I cheated on my husband

[stillafool]

I don't have feelings for Jason at all, he's a nice person, but I do not like him like that. Maybe Jason has feelings for me but he has never given me reason to think so. I find the whole notion rather ridiculous. It was a one time thing, a stupid, drunken mistake that we both regret.

 

This is what you should be saying to your husband not a bunch of online strangers. Go tell him now.

[Kate.23987]

And I don't think he intends to continue this as an affair. There is pretty well nothing i can do about it apart from not talking to him.

[Bryanp]

What kind of a life long best friend has sex with his best friend's wife? Your husband needs to know that he is no friend to him but a snake.

[Sparty97]

"Maybe you're right. I just find it a bit unfair that ALL of the blame for this is being placed on my shoulders."

 

Ummm...of course it is. Were you raped? You had sex with his best friend. That's on you.

[Sparty97]

This is what you should be saying to your husband not a bunch of online strangers. Go tell him now.

 

Horsecrap... the booze is simply an excuse to avoid responsibility.

[velvette]

Maybe you're right. I just find it a bit unfair that ALL of the blame for this is being placed on my shoulders. I'm not tying to act like a child by pointing the finger upon everyone else, but I do think some responsibility has to be placed elsewhere. It takes two people to have sex right? And there are only so many times a person can be beaten (metaphorically speaking) at a time when they are already vulnerable before they act out. I AM NOT TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR MYSELF. But other factors do have to be taken into consideration. I wouldn't just cheat on my husband because I wanted to hurt him, why would I hurt him, I love him. It wasn't intentional and I think that's a HUGE point that y'all are missing.

 

So...........at some point in the future if you guys make it through this mess and something happens that causes you to be in a place where you are not meeting your H needs you are ok with him seeking advice from your best friend and then sleeping with her?

[stillafool]

Look lady, most people have been drunk or tipsy from alcohol. This wasn't your first time drinking so stop blaming it on the alcohol. You chose to go over to your husband's best friend's house, drank with him, then had sex with him. Who do you think deserves the blame? Why didn't you go to your husband's parents or siblings for help? Why didn't you seek help from a female friend? In 3 1/2 months you could have sought professional help but you were needy and went over there to be comforted by-a-man. Own up to it, stop making excuses and blaming others for your behavior. Yes the best friend is a snake also; but what your husband is going to want to know is why were you over there in the first place.

[stillafool]

What kind of a life long best friend has sex with his best friend's wife? Your husband needs to know that he is no friend to him but a snake.

 

This is so true. Don't dare let your husband interact with this man again knowing what the two of you have done behind his back. He will hate you for it if he finds out.

[Betterthanthis13]

If my husband was being a jerk and i was upset about it, and i emptied out 100k from his bank account to go with my friend on a shopping spree to make myself feel better.... What should I do? He will be really upset if I tell him I took all that money. Plus, it's his fault for being a jerk. And it's my friends fault for helping me spend the money.

[Artie Lang]

you two need to get into counseling ASAP.

 

for all intents and purposes, you do seem sorry for your choice in cheating on your husband. that being said, the right thing to do is to tell him. don't make matters worse by keeping this a secret. lying by omission is still lying.

 

furthermore, you must end all contact with this person. he is no friend. a real friend would've steered you in a more positive and healthier direction, namely telling your husband how you felt or seeking professional help, not bedding his wife.

[Sparty97]

"It wasn't intentional and I think that's a HUGE point that y'all are missing."

 

Did his penis accidentally fall into you?

[stillafool]

And I don't think he intends to continue this as an affair. There is pretty well nothing i can do about it apart from not talking to him.

 

No he doesn't. Since he was the one to wake you up and agree you should leave sounds like the guilt and regret already set in. If he were ever any kind of friend at all to your husband he will confess.

[Kate.23987]

If my husband was being a jerk and i was upset about it, and i emptied out 100k from his bank account to go with my friend on a shopping spree to make myself feel better.... What should I do? He will be really upset if I tell him I took all that money. Plus, it's his fault for being a jerk. And it's my friends fault for helping me spend the money.

 

Lets be adults about this. I know it was my fault but I didn't just do it out of the blue. I have accepted responsibility for my part in this but everyone has had their part to play. I didn't do this without reason or without help.

