friends with benefits

[statsgirl]

exotic,

 

thank you for the reminder that i can get through this. Something hopefully good happened today. The aunt of my FWB called me about what i told the girl who answered the phone. I apologized and asked her to understand that there are two sides to every story. I told her how he lied to me and told me over and over how this girl was noone special. I told her how he asked me to be a part of his life, but step aside so this girl could visit with him. I told her all of the things that caused me to tell the girl the truth. I told her that i was hurt too much by all of this to be lying about any of it.

 

She believed me in the end and aplologized to me and said that she would talk to him and make him apologize to me so that i can have peace. I told her that i don't expect that from him. The most i could ask for is that we part peacefully, i get to say goodbye and he move back home(6 hours away) to be with this girl. It sounds that he is planning on moving as soon as he recovers. She told me is going to be ok. That is all i wanted to hear.

 

My biggest problem with this is that i was so angry that he was toying with me and hurting me so much, but then lying to other girls and not even telling them that i exist. Everyone thought this charming man is god. I am greatful that someone who was blinded by him heard me and understands what he put me though. I hope he moves home and i can finally have the no contact i've been wanting, and then i will grieve my loss properly and then find peace behind it. Having him here is only tormenting bc he tries to pull me back in so that he can have his cake and eat it too.

 

Thank you for your support.

[exotic_angel]

statsgirl

i'm glad that u are able to understand and analyse this situation so well.. u can finally see him for the sleezy slime ball he is, no more covering up.. this is ur closure hun.. be happy u're going to be ok..

and when he does comntact u and he does try to have u back keep in mind all those hurtfull things, don't forget the truth as painful as it is, it is the one thing that can save u..

i truly believe that this is ur break through, ur escape, be strong and wise..

[exotic_angel]

hey statsgirl

how u been???

hope u're coping alright..

[statsgirl]

exotic,

 

i am ok. My area was hit hard by an ice storm. We had no power for 5 days. I was staying with my mom. I just got power back today.

 

My FWB is still 6 hours away recovering from his appendix operation. He calls people at my job to say hi, but not me. I have been doing well with him being away, but it turns out that he is coming back when he is better. The good thing is that with this time and space, I have been able to prepare myself for when he comes back. I know he will do things that will hurt me to see, like flirt with the secretaries who think he is so sweet, and bring his new girlfriend around to meet everyone, and especially to rub her in my face. I have made a plan not to react to it even it tears me up inside. At least with a plan, I am more apt to succeed.

 

I have been working on figuring out why this is so hard on me. I think it has more to do with getting over all of the disrespectful, horrible things he did to me and put me through. I think i put up with it for so long bc he is real good at the push-pull thing, and i let myself get caught up in it. I didn't have any other friends here. It was easier to focus on him and what he was doing, even though it hurt so much, than give up and seek out healthier opportunities like am doing now. It is not easy, and i still cry, but it is not as hard as it was when this all started after the summer bc I have been learning to accept it and deal with the fact that it is over, yet I still have to deal with seeing him everyday while learning to let go. It would be easier if he would just go away, but the fact is that he is not. It sucks and it hurts, but I can't lay down and die. The best i can do is forge ahead and ignore him as much as possible.

 

thanks for checking on me. How are you coping lately? Is your situation similar in that he does not treat you the way you want, or he won't commit to you, or does he sleep with other people besides you? I know you are struggling too bc you have to deal with him and his family on a regular basis.

[exotic_angel]

statsgirl

 

wow no power for 5 days that's long, but i'm glad ur ok and u're doing okay..

i don't know if u can see it yet, but this situation is making u a whole lot wiser and stronger, he's a looser and someday he'll look back on his life and remember u and drown bitterly in regret and could haves and should haves.. u were always good to him and u gave this ur all, it's so clear that he's the problem and he's definately not good enough for u or to appreciate everything u r.

god is preparing u for something amzing.. jus go through with it and keep ur focus on what is right and what is true.. and crying is good, i find it really helpful at times..

i've been doing ok, i haven't seen my FWB since sunday and for us that's a long time, but we haven't been "physical" since last december, so all this is helping me to get a better grip on the situation..

i'm staying away from him and his family, although his mother called me the other night jus to talk.. i explained to her that i'm really busy lately with school and business so she won't see me around for a while.. although he doesn't live with his mom sometimes when i go over to his place she's there and when i know she's there i go jus to sit and talk to her... but all that's going to stop...

he's really disappointing me lately, he's out drinking every day and he's given up 2 really good job offers and saturday when i went over to his place after lunch he was still sleeping and he smelt of alcohol, he looked horrible and he was so wasted..

he's been acting really immature and unambitious lately and that's a major turn off for me.. so anytime i start to miss him i think of all the negative things and all the reasons why i won't want to be with someone like him and u know it's really helping..

take care statsgirl, hope to hear from u soon..

