Had an affair; husband found out. I disclosed and he filed for divorce

[signpost]

I hate seeing him like that I just hope I’m not part of the reason he’s like that..

 

The reason must be his work. You know how it is with the legal profession: the heavy stress, the strain, the tiredness and the clients. Unbearable. Would anyone look like crap for such insignificant, minute reasons like his wife's infidelity or divorce or half-time with kids or his world torn apart? Nah! I don't think so. It must be his work. I wouldn't want my kids to choose a legal career. Never.

[Trimmer]

The reason must be his work. You know how it is with the legal profession: the heavy stress, the strain, the tiredness and the clients. Unbearable. Would anyone look like crap for such insignificant, minute reasons like his wife's infidelity or divorce or half-time with kids or his world torn apart? Nah! I don't think so. It must be his work. I wouldn't want my kids to choose a legal career. Never.

If you're going to do sarcasm, you really need to commit...

[Oberfeldwebel]

I owe my BIL big time, I’m going to have come up with something to pay him back as a thank you

 

Work hard, become successful and stand on your own two feet. There is nothing more rewarding to your BIL then knowing he was part of the healing process for you. After a couple months invite him and family over for a nice dinner and an interesting bottle of wine would be nice also.

[signpost]

If you're going to do sarcasm, you really need to commit...

 

My sarcasm is a result of understanding the pain of a man who has been terribly betrayed. My sarcasm is due to sympathizing with a man who had to, and still is going through a lot of pain. I don't mean to insult anyone. I feel that this lady STILL doesn't really understand or grasp the true depth of the damage she's caused to this man. This is evidenced by the following statements made by her in a span of few days:

 

When I saw him he looked fine, happy, clam and sure this is what he wanted.

 

He really looked like crap as if he hasn’t slept in a few days.

 

And then she says this:

I just hope I’m not part of the reason he’s like that.

 

All you need to see is the choice of the words she has been using in her posts and you'll realize that she has a huge lack of true remorse and empathy towards that man's pain.

 

She's been getting some excellent advice here on how to turn her life around, on how to regain her happiness & on concentrating on herself to become a better human being, a better mother etc, etc - She seems to be doing pretty good, except finding it harder sleeping alone after being with this man almost her whole adult life. What did she really lose? She's single now. She's got a new job with a new set of colleagues and a lot less domestic burden coupled with a lot of free time now that her XH has got halftime with the kids. She doesn't even have to worry about betraying anyone now - considering that at the time of her affair she never thought that she'd be caught by her husband. I strongly believe that it's only a matter of (short) time before she'll begin to pursue new opportunities. She says that she'll not be dating anyone anytime soon and I highly doubt it, because her motivation to do so is more about her NOT wanting to think about him with any other women rather than truly wanting to be with him:

 

I don’t even want to think about him with any other women, hearing the rumors is bad enough I rather not think about it. Out of sight out of mind

 

Most of her words are about herself: I, My, Me, her happiness, her exploring, her future, her chance & her optimism:

 

I never been scared of being alone, apart of me is kind of looking forward to it. I never really had a chance to be on my own and build a life that was my own. Now I kind of have a chance so explore the world and finds what makes me happy. I would rather be with him but have try to stay optimistic for the future

 

I feel really good today

 

 

 

He has demonstrated his fine character with the way he has been fair to her in the divorce process. We also need to remember that her job wouldn't have happened against his wishes. And in-spite of all this fairness, he still has this huge, huge burden of pain of being betrayed to deal with.

 

Work hard, become successful and stand on your own two feet. There is nothing more rewarding to your BIL then knowing he was part of the healing process for you.

 

I find it strange that a WW gets to cheat AND heal after throwing the BH in an emotional crocodile pit. On one side you have a willing party who had deliberately, knowingly decided to cheat and on the other side you have an blissfully ignorant BH who has had to face devastating consequences. This is perhaps why that usually it's the 'betrayer' that heals faster than the 'betrayed'. Shouldn't the WW also move heaven and earth to help the BH to also heal? Shouldn't the WW risk being alienated by the BH to standby his side all for the sake of helping him heal? At least, in this case, that's what I believe that the WS should be doing.

 

I will have to agree with this post by jdabilly:

 

You said a few weeks back that something in you was "broken" and you werent sure youd be able to trust yourself to NOT cheat again if you guys were to ever R? I saw that and instantly lost respect for you and your story.

