The past is in the past argument with sexual history in dating.

[silvermercy]

I totally agree, past influences the present... but that doesn't mean that we both agree in how a sexual past has influenced the present of the person.

having sex with many partners will give one a greater acquaintance with the variation in sexual needs, wants, wishes, and responses. One will probably develop better sexual technique. One will have more fun. Ample sexual experience enables partners intending to establish a committed exclusive relationship to do so without excessive regrets about what they never experienced.

I'm pretty sure there are many couples out there who have had one or two partners at most and are PERFECTLY happy with their sex lives in general. And who I doubt they feel they're missing out on anything...

Also, I'm pretty sure they didn't need any variation in sexual experience to feel complete and become "better lovers". For all we know they could easily compete with pornstars when it comes to techniques.

[therhythm]

I think you have a low self-esteem complex then because nobody said that one group is superior to the other. These are always YOUR own words.

 

All we said is there are facts (what we consider to be negative traits) that do not make you that desirable as a potential LTR partner.

 

Well, if all the hundreds or thousands of relationship forum threads do not provide enough evidence for you with then you must be living in a bubble... what can I say... Maybe you're an exception.

 

But if you want actual scientific research, too, then you can look up that science journal which more or less states that promiscuous men become desensitised to oxytocin (the bonding hormone) over time and this can affect their subsequent bonding with prospective partners. I don't remember the title but an abstract should be available on PubMed.

 

Believe me, my self esteem is pretty high (some would say even too high).

I do think you may have a problem of self esteem and insecurities, you post in every thread where promiscuity is a topic and your posts always show a pretended superiority that is only the veil hiding lots of insecurities... I guess someone has damaged you badly and I am really sorry that happened to you but you should look at it because from the outside your fiery fight with promiscuity in every thread of this forum looks totally an obsession...

 

This is my last post in this thread... you can keep fighting other people's way of living

[silvermercy]

Believe me, my self esteem is pretty high (some would say even too high).

I do think you may have a problem of self esteem and insecurities, you post in every thread where promiscuity is a topic and your posts always show a pretended superiority that is only the veil hiding lots of insecurities... I guess someone has damaged you badly and I am really sorry that happened to you but you should look at it because from the outside your fiery fight with promiscuity in every thread of this forum looks totally an obsession...[/QUOTe] LOL! And you are not obsessed then by posting and replying to these SAME posts? LOL!!!

 

Nice assumptions you made about me. But nope.

[kaylan]

I totally agree, past influences the present... but that doesn't mean that we both agree in how a sexual past has influenced the present of the person.

having sex with many partners will give one a greater acquaintance with the variation in sexual needs, wants, wishes, and responses. One will probably develop better sexual technique. One will have more fun. Ample sexual experience enables partners intending to establish a committed exclusive relationship to do so without excessive regrets about what they never experienced.

If sexual past doesnt matter, then it wouldnt matter if I was arrested in the past for something serious, or if I cheated on girlfriends in the past.

 

The past is the past right? I havent done those things, but most girls would run for the hills if I gave them that answer to those inquiries. The problem is that people who sleep around are usually unable to be objective and separate from their shame when asked the sex number question.

 

If you werent ashamed of your past or worried about judgement, you wouldnt protest so much against being honest and answering the question. Just find someone compatible with you. Dont skirt the issue and run away from a question that matters to someone interested in you.

 

And I dont agree with your argument regarding sexual skill. My best friend has been with less than half the women Ive been with, and hes got his sexual game down really well based on what he and his exes have told me.

 

Being in LTRs gives you plenty of time and frequency to hone sexual skills.

Edited July 7, 2013 by kaylan

[Divasu]

If sexual past doesnt matter, then it wouldnt matter if I was arrested in the past for something serious, or if I cheated on girlfriends in the past.

 

The past is the past right? I havent done those things, but most girls would run for the hills if I gave them that answer to those inquiries. The problem is that people who sleep around are usually unable to be objective and separate from their shame when asked the sex number question.

 

If you werent ashamed of your past or worried about judgement, you wouldnt protest so much against being honest and answering the question. Just find someone compatible with you. Dont skirt the issue and run away from a question that matters to someone interested in you.

