Should I reply to my ex-bf messages?

[Gottabestrong]

Dear Cyberbabie (and everybody else who wants to chime in),

 

thanks for your post.

 

I read your other posts and it sounds to me like you dont want your ex back. Am I mistaken? So is your advice geared towards getting over him, or towards setting the field for a possible reconcilliation?

 

I have not heard from him since last tuesday and I am really missing him. I am very tempted to just send him a message, but I guess that would be a bad idea, no matter what outcome I desire.

 

Just felt like posting that I am feeling miserable right now, as I'd rather post it on here, instead of in a mail to him.

[cyberbabie30]

Hi

A part me wants him back and a part of me dosent, but i also can not sit here and hope of him wanting to come back, I have made the choice to move on but also have left my options open.

 

The only way i would ever take him back is if the changes that need to be made were made,

He would have to prove that i was the only one he wanted, I still have feelings for him.

 

I would say both healing and poss second time, I have noticed that the more distant i am from him the more i have been hearing from him, With time going by and not hearing from him as often as i use to and not seeing him in person for 4 1/2 monts i would have to say that my feelings for him arent as strong as they once were 4 1/2 months ago.

 

Also i have found out that the no contact in time dose help you to heal. and also getting out and meeting other people helps also.

 

The other thing i have noticed is that since i havent been contacting him first, he has been the one contacting me first,

It started out once every three weeks then once every two weeks, now so far its been once a week,

 

At first the emails were just general stuff, Now this saturday i rec one from him but havent replyed back yet. He is now starting to ask questions like what i was up to saturday night, etc. and telling me what he was doing.

 

I will how ever repy back but wont give much information to his questions i will leave it vague,

I want to keep him on his toes wondering and give the feeling that im ok with out him and that i have a life of my own.

 

In some cases a second time works out and sometimes its just not meant to be. If the original problem that caused the break up is not resloved it wont work a second time.

 

And so far as i can see with mine he still is doing the same thing and still hasnt made up his mind as to what he really wants. And for all i know he may just be emailing me just to try to be friends with me. so at this time im not sure what his intensions are yet.

 

I know its hard not talking to someone your use to talking to all the time and wishing to hear from them, Hang in there he will find a reason to contact you but remember keep it lite let him ask the questions and let him contact your first,

 

And even though i have been hearing from mine well im still dating others as a matter of fact i have a date with someone later this week.

[FluffyCuffs]

Hi all,

 

Sorry to jump in, but everyone appears to be in the exact same situation as I am!

 

I broke up with my boyfriend last Wednesday, he initiated the split for various reasons (he has alot of things to deal with right now, family problems, not being happy for the past 3 months of our relationship, he has a court case coming up etc) saying at first he only wanted to be friends, and then saying he just wanted a break to sort himself out, and work out his feelings towards "us" although he says he loves and adores me, he doesn't feel we work well as a couple at the moment, although in a few weeks he may feel differently, or he may be happier by himself.

 

We were both crying towards the end of the conversation, and he kept saying how much he loved me, how sorry he was for hurting me etc and I couldn't handle it, so I just walked away crying, he tried coming after me but I didn't even look back. About 10 mins later he text me saying, "I'm sorry name. Love name. X" I stupidly called him straight back, he answered but the signal kept cutting out, although he kept calling me back when it did (about 5 times). He said he needed time to think etc but would like to stay in contact.

 

Saturday night, neither had contacted the other, (he's up in court on Monday) so I sent him a text saying, "Don't worry about monday. I'll be thinking of you. Call me if you need me. X" He replied today (Sunday) saying, "Good luck at the doctors, I'm in court tomorrow, and I'll be thinking of you too ;-) x" I'm not sure if he thinks I was telling him not to worry about coming with me on Monday (he had said he would) or if he knew what my meaning was? Also the "I'm thinking about you" part has confused me, does he mean he'll be thinking of me tomorrow or does he mean he'll be thinking of me in general? I'm sure he's interperated my text as me cutting contact with him. As though he thinks I meant, "Don't worry about coming with me to the doctors because I don't need you. I'll be thinking of you in general. Call me if ever you need me in the future." Does that sound silly?