[statsgirl]

exotic,

 

You are right!! I am doing so much better today. I do see him for all he is, and is not!! He is still 6 hours away, recovering. This time apart has been the best thing for me. I know when he comes back, I have the perspective I have gained over this time to ignore him which was too hard for me to do when he was here.

 

Two women at my job have been very caddy and malicious lately toward me. A guy friend told me that they are being like this bc my FWB has them convinced of a lot bad things he said about me behind my back. It is a bit my fault though, bc he told me that he noticed that I would page him often and that everyone could tell that there was something wrong between us. This open, inappropriate exchange between us, and the things he told these women, convinced them that I am either not good or stable, or something. This guy told me that FWB painted a very bad picture of me behind my back. I thanked him for being honest with me. I told him abstractly that my FWB and I had a fall out that he held against me and that I was not perfect bc I played into his vindictiveness, but when he returns, no one will have any drama between us to focus on anymore. These two women are very unhappy in their own lives and have nothing better to focus on than what other people are doing. So with that understanding, I let their caddy behavior roll right off my back. I don't care. It is their problem, not mine.

 

With all that said, I realized the part I played in keeping myself in a position that was painful. Other people noticed "something". He had lots of bad things to say about me. The one thing I have maintained through all of this is self respect. I have too much of it to stay involved in this ridiculous game of "he said, she said". I don't like the behavior of these women, so I am motivated by it to rise above it in an effort to make sure I don't get caught up in it. Knowledge and truth really are powerful, bc they foster the power of choice. I finally made the choice, not just to move on with my life, but I finally found a way to make the choice to stop letting myself be affected by what he does and says. If I do nothing to provoke a disparaging and vindictive attitude toward me, and he continues to plague my life and talk about me behind my back, then I will take appropriate action by making a proper complaint. Hopefully, if I do nothing, he will also do nothing, and I will ignore him and what he does, and find peace with all of this. But, I am doing pretty well right now. We'll see how it goes when he comes back. His aunt told me that night on the phone that he is very angry with me and will have a few things to say to me when he comes back. I told her to tell him not to bother me. If he can get so angry at me instead of looking at the role that he played in this drama, then he has more problems than I thought.

 

Moving on slowly, but doing much, much better.

 

Thank you for your tremendous understand and support. I just wanted to be heard, and you listened.

 

Thank you!!! I'll keep you posted.

[exotic_angel]

statsgirl

you're an inspirational dynamic woman that i truly admire and proud of. CONGRATULATIONS hun u've taken this tremendously horrible and painful situation and turned into something so profoundly new and positive.

i'm not suprised that he's stooped so low as to say mean things about you, but he's only helping you see more clearly the person he is. and all this is making it easier for you to let go.

it's great how you're turning all that painful negative energy into something positive and great things are going to happen in your career, your future and your love life.

i wish you only good things.. may you find someone who's funny and ambitious and smart and totally head over heels for you, someone you can laugh, cry and dream with, someone that'll love you faithfully forever..

u deserve great things statsgirl and u've made it through this painful trst of faith of strenght and u're so much stronger and wiser than when u've first met him..

i'm really happy for u, i know u're going to have an amazing future..

 

as for me life is good, i think i'm doing ok without him , today i signed up for Events management and his name wasn't on the list we were supposed to do that programme together and it starts next friday. jus for a moment i wanted to put off until he was ready, but that'll be dumb, less contact is better and time truly is a healer..

 

talk to u soon

[SuperFantastico]

First of all. I gotta say, that opening just killed me. Im young, beautiful and

successful. *toot da horn* lol

 

Ok this the thing. The first love is always the most powerful. Its never quite

the same after. But there is an after. Everyone has someone that is the most

incredible fantastic person in the world. Now if thats the case, this world is

filled with at least 3 billion of the most fantastic incredible people.

 

This guy has some kinda fear of commitment. Perhaps hes just messing with you

also. At the same time, you give hime everythign he wants. What is in

it for him if he commits to you. Right now he gets the milk for free if you get my

meaning.

 

He can make wild passionate monkey love to you and then go and date whoever

he wants.

 

Its perfect for him. It sucks for you because you are totally in love with him.

