I cheated on my husband

[thummper]

And he gets what he's always wanted. Sickening.

[Clay]

I tried my hardest to ignore the messages Jason sent me but I just couldn't. As stupid as it sounds he has been really kind and understanding, again Infelt like I could be normal. We spent the night together and I felt whole. I can't stop thinking about him, I think I am falling for him, as awful as that is.

 

Do you really think this is going to end well. This guy had no problem chasing you while you were married. Wait until he is tired of you. He will chase someone elses wife and you will be on a board like this saying What did I do to deserve this.

 

It really sounds like you don't respect yourself at all.

 

I would get counseling.

 

Clay

[Fluttershy]

Do you really think this is going to end well. This guy had no problem chasing you while you were married. Wait until he is tired of you. He will chase someone elses wife and you will be on a board like this saying What did I do to deserve this.

 

It really sounds like you don't respect yourself at all.

 

I would get counseling.

 

Clay

 

What you are doing kate is usig poor coping skills and making poor choices in the wke of trauma. And even if Jason has been your knight and shining armour you should e focusing on you right now.

 

I hope in time you do find the courage to be a strong woman.

[Kate.23987]

I have felt this way for a while, I just haven't wanted to admit it. For so long I was convinced there was nothing there, even after that night, I was sure that we were just friends. But it kept eating away at everything. I never intended for any of this to happen, I didn't want to hurt my husband, but I did. I just don't know what I want right now.

[Clay]

Thats the very reason why you don't go be with Jason. You need time. You need to fix yourself. If you go get with Jason you will destroy your H. Even if your not with him now he will hurt even more.

 

Jason is telling you things now because he only cares about what he wants. That is you. He does not care that you are really hurt.

 

Jason did not care about your H's feelings. He did not care who he hurt to get what he wanted. Wait it will be your turn next.

 

You think your confused now.

 

Clay

[thummper]

I wish I could say something to help you, but to be honest, I really no longer care. I hope I'm wrong, but it sounds suspiciously like this might have been your desire all along. Well, now you have each other. Swell. So, rather than say something really unhelpful, I'll take my own advice, and "don't say nothin' at all." Good luck. I think you're going to need it.

[harrybrown]

How would you feel if your H had an affair?

 

your H's POS friend is getting what he wants from you, sex.

 

He does not care about you. He is using you for sex.

 

Do you really like ripping your H's heart out of his chest and shYtting on it?

 

Get your head into some counseling, and grow up.

 

put yourself into your H's shoes. If you are out of each other's lives, get with any body besides the POS that did this to your marriage.

[drifter777]

I have felt this way for a while, I just haven't wanted to admit it. For so long I was convinced there was nothing there, even after that night, I was sure that we were just friends. But it kept eating away at everything. I never intended for any of this to happen, I didn't want to hurt my husband, but I did. I just don't know what I want right now.

Are you still firm on divorce?

[imtooconfused]

I have felt this way for a while, I just haven't wanted to admit it. For so long I was convinced there was nothing there, even after that night, I was sure that we were just friends. But it kept eating away at everything. I never intended for any of this to happen, I didn't want to hurt my husband, but I did. I just don't know what I want right now.

 

I'm not trying to judge here, but from the sound of your story from the very beginning, it sounds like you fell for J when you had your first drink with him. Even if you can't be straightforward with this forum, please be honest with yourself. Your husband was the unfortunate victim of your falling in love with his friend. Again, I state that not to judge you but to point out the reality of the situation.

[sidney2718]

I understand most of this situations is my fault, I've never tried to claim its not. Part was Jason's for his decisions too. And a small, but still very hurtful, part of this is my husbands fault for treating me the way he did, at a time when he was the one person I needed. He blamed me rather than helped me and it made me feel alone. Don't judge me if you have never walked in my shoes.

 

I have only read this thread to this point. I know I should read it all before posting, but I can't take this any more.

 

Pay no attention to any of the men who have never lost a child through a miscarriage. None at all. They have no idea what you are going through. It isn't quite the same as watching a child of yours run over by a bus, but it is close.

 

Many men don't know how to react to a miscarriage. Some blame their wives for costing them a child, as if you were only a brood mare and they have lost the stud fees with no outcome.