 

He makes it seem as though he didn't know I wasn't texting about his court case, maybe he thinks I'd forgotten. So now I don't know what to do. Should I just leave it now and call him tomorrow night to see how things went for him? He also has things at mine so I could ask him to pick them up and maybe have the chance to see him and talk to him etc. I love him so much, I'm heart broken and want us back together. What do you think he wants right now? Is contacting him a good idea?

 

Any input would be greatly appreciated!

 

I hope you are all having the best of luck with your own exe's! Ugh hate calling him that! x

[Oriental]

hello FluffyCuffs and everyone!

 

please excuse my english if there are any comfusing words/ phrases, am not native.

 

Fluff, my man (hate calling him ex too) broke up with me for very similar reasons 5 months ago. the only difference is that it's a break up instead of a break, maybe becoz he's afraid of giving me any false hope. i know exactly how you feel. though you know it's gonna take him time to sort out himself and make a decision you somehow feel that it should be the next day that he changes his mind and wants you back. the only way to HELP him want you back (as everyone said here: you cant MAKE someone want to be with you) is to give him space and time. NC is probably not the most suitable for you but you definitely need to contact him less. dont initiate seeing him or even calling him (if you can), you may end up feeling upset about not having him as a boyf anymore and crying. it's likely to push him away. if someone wants to leave (even just for a while) then the more you try to pull him back the more he wants to go away.

remember this, only someone who's able to be happy alone can attract others and make a happy relationship. you are devastated now but try 2 think about what benefits YOU can gain from the break? make your own plans and try to be at least healthy. if you are afraid that he's gonna forget there's you who cares about him and loves him (dont think he will though) then you can send him a little note saying: just want you to know that i always care about you, feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to, take good care. make yourself someone he can depend on, not someone who depends on him for happiness.

 

then review your break up and the last few months you were together, do you understand 100% why he wanted a break? did you sense that he was under pressure and unhappy about your relationship, and do you know the reasons? what was missing in your relationship?

in my case becoz we were very compatible and had been together for over 2 years i became used to the pattern we formed and thought i knew him too well to lose track of his feelings. it turned out, he had been under pressure (work, relationship, personal career direction and maybe some other unknown things) and unhappy for months before he had the idea of breaking up. it was surprising and upsetting to realize that i never felt anything. after we broke up i have done some useless things in my endeavor to get him back such as frequently contacting him and going to parties that he's at. my experience tells me that the more mature and independent i feel about myself / appear to him, the more interested he becomes in me, and he lately said that he did think about reconciliation but he's not sure what he wants out of a relationship (not a easy problem to solve eh??!!). anyway, in the past few months i have been able to think about what i want out of life and relationship, i have gotten to know myself better and picked up some new hobbies, it's not totally there yet but i would say with time i would be able to live happily with or without him. am still making efforts now becoz i know that we suit each other really well and of course we still love each other (am not assuming this).

 

to sum up, limit your contact with him, dont try to know what he's doing and who he's with, try to do your own things and live a healthy life, review your relationship and get to know more about yourself. you need to make sure that even if he decides to be alone in the end you can still live happily ever after, it's bloody difficult but we all can make it!!!

 

all the best to everyone here!

[Gottabestrong]

Hi, here is some news

 

tonight I received another email from him. In it he complained that I have not replied to his last mail and he asked me about some info he wants me to get for him at work. He closed his mail with 'Love, Name'.

 

I did not reply to his last mail because he did not ask any questions. I would like to tell him that in my reply. Do you think that would be a mistake?

 

My NC surely seems to be working as he is getting restless and upset about me not contacting him or replying to his messages. It took him only 6 days to get back to me, and that after I ignored his message.

