The past is in the past argument with sexual history in dating.

[Woggle]

OMG woggle...Yes at the end you have no choice to date people who are willing to date you, but you can still argue and enlighten people and you should if you're hoping for any positive changes, that's my whole point.

 

I don't care what people do in their personal lives as long as they don't hurt others. If a person treats all races equally and doesn't support racist policies and doesn't use their position of power to oppress others who cares who they choose to date and not date?

[Imajerk17]

As for myself personally, it matters less about a woman's past and more about how she treats me versus how she treats other guys she has been with. Sex and how sexually open she is to me versus how she was with other dudes is a huge part of it.

 

I care less about how long she makes me wait versus how long she made other guys before wait (although in the last thread, putting out first date for "scumbag Sal" versus insisting on waiting 4 months for Conservative Boyfriend is quite extreme), and more about how our sex life compares to the other guys she has dated in the past.

 

I do NOT want to be the Good Guy she settles down with (solid husband material with only moderate chemistry) after she had her fun with Bad Boy (douchebag but high chemistry). I don't want to hitch my wagon to a woman whose history suggests that she has bad boundaries. I don't want to be snickered at in my social circle as the guy "she made wait" while she was wild for other dudes in the group. I'm only trying to protect myself from being cheated on or being made to feel "less than a man".

Edited July 7, 2013 by Imajerk17

[silvermercy]

I think people ignored my post...

 

What people are doing here is called risk assessment.

Examples:

 

- I have the right to choose not to date a person who eats a lot of junk food and way too many deep fried chicken nuggets. He/she could be at risk of a heart attack in the future. I don't want to marry him and then become a widow. He may live to 110 but why take the risk if I can avoid it?

 

- I have the right to choose not to date diabetics or someone who eats a lot of candy and drinks a lot of sugary drinks. There is a risk s/he may later become a diabetic. (I don't see any diabetics up in arms because I won't date them).

 

- I choose not to date many other groups of people for various other reasons if I find them to have Risk Factors.

 

Why is it any different when it comes to people with very high numbers and LTRs then???

[IHateHypocrites]

I've seen it happen. Surely if she doesn't owe partner 92 first date sex like she had with the previous 91 a man doesn't owe a woman oral just because he did it with all of his previous partners?

 

Can't argue with that logic.

 

Personally, I'm of belief that in both cases a party is allowed to stop performing specific act, but their partner isn't obliged to stay in a relationship knowing that. If someone gives a free pass one gender, but flames the other for doing the same thing, they are hypocrites.

[Robert]

Knock off the off topic trolling and insults or expect more infractions

 

Thanks

[Divasu]

I don't know about anyone else but I do enjoy watching people make up their own rules as they go along...fluff! :laugh:

[GoodOnPaper]

So, why is "The past is the past" a common argument with sexual history when it comes to dating? Opinions on why, why not, how much, how little to divulge welcomed.

 

I think many people want to view a new relationship as a fresh start and it's easy to leave your sexual history "in the past" if there is something you think will cause adverse reactions because -- other than the rare possibilities of an ex being in your social circle or an affair that's part of a public scandal -- no one can truly know what you thought and felt with each past partner.

 

I prefer minimal information to be shared -- in my case because I'm embarrassed about how low it is. I don't know my wife's exact number -- I do know about previous R's she had that were important to her -- and I don't think she knows my number, but my sense was always that we were in the same life experience ballpark going into our relationship -- to me that is the most important thing.

[lino]

the past is in the past only for people who have a less than impressive one and that are trying to put on a good front when really they're far from the type of person they're trying to portray.

 

Never buy into that garbage. Let 'past is in the past' people all hang out with each other.

 

I have a past that I'm f*cken proud of and have no problems talking about if asked.

No seedy sh*t to hide

[Eggplant]

If a partner's person sexual past is important to a person, that's legitimate.

If you date such a person who cares about your past, you should be honest. At the same time, your past is your private business. If you do not want to reveal it, you tell the person that you will not. I think it's also reasonable for somebody to want to wait to reveal personal or sensitive or embarrassing information until a bit of trust has been established. The person inquiring also has the right to cut off a relationship with somebody for not wanting to reveal the past in favor of somebody who will.