 

If you want to get over him, the only way is to cut him out for like 3 to 6 months

and slowly start to date and do other fun stuff with your friends or by yourself.

 

In this time, you willl either drive him mad because you are not his little saftey net

anymore and he will come realise you are awsome(you are beautiful young and

successful after all ) or you will get over him enough that you can enjoy

your life again.

 

At least you've learned some stuff from all this. You know what you like in a guy,

and you know not to go the FWB route if you do like a guy. Either all or nothing.

[exotic_angel]

Hey SUPER

Thanks for the advice, it was well appreciated. Time away from him truly is helping me see and deal with this situation better. We see each other sometimes but most of the time, I keep myself busy with other things.

I feel liberated and happy, even though sometimes I can’t help but let myself get lost in a memory.

All in all, I’ve learnt a lot from this situation and even though it was sometimes painful and sometimes lonely, I have no regrets. It’ll never turn into love and I’m okay with that. I’ve come out of this better than I had ever hoped too.

[SuperFantastico]

Well im truly happy for you. All lifes little(and big) hurts are there to help us

become better.....er well most. I'm sure if you keep it up, you will find someone

who truely appreciates you.

 

Happy memories are great, but they are like air bubbles floating to the surface.

Just remember why you are keeping your distance and you will be fine.

Im currently in your boat right now.....well not literally.....your not on a boat

by anychance? I have to distance myself from a girl who i was/am madly inlove

with. But im the friend without benifits So for my own sanity, i gotta get

her out of my life. So i know where you are coming from. Its hard. Like

quitting smoking. One day at a time and all that.

 

P.S. How can the guy not like you. a) beautiful b) can get free beer!?!

I think im in love

[exotic_angel]

lol

SUPER

you sound super, i don't know your situation or why u're trying to stay away from someone you're in love with, but seeing that you're so well at analysising situations like these i'm hoping u're doing the right thing.

and maybe we all have to go through this situation in different ways in order to learn some celestial lesson or something. the one thing that keeps me going on is that faith that all things happen for a reason and as flowery as this may sound i still believe that there's someone out there waiting just for me, just for you..

and thanks for those last few lines, even though we've never met and beautiful to me may be hideously ugly to you thanks..

 

P.S. don't u jus love yellowcard... lol

[SuperFantastico]

My situation is that i've been stuck as the just friend forever, and everytime she gets a boyfriend i get jelouse.

Besides the obvious problem with this is the fact that i know we wouldnt be good together, but i still have

those feelings. Thats the short story. I could write a novel with the long version

 

Anyways, i try to help out when i can. And i too, hope there is someone out there for me. Grew up on

cheesy romance movies

 

Good luck.

[exotic_angel]

SUPER

that's sweet, but somewhat tragic, you're in love with your best friend and she doesn't know it yet..

but it seems like u both have a good friendship, why do you think it won't work out?

My FWB and i had a good friendship too, and i NEVER thought i'd fall for him, but i did and well, i fell alone.. and then when all the physical stuff got in the way it just got worse..so i've learnt that unless you're truly emotionally intimate don't get physically intimate, but i guess that does not pertain to you..

yet SUPER i really don't get it, i guess all u can do now is be there for her and hope that one day she realizes jushow much u want to be with her

[SuperFantastico]

I use to think that if i waited and was a good friend it would all work out. But its been 10 years and the

same stuff. I'm just tired of getting jelouse whenever she gets a new boyfriend, and having to hear

about him from her ontop of it. Its not gonna work out with her, but dosnt mean there arnt plenty

more women out there for me

 

I think you will be fine too. You already sound much better. So good luck with all your love

[lovelylady]

I have spent the last hour and a half reading all the posts in this thread. Not only are they interesting, but give me more support in my situation. I also am in the process of cutting off (or rather changing) a FWB relationship that I've been involved in. I don't know how the hell I got involved in it - why I allowed myself to be in a relationship with someone who communicated to me (after 6 months of our sleeping together and going out - dinner, drinks, weekend getaways) that he thought our relationship was more of a "friendship with fringe benefits."

I was rather shocked, as I didn't realize that was what our relationship was....but after hearing that, I cut off the relationship for a bit saying that I wanted to be friends with him but needed some time to get through my feelings that were stronger than friendship. Well, I resumed contact with him because I missed him, and we picked up our friendship...and lo and behold, wouldn't you know it, a month later we were back to sleeping together.