 

I dont want to mess up now and push him away again. Is it time to ask him what he wants from me? I guess not, I probably should keep on replying casualy and not talking about anything personal until one of us breaks and says something meaningful. Preferably him.

 

If anyone has any opinions on my saga, please share them

[VirginiaBob]

Well, that whole ending the email with "Love, name" is a biggie, but sometimes close friends do that too. I had an ex that would still end her emails with "Love, name" also after we broke up. And I did it to an ex one time as well. The only thing that I could say in terms of advice on this is that when I used it, I meant it.

[Gottabestrong]

Well, I also think that writing 'Love' is a biggie, and I would not do it without meaning it. Especially not to an ex. But, about a month after he had broken up with me, we spoke on the phone and I asked him how he felt about me. He said that he did not love me, did not miss me and did not want to get back together now or in the near future.

 

Next day he sent me a text asking about something and he ended it with 'Love' and XXXXX (for kisses). So I dont think I should read anything into his ending.

 

Thanks for your post Bob.

[cyberbabie30]

Hi,

Dont ask him what he wants from you right now.

Just keep it casual. Dont give him an answer as to why you didnt respond back,

Just respond back to the other parts of the email.

 

My ex still calls me babe and still signs his emails with kisses

 

 

Like i said in my last post mine contacted me on saturday.

I did how ever respond back on sunday.

I was brief and the only thing i said to him when he asked what i was up to saturday night.

I told him that i had gone away for my birthday, didnt tell him who i was with or where i went just left it at that.

 

Ofcourse so far i havent heard back from him, I guess he didnt like the idea i was away and having a good time with out him who knows.

 

And when we do hear from out exs of course it is because they are thinking of us,

In what way well i dont know, It could be that they want to know what we are up to

It could be that they feel quilty and want to make sure were ok

Or I hate to say this but it could also be a comfort zone because they may be lonely.

Its hard to tell because every one is different in what they feel. and why they make contact with us.

[Gottabestrong]

I am feeling really bad today.

 

I dont know why, but I felt down all day and am about to cry.

 

I only heard from him 2 days ago, but I feel this strong longing in my heart for him. I so want to hear from him, want to hear his voice, and would so love to see him.

 

I am feeling worse now than I felt in the last couple of weeks. I dont understand why. Is it because he has sent me a few emails in the last weeks? And now my hopes for reconcilliation are coming back stronger? I dont know, I only know that I am so temped to call him or send him a message, but something tells me that this would be wrong.

 

On the one hand I want to take the risk and just ask him if he wants to meet up, but on the other I think this would be a mistake.

 

Judging from his last email he expects me to contact him, but if he does not even ask me a question, what should I say? And why should I contact him? I dont want to tell him how much I miss him and still love him, but I dont think I can keep on pretending that everything is fine.

 

I have exams at university and should be concentrating on them, but all I can think about is my ex. Sometimes I feel like it would be a good idea to come right out and ask him if he wants to get back together or not. And if not then I want him to leave me alone. But I am scared of regretting this later on, so I dont do it. Wish I were braver and would have the strength to do it anyway.

 

Things seem better now then they have in months, but I feel worse than I did a few weeks ago. I hope this is just a phase and I will feel better again in a couple of days. I also hope that either he will stop contacting me, or if he does send me another message, that he says something personal and suggests meeting up or something like that.

 

Just needed to write down my anguish, but if anyone has some encouraging words or advice, please let me know. Thanks.

[FluffyHandcuffs]

Hi Gottabestrong,

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling down about this, it's an awful feeling and I understand where you're coming from!

 

It's difficult enough to get over an ex you still care for, which is probably why people agree that NC is the best way forward. The fact that your ex still tries to keep in touch with you suggests to me that perhaps he isn't ready to let go of you just yet. Who knows? Maybe he's feeling exactly the same way as you are, and like you, he isn't making that clear.

 

The only way you're going to know is by asking him. My ex has sent a few text messages, and we've spoken on the phone once since we split up, although I must admit I called him! I asked him last night if he wanted to meet up on Friday night, go for a drink and have a chat about where things stood between us, and he's shockingly agreed!

