hidden_ua Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Hello! I was just going through some sites to sort my problem out but didn't really found a suitable answer. therefore, I just joined this site to discuss my problem and look for some solutions but I don't know where to start from but lets give it a try. I met a girl on internet in 2004 from a public chat room. We used to talk after weeks and weeks being a random net friend but slowly we exchanged our emails and started exchanging emails and went on personal chats. As the time passed, we talked and talked and sometimes after several months. After 1 year (i.e in 2005) I asked her cellphone number and she gave me her no. (and gave mine) but told me that she wont be able to contact me via cellphone as she is a shy person, so I agreed to that keeping her comfort in mind but one day I called her which she didn't answered. Later, she messaged that I am little busy and will talk to you later (as she already had my no, therefore, she knew that it was me). Well, we talked a bit then and after that conversation we just kept on talking and talking on cellphone, both via texts and calls and the thing just went "up" and started exchanging pictures and other personal stuff. Lets say, 2006 also passed like this but at that time we were the best friends ever. One day, she asked me that why do we talk to each other? What do you want from me? Whats the point of talking? I just replied we are good friends. So she said I thought we are more that friends and then I said that yes, we are more than good friends and I really like you (which I really did and do ) and so said she. This was the time we stuck together. The time passed and we just talked and talked. Conversations on cellphone (text and call) were there along with exchanging pictures and video calls. Yes, being a long-distance relationship we started having phone sex oftentimes. As in every relation, ups and downs do come but overall it was pretty well and we both were satisfied with our relationship. But in Oct. 2008 my father was jailed which completely turned my life upside down which I hid from her for few days but she was getting upset because of my changed behavior so I just shared it. Remember, this was the time when I was completely in a shock and I changed alot because of my severe family problems, which she said that she can understand and asked me to be with my family. Well, thats what I had to do and I did. My father was out of the jail in Jan. 2009 but I wasn't the same person by then. Meanwhile, we had contact but not that much. When my father came out, we again started talking but this time I was already broken because of my family problems and financial conditions started to go bad, although, my father was out but it was still getting worse as we lost some of our businesses and obviously it would result in major financial problems. I didn't changed my self but the situation was getting so damn worse that I just started living with my family while keeping contact with gf but not much as my family was the one needing me more then. Anyways, my family problems got worse day by day and one day my gf started complaining that I don't love her anymore (which wasn't a truth at all) but I tried to be with her as well then. Even then I was with my family more than my gf. From then, things with my gf went bad. She started complaining that you don't talk to me now, you don't love me etc. but she knew everything happening at my side. We still used to talk on calls and used to have phone sex but all this resulted against me. She started saying that you are a changed person and all you need me is for sex on phone or video call and took a decision to break up and I didn't stopped her because I thought that WTF??? She thinks that I just like to have sex with her on call and I don't love her i.e NO TRUST AT ALL which broke me further. Anyways, things between me and her were over by the end of 2010. Then I promised myself that I have to be with my family and will try to control myself if sex is the thing that is making her feel bad. We hardly contacted each other in 2011 but the times we contacted I tried to make things up but all we did was fight over past. Time passed and I again called her in Oct. 2012, changing myself for her as I have always loved her and wanted to be with her but she used to say that I lie and just want sex with her but I tried to control my sexual feelings for her. Anyways, we fought for 3 months even then but I promise her on new year eve (for 2013) that I wont fight over anything. Till Oct. 2012-Dec.2012, I tried telling her we can be together and I would love to marry you so she started making excuses. I told her that I will do everything I can to make things right with you but she was like bla bla bla. 1 Jan. 2013 till today (19 Feb. 2013), we talk via texts and some times she is nice to me but at times she crosses her limits. I am the one texting her good morning and good night which she often replies. While talking about random stuff, she just can't take it, you know. She'll exchange a text or two and wont reply at all and then I have to text her to talk to. If I ask her to do something for me like calling or spending some time together she just gets angry and starts bla bla bla. I am trying to make things up to her but she is giving me mixed signals which really bothers and hurts me. I tried talking to her to sort it out and told her that the whole situation I was going through changed me and you told me to be with my family but then you started complaining but she says that what you did me was really bad and just for sex and I am a changed person now and don't want to be with you. If this is the case, then why is she talking to me like more than a normal friend even if she wants me to be a friend? Should I give her some space and time to think? What should I do people? I really love her but all she does is hurting me all the time. And yes, we were pretty young and just some students then but now, she is doing a job after her 4 year honors and I am in professional studies and still in severe family problems (as my father is again jailed from dec. 2012 regarding the case that started in in oct. 2008) but i love her and don't know what to do. Edited February 19, 2013 by hidden_ua adding some info.
amaysngrace Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 I would back way off from her. She keeps dredging up the past no matter how many times that you say you're sorry. She doesn't sound like she has an easy time with forgive and forget. Especially because your situation was beyond your control. She doesn't sound very nice.
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Question: have you two yet met in person? I didn't read that. As time goes on, you must eventually meet in an Ldr. Make arrangements(times are hard, I know.) This way you'll know how you are in the real world: face to face. Sounds like she might be growing cold/bored. Meeting might spice it up. Won't lie, your relationship is indeed dying. Ldrs require lots of communication in-order to maintain them; as well as being able to make the other person feel what you tell them: feel. Phone-sex/Skype stuff wasn't a bad idea. This forms a bond between two far-away people. However, do not think starting that as a solution. Current problem: hardly no communication as before. You are both at different points in life. Try to suggest new things: spice it up. Maybe meet in person? Then you'll know.
