if you've been broken up with / broken hearted

[Emma1234]

This is brilliant. I'm at the stage where I'll have a few brilliant days and not know what I ever saw in him but then a bad day that pulls me down. I now know what to do on my bad day. Get the hell out of bed and do something that I want to do!!

 

It has been 3 months 3 weeks post break up and no contact for about a month and a half (apart from one tiny hardly worth considering bread crumb from him) but no contact on social sites for 6 days. I haven't blocked him just hidden him and implemented self control but do you think it's necessary to block every part of him from your life so that you can completely move on and focus on your own life?

Thank you, Emma.

[barky2]

This is brilliant. I'm at the stage where I'll have a few brilliant days and not know what I ever saw in him but then a bad day that pulls me down. I now know what to do on my bad day. Get the hell out of bed and do something that I want to do!!

 

It has been 3 months 3 weeks post break up and no contact for about a month and a half (apart from one tiny hardly worth considering bread crumb from him) but no contact on social sites for 6 days. I haven't blocked him just hidden him and implemented self control but do you think it's necessary to block every part of him from your life so that you can completely move on and focus on your own life?

Thank you, Emma.

 

Yes. Yes I do think its necessary.

 

You haven't gone nc yet.

 

That's like saying you have one foot in the pool but haven't jumped in yet.

 

You know the water will be OK, but you need to get in.

 

Get it?

 

You need to completely focus everything in you, on you.

 

That's the only way ull make progress.

 

Dive in the water is fine I promise.

 

 

Barky

[barky2]

In my case, I cant see him coming back cause there is nothing to appologize for. I said some bad things, said my sincere apologies, and expressed how much I care about him and miss him. The only thing he may say sorry for was for walking away after our first fight and not giving me a second chance. But honestly, cant see that happen cause in the end, it was ME who messed it all up.

 

 

Kimmie. Your carrying a lot of guilt around that you need to rid yourself of.

 

Come to terms with it, its over, focus on bettering yourself.

 

I think you have a good idea what you did wrong, and change only comes from within.

 

 

Barky

[lovesucks76]

Barky, thanks. You seem to have some of the best advice here.

 

We broke up 3 weeks ago because we had a big fight over her cautious approach to the relationship. She's very busy and so am I but I made an effort to find time for us and so did she until the last month we were together. I wanted to be a priority. She said she loved me and never felt like this before but was scared....she's a control freak and very independent. She lives alone with her dog and has a high pressure job and also her family needs her help constantly and she feels overwhelmed at times.

 

Anyway, during the fight she got upset and tried to change the subject since we were at a restaurant. I got mad and said ' enough" she asked to be frends at least because she cares for me. I said NO, I can't be friends until I stop having feelings for her. I said "I'm a big boy, I will survive but I will miss you, bye" She was pissed and stormed out an so did I. We both got into our cars and left without a word.

 

3 weeks now and she has been trying to make contact. She has texted me twice in the past 3 days. Before I was the one reaching out to her a lot of times. I love her and she loves me...I know. But we both have very complicated lives and that may have something to do with it. SHe's really afraid...should I reply and text her? Should I say "let's have coffee and catch up? I know I was a big part of her life and she has been there for me during not so great times too. I was doing great until the last 2 texts...she's also been full of compliments lately. "I saw you leaving the gym, you looked amazing"...blah,blah...really torn. I want her back but am seriously afraid of getting hurt. Thanks!

[barky2]

Barky, thanks. You seem to have some of the best advice here.

 

We broke up 3 weeks ago because we had a big fight over her cautious approach to the relationship. She's very busy and so am I but I made an effort to find time for us and so did she until the last month we were together. I wanted to be a priority. She said she loved me and never felt like this before but was scared....she's a control freak and very independent. She lives alone with her dog and has a high pressure job and also her family needs her help constantly and she feels overwhelmed at times.

 

Anyway, during the fight she got upset and tried to change the subject since we were at a restaurant. I got mad and said ' enough" she asked to be frends at least because she cares for me. I said NO, I can't be friends until I stop having feelings for her. I said "I'm a big boy, I will survive but I will miss you, bye" She was pissed and stormed out an so did I. We both got into our cars and left without a word.