 

Over the holidays I went home and spent a lot of time with family and friends and I went through a TON of thinking on this situation. It is amazing the changes that can take place, virtually over night, when you look at a relationship in terms of what it is giving to you and whether what it is giving to you, satisfactorily meets your needs. My situation was not meeting my needs. Bottom line. The situation, as it stood, was NEVER going to meet my needs - NOT EVEN CLOSE - SO ABSURDLY NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!!!

 

First of all - why, oh WHY - would you WANT to be with someone, who doesn't WANT to be with YOU?

 

I have done so many nice things for this man that have not been returned. The energy that I've put out, has not been returned! When I gave the way that I did, I wasn't consciously expecting a return, mind you (and in fact, was constantly saying that no return was ok - that he just didn't express himself in the ways that i did) but seriously, to not receive any of the energy that I have put forth!!! - my energy is far better spent on someone who can return to me the same kind of love and affection that I want to shower on them - anything less is not worth my time - it's not fair to me - and it's not what I want - IT DOESN'T MEET MY NEEDS.

 

And I think that was what I had stopped concentrating on. My needs. As a 31 year old woman, I have a reached a stage in my life where it feels awfully good to give fully and lovingly - I want to do nice things for someone and make them feel wonderful and appreciated - this is where I am - and I LIKE it - I haven't always been this way - or atleast always had the courage to really let myself DO nice things for a man - this is where I am - and I DON'T want it to change. I also know, that being where I am puts me in very vulnerable situation - there are many men out there (and women, really) that will encounter someone who has a lot to give (and wants to give it) and decides it's a pretty good deal and is going to make them feel good, and so they're liable to try and take even when they have no intention of reciprocating! It's NOW that I understand how to look at a situation and say "ok, I want to give, is this person going to want to give back, or will they only want to take?" And I really have to look at it head on and almost in a detached fashion. I know that what I have to offer is fabulous - and I don't want to waste it on someone who isn't deserving.

 

All the people on here sound like they have a lot to give (and like they have a lot they want to give) and that is so, so wonderful - but make sure that the people you choose to give to are the RIGHT people to be receiving your time, energy, affection, thoughts, love - everything - make sure that you are feeling LIFTED UP by them. FRIENDS LIFT YOU UP. Real friends lift you up and support your feeling good about yourself - they appreciate who you are and all that you are.

 

Be strong and watch out for yourself - look at what you're getting and instead of saying "will I ever get "this" from this person, look at this situation and say "you know what, I am not getting "this" now, and "this" is what I want, therefore, as this person cannot give me "this" then I do not want this person!" (as opposed to this person doesn't want me)

 

You do not want that person. You do not want the person who is going to continually take from you and give nothing - or at least NOT ENOUGH in return. We all deserve to be appreciated and valued - and for godsake - if you're showing kindness and love to someone - simply because you cherish who they are (which is right and good, I believe we should all cherish one another) do NOT - FOR GODSAKE - do not - donotdonotdonot - allow them to use you as a doormat - it's so terribly wrong and backwards and so horribly hurtful to you and your feelings. Protect what you have to offer - it is wonderful and good and there are people out there that are going to come in contact with it and feel as though they've been given the greatest gift in the world - a relationship with someone who is TERRIFIC!!!

 

I like to believe that to someone out there - and more than one someone (i think we can have more than one mate who is right for us) to some people out there, a woman like me is a dream come true. Now it's just about spending my energy on them - and not anyone who would consider me to be anything less. :-)

 

Keep loving and being good to yourselves!!!!!!!!!!!!

[exotic_angel]

hey LOVELY

isn't it amazing how this very painful situation can teach you so much

i'm still learnng

the thing i don't get is that the victims of this predicament is usually wondeerful, compassionate, smart, amazing individuals.. hopefully attracted to some emotionless loser.

it's been 8 days since the last time i saw my FWB and it feels like forever. i want to just forget him and forget everything i ever felt but sometimes it's not that easy..

to all those FWBers out there, u're in my heart and prayers, i know we can get through this..

[lovelylady]

dear Exotic,

 

do not allow yourself to be a victim. as an adult, only you can control whether or not you are a victim. this man is not meeting your needs. i believe someone out there (and i'll bet more than one someone) will be able to meet your needs and will WANT to meet them. that's the kind of person that you want to be with. you have to believe that you deserve to get back the energy and love you are giving - and part of believing that (perhaps the biggest part of believing that) is practicing your belief by not getting involved with men who won't (for WHATEVER reason) appreciate you for all the wonderful "stuff" you have to offer. walk away from this man. whatever qualities you have seen in him that you like, pocket the knowledge that you like those qualities and MOVE ON. Yes, it is painful. i have been through this situation more than once. the last time i was in this situation, it went on for 3 1/2 years - on an on - and there was no change. that was the time i was being a real - well, just not looking at things realistically - seeing things for how i WANTED them to be and not how they actually WERE.

