there is really not a whole lot one can do to avoid it, unless they would rather stay home alone and hide from the world. All you can do is weigh up the risks, if you are prepared to find out, then find out. Sometimes I think it is a good idea to bite the bullet, find out, whatever the outcome deal with it, and move on. At least that way you'll know. Honestly she didn't know I had feelings for her until I told her today. She was thinking I hated her and wanted nothing to do with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I personally would rather know. She wants him back= he can take that, come to the conclusion she is a waste of time or get back with her. She wants closure=It was closure for her, she's selfish. etc etc these outcomes might set things back, but he will know the answer, and then gets to chose whether to act on them or let it go. Done. I agree completely with ignoring the majority of times the dumper reaches out, but I'd want to know on this one. Hearing someone out doesn't always mean giving someone power or whatever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 You mention reconciliation but as far as I can tell she hasn't mentioned that as of yet. Assuming she does bring it up if he meets with her then yeah there is a chance it won't work out. And as you mentioned there is another guy in the picture. I know that some here don't believe in second chances. And others feel that they would never take someone back after the ex has been with someone else. But how does Stormer feel about all that? If you believe that second chances can work, if you can overlook the ex being with someone else, then Stormer has a good chance of making this work if that's what he wants. As he said he knows the risks. She has sorta mentioned it as like "if we did end up getting back together" but not outright. But I have NOT mentioned anything about it. She brought it up. But if she shows me that its me she truly wants to be with and dumps that other guy I can look past it. But if she is unsure and can't make up her mind then I'm gone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
melell Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Honestly she didn't know I had feelings for her until I told her today. She was thinking I hated her and wanted nothing to do with her. I think that is the case a lot of the time. People will disagree with me, but I say hear her out. You know how this goes, you know the possibilities. I am sure you know the advice people will give about this too. IMO all that matters is that you know whether or not you can handle the outcome, whatever it may be. If you can handle it, then do it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 We can say as much as we want, the problem here is that SHE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP. There's nothing one can do if the other person is in a relationship. Oh wait there is, get away from that person. Of course they can get back together at some point, after all we don't own our exes they are free to do whatever they want. However, in my opinion, the timing right now is really really bad. This girls needs to be alone/single for awhile. and you may be right about her being single. But she doesn't see it like that.. Timing is really bad right now. But did I ever say I'm gonna just jump back on the wagon instantly? No. Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 She is VERY confused from what she is saying. I have never brought up getting back together. She is the one who keeps thinking of it. She always will mention it and I kinda just ignore it right now. But yes you are right I'm not even thinking of it until this other douche is out of the picture. Yes we are young I'm 21 she's 19. I hadn't realized she has brought up getting back together. It seemed she was just being vague. You are right to be cautious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 You make good points and I am not disputing what you've said. I just think he should hear what she has to say. We keep talking about Stormer and her getting back together but that may not be what is on her mind at all. Imagine Stormer says to her "I don't think we have anything to talk about face to face as long as you're in a relationship" and she responds "fine" and that's the end of it. Yet Stormer is sitting back carrying false hope that she wants to get back together, waiting for her to break up with the other guy, when it's possible she only wanted to talk to Stormer for some kind of closure. I'm going into it with an open mind. I actually realized today that I can hold my emotions back and not let it bother me. I've grown since the BU. But I can tell you right now with confidence that she doesn't know what she wants at all. I told her strait up that I didn't come into this to be friends and she needs to think really hard at what she really wants. One minute she tells me she already knows the next she's unsure. I see it as this. I go into this open minded and if she says she wants to be with me I make her prove it. If she just wants closure I know my answer and I can stop thinking about her every damn day. My mind will be at peace. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I think that is the case a lot of the time. People will disagree with me, but I say hear her out. You know how this goes, you know the possibilities. I am sure you know the advice people will give about this too. IMO all that matters is that you know whether or not you can handle the outcome, whatever it may be. If you can handle it, then do it. I agree about hearing her out. Why keep guessing about it. Stormer always has the option to take time for himself or simply walk away after he finds out what she has to say. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I personally would rather know. She wants him back= he can take that, come to the conclusion she is a waste of time or get back with her. She wants closure=It was closure for her, she's selfish. etc etc these outcomes might set things back, but he will know the answer, and then gets to chose whether to act on them or let it go. Done. I agree completely with ignoring the majority of times the dumper reaches out, but I'd want to know on this one. Hearing someone out doesn't always mean giving someone power or whatever. I've shown no signs of pity, remorse, jealousy, weakness, nothing! I've said to her multiple times "if you really do love me then prove it" "If you still care then prove it" If we do meet up and she tells me that she broke up with this other guy and she wants to be with me then yea I'll give her a chance to show me she does care. But if she stays with him I'm done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I think that is the case a lot of the time. People will disagree with me, but I say hear her out. You know how this goes, you know