my husband and his first love

[goldencloud]

Holy Hot Damn... I missed your update post.

 

I'm glad we are on the same page that you didn't love him. Great news that you got divorced! I know this stuff hurts... I've been there... especially the nagging belittling spouse part.

 

Unlike some other posters... I don't think you need to tell him about the cheating because the relationship is over. At this point it doesn't serve any purpose for either of you beyond emotional complications. He clearly needs to fix some negative behaviors.

 

I think that in all honesty part of this was likely caused by never experiencing those things before. It sounds like you never had a wild party phase in your youth?

 

Hahaha, it's all good. I never had a wild phase. If you read my old posts, I was kind of pathetic. Too sensitive, too naive and far too sensitive. I honestly don't know what happened. True, I could have told him but I didn't want to because I didn't want to fix the relationship and when I realised I did want to fix it, I chose not to ( again) because I felt I could stay in denial. Clearly not, I didn't love him. It's why I cheated. I took the coward's exit and now I finally had an 'excuse' to end it. I then divorced him.

 

The only redeeming thing to this is, we are both still young and he's a really good looking successful guy. He himself once told me when we were having issues (before), that if I left him that I needed to know he'd easily move on but if I stayed, he'd commit to only me, I have no doubt he'll move on.

[TrustedthenBusted]

I got to page three and I simply had to stop reading this one. All I can say is damn...

[goldencloud]

You're emotionally dependent on him for validation. You probably have feelings of attachment too, but no you do not love him.

 

Loving another person is about more than what that other person can do or provide for us. You say no good can come of him knowing the truth, but what you really mean is that you fear no good will come of it for you.

 

For him, the truth might enable him to end his marriage and go on to have a truly loving relationship with someone else. But, you have already demonstrated that you do not care about his best interest or his happiness, only yours.

 

I do not think this will be the last of this kind of behavior out of you, because you are truly unrepentant. You only see what you did as wrong in terms of how it could hurt you or mess up your vested interests. You want to know how you can best preserve yourself for your sake. But, as someone already pointed out your secrets and lies are going to keep you insecure.

 

What vested interests? There is nothing here. The marriage sucked in all its totality aside from a month or two here and there. There is nothing left to preserve. We are done and have no contact. I left him because I knew I wouldn't stop what I was doing with him( I had gotten too comfortable) and I was sick of living a lie. He knew I didn't love him anymore, all my actions showed it. I was no longer being crazy the past 6 months but we were certainly NOT connecting on ANY level.

 

What I did was wrong on every level. Of course I am repentant, it's why I left as well. I could have stayed in that existence with never having to worry and carrying on. He would have never questioned me. There is nothing I can say or do at this moment to change ANYTHING. I took all the blame, he sees me as an unfit wife and the reason for why the marriage failed. He doesn't blame himself AT ALL. With or without this knowledge, he is convinced it's my weakness and my selfishness and addiction to stupid things in life that have ended it. He is not banging his head against wall in grief as to what he did wrong. In fact in our ENTIRE relationship, it was a rare cold day in hell where he'd ever admit he did something wrong( even when he did). This was the case for all his relationships. Even if he is wrong, he'd first explain how your actions contributed to him hurting you.