 

In another thread, it was alluded to having had A LOT of multiple oral sex encounters. You do realize you casted your own net, right? I'm not saying that to put you down, I am saying that to prove a point in that some who are overly judgmental, are also hypocrites and are trying to shift their own guilt associated with his/her past...

 

PS.

You may not believe oral sex is considered sex, but many of society, does.

[therhythm]

If sexual past doesnt matter, then it wouldnt matter if I was arrested in the past for something serious, or if I cheated on girlfriends in the past.

 

The past is the past right? I havent done those things, but most girls would run for the hills if I gave them that answer to those inquiries. The problem is that people who sleep around are usually unable to be objective and separate from their shame when asked the sex number question.

 

If you werent ashamed of your past or worried about judgement, you wouldnt protest so much against being honest and answering the question. Just find someone compatible with you. Dont skirt the issue and run away from a question that matters to someone interested in you.

 

And I dont agree with your argument regarding sexual skill. My best friend has been with less than half the women Ive been with, and hes got his sexual game down really well based on what he and his exes have told me.

 

Being in LTRs gives you plenty of time and frequency to hone sexual skills.

 

I am just going to say two things...

I do agree the past of a person is important and people may or may not decide to judge based on that knowledge. Anyone can choose a partner based on their own criteria... It will not be me the one who say you can't choose a woman who has a low count or has not had casual sex... your business.

I am always upfront with my past as my past is in my case pretty special... I do not hid what I am (and my choices in life good ones and bad ones are what have made me who I am), I have no regrets either, I have lived my life to the fullest and I still do.

 

It does not annoy me that anyone says that they don't want to date a promiscuous person, I really don't care.

 

But I do care when people make statements saying that a person who has had a lot of sex do not have self control... (ridiculous as I have never tried to control myself.. lack of self control is only when you try to control yourself and you can't ), or any other comments like that one.... They are offensive...

 

All I have to say...

[Quiet Storm]

Even if it is because a person feels superior, why would a person waste their time on someone that looks down on them. Why not look for those with similar views about the.past?

 

As I have said before, some people make judgements about me because I'm in an interracial marriage.

 

If I took their judgement personally, or felt a need to prove myself to them, I would be wasting time, energy & headspace on someone that doesn't deserve it. Id rather.just weed out people like that from my life and surround my family with those that won't make negative assumptions.

 

People have the right to be as judgemental as they want. It's not always fair or right, but it happens all the time. It's a hard lesson to learn. It's also hard to watch your kids realize this. People can and do judge, and often times their judgements are unfair or wrong or stupid. They still have the right to judge though.

 

What I tell my kids is ... There are always going to be people that judge, people that think they are better than you. You decide whether to let it bother you or not.

 

We can't control another persons behavior, thoughts or opinions. We can control our reactions, though.

[Woggle]

In almost every aspect of society the past matters. It matters when you are applying for a job or an apartment or a loan or most other things but somehow it shouldn't matter when looking for a relationship partner.

[Drseussgrrl]

Now we're comparing consentual sex with stealing and cheating? Really?

 

Non-judgmental my ass.

[kaylan]

Now we're comparing consentual sex with stealing and cheating? Really?

 

Non-judgmental my ass.

No, we are comparing things people find important to them in a relationship.

 

Stop trying to tell others they shouldnt care about their partners sexual history. They can care about whatever they feel like and shouldnt be lied to about it.

 

Its hypocrisy to whine about people being judgmental, but then turning around and calling people insecure because they want a partner who views sex the same way they do.

 

Get over yourselves.

 

If someone is a "prude" and wants to date a "prude" let them. If you were a slutty person at one point in your life, find another slutty person instead of expecting a conservative person to ignore whats important to them.

 

Im neither a conservative or a man-whore, but you never see me whine at the fact that some of the conservative women on this board wouldnt date me. I have deal breakers just like they dude. I wouldnt ever get serious with someone whos not socially liberal in their political views, nor someone whos ever cheated before.

 

Im not wrong for that, and neither is someone who wants a partner with a similar sexual background.