 

Going through this thread Ive found that Ive honestly yet to have much sympathy for you.

 

For all the factors mentioned above I have no other emotion to express than sarcasm. Thanks

Edited March 15, 2014 by signpost

[atreides]

I saw hubby today. The twins came home on the bus and hubby came and picked them up. We didn’t really talk. He wasn’t cold he just wasn’t in the best of mode. He really looked like crap as if he hasn’t slept in a few days. I asked if he if he was ok, he said he was fine. I really didn’t push it so I dropped it. I did send him a text after he left asking if he was ok and if he need someone to talk I would always be here he hasn’t answer yet I don’t think he will I just wanted him to know I was available if he needed me.

 

I hate seeing him like that I just hope I’m not part of the reason he’s like that.

.

 

like others have stated, it is also very REAL to him now and regardless of the D, he is still not decided as to what to do. Just my opinion but this is killing him too, i can't imagine the conflict inside... love is powerful and he loves you for sure. I still think a fresh start for the 2 of you sometime in the future will be his best medicine. So many talk about doormats but you can also be a doormat to your pride when you deny yourself what you really want.

[Fluttershy]

My sarcasm is a result of understanding the pain of a man who has been terribly betrayed. My sarcasm is due to sympathizing with a man who had to, and still is going through a lot of pain. I don't mean to insult anyone. I feel that this lady STILL doesn't really understand or grasp the true depth of the damage she's caused to this man. This is evidenced by the following statements made by her in a span of few days:

 

 

 

 

 

And then she says this:

 

 

All you need to see is the choice of the words she has been using in her posts and you'll realize that she has a huge lack of true remorse and empathy towards that man's pain.

 

She's been getting some excellent advice here on how to turn her life around, on how to regain her happiness & on concentrating on herself to become a better human being, a better mother etc, etc - She seems to be doing pretty good, except finding it harder sleeping alone after being with this man almost her whole adult life. What did she really lose? She's single now. She's got a new job with a new set of colleagues and a lot less domestic burden coupled with a lot of free time now that her XH has got halftime with the kids. She doesn't even have to worry about betraying anyone now - considering that at the time of her affair she never thought that she'd be caught by her husband. I strongly believe that it's only a matter of (short) time before she'll begin to pursue new opportunities. She says that she'll not be dating anyone anytime soon and I highly doubt it, because her motivation to do so is more about her NOT wanting to think about him with any other women rather than truly wanting to be with him:

 

 

 

Most of her words are about herself: I, My, Me, her happiness, her exploring, her future, her chance & her optimism:

 

 

 

 

 

He has demonstrated his fine character with the way he has been fair to her in the divorce process. We also need to remember that her job wouldn't have happened against his wishes. And in-spite of all this fairness, he still has this huge, huge burden of pain of being betrayed to deal with.

 

 

 

I find it strange that a WW gets to cheat AND heal after throwing the BH in an emotional crocodile pit. On one side you have a willing party who had deliberately, knowingly decided to cheat and on the other side you have an blissfully ignorant BH who has had to face devastating consequences. This is perhaps why that usually it's the 'betrayer' that heals faster than the 'betrayed'. Shouldn't the WW also move heaven and earth to help the BH to also heal? Shouldn't the WW risk being alienated by the BH to standby his side all for the sake of helping him heal? At least, in this case, that's what I believe that the WS should be doing.

 

I will have to agree with this post by jdabilly:

 

 

 

For all the factors mentioned above I have no other emotion to express than sarcasm. Thanks

 

[redacted]

Reality, people don't change over night. It takes time and work. You quoted a poster who said a few weeks back. Sophie already answered that and it was a few months back. [Redacted] Of course he is feeling like crap because of you. [Redacted]

 

Whatdo you really except. Her husband isn't posting here it is her. And we should be encouraging her and helping her [redacted]. Seriously, there is nothing more she can do to help her BH. His healing will have to be on his own. Because that is what he chose. [Redacted] Their marriage relationship is over. All sophie can do is work on herself and her kids and so of course it is all about her. [Redacted]

 

[Redacted].

 

If everyone who screwed up, made mistakes, behaved poorly, just pouted and was miserable for the rest of there lives the world will never be a better place.