 

3 weeks now and she has been trying to make contact. She has texted me twice in the past 3 days. Before I was the one reaching out to her a lot of times. I love her and she loves me...I know. But we both have very complicated lives and that may have something to do with it. SHe's really afraid...should I reply and text her? Should I say "let's have coffee and catch up? I know I was a big part of her life and she has been there for me during not so great times too. I was doing great until the last 2 texts...she's also been full of compliments lately. "I saw you leaving the gym, you looked amazing"...blah,blah...really torn. I want her back but am seriously afraid of getting hurt. Thanks!

 

I would simply say, wait do not contact her...that key right now.

 

When she texts you next, as long as it isn't something that is irrevelant,

Say listen, I told you I cannot be your friend. Only contact me if your serious about us working things out

 

But wait for her to text you next.

 

And if she does say yes I want to.

 

Say " well I need some space to weigh my options first, and I'll be in touch"

 

Believe me, you'll find out within the next week if she's serious.

 

Because she will be blowing up your phone.

 

When they want you back they will move a mountain.

 

If she doesn't move a mountain, she's contacting you, for herself and nothing about you. Stay strong...maintain nc.

 

Your story is a prime example you walk away with your head held high, go nc.

 

 

Barky

[Emma1234]

I DID IT!! I finally blocked him. Wow, weight lifted. I just feel scared he's going to think I'm petty and not over him!?

 

But I suppose it doesn't matter what he thinks.

[barky2]

I DID IT!! I finally blocked him. Wow, weight lifted. I just feel scared he's going to think I'm petty and not over him!?

 

But I suppose it doesn't matter what he thinks.

 

 

Who give a crap what he thinks.

 

You did it for you.

 

It feels like you have some power now right?

 

Wait till a week from now, then tell me how much power you have...its an incredible feeling.

 

 

 

Barky

[iouaname]

So you didnt leave him be? What exactly did he say to u when he was breaking up with u? If u don't mind me asking?

 

I didn't at first. Then, when I finally did, he tried to contact me about once a week for two months. When I finally responded (and I mean, I don't know what he expected) we had a huge blowup because I was still in rough shape. Since then I have contacted him several times. Sometimes it is fine but goes no where, and other times it goes badly. I go without speaking to him for a long time and then this anxiety bubbles up inside me and I just feel the need to reach out. I just have to make the effort, once again, to stop.

 

He told me that he "didn't think this was the end of the road for us" and that he wanted me in his life forever as either a friend or a partner, but he needed time to figure it out. Turns out, he chose neither

 

Some times I wonder what would have happened if I had just left it be and gone no contact from the start.

[Kimmie80]

Your kinda in the same boat as me, meaning, we will never know what could have happened if we..... I think of the 'what ifs' everyday. That is whats holding me back from moving on. It sucks. And I know I have to stop wondering, but I can't for some reason. Still holding on that he will be back. Ugh. I am starting to actually build up some anger. Anger on why he couldnt give me another chance. Anger on how this man who I have only known for such little time can have such an impact on me. It's starting to p** me off that he has so much control over me. Guess this is one of the 5 steps of grieving. It will pass.

[barky2]

Your kinda in the same boat as me, meaning, we will never know what could have happened if we..... I think of the 'what ifs' everyday. That is whats holding me back from moving on. It sucks. And I know I have to stop wondering, but I can't for some reason. Still holding on that he will be back. Ugh. I am starting to actually build up some anger. Anger on why he couldnt give me another chance. Anger on how this man who I have only known for such little time can have such an impact on me. It's starting to p** me off that he has so much control over me. Guess this is one of the 5 steps of grieving. It will pass.

 

 

Welcome to the anger stage.

 

You will learn to love it

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[lovesucks76]

I would simply say, wait do not contact her...that key right now.

 

When she texts you next, as long as it isn't something that is irrevelant,

Say listen, I told you I cannot be your friend. Only contact me if your serious about us working things out

 

But wait for her to text you next.

 

And if she does say yes I want to.

 

Say " well I need some space to weigh my options first, and I'll be in touch"

 

Believe me, you'll find out within the next week if she's serious.

 

Because she will be blowing up your phone.

 

When they want you back they will move a mountain.

 

If she doesn't move a mountain, she's contacting you, for herself and nothing about you. Stay strong...maintain nc.

