7 year relationship finalized by a text message?!

[RaidDolEm78]

Today has been a very rough day for absolutely no reason. I try to change my negative thoughts, but have been struggling to do so....I was moving forward so well, I dont understand why i went backwards today with no triggers.

[Chi townD]

Today has been a very rough day for absolutely no reason. I try to change my negative thoughts, but have been struggling to do so....I was moving forward so well, I dont understand why i went backwards today with no triggers.

 

 

You're going on a rollercoaster ride and it's a real thing. It's called the rollercoaster of emotions. You're going to have a lot of ups and downs. Sorry, to say but you're just going to ride it out. But trust me, the ride does end and it gets better.

[RaidDolEm78]

I know it eventually will come to an end. I have been driving myself crazy today trying to think what the heck happened. ..I know there is more to it.....im the type of person that has to have all my eggs lined up, as the saying goes. I just cant stop my mind.

[daftpunk]

I know it eventually will come to an end. I have been driving myself crazy today trying to think what the heck happened. ..I know there is more to it.....im the type of person that has to have all my eggs lined up, as the saying goes. I just cant stop my mind.

 

Stopping your mind is a simple task compared to controlling your heart.

 

The darn thing will do as it pleases, collateral damage be damned.

[Renard99]

Depending how things work where you are I offer a little warning about splitting assets up.

 

After my ex of 7 years said to me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line and left me sat alone in an empty house as she took nearly all the furniture, I had to go about splitting everything we had in joint names. It started easy but got much much harder. More and more places need authorization from both parties before they would cancel/alter any policies/contracts.

 

I explained my situation and some said I could just get the other person to phone up independently and give authorization and then I phone back at a later date. Problem was that still required contact and it also gave the other person the power to be an idiot with the contract and alter things before you get a chance. Others, like the bank, required us to be together at the same time to sign agreements to split things.

 

Without wishing to scare you, it was a nightmare for me, especially the prolonged contact with someone who couldn't care less and was a little uncooperative because of that.

 

I only say this in order for you to prepare to be strong and potentially prepare to fight for yourself

[RaidDolEm78]

Depending how things work where you are I offer a little warning about splitting assets up.

 

After my ex of 7 years said to me "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line and left me sat alone in an empty house as she took nearly all the furniture, I had to go about splitting everything we had in joint names. It started easy but got much much harder. More and more places need authorization from both parties before they would cancel/alter any policies/contracts.

 

I explained my situation and some said I could just get the other person to phone up independently and give authorization and then I phone back at a later date. Problem was that still required contact and it also gave the other person the power to be an idiot with the contract and alter things before you get a chance. Others, like the bank, required us to be together at the same time to sign agreements to split things.

 

Without wishing to scare you, it was a nightmare for me, especially the prolonged contact with someone who couldn't care less and was a little uncooperative because of that.

 

I only say this in order for you to prepare to be strong and potentially prepare to fight for yourself

 

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. ....I know its going to be a long battle uphill getting things fully switched over, its especially telling of his (my ex) behavior currently. ....im not mentally ready to make the bigger changes yet, but im getting there....I have to be 200% in the game when I make my move, as I expect there to be retaliation, and I cant be drained with that just yet.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Thank you for sharing your personal experience. ....I know its going to be a long battle uphill getting things fully switched over, its especially telling of his (my ex) behavior currently. ....im not mentally ready to make the bigger changes yet, but im getting there....I have to be 200% in the game when I make my move, as I expect there to be retaliation, and I cant be drained with that just yet.

 

 

Hon, I think the best way to deal with this is to get a trusted friend or family member (or lawyer) to help you. You can have them work with the sister to make it happen.

 

Make a list of every account that needs to be split and the process to do so. If you need to go to the bank together, you can call ahead and get an appointment and have the bank ready with paperwork so you don't have to be with him long, and your friend will be the buffer. Tell them why

 

Then go through the list of cancellations and whatever and get it done all at once.

 

By having your friend and his sister as witnesses it should cut out the nonsense and you can go no contact by blocking the entire family after that.

 

The longer you wait, the more he will steal from you.

