Why is it that only "female" friends cause jealousy?

[serial muse]

It's not like she's being controlling or unreasonable. She hasn't tried to stop them from hanging out, hasn't complained or anything, she obviously WANTS to try to trust him and let him have his time, but she simply cannot help it that she feels uncomfortable about this. She calls him up and tries to be casual just to ease her anxiety. I think she's being astonishingly reasonable about this whole situation.

 

I agree. The OP is making a mountain out of a molehill, and people are jumping into the fray suggesting that his GF is somehow limiting his freedom and dictating his movements to him. Obviously, that is the exact opposite of what has happened. She hasn't asked him to do a damn thing, let alone insisted on anything or offered an ultimatum. I think it's very odd for the OP to continue to insist that his GF approach him, when he is obviously the one who feels that something must be done. That makes it incumbent upon him, not her, to take action and have the conversation. It's just weird to insist that she has to do it. Makes no logical sense.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

What's the difference between same sex vs. opposite sex (hetero, or appropriate variance)

 

There is an expectation of appropriate boundaries in all committed relationships. Boundaries can differ based on the maturity and intention of the relationship (casual vs serious); open vs. monogamous; friend vs. romantic.

 

Boundaries are there to allow the primary relationship to thrive with trust. Trust is earned, every day through actions.

 

Any close relationship (same sex or not) has the potential to interfere with the investment of the primary one. Same can be said for hobbies, drugs, jobs, etc. so in many cases there is no difference between them.

 

The key is usually contributing factors. Eg someone same sex who likes to go to strip shows all the time could be a contributing factor to a negative feeling of that relationship.

 

Often, people make choices to limit friendships that have a negative impact on their relationship for these reasons.

 

Also, the belief that the investment in a relationship that exceeds the primary, makes the primary person feel less important, or undervalued.

 

Or if behaviors become suspicious in some way.

 

All of these could be either sex.

 

Most committed relationships create some kind of limited relationship with opposite sex to avoid the stress on the primary relationship and to limit the potential of being unfaithful.

 

In this specific case, OP describes his relationship with his best friend, as being more important (because he will not give up or limit that friendship, without a valid reason, but will also accept no reasons as valid) even though he suspects jealousy and impact to the relationship due to this friendship. In fact, one thing I noticed upon re-reading his comments is that he is angry that she is bothering him and disturbing his date with the girl.

 

This won't be enough for OP because he doesn't want to resolve it. He really wants an excuse to break up with her. I don't think he needs an excuse.

 

 

 

Should OP bring up potential jealousy or wait to see if SO brings it up.

 

Mature relationships deal with issues. Caring relationship partners care about each others happiness, comfort, discomfort (jealousy) and want to solve problems.

 

Those that don't. Don't.

 

Choose your own adventure.

[xxoo]

From the perspective of the friend, when a male friend of mine gets a new girlfriend, I bend over backward to make her comfy and take her side over his for all sorts of minor things to get her to see me as a comrade--not competition. I do that because I want my friends to be happy and have successful relationships, and I want to be part of their lives for the long run. So the female friend has some power to make or break things, too.

[youngnlove89]

I can't help but suspect that most of the posters on this thread would do a 180 on their positions if the genders were reversed.... Just call it a hunch.

I also can't help but suspect this is a wind up.

 

In the event that it isn't. Including your GF in earlier outings then excluding her completely.... I can't imagine any reason that would make anyone uncomfortable. And you banged this chick but don't think that your GF has picked up on any vibe between you two.....

 

Sometimes I wish this site had a "dislike" button...

[TheGuard13]

She's not jealous (she might be, but her actions don't bear this out). She's insecure.

 

Here's the thing...it's not his job to leave this relationship, unless it is her insecurity that he cannot stand. That's not the case here. The issue is that SHE is insecure. Ergo it is her issue, and she really should be the one going to him with it in this case, in a mature, honest and open relationship.

 

I am considering her feelings, but I want her to come talk to me about her feelings instead of hiding them.

 

This is fair, but she's not going to do that. She may not be good with communication, or she may just be afraid to bring it up. She wants you to bring it up which is why she's dancing around it. So, since you've been so "mysterious" thus far, be a decent, compassionate person and go to her and talk to her about what you've noticed and ask if her if she wants to talk about it, or if she needs reassurance, etc. If she can't handle a mature discussion about it, and that's what you want, then dump her for being insecure if you can't handle it.