 

Your story is a prime example you walk away with your head held high, go nc.

 

 

Barky

Thanks Barky. Really appreciate you taking the time.

 

So you know, she contacted me after I had minor surgery(deviated septum) on Wed. She remembered after 3 weeks of BU and texted me with "how was surgery, hope for a speedy recovery for you. Hope you're resting well". Then 2 days after she texts "how are you?Hope you're feeling better". She also ran into me last week in the gym parking lot and came over to my car and wanted to chat, she give me a couple huge compliments and I just smiled, say thanks and drove off. I feel like ***** not responding....IS this the right approach?? She's a very reserved girl and walking over to my car knowing her is like moving a small mountain.

[barky2]

Thanks Barky. Really appreciate you taking the time.

 

So you know, she contacted me after I had minor surgery(deviated septum) on Wed. She remembered after 3 weeks of BU and texted me with "how was surgery, hope for a speedy recovery for you. Hope you're resting well". Then 2 days after she texts "how are you?Hope you're feeling better". She also ran into me last week in the gym parking lot and came over to my car and wanted to chat, she give me a couple huge compliments and I just smiled, say thanks and drove off. I feel like ***** not responding....IS this the right approach?? She's a very reserved girl and walking over to my car knowing her is like moving a small mountain.

 

 

You want to make it seem like moving a small mountain.

 

Stay reserved because if u can't already see it, whatever your doing is working.

 

Don't jump on anything until she says I want you back.

 

Its for your own good.

 

 

 

Barky

[lovesucks76]

Thanks Barky. I will follow your advice since I know you're right. Sometimes you want them to jump to the "I want you back, I screwed up" stage faster than they're willing to. It's like we want to help them get to this stage faster. In hind sight that's probably what drove them away in the first place. I do feel better about myself and more in control since the break up. If nothing else I learned a ton about me and I'm grateful for that. See, our personalities are very different. I go balls out after what I want in life. She's a lot more cautious and afraid as well as more reserved. She once said I am the "assertive' type and she's correct. I guess this assertive guy is taking a break from his assertiveness and waiting for her to make the first REAL move.

 

I know she's probably thinking "I've already tried texting him twice and talking to him, now it's his move, his turn".

 

Well, I will keep being reserved and quiet and working on me and keeping busy in the meantime. It's tough though, very tough! Yesterday I wanted to call her and say thanks! It took a lot of control not to pick up the phone.

Thanks again Barky!! I will stay the course and stay the hell away!!

Edited August 25, 2013 by lovesucks76

[mummyjonno]

I see alot of the same things being said, alot of the same questions are being asked so I want everyone to read this thread if you've just been broken up with, desire your ex back ect

 

 

 

The first question everyone asks in a huge panic WHAT CAN I DO?!

 

The very simple answer and I want you to re read this after you read it

 

NOTHING!!!

 

There is NO magical cure.

 

You have to realise this, begging and pleading won't get you anywherw...OK wait maybe it will,maybe they do come back....OUT OF GUILT AND THEY WILL BE GONE AGAIN A SHORT TIME AFTER.

 

You need to face reality, that yes, your relationship has ended.

 

Its over.

 

OK. So now we get that down....please...if you have still any doubts I want you to re read it before reading on.

 

So now, what the heck do I do?

 

You drop off the face of the earth and you COMPLETELY focus every bit of your being into making yourself happy again.

 

No one can make you happy but yourself.

 

NOONE.

 

Go to the gym, hangout with family and friend...do not sit in the house

 

You have no idea how important that is to get ur buns off the couch or out of bed.

 

The world is beautiful.

 

Every single member on here, past and present has been thru a heart break....as have I. I know the pain. I fought it for so long. Until I saw the light that everyone on Ls was screaming at me.

 

LET GO. NOTHING YOU CAN DO WILL CHANGE THE SITUATION RIGHT NOW.

 

OK so pressing on.

 

Undoubtedly you've begged and pleaded and it didn't work.

 

Duh. Stop now. Pick up ur balls or boobs and face the demons fighting and haunting you....get mad! Go look in the mirror and say bring it on! Scream!! Cry!! Let it out!!!

 

So what happens if you've been dumped, they start seeing someone ect.