[Artie Lang]

^this is called blameshifting. this is all on you, no matter how you spin it.

[Sparty97]

Lets be adults about this. I know it was my fault but I didn't just do it out of the blue. I have accepted responsibility for my part in this but everyone has had their part to play. I didn't do this without reason or without help.

 

No. You had your part to play. Period. You cheated. No one made you.

[stillafool]

Lets be adults about this. I know it was my fault but I didn't just do it out of the blue. I have accepted responsibility for my part in this but everyone has had their part to play. I didn't do this without reason or without help.

 

So who is to blame?

[stillafool]

Lets be adults about this. I know it was my fault but I didn't just do it out of the blue. I have accepted responsibility for my part in this but everyone has had their part to play. I didn't do this without reason or without help.

 

^^^^^Is this what you are going to say to your husband?

[Sparty97]

^^^^^Is this what you are going to say to your husband?

 

I hope she records his reaction if it is.

[Coolit]

You chose a very poor way to deal with this. Everyone is guilty at one point or other choosing the wrong way to cope. But i do agree you need to be honest with yourself before you confess. And imagine this. You don't confess and for the rest of your life you carry this with you. Everytime you look at your husband the words "i cheated" may be chanting thorough your mind. Not to mention the fact that bestie knows. Confessing goes a long ways in the R. And don't trickle truth tell the whole story.

 

There are a few things that you nee to be honest about.

 

1- were you attracted to best friend before this

2- did you have an emotional affair with him before

3- at what point did you turn off the "this is wrong" signal in your brain. Meaning, when did you know you crossed the line.

 

Now is not the time to tell your husband he needs to smarten up. Unfortunatly, you put him on the higher moral ground in this. After you confess, apologize for your poor decision that was 100% your fault for your actions.

[Kate.23987]

I understand most of this situations is my fault, I've never tried to claim its not. Part was Jason's for his decisions too. And a small, but still very hurtful, part of this is my husbands fault for treating me the way he did, at a time when he was the one person I needed. He blamed me rather than helped me and it made me feel alone. Don't judge me if you have never walked in my shoes.

[Coolit]

So who is to blame?

 

Wife is 100% to blame for allowing things to go to far with bf

Bf is 100% to blame for putting his penis in W

H has no blame in the A but he is 100% to blame for his poor behaviour in their marriage. Unfortunatly, W has just screwed up in a way that for some people makes them not aknowledge their own failings in the M.

[Betterthanthis13]

Lets be adults about this. I know it was my fault but I didn't just do it out of the blue. I have accepted responsibility for my part in this but everyone has had their part to play. I didn't do this without reason or without help.

 

Lets be adults about this? I'm not being sarcastic or trying to be a jerk. I'm trying to get you to see reality by using an analogy. Read my first reply to you- it was heartfelt and sincere. I'm not acting childish- I'm 100% adult.

[aliveagain]

This man is no friend of your husband or your marriage because he just helped you take out a big chunk of the foundation that was your marriage. You must of had an attraction to this man, why would you be alone drinking alcohol at his place and not at a public coffee house? Please stop anymore excuses, you banged him because you have poor boundaries and because you wanted to or you would have never let it happen regardless of the amount of alcohol you drank. Now that you ruined your husbands best friendship and his trust in you, do the right thing and tell him the truth. Without truth there is no marriage. If he finds out on his own the devastation will be 2 times worse, telling him yourself will show you are remorseful and are choosing him over his former best friend. Any secret between you and your husband's ex friend kept from your husband will be same as choosing him over your husband. Get yourself into counseling, find out what's broken in you that allowed you to sh*t on your marriage this easily. Have you taken a pregnancy test, I'm sure you didn't use protection. Get tested for STD's, now. You always had other choices, don't make another stupid decision, one that will be the death blow to your marriage if found out later.

[Kate.23987]

Lets be adults about this? I'm not being sarcastic or trying to be a jerk. I'm trying to get you to see reality by using an analogy. Read my first reply to you- it was heartfelt and sincere. I'm not acting childish- I'm 100% adult.

 

But it was because of my husbands actions that I cheated..

[Sparty97]

But it was because of my husbands actions that I cheated..

 

So you aren't done blaming him.