the possibilities. I am sure you know the advice people will give about this too. IMO all that matters is that you know whether or not you can handle the outcome, whatever it may be. If you can handle it, then do it. I may be a little hurt but its not like we are breaking up again. I'm sure I can handle myself. I do know the outcomes and I'm willing to face the facts. It really is amazing how much she left herself vulnerable today. Which shows me she is at least thinking of getting back with me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I hadn't realized she has brought up getting back together. It seemed she was just being vague. You are right to be cautious. Yes she was being very vague about it. She wouldn't say it out right but yes she has said it. I will share one of the emails she sent me: "I guess I just need to think about somethings a little more. I know I still love you and that I care about you. I've just been through so much in my life and its all been really hard on me. I'm trying to be strong through everything, but I feel weak a lot and you deserve to be with a strong independent girl. someone your whole family would love. If we get back together there just going to hate me even more and itll make things even harder." Also the whole "she's not good enough for me" has been brought up periodically through our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Romaks Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 As you know, I've been following your story, and I wish you the very best, man. Be careful, be confident. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 As you know, I've been following your story, and I wish you the very best, man. Be careful, be confident. Yea you've been helpful and I thank you. I am being EXTREMELY careful. Thinking out every word... I am confident and I know what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
Romaks Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Yea you've been helpful and I thank you. I am being EXTREMELY careful. Thinking out every word... I am confident and I know what I want. Thanks dude. Thanks for sharing your story so we can all observe and learn 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I agree about hearing her out. Why keep guessing about it. Stormer always has the option to take time for himself or simply walk away after he finds out what she has to say. Oh yes. The power is definitely in my hands now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Thanks dude. Thanks for sharing your story so we can all observe and learn Yea its an odd one. Lots of small things that makes up a big thing. But I think most people would say stay away from somebody who doesn't know what they want. But what if the other person knows what they want? Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I may be a little hurt but its not like we are breaking up again. I'm sure I can handle myself. I do know the outcomes and I'm willing to face the facts. It really is amazing how much she left herself vulnerable today. Which shows me she is at least thinking of getting back with me. I've read on some of the break up threads on here that "don't mistake breadcrumbs from your ex as a sign that your ex wants you back. If your ex wants you back she will move mountains". Your ex hasn't exactly moved mountains but she definitely has made an effort after you ignored her breadcrumbs, she persisted. THAT makes me think you have a chance for reconciliation. Add that to the statement you just made about her putting herself out there and leaving herself vulnerable. I may be biased here Stormer. I am hoping it works out for you. I know that I have no chance of ever getting back with my ex so I guess I want to see someone have things work out. However, as you we'll know, the dumper is guilty until proven innocent. Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Yes she was being very vague about it. She wouldn't say it out right but yes she has said it. I will share one of the emails she sent me: "I guess I just need to think about somethings a little more. I know I still love you and that I care about you. I've just been through so much in my life and its all been really hard on me. I'm trying to be strong through everything, but I feel weak a lot and you deserve to be with a strong independent girl. someone your whole family would love. If we get back together there just going to hate me even more and itll make things even harder." Also the whole "she's not good enough for me" has been brought up periodically through our relationship. Grrr she is so wishy-washy. I hate when they try to encourage you to find someone "you deserve". Typical push/pull Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I've read on some of the break up threads on here that "don't mistake breadcrumbs from your ex as a sign that your ex wants you back. If your ex wants you back she will move mountains". Your ex hasn't exactly moved mountains but she definitely has made an effort after you ignored her breadcrumbs, she persisted. THAT makes me think you have a chance for reconciliation. Add that to the statement you just made about her putting herself out there and leaving herself vulnerable. I may be biased here Stormer. I am hoping it works out for you. I know that I have no chance of ever getting back with my ex so I guess I want to see someone have things work out. However, as you we'll know, the dumper is guilty until proven innocent. Yes she has not Well to interrupt that sentence I just got a text from her saying: "I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm not ready to go back to what we had. I think about everything that you've done that has every upsetted me and idk. I need to think about this for a while. I still want you in my life, but i'm not ready for a relationship... I have so many emotional issues and it sucks. I can't sleep at night still... I find myself crying a lot. I'm just not in the best state of mind." I have upset her before but I've never hurt her. Just small little things like playing to many video games (which I rarely play now) and not wanting to hang out with her daily (she was kinda clingy at times and I needed space to myself) but nothing every hurtful. But anyway did I not just get done saying she doesn't know what she wants? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Grrr she is so wishy-washy. I hate when they try to encourage you to find someone "you deserve". Typical push/pull She has ALWAYS thought low of herself. Like she was never pretty enough or to fat. To be honest she has a few extra pounds but its not like she was ugly? Or the whole you can do better then me sentence was always used. I just want to say LISTEN BITCH. lol but thats to far. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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