 

Big freakin deal.

 

Wait what?

 

Yea who gives a crap.

 

Sex is just that sex. They don't have a emotional bond like you guys who.

 

My ex came back, that was the first thing she said, it was better with you because we made love...just didn't knock skins.

 

Now I'm not saying to do what I did, ( I went out and got some the min I found out she was with someone just so i in my crazy head figured wed be even) but it did help later down the road.

 

You have to realise something, what they are now getting is the physical fun part of the relationship....they are missing the emotional aide that you've always provided.

 

The inevitable BREACRUMB.

 

HI how are you I miss u I love you blah blah blah SHUT IT.

 

Do not respond...its so critical you do not give them a damn inch on this.

 

Most people ask how long do rebounds last.

 

One person gave me the best answer..." could be the first burp or fart ...or 100years".

 

Don't sit down and wait on it, it could last forever.

 

My rebound lasted a month while my ex pulled nc on me...it drove me nuts. I realized who I really loved.

 

My (ex's) rebound lasted 3 months...BC I begged and sat around, she admitted to me if I left her alone she would have come back sooner.

 

You guys, you need to LEAVE THEM ALONE AND FOCUS ON YOURSELF.

 

I ONLY GOT MINE BACK AFTER LETTING GO, LEAVING IT TO A HIGHER POWER , GOT MYSELF HAPPY AGAIN.

 

Exs know when your pulling away, even when you haven't talked to them in a long time. They feel it. The MINUTE I walked out of a bar with my buddies and was truly happy, the minute I got in my car my phone rang....it HAPPENS like that.

 

So now...I want you to trust and believe me....the ONLY way to get them back is to leave them the hell alone, get out of your depression , get back that confident person they fell inlove with.

 

God someone should buy my ebook.

 

All kidding aside tho...that's the trick.

 

And you know what? Even if they don't come back, you are so close to healed ...someone you don't even know, you will love them just as much or MORE than your ex.

 

Don't worry....they always come back. But when?

 

Could be years man, so do what you want...but I sure as hell didn't wait.

 

 

 

 

The reason I posted this, is because I came back after awhile, to pay it forward to people who helped me when I was down.

 

But it seems like I'm saying the same thing over and over again.

Threads after thread.

 

LET THEM GO AND GET YOUR HAPPY SELF BACK.

 

ONE SIZE FITS ALL. DO NOT CONTACT THEM!

 

WHEN THEY ARE READY THEY WILL CONTACT YOU.

 

NOTHING IS SEXY ABOUT YOUR PHONE BLOWING UP AND NEEDYNESS. NOTHING.

 

 

In closing, I want you to take a deep breath, everything will be fine. I give you my word, from the bottom of my heart...you will be OK.

 

Go for a walk. Start a thread. Help out other members....LEAVE THEM ALONE!!! THEY WANT YOU GONE? GOOD BITE ME, YOU GOT YOUR WISH.

 

 

Thank you to everyone who's ever helped me here, and when people reply to your posts, don't take offense to it. They really are trying to help.

 

" THIS TOO SHALL PASS" I have it tattoo'd on me for a reason.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

 

Thank you for this!! after being dumped by my fiance today and finding out he's already set up an account for a dating site is killing me.

 

I am realising nothing I can do in the present time is going to help this. The only thing I can do currently is work on me. Make me the main priority and god damn it i deserve to be happy.

 

Who in the hell would want to be with someone who doesn't feel they are good enough so leave with silly excuses.

 

Maybe one day he will realise what he lost, maybe he won't. But I know I deserve to be happy!

 

This just renewed that faith in me

[barky2]

We all deserve to be happy

 

And you will

 

I guarantee it

 

Barky

[malin819]

Guys please listen to Barky!!

 

He is right...my ex broken up with me on the 17/08/2013. She txted me a few days after and I responded. Big mistake on my part since I had hopes that were just destroyed.

 

This weekend I decided to go out with friends and had 2 dates. I enjoyed myself and seeing that other people like YOU and want to spend time with you helps the healing process

 

and guess what??? We'll my ex txted me yesterday saying Hey..how are you doing?

