I want to do it right this time.

[soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou]

Hey everyone, I just found this site today and boy do I need it. I've got a long story to spin and I'm in need of advice.

 

First off, I'm 21 and about to graduate college. At my school, there are very few girls my age, mostly older women with kids and married going back to school.

 

Anyway. I met N in my senior year of high-school, in August. I saw her in my last class of the day and was instantly smitten. Within a few days, I overheard she had a boyfriend, no big deal, she's still cool. I actually worked up the confidence to say hello to her, and instead of blowing me off (because she is WAY too gorgeous for me), she strikes up a conversation and we very quickly become friends.

So, life goes on and me and her simply have small talk on occasion. However, one night in October, she calls me LATE after being out with her boyfriend. She tells me he's been arrested on warrants, and she wants to know what to do. (This guy, is a human piece of waste. A total douchebag if I ever met one. I do not hate anyone more in the world than this person.) At this point, I already have a crush on her, but I simply tell her that I cannot make that decision for her, and she needs to figure out what to do on her own. She agrees and asks if I can be her ride to school, and I comply.

Over the next couple weeks, I take her to and from school, and we talk more and more. Still nothing at all is happening. Finally, when my plane was about to take off for my vacation, I texted her admitting my feelings. When I landed, I turned on my phone....and to my infinite surprise, she said she liked me back.

When I got home, we started to hang out quite often. After weeks of us spending time together, she kissed me on the cheek while we were playing videogames together. I kissed her back, and life was good. We didn't have ANY sexual contact whatsoever, because I wanted to wait until the human feces got out of jail so she could officially break up with him. There were times when she would drink and try to sleep with me, but I wouldn't budge on that. One day, she started talking to one of her best friends, yadda yadda, they started going out, and she dropped the "Let's be friends" bomb on me, not more than 2 hours after a happy goodbye.

I attempted to stay friends with her at her request, but to me it was like a breakup. (Even though we never dated and the furthest we went was making out, I was young and VERY naive. First girl I ever "dated" that didn't live far away. >_<) So after a while, I established NC, deleted her number, and thankfully she changed it so I couldn't get in contact with her even if I wanted to.

A few weeks went by, and ******* dickhead contacts me, and wants to talk about what happened with me and N. At this point, all I knew was what she had told me, that he was abusive and cheated on her. He wanted to hang out, so I figured I'd hear his side of the story. He hooked me up with a female friend of his that ended up being a rebound, and the one time we hung out, me, the rebound, and him ended up running into her, her new boyfriend, and her dad at the mall. >_< Awkward.

Well, turns out the piece of dung is still just intolerable, so I quit being friends with him. I dump the rebound and trudge on with my life. Everything is good till around fall of the next year. I find her on facebook, we start talking, and we hang out again.

The first time we hung out again, we ended up going back to her place when her family was out and we just sat on her couch and talked for 6 hours straight about everything. She was still dating her best friend and she wanted to be friends. At this point, my feelings for her had completely faded, so I accepted.

The next couple months until June were a blur. The best friend dumped her, she went back to the total tool, they broke up, she went to another guy that she didn't like, then to another. All the while, we're closer than ever, my feelings have slowly returned, and our friendship is strong. We got to the point where she'd stay the night at my house and we'd think nothing of it. (We did not share a bed however.)

My feelings became unbearable when throughout all this, occasionally she'd get high and talk about having sex with me, or wanting to date me but being too scared. At one point when my family was out of town and my cousin was hanging out, we were playing beer pong. I seemed upset so she kissed me on the cheek and asked if I felt better. When she went outside to smoke a cigarette, I followed her and she started making out with me. She once again attempted to bring it further by putting my hands on her chest, but I refused. I would NOT have sex with her while she was intoxicated and not dating me.

Finally, after all this I asked her why I couldn't have a chance to see if I could give her a good relationship. When she couldn't give me a straight answer, I told her if I couldn't have a chance, I couldn't be her friend. She then said she'd give me a shot.

I started talking to another girl during this, L. Well, L lived a bit farther away but we hung out once. She was pretty and fun to hang around with, but we didn't date or plan on dating. At one point, L invited me and N to a party (She was previously also friends with N before I knew either of them.) so we went out there. The party was dead, and on the way back home she got a call from ******* faceman, I heard her say I love you, and as usual that set me off. She told me to drop her off at a different party, and I told her that she could go right ahead and do so, and our plans could just be washed.

She sensed something was wrong, and when we got off the highway, she turned towards my house instead of towards the party. When I asked what she was doing, she said "This might be the last time I ever get to see you." We got in the house, went downstairs, she curled up in my bed and put on her favorite movie. I looked at her, thought "Well, nothing to lose now." and kissed her. She kissed back, and the next day we were dating. This was in June of 2011.

At this point, I was still young and naive, but I was happy. I had finally gotten the girl of my dreams. (Cliche? Yes.) We dated happily for 6 months until October of 2011 when I found out she had been cheating on me with....you guessed it, ******* dickweed. (This is after he got....my previous rebound girl, pregnant. He's a wonderful piece of humanity. )

I attempted to re-establish NC, but either I would break it, or she would and I would cave. She claimed she still wanted to be with me, but the trust was shattered. We had a roller-coaster ride until January, with way too much hurt, and fighting. (The fights were BAD.) Until I walked out.