 

You needed him more at that time than you probably ever will again. He wasn't there. That said, what you did was wrong. But it is easy to see why it happened. A number of posters see it as well. And now there is a double problem. Your husband will blame you for everything, at least from what I have read so far. There is nothing you can do about that. He will either wise-up or not. Are you on good terms with his mother? Perhaps she could talk to him about your loss?

 

My personal advice is very hard. I assume that you want to keep the marriage. In that case you must tell him everything as soon as possible. Then try to get him into IC and both of you into MC. Don't shout at him, don't go cold on him. Somebody has to be the adult in this situation, and unfortunately that's got to be you.

[aliveagain]

I haven't read your post in quite a while. Your banging Jason again? I think I just have to stay off your posts, things are not going to end well for you, just my opinion. Things may end even worse for Jason based on what you wrote before. Why wouldn't you just end your marriage first rather than allow yourself to become what your becoming. You need to respect yourself girl. Is this it then Kate, what happens when the next guy shows you interest, what happens to Jason? What do you say to someone that came here for help but seems to be self destructing before your eyes? I guess I wish you well.

Edited December 21, 2013 by aliveagain

[Scott Thomas]

Come clean to your husband (again) and divorce the poor lad. The problem is that you love yourself (and the OM) more than you love your husband.

[tiredofitall2]

I'd say that the real problem is that she is chasing butterflies. What she should have done is separated from her H and see if he could have gotten better. A 1yr separation would have been helpful Letting him decide whether to stay or leave, especially after the drunken episode where he bruised her.

 

But weeks later she is already sleeping again with his XBF. What a blow to her H.

 

Obviously. the R has no future. J knows she is capable of cheating and will likely do it again, especially when the magic and butterflies disappear. Not to mention the heavy toll of the double betrayal......

What an awful story.

[dreamingoftigers]

Seriously,

 

This is so daft.

 

You "felt whole"?

 

Well, don't become accustomed to it. You and buddy over there have serious emotional issues. Plus you have very low convictions. This will end poorly and quickly or be dysfunctional abd just drag on and on.

 

He won't fill the pain you are feeling for very long and then the crash will be that much worse. Unless you realize that this was a temporary boost and an exit affair. Then start looking into why you needed an Exit A to leave a marriage.

[stillafool]

Kate it was very wrong of your husband to put his hands on you in a violent way. It's good you are divorcing him. I'm sorry but I don't see you as a victim in this at all. You were attracted to Jason as he was to you and that's why you cheated. Please stop blaming it on the alcohol. He didn't take advantage of you in any way. No, you shouldn't get involved with Jason but you will and already have. If you were really sorry about what happened between you and Jason, felt you made an alcohol mistake and now wants to improve your life, you would walk away from all of this. Instead, you feel you are falling in love with Jason. Really? You can lie to us but please stop lying to yourself. You've wanted him for quite some time.

[curiousGeorge2]

op, it seems that your marriage just hit a rough patch, and you got drunk and slept with someone else for one night. Big crime, hum?

 

Sorry I will disagree with the majority here. What will be archived if you tell your h? To share with him the guilty (no, please don't do that.)? To ask for forgiveness (he won't no matter how generous he is)? to ask him to divorce you (then why not divorce him instead)?

[dreamingoftigers]

op, it seems that your marriage just hit a rough patch, and you got drunk and slept with someone else for one night. Big crime, hum?

 

Sorry I will disagree with the majority here. What will be archived if you tell your h? To share with him the guilty (no, please don't do that.)? To ask for forgiveness (he won't no matter how generous he is)? to ask him to divorce you (then why not divorce him instead)?

 

Someone didn't read the whole thread........

 

Kate, I wish I could shake you awake right now because you are doing the naive high-school girl "but we're in lurrrvvve" thing.

 

Also known as "soulmates" "the one" "he knows how to make me happy and he just needs someone to help him feel better." (When really, while you are feeling "whole" he is only really feeling "hole"; as in yours, from the inside).

 

Right now it feels like you care about each other with no expectation. But you both have the mother-of-all-expectations. You are going to be expecting him to help you feel better since you bombed out a marriage for him, and he's going to expect you to let him be free to do whatever he wants because he's already shown you that he's "fun" and "does whatever he wants" no matter how destructive to anyone else.

 

Escaping the pain from the miscarriage and marriage won't make it any less, in fact it will hit harder when the "high" of Jason, whom you already know to be unstable wears off.