[phineas]

ok, i couldn't read past the first page of this train-wreck.

 

Dude, you are trying to have your cake & eat it too.

But, the good news is you have found a really dumb woman that will put up with your crap so good for you.

[Els]

You're throwing out a strawman here, OP. This isn't about you 'having a female friend', at all. This is about boundaries.

 

Let's put it this way, OP (and the guys supporting him). You would be perfectly fine with your gf having a male ex whom she hangs out with at his place 1-2 times every week, and you aren't invited?

 

If that genuinely is true, then you are welcome to seek a gf who has similar views. I can assure you that people (both men and women) who would be okay with that are in the vast minority, though. I'm not even speaking from the 'men and women can't be friends' perspective here. I do have male friends, but the bf is always welcome to attend whenever we hang out, which ISN'T 1-2 times a week and ISN'T at each others' apartments. And vice versa.

Edited August 17, 2013 by Elswyth

[TB Rhine]

I lean toward the last poster's views on this topic, but I have to wonder - if positions were reversed, and it were the guy complaining about his girlfriend hanging out with an ex, would we be telling him to lay down the law? Encouraging him to let his girlfriend know that her behavior is 'not appropriate?' Again, I'm torn, because I don't blame the girl for being insecure; I also think there may be a bit of a double standard at play here, though.

 

My personal view is that cheating isn't just something 'bad' or 'weak' people do; anyone can make a mistake, and anyone can succumb to temptation, or have a moment where their values or ethics or whatever end up failing them. So part of being a responsible partner, male or female, is not going out of your way to put yourself in situations where you could be compromised (and probably a lot more easily than you think).

 

People with a drug or alcohol problem shouldn't be hanging around with folks who drink or use recreational drugs, because as strong as their resolve to quit may be, they're putting themselves in a (needless) situation where that resolve could easily fail them. Put another way - it's like telling people not to go wandering in a bad part of town at night. If they get mugged or whatever, it's not their fault, but they're probably still better off just not taking the risk.

Edited August 17, 2013 by TB Rhine

[serial muse]

The issue is that SHE is insecure. Ergo it is her issue, and she really should be the one going to him with it in this case, in a mature, honest and open relationship.

 

But...no. The issue is that he doesn't like her calling him when he's out with this other girl. Everything else (she's insecure, she's jealous, whatever) is speculation, since he hasn't actually talked with her. Ergo it is his issue. So, since he's the one with the problem (as posted here), he really should be the one going to her with that. He isn't. Why? Still don't get it. I only agree with you that it's not a mature, honest and open relationship. But I disagree about the source of the problem here.

Edited August 17, 2013 by serial muse

[kaylan]

This is such a stupid thread.

 

OP, would you be ok with your girlfriend hanging out one on one with a guy a lot? Would you like the idea of her keeping you in the dark about friends she screwed in the past?

 

I for one wouldnt put up with your behavior if I was dating a girl who acted like you. I dont tolerate chicks hanging around their exes and past hook ups. Nor do I tolerate the disrespect that is spending so much one on one time with other men. And Im your age btw (26)...and many of my contemporaries feel the same way, male or female.

 

Its just shady to be spending so much time one on one with someone of the opposite sex while youre in a relationship. Id never do that to a girlfriend and have her worrying about stuff. And I especially wouldnt be hanging out so much with a past hookup.

 

Your girlfriend has every right to worry, because Ive seen how this ends before. And its clear you guys wont last, especially since youre trying to throw all this blame on her without even trying to empathize with her.

 

Let her go. Youre selfish, and dont see eye to eye on the issue of exes and past hookups. You know what a good mate does when they see that their partner is bothered by something? THEY ASK THEM WHATS WRONG AND TRY TO MAKE THINGS BETTER. They DONT do what youre doing and keep hush about it and try to force them to speak up.

 

Grow up kid. This relationship will fail in all likelihood and hopefully youll learn from your mistakes.

 

PS - the only guys Ive known who made a big stink about their gfs contacting them when they were out with other women, were guys who either were cheating, thinking of cheating, or ended up cheating.

Edited August 17, 2013 by kaylan

[New User]

Sometimes I wish this site had a "dislike" button...

 

 

My, what a productive contribution to the thread. Nobody cares what flits through your mind when you throw a penny into the wishing well.