Author hidden_ua Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Thanks for the reply people. I'll answer your questions shortly. adding further info. (which I cant edit in my op): when i go "NO CONTACT" policy she says that "got tired so soon from waiting and wanting me?" as she says that she used to wait for me and my call and cry while I wasn't around (i.e I was with my family more).
Toddbt12y1 Posted February 19, 2013 Posted February 19, 2013 Well she wants you around and feels neglected. You need to go see her in person... It's admiralable that you want to help your family. You should. But you've done enough. Stop sacrificing your own happiness. Or lose this amazing girl...and you will one day be bitter from this.
Author hidden_ua Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 I would back way off from her. She keeps dredging up the past no matter how many times that you say you're sorry. She doesn't sound like she has an easy time with forgive and forget. Especially because your situation was beyond your control. She doesn't sound very nice. I really love her but the point is that the things I've went through wasn't my fault, as you mentioned it, but I am 22 and she is the only one I ever had feelings for. I never had a gf before or after her and she says that she is still single.
Author hidden_ua Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 Question: have you two yet met in person? I didn't read that. As time goes on, you must eventually meet in an Ldr. Make arrangements(times are hard, I know.) This way you'll know how you are in the real world: face to face. Sounds like she might be growing cold/bored. Meeting might spice it up. Won't lie, your relationship is indeed dying. Ldrs require lots of communication in-order to maintain them; as well as being able to make the other person feel what you tell them: feel. Phone-sex/Skype stuff wasn't a bad idea. This forms a bond between two far-away people. However, do not think starting that as a solution. Current problem: hardly no communication as before. You are both at different points in life. Try to suggest new things: spice it up. Maybe meet in person? Then you'll know. No, we never met and thats what even what I think is caused/causing problem and I am looking forward to it, therefore, have to make plans for it.
Author hidden_ua Posted February 19, 2013 Author Posted February 19, 2013 (edited) Well she wants you around and feels neglected. You need to go see her in person... It's admiralable that you want to help your family. You should. But you've done enough. Stop sacrificing your own happiness. Or lose this amazing girl...and you will one day be bitter from this. Thanks for the appreciation but seriously I can't leave my family like this. Its like everything is scattered and will hurt my family more if I did something like this. On the other hand, sometimes she says that she doesn't wants to be with me ateast and sometimes that I want to marry a guy my parents will choose for me. The only thing she does for what i ask for is a smile () on a text message. Beside that, its all hurting and painful. ***P.S: she says that she max has 2 years untill her parents will find someone for her to get married etc. and on the new year eve (2013) when i texted her happy new year she wished me back and said that "you made my year 2012 very special <3" (after I said that I wont fight you ever and will try to make up to you). But on valentines, I messaged her but she said valentines is for kids". My point is, sometimes I feel like she is signalling me to do something for her but then she is just like oh, you again stuff you know. SHOULD I GO FOR "NO CONTACT" POLICY OR SHOULD I TRY TO KEEP MYSELF PATIENT AND TRY? Edited February 19, 2013 by hidden_ua
Author hidden_ua Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) well I think that she just lost that *romantic spark* meanwhile I was focusing towards my family and that is why I am into all this. I am on a kind of "no contact" since yesterday. The thing is, she is not even trying to listen me. She just says that what ever you did to me was bad and was my fault. During 3 months fight (oct 2012 to dec 2012) i told her that we should give a try and if we couldn't cope up we can go our separate ways but she used to say that she was much happier without me that means the time we used to talk was the only time that was great but when things messed up even that time had no value. like how can be some one so ignorant?! What I did wan't in my hands. I tried telling her that try to understand. EVENTS in our lives change us like you changed because of an event with me. Similarly, I changed because of an event in my family (oct. 2008) but she doesn't wants to listen anything from me. Anyways, I have talked to my elder brother about the matter and he suggests that I should back off. going to meet my dad in jail and then for study to library. OFF! p.s: i am missing her and on "no contact", therefore, i thought to write something here (which makes me feel a little better) rather than contacting her and I'll prefer to write here when ever I'll feel bad or miss her. Edited February 20, 2013 by hidden_ua
Author hidden_ua Posted February 20, 2013 Author Posted February 20, 2013 (edited) update: she asked me how i am? (as i had flu and temperature yesterday) so i said i am fine and then she said ok gud take care of yourself i said ok. i guess the conversation should be ended now. NO MORE CONTACT!!! Edited February 20, 2013 by hidden_ua
Author hidden_ua Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) we were in no contact but she texted. anyways, we fought over our past Day before yesterday, she blaming me and me blaming her (although i promised not to fight and succeeded for 2 months but she keeps on provoking me by saying no matter whatever you say is a lie etc and everything is fake) then all settled down and talked about some random stuff. she said that her cellphone isn't working so she needs to get a new one. i messaged her asking about her cellphone yesterday in the morning but no reply till now so i didn't messaged her again. getting mixed signals from her. says that we shouldn't talk about past nor future. we'll see if we can get married or else bla bla. i guess she just talks to me now to make herself comfortable and hurt me and have no plans for US. Edited March 2, 2013 by hidden_ua
Recommended Posts