[RaidDolEm78]

So I was contacted tonight by my ex's family, telling me that a relative of theirs I was close to is in ICU and expected to be in hospice by Monday. .since they reached out to me, am I expected to go to the viewing/funeral?

[sdraw108]

If you were close to them then yes of course, go.

[RaidDolEm78]

If you were close to them then yes of course, go.

Thank you....I know its the right thing to do, I just dont want it to turn uncomfortable for anyone (myself included) as this will be the first time I will be seeing him and his family in two month.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Thank you....I know its the right thing to do, I just dont want it to turn uncomfortable for anyone (myself included) as this will be the first time I will be seeing him and his family in two month.

 

The visit is about the family member, not your X. No need to talk, be angry, or interact with him at all, treat him like a sales clerk, polite it disinterested. No drama. Put on a mask of indifference while you are there.

 

If he says anything to you privately, you can just say, we need to get some financial stuff resolved and split so we can both move on completely. You will be in touch as soon as you figure out what needs to happen, then he will never have to see you again.

[RaidDolEm78]

well i dont think you have no idea where all of this came from.

maybe you dont see it now or dont wan to see it.

 

because there is almost always a sign.

 

and if its a bank account from both of you why are you acting like that?

 

i think maybe it wasn't a good relationship and good enough to take it to marriage so be happy you know this more clear now and dont have to waste money on marriage and divorce.

 

i think you can meet with the sister and have a heart to heart conversation with her so she may open up bout him.

but at the other hand..........then what? he is done with you so what re you going to do with that info? humiliate yourself to get him back?

 

 

i think his behavior is childish and he just do this so he dont have to come clean about the mess that is going online.

you can go where he is and confront him.

but ask yourself what good willl it do and what after you find out????

 

or just clean up your place give his sister his stuff and move on.

because its to childish how he is acting. waste of time.

 

I agree that his behavior is very childish and that nothing good would come out of getting his sister to open up.

The whole bank account issues was while yes, it was a joint account, its purpose was for bills. I acted like that because the incident happened after two weeks of him needing space and he hadn't deposited any money during that time, so it was strictly my paycheck I was talking about him touching. That is why I behaved that way.

There very well may have been signs leading up to the breakup, I put him on such a high pedestal. Never again.

[RaidDolEm78]

It has been quite a few months since I have last been on. I needed to work on myself and quit focusing on the past. I just wanted to give a quick thank you to all who gave their wisdom and advice....and to say to those who tried to tell me but I didn't want to hear, or was too naive or whatever. ...you were right,there was another woman. Well, girl, 17 to be exact....its disgusting but whatever. I have my dignity and that is what I'm focusing on

[smuggy95]

I am so sorry! That's disgusting. How did you find out?

You have been making all the right choices and have the right mindset. I wish I can send some strong and happy thoughts to you.

You are worth so much more than that piece of scum1!!!

[RaidDolEm78]

Thank you so much smuggy! Its hard, but has gotten easier. I was a mess and all my energy was put into the wrong things, the "whys", trying to "figure him out"...I was neglecting myself. Anyway, his stepmother has been the only one on his side who has stayed in contact with me. She got me a job recently where she works and I took her out to lunch to thank her. And long story short, she filled me in. Yes he is scum and I do know I deserve better when I'm ready to date again....we are talking a 36 year old man who has a 12 year old son! So she is more than half his age and only five years older than his own son. She hasn't even graduated high school yet!

[Poppyolive]

This is sad, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I completely understand your heart, I'm there too. Except we were 5 years together. Ita amazing how little **** they can give, you'll become more and more shocked. Severe ties asap. Then deal with your lil heart. In here for you. You are welcome to add me, share, uplift & inspire one another. This too shall pass.

[Mariposa10]

Thank you so much smuggy! Its hard, but has gotten easier. I was a mess and all my energy was put into the wrong things, the "whys", trying to "figure him out"...I was neglecting myself. Anyway, his stepmother has been the only one on his side who has stayed in contact with me. She got me a job recently where she works and I took her out to lunch to thank her. And long story short, she filled me in. Yes he is scum and I do know I deserve better when I'm ready to date again....we are talking a 36 year old man who has a 12 year old son! So she is more than half his age and only five years older than his own son. She hasn't even graduated high school yet!