[Summerslam]

I talked to her, & I guess I owe everybody here an apology, she did know that we slept together in the past & I was saying that she could not possibly know.

 

After I told her that, I told her that I did not tell her about my past with my friend because we agreed not to harp on the past, the conversation was over & we moved on to talk about other things, I have mentioned previously in this thread that me telling her would be irrelevant, & I was right.

 

I did not talk to her about the jealousy issue though, I'm still trying to figure out if I should talk to her about it or not, I'm hoping she brings it up herself.

[kaylan]

I talked to her, & I guess I owe everybody here an apology, she did know that we slept together in the past & I was saying that she could not possibly know.

 

After I told her that, I told her that I did not tell her about my past with my friend because we agreed not to harp on the past, the conversation was over & we moved on to talk about other things, I have mentioned previously in this thread that me telling her would be irrelevant, & I was right.

 

I did not talk to her about the jealousy issue though, I'm still trying to figure out if I should talk to her about it or not, I'm hoping she brings it up herself.

So she knows that you two slept together, and youre still waiting for her to bring up the inappropriateness of your relationship with that other girl.

 

If this girls smart, shes testing you to see if you give a damn about how she feels. Because if you really did, as I said before, a good boyfriend or girlfriend would bring this up themselves and tell their partner that they dont wanna keep any sort of drama in the relationship. You arent doing this, youd fail the test, and youd get dumped. Thats if this girl is smart enough like I said.

 

Why dont you take some initiative and show that you actually give a damn about how she feels by NOT disrespecting her by hanging around some chick you banged. How can you not see that youre behavior isn't cool. It shows who you value least in this situation.

[darkmoon]

do you treat her better than your female friends to reassure her? if she dumped you cuz she can not be happy/non-jealous with you, I would not blame her, you do not care if she is happy or not atmo

[PlumPrincess]

I talked to her, & I guess I owe everybody here an apology, she did know that we slept together in the past & I was saying that she could not possibly know.

 

After I told her that, I told her that I did not tell her about my past with my friend because we agreed not to harp on the past, the conversation was over & we moved on to talk about other things, I have mentioned previously in this thread that me telling her would be irrelevant, & I was right.

 

I did not talk to her about the jealousy issue though, I'm still trying to figure out if I should talk to her about it or not, I'm hoping she brings it up herself.

If you're unlucky, your friend is still interested in you and your girlfriend also picked up on that. And that might be the reason why they don't get along. I don't think it's a very unlikely story.

 

And it would be better if you were the one who initiated the conversation, because if that theory is correct, then anything you can do to make her believe that you are trustworthy and that she and your relationship come first is helpful.

Edited August 17, 2013 by PlumPrincess

[kaylan]

This is good.

 

It means she has a rational reason to be suspicious, and that means that she can be convinced she doesn't have to be.

 

Apologize to her. A lot. Even if you don't think you did anything wrong. Tell her that now she told you she knew you and her had a one time fling it all makes sense now. Tell her you guys should communicate more often.

 

Apologize for not inviting her anymore to come along, and tell her you presumed she just didn't like your friend, and that she felt obligated to go because you asked, so you tried to do her a favor by not asking her along anymore.

 

But now, now you know what's her issue with the friend, she can obviously tag along, and you hope that when she sees that the past is really dead & buried, she can relax around the friend and see that's she actually a pretty cool gal to hang with.

 

Hopefully she'll respond positivily to your apologies.

 

And for the love of God, stop hoping she'll bring it up.

Are guys on this forum serious? You really expect his girlfriend to be ok hanging out with some woman her boyfriend screwed in the past? Let alone some chick he likes to go off and hang out alone with.

 

Would you be telling a guy to hang around some dude his girlfriend used to shag? All that would do is magnify the problem imo.

 

Can OPs girlfriend be shown some respect? He needs to ease up on hanging out with this chick. And quite frankly, I wouldnt even get into a relationship with a girl who still hangs out with guys shes screwed. I dont need that potential drama.

[Summerslam]

She did bring it up, she told me that she didn't talk to me about it because she thought I was oblivious to her hints, but after I talked to her about my past with this friend, she felt more comfortable talking about it.