 

At first I wanted to respond but after 15 minutes I deleted the txt without a reply. They will send breadcrumbs but I'm not responding till her intentions are clear

 

Now I have an appointment for an haircut with her aunt tonight and I know she stalked both of our facebook confirming that. If I arrived there and I see her car I will just cancel the appointment. No point in opening the wound again

 

I do know she is having remorse but before the weekend I woulda taken her back in a breath but now its different. Go out and have fun..you'll see what you've been missing on

[Soat]

Guys please listen to Barky!!

 

He is right...my ex broken up with me on the 17/08/2013. She txted me a few days after and I responded. Big mistake on my part since I had hopes that were just destroyed.

 

This weekend I decided to go out with friends and had 2 dates. I enjoyed myself and seeing that other people like YOU and want to spend time with you helps the healing process

 

and guess what??? We'll my ex txted me yesterday saying Hey..how are you doing?

 

At first I wanted to respond but after 15 minutes I deleted the txt without a reply. They will send breadcrumbs but I'm not responding till her intentions are clear

 

Now I have an appointment for an haircut with her aunt tonight and I know she stalked both of our facebook confirming that. If I arrived there and I see her car I will just cancel the appointment. No point in opening the wound again

 

I do know she is having remorse but before the weekend I woulda taken her back in a breath but now its different. Go out and have fun..you'll see what you've been missing on

 

Good for you. Suggest you cancel the haircut appointment and go get a new barber.

[malin819]

no worries this will be my last time there. I don't like cancelling appointment since she will lose an hour but if my ex is there its bye bye

[malin819]

So I went for my haircut...

 

She stormed in right in the middle of it and said a quick hi. When I was done, I decided to leave by the front door but she came back thought the back door and said HE DOESNT ANWSER MY TXT AND SEE MY FAMILY. Her aunt told her he is a client thats it thats all.

 

Then I got a txt saying are you retarted you come see my family and can't even talk to me

 

I replied: Why are you contacting me and try to be where I am? If you are worried, worry about yourself please!

 

Felt good to know that she is going crazy after dumping me

[Soat]

So I went for my haircut...

 

She stormed in right in the middle of it and said a quick hi. When I was done, I decided to leave by the front door but she came back thought the back door and said HE DOESNT ANWSER MY TXT AND SEE MY FAMILY. Her aunt told her he is a client thats it thats all.

 

Then I got a txt saying are you retarted you come see my family and can't even talk to me

 

I replied: Why are you contacting me and try to be where I am? If you are worried, worry about yourself please!

 

Felt good to know that she is going crazy after dumping me

 

Uh I told you this would happen. The fact you kept the appointment subconsciously means you wanted this exchange to happen... just saying. Get a new haircutter as you're using this to extend the relationship in this current form.

[barky2]

Yes.

 

2 huge mistakes.

 

One. Going there

 

Two. Responding and letting her know she has control over you and getting you mad.

 

 

Dude stop..everything....now.

 

Stoppppppppppp.

 

You knew what you were doing, we knew it.

 

Can't say I haven't done something similar, it blew up in my face aswel.

 

Hense why I was trying to stop you.

 

No freaking contact.

 

Repeat after me....no contact. NADA.

 

 

 

*internet back hand*

 

 

Barky

[malin819]

thanks Barky

 

I got that smack right in the freaking face haha

[barky2]

Good, my hand hurts.

 

 

 

Barky

[lovesucks76]

Just got my 3rd text in 5 days from my ex. She said "how are you? Just wanted to give you a heads up about our gym class, it starts sep 9th now." Is this a other freaking breadcrumb?? All these breadcrumbs tend to keep the hope alive. I don't need hope. I just want to move on now. Sick of it all.... So freaking frustrated! Why is messing with my head?? Either say "I'm sorry" or leave me the hell alone. That's really what I want to say on my reply!! Damn!

[reddragon588]

I didn't know where else to post this... But I think I may finally be at the point where I'm ready to move on and give up on feeling sad or connected to her. I deleted her on social media, and she sent me bitchy messages about it, and I stupidly responded, and she hasn't responded to me. At first that was bothering me but now I realize, what does that matter? It's over. We have no connection to each other left, with social media ties severed, that was the last connection. I can move on now... I'm not sure if this feeling is permanent, as I've gotten close to this point temporarily before, but I feel like I may finally be breaking through to the other side..