None of the above is a matter of right or wrong, but of preferences. Lying is wrong. Also, denigrating a person's worth as a human being outside of relationship considerations for their personal choices that they have a right to make is wrong.

Edited July 8, 2013 by Eggplant

[DarrenK]

You can't be serious...

Here's an idea, don't date women who don't tell you. "People that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind."

 

 

 

 

She wouldn't want to be with you if you card so much about her past anyways.

Sexual past doesn't hurt anyone, it has no influence on someone's ability to be in a relationship, and how many people I have ****ed is frankly NOBODY'S business but my own. I'm clean and safe, if that isn't enough then I could care less.

Not to mention ****ing isn't breaking the law.

Really sexual pasts doesn't hurt anyone??really bull$hit .i absolutly care about sexual history it is my business I get to choose who I marry based on my values'morals .so if a women was a porn star or prostitute then it's not a guys business ?what if the guys not a male pig ?maybe you don't understand what class is? The double standard crap is rediculous as well just an excuse to open your legs ....and the past always in every part of life is judged to determine ones patterns of decision making .

 

Criminal past matters,work history matters 'grades matter for school,driving record matters,credit score matter you don't just get to say to the bank it's none of your business lol so seriously finding out your partner was a sex addict or screwed 100 people would not make you pause?....right it's just sex right?do me a favor look up psychological studies of promiscuos men and women and then people with normal healthy sexual history then you will see why it matters!!!FACT women and men that sleep around have HORRIBLE stats in marriage higher rates of divorce 'stds , cheating,multiple fathers,drug use 'criminal history those are all facts that I will gladly show you and post

 

 

Google the book" hooked the effects of casual sex on the teenage brain" shows the more one engages in casual sex makes women and men struggle to bond to there partner .bottom line casual sex is not healthy in any way shape or form ..studies show this clearly .i will always disrespect sluts both male and female .nasty

[therhythm]

Really sexual pasts doesn't hurt anyone??really bull$hit .i absolutly care about sexual history it is my business I get to choose who I marry based on my values'morals .so if a women was a porn star or prostitute then it's not a guys business ?what if the guys not a male pig ?maybe you don't understand what class is? The double standard crap is rediculous as well just an excuse to open your legs ....and the past always in every part of life is judged to determine ones patterns of decision making .

 

Criminal past matters,work history matters 'grades matter for school,driving record matters,credit score matter you don't just get to say to the bank it's none of your business lol so seriously finding out your partner was a sex addict or screwed 100 people would not make you pause?....right it's just sex right?do me a favor look up psychological studies of promiscuos men and women and then people with normal healthy sexual history then you will see why it matters!!!FACT women and men that sleep around have HORRIBLE stats in marriage higher rates of divorce 'stds , cheating,multiple fathers,drug use 'criminal history those are all facts that I will gladly show you and post

 

 

Google the book" hooked the effects of casual sex on the teenage brain" shows the more one engages in casual sex makes women and men struggle to bond to there partner .bottom line casual sex is not healthy in any way shape or form ..studies show this clearly .i will always disrespect sluts both male and female .nasty

 

Yes, it does, and you are free to choose who you date or who you don't want to date. If you don't want to date people with a sexual past... your option... more for me

 

Getting that out of the way, it is not your business how people you don't want to date live their life

 

I can't care less about people who think I am a man whore... probably if they think so is because I am one still I have plenty of women who want to be the one who make me settle

[DarrenK]

the past is in the past only for people who have a less than impressive one and that are trying to put on a good front when really they're far from the type of person they're trying to portray.

 

Never buy into that garbage. Let 'past is in the past' people all hang out with each other.

 

I have a past that I'm f*cken proud of and have no problems talking about if asked.

No seedy sh*t to hide

You my friend need an award for the BEST post of the year!!amen l because what you are saying is absolutly full proof if no body lied about the past then we all could chose based on our on values and our own morals . I agree let the man whores and sluts partly still the sun comes up lol Let them do their thing and leave those that respect the act of sex and use it as an expression of love .

 

 

I always acted as a good guy so I wanted a good classy women I didn't say virgin but classy meaning she had sex with someone she cared about not just some guy at the bar she knows nothing about.