 

She said that she trusts that I would never cheat on her, but she feels uncomfortable because, & I quote: "she's better looking & she has more things in common with me", the "better looking" argument is completely subjective so I told I don't care what anybody looks like since I'm not a shallow person, & I told her that the "common interests" thing is overrated, I don't think its necessary to have more in common with your GF than everybody else, I have more things in common with my friends than with any girl I've ever gone out with, & it applies to everybody & not just me.

 

So she just told me to forget that she brought it up & then she left (we were in my place), I'm still not sure if that was a fight or we just resolved the issue, she didn't look angry or pissed, she was smiling & kissed me before leaving, & I'm pretty confused right now, I don't want to ignore everything or I'll look uncaring if it was a fight, & I don't want to treat it as a fight cause it would bring an issue we already resolved if it wasn't a fight.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

She did bring it up, she told me that she didn't talk to me about it because she thought I was oblivious to her hints, but after I talked to her about my past with this friend, she felt more comfortable talking about it.

 

She said that she trusts that I would never cheat on her, but she feels uncomfortable because, & I quote: "she's better looking & she has more things in common with me", the "better looking" argument is completely subjective so I told I don't care what anybody looks like since I'm not a shallow person, & I told her that the "common interests" thing is overrated, I don't think its necessary to have more in common with your GF than everybody else, I have more things in common with my friends than with any girl I've ever gone out with, & it applies to everybody & not just me.

 

So she just told me to forget that she brought it up & then she left (we were in my place), I'm still not sure if that was a fight or we just resolved the issue, she didn't look angry or pissed, she was smiling & kissed me before leaving, & I'm pretty confused right now, I don't want to ignore everything or I'll look uncaring if it was a fight, & I don't want to treat it as a fight cause it would bring an issue we already resolved if it wasn't a fight.

 

Well...she told you she was jealous. And she's been trying to be cool about it.

 

I really hope you didn't say ^^this because you basically confirmed that your friend is better looking and you have more in common, but you are such a great guy it doesn't matter to you. Not really a way to give her confidence.

 

So, everyone told you that they themselves would not be cool with what you are doing. Everyone. Your girlfriend is trying to be the coolest most flexible girl on the planet told you...she doesn't want to appear insecure and frankly, it may not be a fight , buy that was probably the only warning you are going to get.

 

what are you going to do now?

[Summerslam]

Well...she told you she was jealous. And she's been trying to be cool about it.

 

I really hope you didn't say ^^this because you basically confirmed that your friend is better looking and you have more in common, but you are such a great guy it doesn't matter to you. Not really a way to give her confidence.

 

So, everyone told you that they themselves would not be cool with what you are doing. Everyone. Your girlfriend is trying to be the coolest most flexible girl on the planet told you...she doesn't want to appear insecure and frankly, it may not be a fight , buy that was probably the only warning you are going to get.

 

what are you going to do now?

 

To me, my GF is better looking, but I'm pretty sure a neutral person would not agree with that, I didn't want to appear condescending, that's why I told her it doesn't matter to me what she looks like.

 

I don't know what I should do, bringing up the issue again AND letting it go both have unfavorable implications, I've been thinking about it for a few hours now & I still don't know what to do.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

She did bring it up, she told me that she didn't talk to me about it because she thought I was oblivious to her hints, but after I talked to her about my past with this friend, she felt more comfortable talking about it.

 

She said that she trusts that I would never cheat on her, but she feels uncomfortable because, & I quote: "she's better looking & she has more things in common with me", the "better looking" argument is completely subjective so I told I don't care what anybody looks like since I'm not a shallow person, & I told her that the "common interests" thing is overrated, I don't think its necessary to have more in common with your GF than everybody else, I have more things in common with my friends than with any girl I've ever gone out with, & it applies to everybody & not just me.

 

So she just told me to forget that she brought it up & then she left (we were in my place), I'm still not sure if that was a fight or we just resolved the issue, she didn't look angry or pissed, she was smiling & kissed me before leaving, & I'm pretty confused right now, I don't want to ignore everything or I'll look uncaring if it was a fight, & I don't want to treat it as a fight cause it would bring an issue we already resolved if it wasn't a fight.

 

So couple more things...since I am on a roll. Go back and re read my FIRST post (see not just an dumb old lady huh?) actually, without your defensive posture go back and re read all 8 pages of advice you already have. LISTEN to what people are saying, without trying to argue or be defensive. They are telling you.