 

To be honest, I asked him the question expecting the answer to be no, it was more a closure thing than anything. If he said he didn't want to meet up, I knew he saw nothing to talk about, as he obviously believed we had no future. That would have been closure enough.

 

If I were you, I'd be the one to make contact with something personal, or ask him if he would like to meet up with you for a drink, and name a date in your e-mail to him. He may be hoping you're going to be the one to ask first! If he doesn't respond back, then you know where things stand between you, and you can move on. If he does, and he doesn't want to see you, he'll explain why in his e-mail. This would then give you your answer, and also be the boost you need to cut off all contact with him.

 

I wasn't going to contact my ex either, mainly fear of rejection, but a friend said something which changed my mind; "It's better to lose your pride with someone you love, than to lose someone you love over useless pride."

 

Thanks to that bit of advice, I'm now (hopefully!) meeting my ex tomorrow night! He's agreed to come but we'll see if he turns up first! You know how flakey men can be!

 

As for you and your ex, I say take a chance! No matter how in doubt you are, let him know exactly how you feel about him, your wishes for a reconciliation, or even just a chance to talk things through with him. If you don't, you may regret it and be asking yourself "What if?" for a long time to come. What do you have to lose? Maybe a little confidence or self esteem? It's worth it in my view. You can always regain these things!

 

So try to patch things up between you both, if everything works out, great! If not, at least you can take comfort in the fact you tried your best.

 

Good luck!

 

Love Lauren x

[dazednconfuzed]

Why does the ex always make contact? I will tell you my experience on this as I have been contacted by my ex after adamantly telling her NO CONTACT!

 

She contacted me six months later to ask how I was doing (and to let me know she had met someone as was planning on seeing her again ...) I did not respond to that because I felt she was trying to get a rise out of me.

 

Days later, she contacted me again, letting me know she had broken up with that girl and that she missed me and was sorry for treating me like a jerk blah blah blah. I made her wait a couple of days, then contacted her. We talked for a couple of days, then about two weeks later, she contacted me asking if I'd help her select some pictures of her for her band's website. I said fine. Helped her out ... when suddenly, I download a pic and see a strange woman ...

 

She had been hinting at having met somebody all night, but I told her I didn't want to here it. Well ... she sent me the chick's pic ... Finally, I wished her well, but told her to leave me alone FOR GOOD.

 

It is one year later and just last night, I got a message from her telling me that she is now living in CA (that is where that girl was from) ... that she wonders about me often ... and to please write her. Even a year later, this felt like a slap in the face. It is so typical of the headgames some exes play ... wanting to bait you, get a rise out of you, and see if they still have control over you.

 

I thought about replying then thought about it ... she had lived 30 minutes away from me before she moved to CA. Obviously, she could've contacted me ... even personally if she was really interested in friendship, but I do not think a lot of exes are sincerely interested in friendship. They just like to see if you are still pining over them ... it makes them feel good about themselves.

 

I really think my ex used this excuse to contact me after 1 whole year of NC, just so she could let me know she was with that girl and living in sunny CA and happy as a clam. I could've written back "here's a quarter, call someone who cares," or I could've lied and said, "I am seeing a very hot Charlize Theron lookalike and just got a big promotion."

 

In truth, I love her. I loved her at first sight when I met her, and despite the way she treated me, I still love her. I will probably love her till the day I die. But she has made her choice. And the smartest thing for me to do is just remain silent, for I know that in the back of her mind, she'll always be curious. She'll always wonder about me ...

[cyberbabie30]

Hi

Im also sorry your feeling down. But i know how you are feeling,

I have had my up and down days,

And now that my ex is starting to contact me more often this through email and asking personal questions and telling me personal things. Its more than what he use to say. Its as if he is trying to impress me with some of the things he has accomplished these past few months.

 

Im not ready to ask my ex to meet me yet i need a little more time.

