hidden_ua Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) hey guys and girls! my background: 1- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/374749-i-am-problem 2- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/383909-need-support-no-contact now, lets come to the point. i loved her alot but at the same time the way she was treating me, i wasn't happy and satisfied at all so i started a NC then went for 3 weeks and then she again contacted me. well, i couldn't resist and replied (WORST MISTAKE EVER ). well talking to her for 2-3 days was good but again same old crap. bad treatment etc. then what i did was i asked her that i need your time and i want to talk about something really important. well, when the time came i told her i am sorry but i have to go. i do love you but you don't so this is making things difficult for me to handle, no matter either related to you or not. i cannot focus on anything else, therefore, i have to go. she said that no one knows when we need each other so we should be friends. I SAID NO we can't be because i have serious feelings for you but you don't have anymore. she said as you wish. well then i said we'll never talk to each other so please don't ever message/call me and so wouldn't I. she agreed. then it was just tc and bye so said she. again, its been 3 weeks since i told her this for my own good but the pain is still like NEW. as if i just broke up with her an hour ago. i can't move on. is it normal and will i be ok? i have exams after a month and seriously i can't focus on them. any suggestions? i said goodbye for my own good but i ain't good at all guys. p.s: sorry for not keeping nc for long in past as most of you guys suggested. Edited July 15, 2013 by hidden_ua
MoonyCream Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 I'm sorry that you're passing through this! I know how much it can hurt. Well, I think that you should just give more time to your NC... For some people, one week of NC can bring a lot of immediately peace, but for others, it take longer. Just live through this and you won't look back. Observe your own thoughts and feelings, realizing that sooner or latter, they will start to fade, and eventually, you will be really really OK.
TaraMaiden Posted July 15, 2013 Posted July 15, 2013 (edited) I read something on the internet, a while back, that struck a chord.... Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so. After that, it's self-inflicted. A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact: That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them... They were missing the point. If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time. Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain. So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.' This is the problem with situations like this: Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there".... They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references.... The trick is to not start rolling the snowball. Pick it up and throw it, and move on. It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind. But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'. Pain is valid. Emotions are valid. They deserve to be honoured. But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty. The self inflicted pain begins when you begin to labour the point. When you diversify from the original thought and take that line of thinking into a completely new and unrelated zone. you may THINK it's all related, but it's not. For example: (totally invented and just to demonstrate....) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and she jokingly accuses you of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what she was wearing, other things she said.... Here it is again, with the original thought, and where the point starts getting laboured... (1) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and she jokingly accuses you of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, [highlight]snowballing starts here[/highlight] (2) but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what she was wearing, other things she said.... See what happened there? You began the snowballing, adding, embellishing, expanding - and feeding your own pain. Feel the feeling (1). Don't labour the point (2). Edited July 15, 2013 by TaraMaiden Wrong paste.....
Author hidden_ua Posted July 16, 2013 Author Posted July 16, 2013 thanks alot guys appreciate it alot. really going through a tough time
Author hidden_ua Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 guys, i know i am going through a difficult phase but heres something i want to share. my ex is in contact with my cousins. and i dont know why but i talk to my those cousins about my ex. not like a sad person but like she did that and that. likin things i didn't liked about my ex or couldn't say to her that i had problem with etc things of hers. its like release of anger but infront of my cousins who are in contact with her. my cousins are really trustworthy and i dont have any problem if they told this stuff to my ex. the problem is is it normal to release anger in front of them? like i am really hurted and need someone to talk to. am i doing it right?
Author hidden_ua Posted June 12, 2014 Author Posted June 12, 2014 hey all! back! 1 year of NC. she got engaged recently. shattered and broken and can't fkng sleep man. had a relationship in this 1 year but that didn't worked out (mostly because i am stuck in past). studies and grades lowered to zero. high levels of migraines and OCD. living through hell man, living through hell. just fk her!
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