[DarrenK]

Yes, it does, and you are free to choose who you date or who you don't want to date. If you don't want to date people with a sexual past... your option... more for me

 

Getting that out of the way, it is not your business how people you don't want to date live their life

 

I can't care less about people who think I am a man whore... probably if they think so is because I am one still I have plenty of women who want to be the one who make me settle

That's great and I agree I can care less who you screw but don't bitch if someone judges you based on your life .i think it's funny you guys that think it's a accomplishment to get high numbers dude I am better looking then most guys like you and have game for days!! I'm in amazing shape I go into a bar it's so easy if I wantedblol but all I see is nasty ass tramps so go for it buddy more for you there studn

[therhythm]

That's great and I agree I can care less who you screw but don't bitch if someone judges you based on your life .i think it's funny you guys that think it's a accomplishment to get high numbers dude I am better looking then most guys like you and have game for days!! I'm in amazing shape I go into a bar it's so easy if I wantedblol but all I see is nasty ass tramps so go for it buddy more for you there studn

 

:rolleyes:

 

I can't care less about how you look and how much game you have...but calling human beings nasty ass tramps tells more about you that about them.

I definitely would prefer their company

[DarrenK]

Perception may not be reality, but perception is real. Judgments will inevitably be cast, so the "past is the past" argument a simply a tool used attempting to negate or dodge such social judgments.

 

Going back to one of your examples, imagine at a job interview:

 

Interviewer: "So, it looks like you have a prior felony conviction here..."

 

Applicant: "Yea, well, the past is the past."

 

Interviewer: "By golly, you're right! You're hired, friend! :)"

 

 

Unfortunately, real life doesn't work that way. So rather than bring up the past, they simply avoid the topic altogether with the blanket statement, "the past is the past."

. This is always my point as well reality is some men like myself do care and would not date the person lol in my ****ty situation I never got a choice I got lied to found out years later .

[DarrenK]

:rolleyes:

 

I can't care less about how you look and how much game you have...but calling human beings nasty ass tramps tells more about you that about them.

I definitely would prefer their company

And having sex with drunk collage girls tells a lot about you !!i respect women and treat classy women with respect now the girl at the bar that's leaving to go suck some random guy off yeah lol I don't respect her sorry never Gunnar happen .yourva typical male pig that's loving the useing of women for pleasure and nothing more YOU are the one that's hurting women !!mybfriendsvthat are classy women agree and the slutty one dont hummm guess it's just the way it is .boy would I love to meet you in person .bet you would say very very little and to the women on hear hating on us good guys we don't want you anyways go have fun and maybe when you have a daughter you will see how right I am when your teaching her how to act with boys??,that's my final point when these women that live this way have kids or men live this way and have kids you want your daughter to do orgies take two guys at once ?ha ha right

[therhythm]

And having sex with drunk collage girls tells a lot about you !!i respect women and treat classy women with respect now the girl at the bar that's leaving to go suck some random guy off yeah lol I don't respect her sorry never Gunnar happen .yourva typical male pig that's loving the useing of women for pleasure and nothing more YOU are the one that's hurting women !!mybfriendsvthat are classy women agree and the slutty one dont hummm guess it's just the way it is .boy would I love to meet you in person .bet you would say very very little and to the women on hear hating on us good guys we don't want you anyways go have fun and maybe when you have a daughter you will see how right I am when your teaching her how to act with boys??,that's my final point when these women that live this way have kids or men live this way and have kids you want your daughter to do orgies take two guys at once ?ha ha right

 

Lol... you are making an awful lot of assumptions. First I do use women for sex but not more than they use me, we are both adults and we both know what the deal is, I don't trick women into sleep with me and I don't abuse/rape drunk women You have to be kidding me!!

 

Secondly, most women I have slept with have much more class than you are showing in this thread by far! I am reporting both of your last posts because they are utterly offensive (not to me but to women in general!)

[William]

Given the number of off-topic and inflammatory postings deleted over the past couple days, now in the dozens, and the tone and direction the thread apparently continues to take, we'll consider this topic concluded. Thanks for your participation.