 

i feel like this realization that i've had - it's like i've scaled a mountain and am now on the other side - and it's simply not ever again going to be the case that i put up with a man who, again, for WHATEVER reason, cannot return what i give.

 

this has been huge for me. like a major life lesson that i had to learn and for some reason the time was never right for me to fully absorb it. but now i have. and i'll tell you, i know that i'm A LOT better off having done so. this guy that you've been involved with is NOT WORTH IT. he MAY or MAY NOT ever realize what he's lost - but seriously, that doesn't matter. your life is not about him realizing what he's lost. your life is about realizing what you want, knowing that you can have it, and not settling for anything less than it.

 

say good riddance to this fellow and move forward feeling blessed for having so much inside you to give. mentally digest this fact - i mean seriously look at all the good stuff inside you. you will be FINE on your own (for however long you are on your own) give the good stuff you have to your friends and family - people who can appreciate it - until a more deserving partner finds their way to you.

 

i may sound like i'm ranting...i just feel so strongly about this - and so strong in my feelings - i can't help but insist that other women (and men) wake up to the fact that if they're involved with a partner that is unable to meet their needs - they don't have to put up with it. walk away. either the person will realize the error of their ways and make amends (i mean no light amends - but STEPPING UP TO PLATE - HUGE CHANGES) or, you move on knowing that you did the right and loving thing for yourself. you are better off walking away - NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

 

stay strong exotic! recognizing that you are disatisfied with the nature of your relationship is the first step in making beneficial changes for yourself!

[halo_of_thorns]

[font=arial][/font][color=orange][/color][color=black][/color]

My best friend may think of me as more of a best friend. I'm young, and don't know a lot about this. Reasons I have to believe this:

-He calls me his only best friend.

-He makes a little bit of contact, like pressing his knee against mine when sitting and stepping on my feet on purpose.

-He teases me all the time.

-he tells me to go wherever he goes.

I just want someone to confirm this. I won't really know until he says something, but please help!

p.s. i really am crushing on this guy.

[7on]

Originally posted by halo_of_thorns

[font=arial][/font][color=orange][/color][color=black][/color]

My best friend may think of me as more of a best friend. I'm young, and don't know a lot about this. Reasons I have to believe this:

-He calls me his only best friend.

-He makes a little bit of contact, like pressing his knee against mine when sitting and stepping on my feet on purpose.

-He teases me all the time.

-he tells me to go wherever he goes.

I just want someone to confirm this. I won't really know until he says something, but please help!

p.s. i really am crushing on this guy.

 

You could ask him to ask you out. Seriously, I don't know why people have a problem with going on a date. Too many people think of it as marriage. True I don't like to date anyone - but still.

[butterfly29]

Dear Exotic_angel,

 

I can truthfully tell you that I completely feel your pain. I've had a couple of FWB myself and they all ended up tragicaly, we were friends at first then I fell for them and in the end hated them. I do not believe that this is love and honestly hope that someday you will realize that you don't love this guy. But your feelings are strong and your pain is intence, as if it's the pain of love. Trust me, most women don't take FWB relationship very well, there are exceptions and there are those who lie to themselves. Sex is simply more to a woman than a physical activity and that's just the way it is.

 

There is a solution, a painful one but it's the best and unfortunately the only thing you can do. Forget about this guy. Stop seeing him, tell him you can't talk to him anymore, no contact, no emails just live your life as if he doesn't exist. That is what you can do for yourself. Doesn't have to be forever but at least untill you realize that your feelings for this man are gone. Any sexual contact with him will only hurt you even more. I am sorry if this sounds too extreme but unfortunately in most cases that is the only way. I am saying this as someone who lived through it. You may lose his frendship, but it's better than the alternative. What you going through is painful and can be dangerous to you, you are addicted to this man, nothing more, this is called love addiction. It is real and it does exist. Do a search on it and read about it, see if it applies to you and if it does, it's best that you know it.

 

For the future, I would suggest not to involve sexually with any man that you haven't clearly established a relationship with(unless it's a one night stand and you sure you'll never see him again) and not to live with a man that you aren't married to or engagged to with a set wedding date. Sounds too prude? No, just taking care of your own well being.