Fluffyhandcuffs has a good point you wont know until you ask him and being as how he is waiting for you to contact him again that would be a good time to ask him to meet and clear the air,

 

I also agree with dazenconfuzed (sorry to hear about what your ex is doing to you)

 

There are some exs out there that want to see if they can get a rise out of you or see if they still have control.

Mine tried it when we first broke up and ofcourse like dazednconfuzed i did the same thing

didnt respond. But mine dosent tell me that he is seeing someone else. He did something else. and i still feel he is playing games with me.

 

If mine wants just a friendship with me im not sure i can even handle it.

He also knows what i want and what i dont want.

I dont contact mine first he always makes the first contact with me.

And when i do contact him back i always leave it vague and with a little mystery.

[VirginiaBob]

I never understood the being friends thing after a serious relationship. If you saw each other naked and rubbed your private parts all over each other, isn't it kind of weird to be friends? Even if you are okay with that part of it, what happens when you find someone else and they are really jealous that you are still hanging out with your ex? And nobody really wants to hear about thier ex's new squeeze. For me, I just don't like to intentionally create a situation for my future wife that are going to cause her to be jealous and for me to possible slip up (since I did have feelings for the ex). By hanging onto the ex, you are basically making a decision to create a problem for you future relationships.

[Gottabestrong]

Hi everyone,

 

thanks for your posts. Made me feel much better right away.

 

Fluffy,

good luck for meeting your ex tonight. I am crossing my fingers for you and hope everything goes great. Keep us posted!

How long have you been broken up with your guy? I agree with you and your friend. Just right now, I dont dare to ask him what he wants or if he wants to meet. I am afraid that he will say no, and then I wont be able to concentrate on my exams which still last until feb 2nd. So I am trying to lay low until then, and see if I feel brave enough then to contact him. Today I found some of his clothes in my apartment that he forgot to take with when he moved out, so I guess I would have a good excuse to ask for a meeting. I look forward to hearing how your meeting went and I would also like to hear some details about your breakup.

 

Dazed,

I read your story on another thread and I thought how horrible your ex treated you. To send you pics of her new gf and say it was by 'accident'. And to contact you just now to tell you how great she is doing with her gf in sunny California. What a mean b*tch! Cant believe someone actually doing something like that to a person they once loved, and who has never done anything bad to them. You are right, it is best for you to remain silent. If you reply to her, she might only see that as encouragment to go on telling you about her 'great life'. Hope you will meet somebody special real soon.

 

Cyber,

how are you feeling? We seem to be in similar situations. Does your guy have the courtesy to put questions in his email when he contacts you? I really dont want to write him if he does not ask anything, as it would feel to me like I am initiating contact, and that's not what I want to do. I read this book "Why men love b*tches" and it says in various places that the only thing men react to is silence. No nagging, no asking, no shouting, just silence. Ignore him and he realises you are serious. I am trying to act according to that mantra, and so until now I have decided to remain silent instead of asking him what he wants. Dont know though how long I can keep quiet.

 

Bob,

I actually like being friends with my exes. I have two exes that I am still in frequent email contact with. Not because we once were naked infront of each other, but because at some point we were really intimate emotionally and they meant everything to me once. I dont want to lose total contact with an ex because of that, but also because if you stay in touch, life might bring you back together, in case time and place were just not right for the both of you.

I stayed in touch with my exes also when I was with my recent ex, but I guess it is easier because my exes life in different countries on different continents. So it is not like we would meet for a drink every couple of weeks. My recent ex is also still in touch with some of his ex-gfs and it never bothered me. If he were to meet them on a regular basis, it might though. His view was that he trusts me and I trust him. We are (were) together because we love each other and not our exes. So there is no harm in us being friends with people we once loved and still care about. I guess we were on the same page here.

 

Thanks again for your replies, I am feeling better today and hope it will stay this way for a couple of days.

Enjoy your weekends!