 

Second. Your question about whether to bring it up is VERY telling. Not every discussion is a FIGHT. But every discussion can be important. I do not believe that you RESOLVED your girlfriends issue about hanging out with our friend. I believe she does not want to appear uncool so she dismissed it when you did not respond with caring, loving, oh my god I am so sorry type of response. She's your girlfriend, she better than us knows you value the friend more than your relationship with her.

 

She's saving face to not be any more humiliated by the situation with your better looking, "best friend" who you will not limit or change for her feelings anyway. So I warrant, she went home. Is chewing on what you said, and didn't say, and will (eventually) decide this isn't enough for her.

 

Was it a fight, no. But if you want to stay together you better bring it up, but only if you can compromise, because otherwise doesn't she deserve better?

 

Doesn't she deserve someone who wants more with her than the occasional booty call? Ok you are going to read that and be defensive, but read YOUR WORDS, she's not as pretty (but you are not superficial), you don't have as much in common(but you don't expect to be her friend too right?) so why are you together, the 1-2 times a week you spare for her?

 

You have your relationships boxed up best friend box -check, buddy's-check, sex -check.

 

Your girlfriend wants to be your FRIEND, and your girlfriend, but one of those boxes is taken.

 

What you do next is only important if you want to have this relationship last. I am not sure you do.

[Summerslam]

So couple more things...since I am on a roll. Go back and re read my FIRST post (see not just an dumb old lady huh?) actually, without your defensive posture go back and re read all 8 pages of advice you already have. LISTEN to what people are saying, without trying to argue or be defensive. They are telling you.

 

Yes, some of the things brought up by other posters were valid & I dismissed them, but I would respond to posts that refrain from attacking my character.

 

Second. Your question about whether to bring it up is VERY telling. Not every discussion is a FIGHT. But every discussion can be important. I do not believe that you RESOLVED your girlfriends issue about hanging out with our friend. I believe she does not want to appear uncool so she dismissed it when you did not respond with caring, loving, oh my god I am so sorry type of response. She's your girlfriend, she better than us knows you value the friend more than your relationship with her.

 

But I do not value my friendships over my relationship with her, why does it have to be one or the other?

 

She's saving face to not be any more humiliated by the situation with your better looking, "best friend" who you will not limit or change for her feelings anyway. So I warrant, she went home. Is chewing on what you said, and didn't say, and will (eventually) decide this isn't enough for her.

 

I don't know what exactly is humiliating here, she used the word "uncomfortable" & she didn't say she was jealous, & I assured her that looks & things in common don't matter to me, & she is more attractive to me anyway so it doesn't matter if others think my friend is more attractive than my GF.

 

Was it a fight, no. But if you want to stay together you better bring it up, but only if you can compromise, because otherwise doesn't she deserve better?

 

 

Doesn't she deserve someone who wants more with her than the occasional booty call? Ok you are going to read that and be defensive, but read YOUR WORDS, she's not as pretty (but you are not superficial), you don't have as much in common(but you don't expect to be her friend too right?) so why are you together, the 1-2 times a week you spare for her?

 

I see her everyday & not twice a week, I see the friend twice a week, & she's not just a booty call, yes we do have sex everyday but we also do a lot of other things together too.

 

You have your relationships boxed up best friend box -check, buddy's-check, sex -check.

 

Your girlfriend wants to be your FRIEND, and your girlfriend, but one of those boxes is taken.

 

What you do next is only important if you want to have this relationship last. I am not sure you do.

 

She is both a GF & a friend, we have sex & do intimate things, so she's my girlfriend, we have dinner, watch movies, go on trips..etc, so she's a friend too, just because I spend some time with this particular friend doesn't mean I ignore my GF.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Wow just wow....I am going to translate what you just said into GIRL...

 

To me, my GF is better looking, but I'm pretty sure a neutral person would not agree with that, I didn't want to appear condescending, that's why I told her it doesn't matter to me what she looks like.

 

I have been friend zoned with the hottie so I am settling for the lesser girlfriend. I mean it's clear to everyone she's not as attractive, so why bother with her feelings I mean she can just look in a mirror and tell she's uglier so why bother?

 

 

I don't know what I should do, bringing up the issue again AND letting it go both have unfavorable implications, I've been thinking about it for a few hours now & I still don't know what to do.