Over the next few weeks, she tried occasionally to get to me. She called me on my birthday and had her little niece say happy birthday in order to get me to call back and say hi. (This is the same niece, while we were friends and driving to the mall, loudly declared she hated N's ******* boyfriend and wanted her to date me and have curly haired children. Cute kid. xD )

Eventually, she stopped contacting me and began a hard spiral into a whole bunch of things she shouldn't have done. I offered to house sit for her mother which I should NOT have done, and got the pleasure of running into her more than once with her *******. Finally I left the house and we stopped speaking.

I was able to keep NC this time, even though she would try to get my approval by telling me she got her state ID and such, and eventually she told me she wanted to see me before she moved out of state. (I house sat for her mother when her mother travelled out to visit this guy she had been talking to for years, she was gone for a few months.) N was going with her mother to move out of state to get away from all the bad influences. (First smart choice she made in a while.) I actually told her I would see her, then a few days before our hang out, I cancelled.

After she moved away, we only re-established contact once, but then she found a different guy out there and made me a spare tire, so I cut her off again. Total tool-man got locked up and as far as I know remains there now.

A few weeks later, I'm dating this girl I don't like very much, and my other best friend comes back from college. He says he's been talking to N for a bit, and when she moves back he plans on asking her out. I tell him in no uncertain terms what I think of that, he disagrees and we stop speaking.

Finally, in September of last year, she contacted me again. "I still think about you all the time." And tried to get me to see her. I was able to resist, but one night I agreed and went over to the place she was living at to talk to her. We talked for hours again, and over the next few days, dumped the people we were with, (she never ended up dating my friend, she didn't like him.) and re-established our relationship. I felt more confident this time because I didn't need to pressure her into doing it like the first time, and she genuinely made an effort to reconnect with me.

Which brings me to now. Our relationship has been much better than last time, for sure. But the fighting, while exceedingly rare, is still too intense when it happens. A few weeks ago we had a fight and she said she was leaving me. She took all her stuff and moved out, but then we started talking and we agreed to keep seeing each other.

At first, she was busy. Then, I snapped at her a few weeks ago because I hadn't seen her. As the days have gone by, I've tried harder to see her, and all I've gotten are small words and no real effort. Whenever I mention leaving, she says something to bring me back. (She does that often.) Finally, I made every effort to see her this past weekend and she made no effort to even accommodate it. (She's never busy. She has no obligations.) She told me why she was unhappy. 1. Too intense fighting. 2. She feels like now that I have her again, I treat her like too much of a friend and not enough like a girlfriend. Of course, NONE of this she mentioned AT ALL when we were together. Not even subliminal hidden messages. I gave her an ultimatum last night, telling her if I didn't see her I'd leave. I simply got a few faces. This morning, I told her in no uncertain terms, either I'd see her after work and talk to her, or I'd leave for good and wouldn't speak to her again. As 3:00 inched closer and closer, I got a :/ face, then finally she said "I love you, but I'm not happy." "love you, but I don't believe you can change." 3:00 hit, and I told her to stay out of my life forever. (I made the mistake last time of running back every time she dangled a little carrot.) She said "I'm sorry I let you down." to which I told her to delete my number. She then said "I love you..." to which I called her a liar, and ordered her to stay out of my life, and to never contact me for any reason ever again.

 

 

She took back all of her things. I had my friend put a password block on my computer preventing me from looking at her Twitter and Instagram accounts. I've blocked her on facebook so I can't look her up. The hard part is not texting her, but I can do it.

 

 

But I still want her back. I don't want to be a pushover, but I love her.

 

/endrant

[soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou]

Figured I'd bump this, maybe get a response?

[BustedUpInside]

I am definitely not trying to be rude but it kind of seems like you guys might be addicted to the drama. You want to rescue her but once you get her away from whatever bad situation she was in, you treat her more like a friend. She doesn't want you until you start to ignore her and then she is all over you. Once you guys are involved she feels smothered and then bails. Maybe you should just try being away from her for awhile. Not in a mean way and not for revenge, but just to give each other some time and space to get your heads together.

[bitterruin]

I agree with Busted. You guys should stay away from each other for a while, you also both seem very immature, I'm not winning any prizes since I know my share of drama, but it might be wise for you to stay away, not only from her, but from the girl you're seeing and don't like very much, actually any girl at all.

It's a good idea to have your friend block you from stalking her Instagram and Twitter. I'm doing the exact thing.

When it comes to texting her, delete her number from your phone, even if you have it memorized. It'll get easier to resist the temptation of texting her the longer you go without doing it.

Edited April 30, 2013 by bitterruin

[soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou]

Oh I definitely plan on staying away from her. I actually changed her name in my phone to "Do Not Respond". My issue being that for a long time I just texted her using her number, and therefore seeing it provides a positive emotional response. When I see "Do Not Respond" pop up, at first my brain thinks "Who is this and why shouldn't I respond?" Then I remember the reasons I'm doing this and I just delete the message.

[soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou]

I don't feel any pain. I feel a sort of weight in my stomach, and I'm constantly thinking about her, but I'm not sad. If she was here, I don't know how I'd react. I do miss her terribly and I want her back. But, right now I don't hurt and I feel like I should.