Keke1 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) Keke1 and Carsen you are both extremely rude. Thank you to all who responded with empathy. Maybe this is the wrong forum to expect mature advice. I truly was looking for guidance after finding this out. If you have never had this happen to you then you don't understand. I apologize for being rude to you. I keep seeing you make excuses for his behavior. You don't need it in your life and you know it. The post I was responding to was this I forgave the first time. We were dating and living together. People think it is because I am young. I was 23 when be cheated. When he came back he was so sorry. His relationship he had he said meant nothing and made him realize what he had with me. How good it was. He proposed and I was so happy. My best friend, love of my life. We were back together less than a year when he has now cheated the 2nd time. I dont understand why someone cheats after proposing then still insists on getting married. If I give another chance you think he will cheat again?[/b] You're hoping he won't cheat again when he already has twice. The situation is bad but you don't seem to care because you're still going to marry him hoping he doesn't cheat for the 3rd time. If you have a sister or brother whatever what would you advise them to do? Honesly Edited July 29, 2013 by Keke1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 You are right. I just dont want to beleive that he would do something like this. He seems very sorry and wants to make things right. It is a very confusing time. Some people can change. Marriage is serious. Why would he still want to marry? Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 You are right. I just dont want to beleive that he would do something like this. He seems very sorry and wants to make things right. It is a very confusing time. Some people can change. Marriage is serious. Why would he still want to marry? Why would you still want to marry him is the only question that should be asked. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tinie Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 (edited) If I give another chance you think he will cheat again? Yup. Please don't marry that trashy man-whore. Throw him in the dumpster where he belongs and the garbage men can pick him up on Sunday. Don't disrespect yourself by staying. He'll cheat on you again and again because he'll know that he can just come crying with apologies and you being so good and faithful will take his sorry a$$ back. Edited July 30, 2013 by Tinie Spelling stunk the first time Link to post Share on other sites
KAOJ Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 oh honey! drop this guy. sell the house and move on now. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 You are right. I just dont want to beleive that he would do something like this. He seems very sorry and wants to make things right. It is a very confusing time. Some people can change. Marriage is serious. Why would he still want to marry? Why wouldn't he? He can have you as the stable wife and he can get action on the side too because you don't have the self-respect to move on from him. Honestly, he's playing you for a fool, but you are so scared that you would rather be his doormat than see what else is out there. Why do you have so little strength? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 I was taking his still wanting to get married as a sign he is sorry and has changed. I feel stupid for thinking this way. I didnt think a true cheater who will continue to cheat would make such a commitment. Thought he was actually sorry and regretted it. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I was taking his still wanting to get married as a sign he is sorry and has changed. I feel stupid for thinking this way. I didnt think a true cheater who will continue to cheat would make such a commitment. Thought he was actually sorry and regretted it. You're wrong on all accounts. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I was taking his still wanting to get married as a sign he is sorry and has changed. I feel stupid for thinking this way. I didnt think a true cheater who will continue to cheat would make such a commitment. Thought he was actually sorry and regretted it. No, if you marry him you're a cheater's dream-come-true. A phukk-backup. he can have more than one mistress on the go, and not commit to them either (You'll be the nasty wife at home with whom he never gets sex because you're frigid, but he'll make up some reason or another as to why he can't POSSIBLY leave you... you'll have some hold over him...financial or familial, you know....) so his mistresses will be dragged along in the drama.... Do not marry this man. Truly. He's a disaster zone. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I was taking his still wanting to get married as a sign he is sorry and has changed. I feel stupid for thinking this way. I didnt think a true cheater who will continue to cheat would make such a commitment. Thought he was actually sorry and regretted it. See the thing is Cheaters want the "dream" also. They want a spouse, family and home. They also want extra sex on the side to make life exciting for them. If you marry him you will be his sex partner, housekeeper, cook and mother of his kids. He will cheat with other women and by that time you won't want to leave him because of the kids and the lifestyle you have built. Years down the road you will look old and used because of the pain you have endured by living with a cheater. Your new looks will cause him to cheat more. Trust me I've seen this happen time and again. But, if you are intent on marrying this guy, that's your choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 There are men out there who you will love just as much as your cheating partner, and who will also love you back and who will NOT CHEAT on you.. Why stay with this man when there are men out there who you will be happier with? And you WILL Be happier with a more honourable man. You WILL be happier with a man who does NOT cheat on you. Why are you limiting yourself to a man that does not make you feel 100% loved and adored, and like you're the only woman he wants? Look, this is common logic: this man cheated and will cheat again. Why not cut your losses, feel heartbroken SHORT TERM, and then end up with a man who WILL NOT HURT YOU?! Sure, cheating can be a one time mistake. Men truly in love can sometimes stuff up and cheat. But they never repeat it. Ever. Frankly though, it is rare that men who are truly, deeply in love with a woman, will cheat on them. Most don't cheat once they are THAT in love. I do believe some men have deep character flaws. I am sure it is possible for SOME men in love to have this awful problem of cheating on their partners multiple times. But hell. WHY would you want to remain with a man that has such a BAD character flaw?! But even if this guy, by some miracle, DOES love you? He is DEEPLY, deeply flawed so as to be able to be intimate with another woman. Oops, I meant other women. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Some of us have left a cheating ex and never looked back. Even if we were really in love with them. ............................................... I did not get back together with an ex who slept with some hookers. We had 4 dogs together and lived together and we both felt that we could not breath without each other. Alas, he left and I did not take him back when he wanted that. HE did cheat, after all. I am fine now. It was the most painful thing I went through, I won't lie, you have a hard road ahead if you DO leave him. SERIOUSLY though - you WILL be OKAY if you leave. 