 

Wake up, it's bad, experience the grief and pain. Don't make it worse. Don't give yourself more to grieve by adding this unstable element on top of it.

[peruano99]

I have a feeling Kate will divorce her husband and go with Jason. I hope I am wrong about her going with Jason.

 

 

 

Well I guess I was right! ha Sorry Kate but you are a a fool and have the mind of a teenager. Grow up. Divorce your husband because he doesn't deserve such a insecure woman like you. Be with your knight in shining armor Jason who only wants you for what's between your legs.

 

I also think mods should lock this thread because Kate clearly isn't interested in changing her ways.

Edited December 22, 2013 by peruano99

[tiredofitall2]

Well I guess I was right! ha Sorry Kate but you are a a fool and have the mind of a teenager. Grow up. Divorce your husband because he doesn't deserve such a insecure woman like you. Be with your knight in shining armor Jason who only wants you for what's between your legs.

 

I also think mods should lock this thread because Kate clearly isn't interested in changing her ways.

 

Of course, affairs are only about selfishness. I know I did it. Hopefully she will wake up in time. Going with Jason will only further hurt her H. It's such a cruel thing to do.

[Oldspiceywolf]

I've read all of Kates posts.

If whAt she has written is really all the truth to her recollection then let her live her life.

I think what Ben did after her miscarriage was deplorable. He didn't support his wife at her lowest time. I understand what happened happened to him as well but that's no excuse to be so unsupportive and distant. He wanted out as soon as the miscarriage happened.

 

Kate, the Jason thing was wrong! Hooking up with him after the physical confrontation with Ben was revenge even if you now want to cop to feelings for Jason.

 

If you think that you have real feelings for Jason an want a shot at something real I would advise limited contact until this marriage with Ben is in the rearguard mirror. If you don't, eventually you will look at Jason as someone who preyed upon you when you weren't feeling strong.

 

Figure out what you want and stop just doing what makes you feel better now and you will get to a healthy place faster. Unfortunately for most of us, when we feel like crap willpower is the first part of ourselves we abandon.

 

Good luck Kate and please don't drag Jason though the mud as a rebound guy then blow him off. That ain't cool!

 

Jason is a little pathetic. This sad can't have my best friends girl routine is what they write movies about but in real life this guy is a disgusting creep, when I was that dude I was also a pathetic creep even though I never said or acted on it. It's just gross.

 

I hope this all works out for OP

[peruano99]

Yeah I think Kate should just solve this problem by herself. People gave her a lot of advice about not speaking to Jason. Kate didn't listen to any advice, contacted Jason, had sex with him, and basically wasted the time of the people who were trying to help her.

 

 

The only thing Kate needs to do now is to divorce her husband.

Edited December 22, 2013 by peruano99

[samsungxoxo]

Honestly, I think ever since her husband bruised her that gave her more of an excuse to cheat once again and from the looks of it, her level of remorse has dropped and isn't as much as before (frankly, I would feel the same way too if I got hit). At this point, she should already file for divorce and tell her husband to seek individual anger management class.

Edited December 22, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[samsungxoxo]

Well I guess I was right! ha Sorry Kate but you are a a fool and have the mind of a teenager. Grow up. Divorce your husband because he doesn't deserve such a insecure woman like you. Be with your knight in shining armor Jason who only wants you for what's between your legs.

 

I also think mods should lock this thread because Kate clearly isn't interested in changing her ways.

She doesn't deserve a man that puts his hands on her in a violent way and bruises her either. Staying with a cheater and working it out doesn't include getting assaulted. None deserved each other. I got very little sympathy for the husband at this point.

[peruano99]

Hey you're Peruvian too.

[manticore]

I tried my hardest to ignore the messages Jason sent me but I just couldn't. As stupid as it sounds he has been really kind and understanding, again Infelt like I could be normal. We spent the night together and I felt whole. I can't stop thinking about him, I think I am falling for him, as awful as that is.

 

kate for GOD's sake.

 

of course he is understanding, he is the only one winning in this situation, he didn't lost a child like your husband, his life partner did betray him, and he had sex, is really easy to be all sugary and supporting if you are having just benefits and no pain.

 

he is a fuc*ing bastard and you are falling in a dangerous game.