soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou Posted August 6, 2013 Posted August 6, 2013 Previous Post #1: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/389840-i-want-do-right-time Previous Post #2: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/391728-breadcrumbs-genuine-regret Previous Post #3: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/395309-broke-nc-tried-work-things-out We got back together at the end of May. For a few days after my last post she tried to get me to see her, and I told her straight up I would NOT compete with her, and if she wanted to come back, either do so or leave because I didn't want to deal with her. So she came back. We spent all of June together, and I was doing my best to try and finish school , along with an externship. (This was in addition to working a regular job.) Her younger brother came out to visit, he and her father have moved about an hour away so I said it was fine if he came to visit, and he stayed for about a month, which was nice because it gave her someone to hang out with when I was busy with my damn obligations. Overall we were still having our dumb fights, but for the most part everything was going well. At the beginning of July, she and her brother went out to stay with their dad, and I finished up the last week of school, getting ready for an 18 day vacation 2 days after I finished. The Wednesday night before I left, I drove out to spend the night with her at her dad's place, everything was great. She was ecstatic to see me, we had a good night together. When we were going to sleep, she turned to me and said "I hate it when you get annoyed with me for what seems like so little." It surprised me, because sadly, I'm not a very observant person. I don't notice my own faults, and I've asked her before to tell me stuff like this so that I can work on it. I know I'm bad at compartmentalizing, and sometimes if someone else irritates me I'll take it out on someone else. Flaw 1: I often get mad at little things, or at people who aren't the cause of my anger. I appreciated her telling me this, and resolved to start a concerted effort to fix this. Thursday morning she and her brother came back with me to spend some more time together before I left, Friday was her birthday. I forgot I had to work evening until midnight, so I spent the day with her shopping and gave her money to finish the tattoo I bought her for Christmas. (It looked good, but one of the letters was funky, and she wanted it fixed, so I agreed I'd fix it her for her birthday. ) Saturday morning, I had to leave and get ready to travel. Travelling stresses me out BAD. I'm a good traveller, I'm just an irritable one. I found out that the night before when I was at work, waiting for her to bring me food, she was at the bar with a friend. Not an issue, except she lied to me about what she was doing. "Hey, sorry, I can't bring you anything because I'm going to the bar with so-and-so." would have been fine, except she kept making up other excuses why she couldn't. This caused, a BAD fight. She tried to sit me down and talk to me about it, but I told her I hated her, said other really nasty things, and dropped her off in a parking lot for her sister to come get her, because if I had spent a second longer with her it would have degenerated from there. Flaw 2: A lot of my problems can be solved by simply waiting a minute until a cooler head can prevail. As me and my family were driving to the airport, we texted a bit, but for the most part we didn't speak. I was headed out of the country and I knew it would be tough to talk to her, but I figured "Well it's over, so it doesn't matter." A few days into the vacation, I texted her a few times. I told her I missed her, I was sorry about what happened, and that I wanted to sit down and talk about everything when I got home before we made any final descisions. She told me she didn't know if we were through or not, but she promised she'd wait for me and talk to me about it when I got home. (Our mutual friend actually corroborated this, she told him that she had plans to figure things out with us when I got back, which makes the rest of the story even more confusing.) I was thrilled that I could try and repair things, and I took the vacation to talk to my family, really look at myself and fix my own faults so that I could be a better person, for her and for myself. She varied her responses between lukewarm and cold. I never got any affection back, but she assured me we'd talk and she simply didn't want to do it over text/facebook. I'll admit, I blew up her phone a couple times. She doesn't like that. We discussed my flaws, and plans to fix them, and but the responses I got from her indicated a desire to move through this and repair things. My sister gave me advice and told me to just leave her be, girls need space, so I stopped it. At one point she sent me this really sickeningly cute/romantic youtube video after I hadn't talked to her for a few days. Flaw 3: Sometimes, I don't know when to just shut my mouth. Throughout the trip, she was staying at her sisters with her little brother. I told her a few times that I wanted to see her the day I got home if at all possible, or the day after at the latest. I wanted to take her out and do something fun with my casino winnings. Then, the day before I'm supposed to come home, I wake up to: "I'm sorry. No amount of money can change this. You broke my heart. Like everyone says, it's better if we just go our separate ways. It'll hurt but it's better this way." When I asked her about it she responded angrily, and proceeded to attack me through text. She seemed incredibly mad, but I felt like it wasn't about us. I took my sisters advice and just ignored it and enjoyed the last of my vacation. I got home last Tuesday, landed to her sending me a picture of an ex-friend of ours. It was their mugshot, she thought it was funny. I asked her if I'd get to see her that night, and she stated she was spending time with her sister and most likely getting her tat finished. I said "That's fine, can I come with?" I hadn't come for the first one, but we had talked about me coming for the fixed one. She said no, and "I frankly don't want to see you." Over the next 2 days, I tried my hardest to see her. She never told me she specifically didn't want to see me again, but talked about how her sister didn't want anyone over when she(my ex) was done babysitting her sister's kids because it was late. Thursday at work I once again tried to make plans with her. No dice. She brought up again "Everyone thinks we should just go our separate ways." This is the part that makes me believe she herself doesn't want to do this. The problem is she's weak to peer pressure, and I believe her sister and brother, (Both of whom have never had an issue with me until the last fight), were pressuring her to leave. When I got home from work, I told her that if she really wanted me gone, I would go. I gathered up all of her things and told her I'd just drop them off and go. She stated that she couldn't see me because it would hurt too much. I retorted that I could put the bag on the sidewalk, she replied she'd be inclined to look. She said other things that I didn't understand. "You don't get it. You never will." "I'm done trying to please someone who can't be happy." (The hell? You haven't done anything to try and fix this.) There was a huge back and forth, with me trying to simply be rid of her stuff and therefore her, and her endless excuses as to why I couldn't. (My sister will get mad, I'd do it but her door is open and she's a light sleeper and will hear me opening the door.) When I threatened to throw it out, she agreed that I could drop it off the next day. The next day, I asked for a time I could drop it off. She didn't give one to me. I told her I just wanted it over with so I didn't have to deal with it anymore. She told me "I'm finally getting my life on track and I can't have a boy around distracting me. You need to go focus on yourself." This was an insult, especially as I've always been the only one trying to actually help her better herself. I got the go ahead, drove over and set the bag on the sidewalk and drove away. Minute later her brother texted me "Now stop texting my sister." Ugh. She responded to one of my texts sent before that, and I simply told her not to text me anymore. Blocked her on every possible angle I can. NC since last Friday afternoon. Haven't even thought about contacting her. I don't know why she decided against seeing and talking to me. I know there isn't any other guy in the picture, at least there wasn't from when we fought to when I left. I feel like she's letting her family dictate her life, which irritates me. I'm not saying if she doesn't pick me, she's wrong, but I want HER to tell me that herself, and she never did. She needs to cure her addiction to drama if we're ever going to have a shot. I hate that stupidity she plays. I know she wants it so that's why I left, she isn't going to get endless crap from me. I want her back. I really truly do. But I'm sick and tired of her thinking she can just come back whenever. I won't fall for her inevitable breadcrumbs. I refuse to. It's all the same damn crap. Loveshackers, please weigh in? I'm not talking to her whatsoever, but she's still in my head.
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