3 months later? I am fine without my ex. There is no set time frame, however, to when you will feel good again. Just letting you know that myself and others out there, MANY women out there, have left men that we were REALLY in love with due to their deviant cheating behaviour. And we are all fine now. ................................................... You need to go through short term pain in order for long term gain. Leave now: you will be in agony for a few months. You will then go on to meet a guy, one day, who will not cheat on you. You will feel SO much more adored and loved with this lover. Don't leave: You will not have to go through any acute short term pain, but you will be destined for years of him cheating. You will not truly be happy and content with him. Your gut instinct will know that you would be so much happier with a man who does not cheat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 thank you everyone. before i knew the full truth he has been wonderful. just took me away for the weekend. it was so romantic. i just still cannot understand how he could have cheated when we are engaged and just take me away like nothing happened and be thay guy. i just had my bridal shower. was so happy. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Cheaters are prize world champions at Guilt Romance. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Look just don't act all surprised if he does it again. Good luck with your wedding seems like it doesn't matter things are still flowing from what I'm reading. Maybe he won't again but just knowing that he has twice is disgusting. I wouldn't be able to think straight around someone like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 thank you everyone. before i knew the full truth he has been wonderful. just took me away for the weekend. it was so romantic. i just still cannot understand how he could have cheated when we are engaged and just take me away like nothing happened and be thay guy. i just had my bridal shower. was so happy. Contact all your shower girls, and tell them you'd like to give the gifts back, because you can't marry him, and here's why..... I almost believe one or two of them may even tell you they suspected as much. he may even have tried it on with them..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 i do appreciate the advice but implying he tried to sleep with my friends hurts. i have enough to process. im upset. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 i think within 4 years they would have told me if he tried anything. they wouldnt keep that from me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 My neighbour's husband had been having different affairs for 7 years. When my neighbour finally kicked him out, it turns out 4 of her so-called 'best friends' had known almost all along. Don't be so sure. A lot of people will not reveal it to you because it's not their business and they don't want to make waves. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I'm not deliberately trying to hurt you. But the guy is a philanderer and a cheat. It's sadly not unusual for cheating partners to also attempt to include women friends as notches on their belt. It may not be the case; but don't be surprised if stories don't now start coming out of the woodwork.... I know you're hurt. But it really is time you got out of this man's life. He's a mess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 She is in a relationship also but wants nothing to do with my fiancé anymore. He brought her into our home. She is a lot older than me. Why would be do this. She used him for a stiff d!ck. he was just a bedwarmer and some attention and thrills for her and now that she has found a man who is half way decent she wants nothing more to do with this booty call. In other words she is giving you her leftovers. He did this because he is a cheater and he can't pass up extra poontang. He can cry and plead until his tears fill the sink but the moment some horny chick gives him the wink-wink he is going to be dropping his pants. It's just who and what he is. He may actually have some feelings for you but he is not capable of saying no. He is always going to have temptations and have chicks giving him wink-wink and he is always going to take them up on it. He is a playa' and he has no boundaries and no ethics and no character. these chicks realize that and realize he is only good for a roll in hay and some temporary attention and validation and to have someone desiring them for a few nights until they find a real man. They know he is not relationship material and not worthy as someone to be in a relationship with. you need to realize that too. You need to find a real man too just like they have. Don't take these bar sluts leftovers any more. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Contact all your shower girls, and tell them you'd like to give the gifts back, because you can't marry him, and here's why..... I almost believe one or two of them may even tell you they suspected as much. he may even have tried it on with them..... TaraMaiden is correct. It may even be worse. some of your so-called friends may have even taken him up on it. He is a playa' and playa's have a way of getting chicks into bed and a lot of time when the fog finally clears, it turns out that not only did friends know about it but some of them were actually participants. I am sorry this is happening to you but it is better to find out now before you are legally married and don't have any kids than to blindly believe his tales and find out how bad it is after you have been married for years and have small children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 30, 2013 Author Share Posted July 30, 2013 i think it would hurt less if this woman was a "bar slut" as you put it. but she wasnt. she was pretty, good job, well dressed .. just an older version of me. a couple years older than him. i know all of this has made me question his intentions with me. why did he ruin what i thought was a great relationship, the love of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Why does he do this? Seems pretty straight forward. He wants a wife and kids but doesn't want to stop sleeping with multiple women. In that sense, you're perfect for him. A wife who'll look past repeated infidelity is a cheating man's dream woman. But does the why really matter? How can you trust his promises that it won't happen again knowing that he already broke those promises once. He'll absolutely cheat on you again if you keep him around. Don't give him the chance. Yes, there's some untangling involved to get out of the relationship, but not as much as there will be after you're married and he cheats yet again. I'm not sure that anyone here is going to convince you to break up with him. You seem pretty determined to make excuses for him and for why you can't call it off. So I'll just suggest that if you're not prepared to break up with him, at a minimum, postpone the wedding indefinitely and see if he can keep his word for at least a year or two before you marry him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 You can stay with this guy, but if you do, you have no right to be mad when he cheats again. Because by staying with him, you are telling him that it's ok for him to treat you like a piece of crap. You have a chance to get out of a terrible situation with very little outside hassle (divorce, children, etc). Take it and find someone who actually respects you. But you don't seem to care about being respected. You'd rather be this guy's doormat than stand up for yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts