7 year relationship finalized by a text message?!

[Iguanna]

I read your story today and the first thing I wanted to comment on is that our grandmothers are right sometimes when they say that after a couple of years a relationship should either end or go somewhere (= marriage). 7 years is too much to just be engaged. I'm not saying a marriage solves problems but if you had been married for 5 years (after 2 years relationship) now you would have some rights as a divorced woman (or so I think). After I saw that this man is dating a 17 years old girl and the way he treated you, I agree that you dodged a bullet. I admire you for being so strong. I'm sure one day you'll find a good man and all this BS will be past. One more thing: our experiences in life are never for no reason. We become more mature and wise by them. Don't regret these 7 years, you learnt things and had experiences, that's good. I respect you for your dignity girl, good for you. His loss totally.

[RaidDolEm78]

So sorry OP! I know this thread is older but my ex of 3 years said the same thing to me...I love you but I'm not in love...

 

 

 

This scares me. I really hope there wasn't another girl in the picture in my situation because it would rip me apart! Which is another reason I'm going NC.

 

How did you cope with finding out there was another girl?!!? That would kill me!

 

I'm not going to lie, it hurt bad. It was what I've always thought was the reason behind the breakup,but I never wanted to hear it be confirmed, you know? That's the reason why I posted an update. ..for anyone who might have been in a similar situation hearing similar words....to maybe open their eyes just a little bit that this might be more of a reality than willing to admit.

I loved this man, more than I ever had in any of my relationships. The impression he gave me,I never thought it would happen to me, to us. But to look back now and see how lopsided the relationship was, how blind I was, how much of a smooth talker he really was. ...don't get me wrong,I made my mistakes. But for me to be treated this way, no one deserves that.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I'm not going to lie, it hurt bad. It was what I've always thought was the reason behind the breakup,but I never wanted to hear it be confirmed, you know? That's the reason why I posted an update. ..for anyone who might have been in a similar situation hearing similar words....to maybe open their eyes just a little bit that this might be more of a reality than willing to admit.

I loved this man, more than I ever had in any of my relationships. The impression he gave me,I never thought it would happen to me, to us. But to look back now and see how lopsided the relationship was, how blind I was, how much of a smooth talker he really was. ...don't get me wrong,I made my mistakes. But for me to be treated this way, no one deserves that.

 

No, no one deserves that! Good riddance. It still hurts, but at least you know the truth now and have more of a reason to never let him in your life again!

 

I can tell you what will happen, she is 17 years old, she is too young to know what she wants. She will end up breaking his heart and he will come crawling back to you. Please don't let him come back.

[RaidDolEm78]

I read your story today and the first thing I wanted to comment on is that our grandmothers are right sometimes when they say that after a couple of years a relationship should either end or go somewhere (= marriage). 7 years is too much to just be engaged. I'm not saying a marriage solves problems but if you had been married for 5 years (after 2 years relationship) now you would have some rights as a divorced woman (or so I think). After I saw that this man is dating a 17 years old girl and the way he treated you, I agree that you dodged a bullet. I admire you for being so strong. I'm sure one day you'll find a good man and all this BS will be past. One more thing: our experiences in life are never for no reason. We become more mature and wise by them. Don't regret these 7 years, you learnt things and had experiences, that's good. I respect you for your dignity girl, good for you. His loss totally.

 

Thank you very much. I believe in my original post I worded our time together wrong. ..we were together for seven years, engaged for almost four. Still too long of an engagement, I agree. There were certain financial situations that slowed the planning, a red flag I now see. This experience will shape me and my expectations of future relationships, so for that I am grateful. It was getting over the initial shock, which seemed to last forever because I was letting it (until I stopped that). Now this news is another little setback, but I refuse to let it define me. It reflects him as a person and his mentality.

[RaidDolEm78]

No, no one deserves that! Good riddance. It still hurts, but at least you know the truth now and have more of a reason to never let him in your life again!

 

I can tell you what will happen, she is 17 years old, she is too young to know what she wants. She will end up breaking his heart and he will come crawling back to you. Please don't let him come back.

 

I have a feeling myself that will be exactly what will happen. I don't have the intentions to let him back in my life. I couldn't trust him again. I would just be wondering if its going to happen again. Thank you for being concerned.

 

I hope your situation improves. It really does suck to be going through this when you thought you never would be. But I guess as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

I have a feeling myself that will be exactly what will happen. I don't have the intentions to let him back in my life. I couldn't trust him again. I would just be wondering if its going to happen again. Thank you for being concerned.

 

I hope your situation improves. It really does suck to be going through this when you thought you never would be. But I guess as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason.

 

You don't have the intentions now...but you might later. But I will tell you from experience that when you take back a cheater, it only gets worse and you will never be able to trust them again.

 

When he comes back, I hope you have had met someone by then because I think that's the only way you would say no to him.

 

Have you changed your number or anything?

[Mariposa10]

I have a feeling myself that will be exactly what will happen. I don't have the intentions to let him back in my life. I couldn't trust him again. I would just be wondering if its going to happen again. Thank you for being concerned.

 

I hope your situation improves. It really does suck to be going through this when you thought you never would be. But I guess as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason.

 

How can people be so stupid. How can he believe this 17 year old will stay with him?? This girl will get rid of him in a couple of years. What a stupid, stupid man. He will regret what he did to you. Karma's a bitch.

[Peanut9330]

I have a feeling myself that will be exactly what will happen. I don't have the intentions to let him back in my life. I couldn't trust him again. I would just be wondering if its going to happen again. Thank you for being concerned.

 

I hope your situation improves. It really does suck to be going through this when you thought you never would be. But I guess as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason.

 

 

This happened to me as well my ex left me for a girl who was 17 and after she turned 18 he proposed and they got married. They were married for 4 years and one day he came home and everything was gone. She left him without even saying a word she didn't leave a note and he has no idea where she went. He and I broke up about 6 years ago and now he's trying to crawl back into my life. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think of being with him. :sick::sick:

 

My ex was also in his 30's btw

[Mariposa10]

This happened to me as well my ex left me for a girl who was 17 and after she turned 18 he proposed and they got married. They were married for 4 years and one day he came home and everything was gone. She left him without even saying a word she didn't leave a note and he has no idea where she went. He and I broke up about 6 years ago and now he's trying to crawl back into my life. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think of being with him. :sick::sick:

 

My ex was also in his 30's btw

 

 

People as stupid as this man should be alone for the rest of their lives. I guess these kins of men were thinking with their little head.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

This happened to me as well my ex left me for a girl who was 17 and after she turned 18 he proposed and they got married. They were married for 4 years and one day he came home and everything was gone. She left him without even saying a word she didn't leave a note and he has no idea where she went. He and I broke up about 6 years ago and now he's trying to crawl back into my life. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think of being with him. :sick::sick:

 

My ex was also in his 30's btw

 

It is SOO OBVIOUS this will happen to the OP too. I just feel it in the center of my gut!!

[Mariposa10]

It is SOO OBVIOUS this will happen to the OP too. I just feel it in the center of my gut!!

 

 

I think by the time this happens, OP would will have had moved on completely.

 

Things like this only help you move on faster, imo.

[Peanut9330]

People as stupid as this man should be alone for the rest of their lives. I guess these kins of men were thinking with their little head.

 

 

He keeps telling me how sorry his is and how he made a huge mistake and I keep saying move on buddy there is nothing for you over here. He's tried many different tactics from pity to begging to trying to show me how much he's changed and how "great my life would be with him" all I hear is blah blah blah... We are now back to the pity stage.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

He keeps telling me how sorry his is and how he made a huge mistake and I keep saying move on buddy there is nothing for you over here. He's tried many different tactics from pity to begging to trying to show me how much he's changed and how "great my life would be with him" all I hear is blah blah blah... We are now back to the pity stage.

 

Goly. Just block that piece of scum.

[RaidDolEm78]

This happened to me as well my ex left me for a girl who was 17 and after she turned 18 he proposed and they got married. They were married for 4 years and one day he came home and everything was gone. She left him without even saying a word she didn't leave a note and he has no idea where she went. He and I broke up about 6 years ago and now he's trying to crawl back into my life. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think of being with him. :sick::sick:

 

My ex was also in his 30's btw

 

I'm expecting this...them being together, getting engaged, married, etc...I also truly believe in karma

[RaidDolEm78]

I think by the time this happens, OP would will have had moved on completely.

 

Things like this only help you move on faster, imo.

 

I agree that there is definitely motivation behind situations like these. And my silent revenge will be to improve my life to the fullest I can while he will just remain stuck. And that's not me being bitter.

[Mariposa10]

Stuff like this reminds me of the movie Juno. When the guy in his thirties ends up hitting on Juno, it was so pathetic. I loved the way she responded, wish girls her age would respond like that.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Stuff like this reminds me of the movie Juno. When the guy in his thirties ends up hitting on Juno, it was so pathetic. I loved the way she responded, wish girls her age would respond like that.

 

How did she respond?!

[Peanut9330]

Goly. Just block that piece of scum.

 

Sadly I work at a medical clinic and he calls my direct number there. He calls once a day and leaves a message if I don't answer.

 

I'm expecting this...them being together, getting engaged, married, etc...I also truly believe in karma

 

I also believe in karma I believe whatever you put out there comes right back to you and every decision you make has consequences.

 

What's really sad about your ex and mine is the fact that they are so naive to think that a relationship with such a young girl will work out.

[Mariposa10]

How did she respond?!

 

 

You haven't watch the movie? Spoiler alert

 

She just looked disgusted, and told him he should stay with his life, etc.

[RaidDolEm78]

Sadly I work at a medical clinic and he calls my direct number there. He calls once a day and leaves a message if I don't answer.

 

 

 

I also believe in karma I believe whatever you put out there comes right back to you and every decision you make has consequences.

 

What's really sad about your ex and mine is the fact that they are so naive to think that a relationship with such a young girl will work out.

 

Naive, yes...but with mine I believe that he truly has deeper issues he just won't address. ..I cant even bring myself to try to think like he is now...what do they have in common? He likes going to bars, she can't even legally do that for another four years..his poor son isn't going to come up to be with him for Christmas because of how hurt he is from all of this. When his son was with him over the summer, my ex actually told him that because he was newly in this relationship with this girl, he wouldn't be around to spend time with him! He gets him two times a year! This is how selfish he is....I feel so bad for his son

[RaidDolEm78]

You don't have the intentions now...but you might later. But I will tell you from experience that when you take back a cheater, it only gets worse and you will never be able to trust them again.

 

When he comes back, I hope you have had met someone by then because I think that's the only way you would say no to him.

 

Have you changed your number or anything?

 

You're right, I might later..... I guess I just have to keep as focused as I possibly can. I do keep a journal so rereading that helps. The phone number will be changed within the next couple of months (too long of a story to get into with that)

[Peanut9330]

Naive, yes...but with mine I believe that he truly has deeper issues he just won't address. ..I cant even bring myself to try to think like he is now...what do they have in common? He likes going to bars, she can't even legally do that for another four years..his poor son isn't going to come up to be with him for Christmas because of how hurt he is from all of this. When his son was with him over the summer, my ex actually told him that because he was newly in this relationship with this girl, he wouldn't be around to spend time with him! He gets him two times a year! This is how selfish he is....I feel so bad for his son

 

 

Well my ex also had a son whom he didn't speak or see for the 4 years that he was married, because he was so busy spending time and pleasing his new wife. He only contacted his son after she left and finally saw him how sad is that? He ditched his son for a woman who ended up ditching him.

[RaidDolEm78]

Well my ex also had a son whom he didn't speak or see for the 4 years that he was married, because he was so busy spending time and pleasing his new wife. He only contacted his son after she left and finally saw him how sad is that? He ditched his son for a woman who ended up ditching him.

 

That is just heartbreaking! I just don't get it, I really don't.

Yesterday would have been our anniversary. I was dreading that day for the past six months since the breakup. It came, I acknowledged what day it was, and it went....mentally it was actually one of my better days! So, now I know for sure I am going to be just fine. I already knew that on some level, but I guess getting through yesterday was some sort of a test I had built up for myself. ..and I passed with flying colors! I start a new job today,and am actually excited about my new future, whatever it may hold.

[Peanut9330]

That is just heartbreaking! I just don't get it, I really don't.

Yesterday would have been our anniversary. I was dreading that day for the past six months since the breakup. It came, I acknowledged what day it was, and it went....mentally it was actually one of my better days! So, now I know for sure I am going to be just fine. I already knew that on some level, but I guess getting through yesterday was some sort of a test I had built up for myself. ..and I passed with flying colors! I start a new job today,and am actually excited about my new future, whatever it may hold.

 

That's the best way to go about it just take it head on and acknowledge your feelings. I'm so glad to hear that it was a good day for you you might hit some bumps on the road but at least you have that security and self confidence back, now that you have conquered this milestone. It's a good feeling just keep on your journey and in time all wounds will heal.

 

That's great that you're starting a new job Congratulations!!!! A new and exciting beginning for you!!!

[RaidDolEm78]

Hello all! It's been a good six months at least since I've last been on. Been working hard to fix the financial mess I was in with the ex. I finally got rid of the car that was in both our names....traded it in for a brand new one So what brings me back here? I'm just re-reading my post and all of the responses for a bit of a refresher lol. Its been more than a year since the breakup. The night I got rid of my car, he had to sign paperwork. He actually texted me and suggested meeting up at the dealership and afterwards grabbing a bite to eat and catching up. A part of me truly didn't want to, but a part of me felt I deserved it after how he treated me. And guess what, he apologized....he is still with her but isn't happy. ...not a day goes by that he doesn't wonder if he jumped the gun too soon with us....etc. I told him everything that has been built up the last year, how he was selfish and how he not only did me dirty but also my son who saw him as a stepfather.....how he was a coward for breaking up with me by text after being together for so long. He couldn't even look me in the face.....he said he felt like he was holding me back. I said I hope you realize what you gave up and I really hope she is worth it and doesn't hurt you because I only wanted to see you happy.

 

We ended the night with him promising that our boys could see each other before his goes home to his mother's at the end of this month. So far, no response to the text message I sent or the voice mail I left trying to set up a date. Going right back to how he acted with the breakup. He did say the reason he ignored my texts was because he just couldn't face me. But the boys are innocent in all this. Maybe I'm just better ofc trying to set something up with his son's mother so I don't have to deal with the ex anymore.

 

It felt good to be able to say everything to him. I just felt pity for him when I was actually face to face with him.....pity that he cchooses to be with such a young girl (but she acts older than that according to him)....pity that he doesn't want better for himself. But its his life. I don't hate him, and can finally see the bullet I dodged.