 

Sophie can't make her husband give her a second chance. She can't help him heal. She can only work on herself. And so advice should be in that regards. [Redacted] it would be better to point on some real problems you see and encourage her to change thos ethings. [Redacted]

Edited March 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redacted non-conforming language

[sidney2718]

I saw hubby today. The twins came home on the bus and hubby came and picked them up. We didn’t really talk. He wasn’t cold he just wasn’t in the best of mode. He really looked like crap as if he hasn’t slept in a few days. I asked if he if he was ok, he said he was fine. I really didn’t push it so I dropped it. I did send him a text after he left asking if he was ok and if he need someone to talk I would always be here he hasn’t answer yet I don’t think he will I just wanted him to know I was available if he needed me.

 

I hate seeing him like that I just hope I’m not part of the reason he’s like that.

.

 

My guess (and it is a guess) is that you are a part of it and you are also not a part of it. He seems clearly to have decided some time ago that for his own reasons, probably pride, that he was going to go through with the divorce. I don't have to tell you about how men feel about having a wife cheat on them. Many feel destroyed and need to show strength. Letting the divorce go through was his way of showing strength.

 

Now that the divorce has gone through, he may have discovered that it did not cure him of his pain. He's torn between being a strong man and the fact that he still cares for you. He will work it out, but it will take time. And I think that the result will make you both happy.

 

And it could be that work is part of the reason for his mood. But a ten day old divorce is not easy to put out of one's mind, workload or not.

[sidney2718]

 

[redacted]

Reality, people don't change over night. It takes time and work. You quoted a poster who said a few weeks back. Sophie already answered that and it was a few months back. [Redacted] Of course he is feeling like crap because of you. [Redacted]

 

Whatdo you really except. Her husband isn't posting here it is her. And we should be encouraging her and helping her [redacted]. Seriously, there is nothing more she can do to help her BH. His healing will have to be on his own. Because that is what he chose. [Redacted] Their marriage relationship is over. All sophie can do is work on herself and her kids and so of course it is all about her. [Redacted]

 

[Redacted].

 

If everyone who screwed up, made mistakes, behaved poorly, just pouted and was miserable for the rest of there lives the world will never be a better place.

 

Sophie can't make her husband give her a second chance. She can't help him heal. She can only work on herself. And so advice should be in that regards. [Redacted] it would be better to point on some real problems you see and encourage her to change thos ethings. [Redacted]

 

I think you've said it very well!

 

And let's not forget that during the period when the divorce was pending, he got along very well with Sofie. Perhaps having the divorce become final did not give him the relief that he's looking for.

Edited March 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited quote

[Fluttershy]

I think you've said it very well!

 

And let's not forget that during the period when the divorce was pending, he got along very well with Sofie. Perhaps having the divorce become final did not give him the relief that he's looking for.

 

That is a good point. I think some people (you see it all the time on here from those not cheated on that they'd jus divorce) think leaving the person is all it takes to get over it. Almost a rug sweeping technic of its own. Sadly the damage of an affair is not that simple to deal with for most people. We have no idea what he is doing to heal or if he is just bottleing it all up.

[compulsivedancer]

That is a good point. I think some people (you see it all the time on here from those not cheated on that they'd jus divorce) think leaving the person is all it takes to get over it. Almost a rug sweeping technic of its own. Sadly the damage of an affair is not that simple to deal with for most people. We have no idea what he is doing to heal or if he is just bottleing it all up.

 

It seems like most of the people on here who divorce say it takes just as long to heal as a reconcilation. In some cases longer, as many of them never seem to find proper healing.

[miguelcervantes]

I have never fully understood what healing actually means in circumstances like this. Maybe something to do with the pain being duller over time. Or something to do with coming to terms with what you are prepared to live with. Or weighing your priorities against each other - your love v.s. your pride!

Or (as somebody has mentioned) partial rug-sweeping in order to focus on what you really want to happen.

 

All of this collectively could mean healing for someone, I guess. Lets see what Sofie's husband settles on. There is definitely love, pride, hurt, anger, family, ego, mistrust, admiration, disgust, forgiveness, shame and attraction. Lets see how all these balance out.

 

I am hoping that love, family, admiration, forgiveness and attraction win out in this case.

[compulsivedancer]

I have never fully understood what healing actually means in circumstances like this. Maybe something to do with the pain being duller over time. Or something to do with coming to terms with what you are prepared to live with. Or weighing your priorities against each other - your love v.s. your pride!