 

Best wishes,

 

butterfly

[exotic_angel]

BUTTERFLY

thanks for the advice, the truth isn't always pretty but i'm glad to hear it..

it's been over a week since we last saw or spoke to each other and i feel accomplished to be away from him so long. i'm trying to "get over it" and realize that this was simply "sex" the "multiple one nihgt stand" and nothing more..

i've spent alot of time thinking about this situation and it's made me realize that this is not the kind of partner i'd want to share a future with.. and all he's ever did was cause me pain..

yet still there's a nagging uncontrollable force that keeps me falling back, filling me mind with sweet colourful memories.. i guess that's the "love addiction" u've been talking about..

it's stramnge, cause i know he's not good for me, i know he won't change and i don't want to bewith him, but i still think of him and wonder what he's doing and if he;'s happy and when i'll see him again.,.,

i guess this is all a part of the process..

but i will research that love addiction thing..

thanks for ur advice..

[exotic_angel]

LOVELY

thanks for the support, u're really motivating and i admire ur strenght..

i'll remember ur advice and i know it'll help me get through this

[exotic_angel]

BUTTERFLY

 

I took your advice and researched love addiction, I came across a few points that I thought I should share with loveshack.org members...

 

The Love addict has very intense emotions including anger, fear, hate and 'love' for the other person, and it is this extreme positive or negative intensity that differentiates love addiction from habits where we often also develop a craving for the object of desire.

Constantly seeking a sexual partner, new romance or significant other

An inability or difficulty in being alone

Consistently choosing partners who are abusive or emotionally unavailable

Using sex, seduction and intrigue to "hook" or hold onto a partner

Using sex or romantic intensity to tolerate difficult experiences or emotions

Missing out on important family, career or social experiences in order to maintain a sexual high or romantic relationship

When in a relationship, being detached or unhappy, when out of a relationship, feeling desperate and alone

Avoiding sex or relationships for long periods of time to "solve the problem"

An inability to leave unhealthy relationships despite repeated promises to self or others

Returning to previously unmanageable or painful relationships despite promises to self or others

Mistaking sexual experiences and romantic intensity for love

 

THE 12 STEPS TO RECOVERY

From: Love Addicts Anonymous

 

1.We admitted we were powerless over love, romance, fantasies and relationships—that our lives had become unmanageable.

2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3.Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

4.Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5.Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

6.Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7.Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

8.Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9.Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10.Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11.Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.

12.Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

 

In my situation, I’m not sure if I’m a “love addict” because I experience only a few of the syndromes and they aren’t “exact.” I’ve spent a lot of time analyzing this FWB relationship and I fully understand and accept this reality. I know he doesn’t want me, but I still miss him and I still can’t quite get him out of my mind. It’s not like I spend every moment thinking about him or fantasying about the past. But sometimes he just pops into my mind maybe because of a familiar song or word or color.

I guess it’s like this for anyone who’s just been out of a long relationship. I’ve tried to forget him many times before; last year before things got so intense, I stayed away from him for 3 months, then we got invited to a summer party together and so we went and it was wonderful, we won “mr and miss Hawaii” (it was a Hawaiian pool party BTW) we went back to his place and laughed and played more until the sun came up and it was perfect. And so it started all over again.. and I realized that the 3 months I spent away from him had not help me heal, it had merely made me “forget” or simply get accustomed to being without him.

And that’s what I’m worried about, I don’t want to just “forget” I want to be free, I want to know what it feels like to finally look at him and look at “us” and know that we will never work out and he’s never going to change.

I hope I’m doing the right thing by staying away. I’m doing all the things I normally do, school, work, parties, gym…just without him.

[Magus]

This is the best, most informative thread I've read todate.

Angel, your so intense, and well spoken about whats going on inside. As a guy, I can't help but feel intimidated by that level of intensity. As a flirt, I wonder how you make it through the day.

 

I copied n pasted some of the posts from this thread into my yahoo notebook. DAMN, this is INTENSE.

 

I hope a goof like me can learn from this stuff.

(DAMN, this is INTENSE)

[exotic_angel]

Magus

 

I’m truly flattered, thanks for appreciating my “intensity”

This seemingly negative situation has taught me alot, I thought I could get through anything, I never dreamt that I’d be caught in a predicament like this. To be feeling a cluster of emotions for someone who obviously never cared about me. It’s been confusing and lonely and painful but I’m almost free. Now my only enemy is the constant flow of memories, but there’ll always be memories and I must learn to “let go”

Have a SUPER day Magnus..