 

Conflict avoidant much? It's not resolved or else you would know it is. But you have never answered the question. Are you willing to make any compromises or not, cause if not, then cut her loose. If you are then ask that.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

But I do not value my friendships over my relationship with her, why does it have to be one or the other?

 

A committed relationship should be primary, and more important. The fact that it is not to you, and you want it to be equal means that you do not value it more and therefore you are not committed.

 

I don't know what exactly is humiliating here, she used the word "uncomfortable" & she didn't say she was jealous, & I assured her that looks & things in common don't matter to me, & she is more attractive to me anyway so it doesn't matter if others think my friend is more attractive than my GF.

 

I don't know what to say when you argue points like this Summer, it's not your logic here it's hers (and everyone else on this thread) and it does not need to make sense to you. But it is what it is, take it or leave it.

 

 

I see her everyday & not twice a week, I see the friend twice a week, & she's not just a booty call, yes we do have sex everyday but we also do a lot of other things together too.

 

I stand by what I am saying here. She is TRYING to tell you, but you are not listening.

 

 

She is both a GF & a friend, we have sex & do intimate things, so she's my girlfriend, we have dinner, watch movies, go on trips..etc, so she's a friend too, just because I spend some time with this particular friend doesn't mean I ignore my GF.

 

Your girlfriend wants a relationship that is ideal in her head. Where she is the most important person to her significant other.

 

You are unprepared to make that level of commitment. Right?

[Summerslam]

You're either startlingly naive or really just winding us up. The fact that you neglected to reassure her by saying at the very least that you felt she was better looking is astonishing. It doesn't matter whether neutral parties would agree with you, if you genuinely believe her to be better looking it would hardly be condescending to tell her so. You have no idea how something like that could've easily changed things for the better. Women can pick up on things like that and that you didn't comes across as you saying "Yeah babe, she's way hotter than you but I don't care about that."

 

Maybe it was a mistake not telling her that I think she's better looking, but I didn't want to look like I'm lying just to make her feel better which would make things worse, & now if I call her & tell her that I think she's better looking than my friend it would look even worse.

 

Also, you've been together a year and you still haven't figured out a way to open up a frank, open discussion with your girlfriend? That's...I don't know how to feel about this. It's pretty unbelievable. I do not believe this issue is resolved but if you don't want to stir the pot, just in case it is, wait and see if she behaves in the way she has been next time you're hanging out with your gal pal.

 

We never had any conflict, this is the first time we talked about something negative ever since a misunderstanding that happened when we weren't even exclusive.

 

I give your girlfriend oodles of credit though because despite your whinging, she really has been pretty cool about it. Her biggest crime was calling you a bit more often when you were with your friend? Ask some of the guys who have had to deal with really jealous girlfriends and see if they don't tell you to thank your lucky stars she hasn't shown up at the location you were supposed to be at or "forbade you" from seeing her anymore.

 

Yeah, maybe I'm overreacting, she's not rifling through my things or showing up when I'm out with my friend, but I would feel much better if my GF would just bring up any issues she has.

[Summerslam]

Wow just wow....I am going to translate what you just said into GIRL...

 

 

 

I have been friend zoned with the hottie so I am settling for the lesser girlfriend. I mean it's clear to everyone she's not as attractive, so why bother with her feelings I mean she can just look in a mirror and tell she's uglier so why bother?

 

Yeah, I probably screwed up here, I should have told her that I think she's more attractive.

 

Conflict avoidant much? It's not resolved or else you would know it is. But you have never answered the question. Are you willing to make any compromises or not, cause if not, then cut her loose. If you are then ask that.

 

I am willing to make compromises, but she did not tell me exactly what she wants.

 

A committed relationship should be primary, and more important. The fact that it is not to you, and you want it to be equal means that you do not value it more and therefore you are not committed.

 

I never said they're equal, I just said that I don't have to choose.

 

I don't know what to say when you argue points like this Summer, it's not your logic here it's hers (and everyone else on this thread) and it does not need to make sense to you. But it is what it is, take it or leave it.

 

I get your point.

 

I stand by what I am saying here. She is TRYING to tell you, but you are not listening.

 

I am listening, she's the one that told me to just forget it.

 

Your girlfriend wants a relationship that is ideal in her head. Where she is the most important person to her significant other.

 

You are unprepared to make that level of commitment. Right?

 

She is the most important person to me, & I told her that, its not like I'm putting her on equal grounds with everybody else.