Or (as somebody has mentioned) partial rug-sweeping in order to focus on what you really want to happen.

 

All of this collectively could mean healing for someone, I guess. Lets see what Sofie's husband settles on. There is definitely love, pride, hurt, anger, family, ego, mistrust, admiration, disgust, forgiveness, shame and attraction. Lets see how all these balance out.

 

I am hoping that love, family, admiration, forgiveness and attraction win out in this case.

One thing I've heard is indifference as a goal. That seems like a big goal. Some intermediates would be to think of the ex without feeling pain, anger and hurt. Or to feel diminished pain, anger and hurt as time goes on. Or maybe to feel those things but be able to have them dim enough that you can move forward with life and not be continually stuck in that part of your life and feelings.

[signpost]

Reality, people don't change over night. It takes time and work.

 

Yes, It takes time and work for people to change. Part of that work involves being aware and empathetic towards the betrayed person's pain - especially when that pain has been the result of your misdoings. You quote here that it takes time and work for change to happen and yet in the very next sentence you say something that implies that change can be very swift, if not in weeks maybe months:

 

Sophie already answered that and it was a few months back.

 

Of course he is feeling like crap because of you.

 

In her reply she said that she's hoping that she's not part of the reason for him feeling like crap. That, my friend, is what I find is more sarcastic than my reply. She's known this man for a long time and yet she says that.

 

What do you really except. Seriously, there is nothing more she can do to help her BH. His healing will have to be on his own. Because that is what he chose. So that last part is complete nonsense in this situation. Their marriage relationship is over. All sophie can do is work on herself and her kids and so of course it is all about her. Gad, what idiocracy.

 

This is what I find very strange - that the backstabbing is her doing and yet, when it comes to his healing, it has to be on his own. If asking her to be more empathetic and more understanding to his situation (even if their marriage is over) is idiocracy, then so be it.

 

 

Another thing. What do you advice sophie to do? Be a miserable cheater the rest of her life? Never have happiness? Choose to suffer forever? Because ot seems you want that. Or at least you attack and redicule anything that isn't that.

 

If everyone who screwed up, made mistakes, behaved poorly, just pouted and was miserable for the rest of there lives the world will never be a better place.

 

Sophie can't make her husband give her a second chance. She can't help him heal. She can only work on herself. And so advice should be in that regards. So instead of creatif a bunch of hogwash of what you think will happen it would be better to point on some real problems you see and encourage her to change thos ethings. Works a lot better than mocking, being sarcastic and a douche.

 

I don't want her to be miserable nor unhappy the rest of her life. I want her to work on all the things she's been advised to do here AND also dwell deep into her own personality to really find out why was it that she allowed herself to do what she did. We need to develop strength from our past mistakes - part of that strength comes from analysing, understanding and critically re-observing our own behaviour and thought patterns from those past situations. That'll help us to be concious enough to identify and be alert on any repetition in the future. This process also includes crossing over to the other person's side and grasping their inner predicament - the one you have put them in because of your past actions. The result of such actions will be true healing - not just for her but also for him. Limiting herself to merely the superficial externalities without dwelling into other deeper, important issues isn't going to create a strong and fruitful future. That, according to me, isn't true change.

 

And when this is the case, people with any type of grace, character, or awareness would just keep their mouths shut.

 

The change that has to happen should be inner rather than outer. That takes courage. Such courage builds up character, which allows us to be fully aware of any damaging situations. Overcoming those situation makes us more graceful. Thanks

[whichwayisup]

Sophie, just keep on staying strong. Your husband will reach out to you at some point, when he is ready to. Don't text and ask him if he is okay, or if he needs anything you're there for him. He knows all this, he knows how you feel about him, the D and he knows too, how sorry and regretful you are. You two may end be buddies one day, really great co parents with genuine respect AS just mom and dad. Hold onto that.

[atreides]

That is a good point. I think some people (you see it all the time on here from those not cheated on that they'd jus divorce) think leaving the person is all it takes to get over it. Almost a rug sweeping technic of its own. Sadly the damage of an affair is not that simple to deal with for most people. We have no idea what he is doing to heal or if he is just bottleing it all up.