 

Why isn't he in jail?!!!

 

What a disgusting pig, you should be happy you dodged the bullet. Was he into little girls or something??? Did you know that?

[headinthecloud]

It sounds to me he did you a favour. He obviously has some major issues - the age difference is appalling. A 17yr old dating a 23yr old is already a huge difference, so anything else is...well...not "normal".

 

You deserve so much better. Keep moving forward. Be proud of all the progress you've made.

[RaidDolEm78]

This is sad, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I completely understand your heart, I'm there too. Except we were 5 years together. Ita amazing how little **** they can give, you'll become more and more shocked. Severe ties asap. Then deal with your lil heart. In here for you. You are welcome to add me, share, uplift & inspire one another. This too shall pass.

 

Thank you so much! I just got finished reading your story....I feel your pain, I really do. I haven't spoken to him since the beginning of november, even before i found out the truth. I don't have the urge to anymore. Now I'm working on my heart, and to make sure I do everything I can to not get into something like this ever again....listen to my gut instead of making excuses, pay attention to the red flags, etc. I tend to look for the best in people, even when they probably don't deserve it.

[RaidDolEm78]

Why isn't he in jail?!!!

 

What a disgusting pig, you should be happy you dodged the bullet. Was he into little girls or something??? Did you know that?

 

The age of consent is 16 in my state. And her mom and his mom are apparently ok with it because she lives with him at his mothers house. I never had the impression he was into little girls. I guess I should mention this is his best friends stepdaughter. About a year or so ago when his best friend got married to her mother, it came out that she had a crush on him (she was 16 at the time ). It was brushed off as her having a crush on him as a father figure and the rest is history.

[RaidDolEm78]

It sounds to me he did you a favour. He obviously has some major issues - the age difference is appalling. A 17yr old dating a 23yr old is already a huge difference, so anything else is...well...not "normal".

 

You deserve so much better. Keep moving forward. Be proud of all the progress you've made.

 

Thank you headinthecloud, its much appreciated. I refuse to forget all the hard work I've done to get where I am now. I'm going to keep moving forward until this all is a very distant memory. I'd like to get to the point where I can truly laugh at it all.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

So sorry OP! I know this thread is older but my ex of 3 years said the same thing to me...I love you but I'm not in love...

 

Right there! The "ILYBINILWY" speech is CLASSIC, text book perfect for someone that's cheating. I don't know why they ALL say this, but they do.

 

Sorry, But 9 times out of 10, when someone says this, they're cheating.

 

There's someone else in the picture and the missing money kinda solidifies it for me. I promise you that.

 

This scares me. I really hope there wasn't another girl in the picture in my situation because it would rip me apart! Which is another reason I'm going NC.

 

How did you cope with finding out there was another girl?!!? That would kill me!

[Mariposa10]

So sorry OP! I know this thread is older but my ex of 3 years said the same thing to me...I love you but I'm not in love...

 

 

 

This scares me. I really hope there wasn't another girl in the picture in my situation because it would rip me apart! Which is another reason I'm going NC.

 

How did you cope with finding out there was another girl?!!? That would kill me!

 

You can't cope with it,at the beginning of course, your self-esteem takes a huge toll. It's the worse kind of breakup you can have in my opinion, when there's someone else. This is why NC is good too.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

You can't cope with it,at the beginning of course, your self-esteem takes a huge toll. It's the worse kind of breakup you can have in my opinion, when there's someone else. This is why NC is good too.

 

Yea I've been cheated on before, and it wreaked havoc on me and my health. Took me awhile to get over it. I wish I had known about LS back then!!

 

There was nothing I could do to heal that wound, except time and NC.

[Mariposa10]

Yea I've been cheated on before, and it wreaked havoc on me and my health. Took me awhile to get over it. I wish I had known about LS back then!!

 

There was nothing I could do to heal that wound, except time and NC.

 

It also depends how much you care about that person. I once dated someone whom I only liked physically, I think he cheated on me, to this day I'm not sure. I didn't really care to be honest.

 

I wasn't really talking about cheating, but about people how wait to have someone lined up to breakup, those are huge cowards and feel pity for them!!