[Gottabestrong]

Hi,

 

just want to update anyone who has been following my misery.

 

Well, on Jan 25th I really missed him a lot, so I sent him an email asking if he wants to meet for a drink. He did not reply the same day, but the next he sent me a text saying that he only just now read the mail and he was going to call me that night.

 

Which he did. Twice. We talked about what we had been up to in the last few months, and I believe had a good conversation. At the end of it he started to hem and haw. Saying a few goodbye floskels, but not actually getting of the phone, so I said that it was good talking to him and maybe we could meet up sometime for a drink. To that he said ' yeah, maybe we can arrange something sometime'. So I said 'Gimme a call or send me a mail', which he agreed to.

 

After that, no word so far. Day 17 of NC from him today. I dont understand it. He seemed to be edging closer, and at least to be interested in reestablishing a friendship. But after I asked him to meet up in person, he disappears from my life. Since he broke up with me over 4 months ago, he never went for more than 11 days without contacting me, usually initiating contact all the time.

 

Luckily, I am not too heartbroken over it, but I am confused and dont understand his reasons.

 

So if anyone has been in a similar situation, or has an idea why he might have chosen to break all contact with me, please let me know. I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

[Gottabestrong]

Today it is exactly 4 weeks since I last heard from him.

 

I felt like commemorating this day by posting on here. In the first few weeks after the breakup I kept a diary, but I stopped it in december. Since then I regard my posts here as kind of keeping a diary that I share with other people.

 

I still find it hard to believe that it is over, even though the breakup occured 5 months ago. I still think about him all the time and I still cry every couple of days.

 

I often feel like sending him a mail that just says 'Hi, how are you? I miss talking to you.' But I always stop myself because somehow I feel that this would not help me.

 

NC hurts, it hurts to know that he really choses to not have me in his life, but I also feel that this forces me to accept that it is over, and thereby helps me to heal. Even if I am still far off from being healed.

 

I tell myself that it is for the best. If he was not happy in our relationship then it is better that it is over. If he did not find what he needs in our relationship, then he should be free to find it somewhere else. It just hurts to know that he was not happy with me. That I could not give him what he needs.

 

I used to pray that he would return to me, now I pray for a healed heart. I hope there is a reason for all this pain, and that one day I will recognise it.

 

I think that it is really best for me to not have any contact with him and so I live in fear of the day when he will contact me again. Maybe I am wrong, but I believe that some day I am going to receive a call or an email asking how I am. I am scared that this will pull me back and start the whole cycle of false hope and disappointment again.

 

2 days ago I received a massemail that he sent to about 30 people. It was nothing personal, just a quote that he forwarded on, but straight away I started thinking about why he included me into this mail and if he was trying to communicate with me that way.

 

It would probably be for the best if I blocked his number and emailaddress, but somehow I dont have the strength for this. Yet.

 

There is no real point to my post, but I just felt the need to write my feelings down. Thanks for reading. And as always I appreciate any comments.

[cyberbabie30]

Hi,

Gottabestrong

 

I know how you feel.

Even though i still here from mine, and he is the the one who always makes first contact.

I like to wait a least a week before i respond back.

 

Im also thinking of cutting him off for good,

I found out that he is still seeing the ex the one he cheated on me with and still looking on the dating sites. I did find out that he isnt happy with her any longer. I found this out from a very good source,

But i truly believe that this man is a true player and afraid of commitment.

 

 

Its tuff at times and i miss mine just like you miss yours.

The mass email is a good sign it shows he hasnt forgotten about you.

I have had ex's in the past make contact with me any where from two months to a year later.

Of course by the time they did i no longer was interested.

 

My current ex seems to be a different case for he has never stopped contact with me since we broke up 6 months ago. Why he still tries to keep contact with me well i havent figured that out yet.

Im just getting to the point that nothing is going to change and well i think it may be time to cut off all contact for my own sake.

 

He dose have personal items here that i tried to make arrangements with him to give back but he told me to sell them (they are car books and parts i was holding for him to sell)

 

So the other day i put one item up for sale on an auction site.