 

IMO, those that say that are stating it from a position of spite, to "get back at" to attack which hurt them and to "punish." When you are not cheated on, all you have is that HALF of the equation but not the whole of it. As with all equations, they get balanced.

 

One thing I've heard is indifference as a goal. That seems like a big goal. Some intermediates would be to think of the ex without feeling pain, anger and hurt. Or to feel diminished pain, anger and hurt as time goes on. Or maybe to feel those things but be able to have them dim enough that you can move forward with life and not be continually stuck in that part of your life and feelings.

 

Indifference in Sophie's case would be spiteful IMO, there are cases where I would agree to be indifferent but he has children and has already shown affection for Sophie post the A. I know you are speaking in generalities but wow would that be a "hateful" move already having hindsight on his part.

[sidney2718]

I have never fully understood what healing actually means in circumstances like this. Maybe something to do with the pain being duller over time. Or something to do with coming to terms with what you are prepared to live with. Or weighing your priorities against each other - your love v.s. your pride!

 

I agree, especially with pride. I think pride depends a lot on culture. Some consider the forgiving of a wayward wife a prideful way of showing empathy, virtue, and biblical thinking. Others consider any help to the wayward wife an indication of lack of self respect. Only Sofie knows him well enough to say.

 

Or (as somebody has mentioned) partial rug-sweeping in order to focus on what you really want to happen.

 

All of this collectively could mean healing for someone, I guess. Lets see what Sofie's husband settles on. There is definitely love, pride, hurt, anger, family, ego, mistrust, admiration, disgust, forgiveness, shame and attraction. Lets see how all these balance out.

 

I agree. What is worse, seeing all this from my point of view (I'm an old guy) makes me sad.

 

I am hoping that love, family, admiration, forgiveness and attraction win out in this case.

 

I agree. I think they should.

[jellybean89]

Sofie,

 

I have followed your story and my heart breaks for you.

 

Yes, you cheated. BUT, that isn't who YOU are. You are an amazing woman who has taken the time and necessary steps to figure out you and that is to be commended.

 

It is weird for all these people telling you to not date or telling you to wait 1-2 years. For heaven's sake..... Sofie doesn't need people telling her this kind of stuff. Her marriage just ended and she is mourning that. She is working with a counselor and I don't even see her beginning to even think about dating...so can that be taken off the table of things to 'tell her' to do or not do?

 

Sofie, you are figuring things out and you don't need people here judging you for your past nor telling you how to handle your future. You are a work in progress ... like all of us. You have made some mistakes along the way, like we all do.

 

I wish you peace and happiness. You are very unique and I hope that your (x)hubby sees what he is giving up and realizes he doesn't want a life without you. I hope he stops the baloney and has a conversation with you -- to ether tell you he wants to date you/reconcile or to let you go (but will still co-parent with you). either way, I think you are going to be okay.

 

Don't let others negative comments make you doubt yourself or what you are doing in counseling. I'm so glad you have a new job that will give you something to focus on and I know no matter what, your kiddos are going to be okay because you are going to be okay. I wish you the very best and I hope you keep moving forward in your journey and there is no doubt that if your (x)hubby chooses to only co-parent with you; you will meet someone who rocks your world---when the time is right. The only one who can determine that time is you. There is no set timetable for that.

 

Quick story...my grandparents were married 50 years (got married at 20). Grandmother died. Grandfather remarried 6 months later to his grade school sweetheart (who was also widowed) and they were married 15 years before she died. I know many people would have told him to wait; but he did what he felt was right and he was very happy. He is still alive and speaks about both wives with such love.

 

Good luck Sofie!

[drifter777]

It seems like most of the people on here who divorce say it takes just as long to heal as a reconcilation. In some cases longer, as many of them never seem to find proper healing.

 

Not really. Nearly every BH who posts at LS and divorced his cheating wife has no regrets for choosing that path. To say that the healing can take.longer is ridiculous. Not living with the WW reduces the mind movies that just looking at her can trigger. This alone makes divorce an easier path to personal recovery.

[toolforgrowth]

...just a man that decided that he couldn't stay with a cheater...Some people just can't get over that, no matter how sorry the WS is.

 

This is exactly how I feel about my xWW. After her A ended (we were already separated, divorce nearly final, etc), she said she was ashamed of her actions and tried to get me to spend time with her and our daughter together because it was what "our daughter wants". I said absolutely not, that we were no longer a family and that I don't find it appropriate to behave as if we are, and we all need to accept that, even our daughter.