And well he found it and started bidding on it.

and then sent me an email telling me that he was bidding on something he already owned

Well i told him why it went up for sale. He was the one who told me to get rid of them in any way i can!!! I dont get it, not to mention the state i live in if someone leaves an item behind for over 30 days and dosent make the effort to pick the items up the party whos resident it was left at becomes the new owner of the items.

 

Hang in there. You and i are in the same boat but it will get better it just takes time.

Have you been out tring to meet other people. Thats what i have been doing it seems to help a little.

[Gottabestrong]

HI Cyberbabie,

 

lucky you for still having your ex contact you. If nothing else it shows that he still cares about you and has not just cut you out of his life.

 

I know when he still contacted me it confused the hell out of me, but now I would give a lot for one stupid 'Hi, how are you' text.

 

I have been trying to meet new people. Made a few female acquaintances, and even went out on a date with a nice guy today. Unfortunately nothing will come out of it because A) he is 8 years younger than me, and B) I dont feel attracted to him.

 

He is a nice guy though, and maybe we will become friends.

 

I am somehow relieved that I am not really attacted to him, because I have the tendency to fall for any guy who is nice to me, and I really am in no state to start a new relationship right now. So I guess I should just go on dates with guys that I would not wanna be in a relationship with, but where to you find them?

 

Today is 1 month of NC. Am I going to hear from him again? Who knows. I hope so and am constantly thinking about what I am going to say if he does so.

 

You sound like you are doing quite well. Keep it up

[cyberbabie30]

Hi Gottabestrong,

 

Im doing pretty good, but i do get my i miss him so much moments.

He may still care in his own way but there is the ex he is still hanging out with.

Since i have put one of his items up for sale on the auction site i have been hearing from him twice a day about it, but that wont last long once the auction is over.

 

Gee i didnt think something like this would have such an effect of him.

But i did tell him why i did it and i also told him, why should i keep things around my home from an ex who hasnt made an attempt to pick them up and showed no interest in them or me for that matter except an email buddy. I mean i asked him twice if he wanted them.

 

He said he didnt care that i put the item up for auction, but im a little confused as to why he suddenly made and issue out of this.

 

I know what you mean about going out on a date with a guy your not realy into.

I tend to date guys im not to interested in when im going through a break up.

I find mine in a club. Most of the guys in a bar/club arent looking for anything special. I do have male friends and we are just friends and sometimes its nice because there is no pressure.

 

Also try to be friends with this guy you went out with today its a start but even though your not attracted to him you never know you could be down the road and then again you two may end up being very good friends. Dont let his age bother you. I have gone out with men younger than. Of course i perfer them my age and a little older but i have dated younger guys than I,

 

Its good that you met some females try to keep the contact with some of them it will be a good help to you.

It will give you a chance to do other things with them and have some much needed fun.

I will say that if i didnt have my female friends i think i would of went nuts.

 

Give it some time even though he hasnt contacted you that dosent mean he wont again.

Let him have his space. Like i have said before i have had ex's contact me months after we broke up.

 

Right now i have a feeling that after this is all over with the auction thing that i wont be hearing from mine to often either. I have been seriously thinking of going all no contact.

Im starting to feel that there is no reason to keep talking to him because nothing has changed in six months and he is seeing the ex and still looking on the dating sites. He may get rid of the ex down the road but i know he isnt going to get rid of looking on the dating sites. He has been playing women on the sites for 6 years now. I just dont see mine as ever giving me or any other woman a full committment in an exclusive relationship.

[strange love]

uh

 

why did u two break up in the first place?

 

i been thinking maybe he the type of guy who doesnt call

maybe u should call him..

not like it would make worse

 

i had one friend I dont know if you wish to try this and Im sorry if this isnt PC of me.

Shes into this guy and they broke up and they are both a bit on the kinky side so

they been chatting by email but not getting anywhere so I suggested her teasing him a bit by email..which turned into erotic stories and before not too long they got together..

its up to you wheter you try that or not

My idea for her was to send him cocky messages like one was

So when are you taking me out for dinner? he replied to that pretty quick

Not much going on between u guys send him a message that is way way different

something that makes jaw drop and he will probably reply

 

If you dont mind when you have a few minutes could check my newest thread any advice or words of encouragement or a female perspective would sure help

thanks

 

strangelove

[cyberbabie30]

Hi Strangelove

 

My ex and i broke up because i caught him cheating on me with his ex girlfriend and trying to meet women on dating sites.

We were in an exclusive relationship for almost a year so i thought and this was something he asked for.

when i told him what i found out of course it lead to an argument and then us not talking to each other for a while. Im not sure who broke up with who.

 

He did start to contact me after a few weeks and i tried what you said to do awhile ago but it didnt work. He came up with every excuse in the book to not be around me. Im not sure if he would try advoiding me if i asked to see him now but im not ready to make that move. And i have a feeling he would still come up with an excuse. I figured if he wants to see me he knows where to find me.

I havent seen him in person since sep 04, but still have contact with him

by email and a few phone calls of course he is always the one who makes contact with me first.

 

He still calls me babe and ends his emails with kisses. But in reality i had to face the fact that this man is nothing but a player in my eyes. Because he is doing the same thing to the woman he is with now by meeting over women be hind her back.

 

But after the response i gave him today in regardes to his email he sent me i wouldnt be suprised if i didnt here from him two soon . All though he did respond back to me right away saying he would write more later but im not holding my breath on that.

 

I told mine that we are no longer together and i know he has a girlfriend (the ex he cheated on me with)and i know other things but wasnt going to get into it with him. I told him that i just wanted to leave it in the past, I also told him that i do miss him and wished it would of worked out between us but because he didnt have mutual feelings about wanting to work things out with me and that i cant make him love me. i moved on and am doing what is best for me and enjoying life. I did find out that he is not happy with the woman he cheated on me with from a good source.

 

so currently im dating other people and enjoying my self yes i get my moments of missing him and its tuff at times to fight.

 

As far as your situation goes, If your ex is still angry with you i would wait a few weeks

and let her cool down. Before contacting her by email. When you do make that contact with her i would just keep it light at first feel her out, keep the conversation general, she may say things that will upset you but what ever you do dont snap back at her.

 

if she makes contact with you before you contact her answer her questions if she askes but keep it light dont give to much information. Dont bring up the relationship right now either. Mine was brought up because of the items i put up for sale that is what broke the ice for me to speak to him about how i feel. I kept it nice but also short and brief as to how i feel. I didnt beg for him to get back with me i just left it as i know what is going on and that i have accepted us not being together any longer and that i have a life im enjoying. He also knows if that he wanted try again things would have to change but he also knows im not sitting here waiting for him to come back to me.

 

I have been finding out with mine that the less i say the more he wants to know.

I usually hear from mine once a week to every two weeks except for this past week because of me putting items up for sale that he told me to do what i want with because he didnt want them anymore. It seem to spark his interest why i have no clue. But i know the once a day to twice a day emails will stop once the items are gone. The other thing i also noticed was that if i waited a week to respond back to him I got a better response back. He seemed to respond back a little quicker sometimes.

 

The point is to let the ex see that you have a life with out them that your happy and By keeping things light and positive with them. What ever you do dont let them know your still up set about the break up etc. And hope that they miss you enough to know what they lost. The main thing is before any relationship would work a second time the issues that broke you two have to be resloved first.

 

In my ex's case he would have to get over his own issues which prevents him from being with only one woman at a time. He had a woman in his past that took him to the cleaners and cheated on him and he was very much in love with her and i dont think he ever got over it and its been 4 years since they broke up and there hasnt been any contact between them since.

He also has and issue with his mother up and leaving him to be raised by his grandparents and his mother not having any contact with him either.