 

I never once looked back. And I do not believe that I am somehow wrong for making that decision. I made the choice that is best for me. I do not want to be involved with or married to a cheater. There is nothing in this world that can change my mind...not even my daughter. Because I refuse to live constantly wondering what the xWW may be up to.

 

"Sorry" should have crossed the WS's mind before the extra-marital sex took place. It did not. As a result, the BS has no choice but to live with those consequences, even if those consequences end in divorce. Likewise, the WS has no choice but to live with the consequences of the BS ending the marriage. Sofie made her choice. Now she's reaping the rewards of that choice.

 

Don't get me wrong, my heart goes out to Sofie. I had been hoping for a positive outcome for the both of them. But I understand what her husband must be going through all too well, because I've been there; I chose the same path that be did, and not once did I regret it. I can't speak for him, I can only speak for me. But regardless of how any of us feel, he is making the choice that he believes is best for him. I will never fault him for that, and will only commend him.

 

I'll leave you with this: a part of me feels that while he may be cold and distant towards Sofie, he's also paying very close attention to what she's doing post D. If she continues her self improvement and proves to him through her actions that she wants only him, he may come around. The choices that Sofie makes as a single woman can have a major influence on what he decides down the road. If she says "Well, I'm divorced so I give up" and dates around, I guarantee you his first thought will be "I knew she didn't care about me, I made the right choice." But if she continues to wait and improves herself, he may just see that she really means business through her actions proving that over an extended period of time.

 

Positive actions + time = trust

[BHsigh]

I hope he stops the baloney and has a conversation with you -- to ether tell you he wants to date you/reconcile or to let you go (but will still co-parent with you). either way, I think you are going to be okay

 

Seriously, how many times does someone have to say that it's over? I thought that the divorce said that loud and clear.

[sidney2718]

Seriously, how many times does someone have to say that it's over? I thought that the divorce said that loud and clear.

 

It is a bit more complicated than that. His behavior toward Sofie before the divorce became final doesn't at all match up with his behavior now. Of course that may not mean anything. But it also might mean something.

[xAkulax]

My first time posting in this thread and i'm not surprise there are poster here attacking her ex husband for not choosing to reconcile I guess there are a lot of Wayward here who dint get one ether. In any case he made his decision that works best for him we should respect that not criticize it. Not every man can expect this kind of behavior from someone they are supposed to trust more than anyone hell i'm one of them but to criticize him for choosing to move on is just complete and utter nonsense.

 

 

In the end the only thing Sophie should focus on is herself and her children nothing more.

[jellybean89]

Seriously, how many times does someone have to say that it's over? I thought that the divorce said that loud and clear.

 

Divorce doesn't mean its over. Why can't you understand that? There are couples who divorce and then date and remarry. Have you never heard of that?

 

That marriage is over. Totally agree. But it doesn't mean Sofie and her (x)hubby are over. Sofie doesn't have to stop loving him or stop wanting to reconcile. That is her right. She isn't pushing herself on him, she isn't stalking him, she isn't insisting they try again. She is moving forward with her life...while still loving him and hoping for a 2nd chance.

 

My brother and his wife divorced. Two years later, they remarried. No infidelity, but some other serious issues were involved.

 

I don't get why you are so hard against Sofie holding out hope. I also don't appreciate being talked to like I am stupid or I can't read. You have your view and that's great. But, I am entitled to mine too and just because you disagree doesn't mean my view is invalid or wrong.

 

It is obvious to anyone who reads Sofie's posts that she loves her (x)hubby a lot and wants another chance with him. She messed up, she admitted and she is working on herself. Her spouse never said he didn't love her anymore. He is hurt by her actions. But that doesn't mean he doesn't love her or that he won't give her a 2nd chance.

[jellybean89]

I'm confused....who is attacking Sofie's (x)hubby for not reconciling? I don't see that at all.

[xAkulax]

Divorce doesn't mean its over.

 

.

 

 

This is true but it doesn't mean they will get back together ether do you think its rotational or wise for her to spend the next few years of her life hoping he will come back essentially living her life like a nun that's nonsense.

 

 

 

Like I said before in the end the only thing Sophie should focus on is herself and her children nothing more and if that means she meets someone down the road then so be it live your life but don't waste it.