Edited July 7, 2013 by kaylan

[kaylan]

In another thread, it was alluded to having had A LOT of multiple oral sex encounters. You do realize you casted your own net, right? I'm not saying that to put you down, I am saying that to prove a point in that some who are overly judgmental, are also hypocrites and are trying to shift their own guilt associated with his/her past...

 

PS.

You may not believe oral sex is considered sex, but many of society, does.

Actually, I havent had "A LOT" of oral sex encounters. Ive never really made it too known here what my sex number is. So its really hard for anyone to gauge that. I merely said my oral sex number could double my overall sex number. That could mean that if I had sex with 2 girls, I had oral but no sex with two other women. Thatd be four total, and a rather modest figure for a 26 year old.

 

Ive slept with more than 2 women, but none of you know how many women Ive slept with. Ive always said I felt my number was average, but average is subjective and varies from person to person.

 

So no, I didnt really cast much of a net. And I dont see anyone bringing up my past as a put down. I love some of the sex Ive had, and I love the fact that Im very giving to the women I choose to have sexy time with. So I dont mind that some girls have gotten me to go down on them (or vice versa) without any intercourse.

 

Lmao, and how am I trying to shift guilt? I feel NO guilt over ANY sex Ive had, and if I knew you in real life, youd already know how many people I slept with and most of the details. It doesnt bother me at all.

 

And im not judging anyone here. Im saying people shouldnt be put down or lied to because they seek partners similar to them. Im sure silvermercy, tbf, and a few other women here would be taken aback by some things Ive down in my sexual past, but I wouldnt call them insecure because of it. They like what they like, and they like more conservative men. Thats not me, and thats fine.

 

PS - I never said oral wasnt a form of sex. It is sex, but it isnt sexual intercourse. Whenever people say "sex", they mean penis inside a vagina, sexual intercourse. Thats how most of us use the term. However, I think we all know that oral is a form of sex.

[mesmerized]

No, we are comparing things people find important to them in a relationship.

 

Stop trying to tell others they shouldnt care about their partners sexual history. They can care about whatever they feel like and shouldnt be lied to about it.

 

Its hypocrisy to whine about people being judgmental, but then turning around and calling people insecure because they want a partner who views sex the same way they do.

 

Get over yourselves.

 

If someone is a "prude" and wants to date a "prude" let them. If you were a slutty person at one point in your life, find another slutty person instead of expecting a conservative person to ignore whats important to them.

 

Im neither a conservative or a man-whore, but you never see me whine at the fact that some of the conservative women on this board wouldnt date me. I have deal breakers just like they dude. I wouldnt ever get serious with someone whos not socially liberal in their political views, nor someone whos ever cheated before.

 

Im not wrong for that, and neither is someone who wants a partner with a similar sexual background.

 

Blah blah blah. You had casual sex, didn't you? You said you had sex within three first dates and jump on women fast, didn't you? You're no saint and me thinks your "number" would be multiplied by far if you could get attractive women much easier than you do now, this is the same for every other guy. The essence of you would be the same, you just would have more opportunities. That's why I have to laugh when I hear stuff like similar sexual "views" based on numbers. An attractive woman with similar sexual views as yours can easily have a much higher number than you. You understand that, right?

[miss_jaclynrae]

Its hypocrisy to whine about people being judgmental, but then turning around and calling people insecure because they want a partner who views sex the same way they do.

 

 

Im not wrong for that, and neither is someone who wants a partner with a similar sexual background.

 

 

 

 

 

This is where I have an issue, similar sexual background does not equal similar sexual view.

That is such a wrong statement. So because I have had a lot of sex means that I don't value it, or think its special? Crock of **** if you ask me.

[Divasu]

Actually, I havent had "A LOT" of oral sex encounters. Ive never really made it too known here what my sex number is. So its really hard for anyone to gauge that. I merely said my oral sex number could double my overall sex number. That could mean that if I had sex with 2 girls, I had oral but no sex with two other women. Thatd be four total, and a rather modest figure for a 26 year old.

 

Ive slept with more than 2 women, but none of you know how many women Ive slept with. Ive always said I felt my number was average, but average is subjective and varies from person to person.

 

So no, I didnt really cast much of a net. And I dont see anyone bringing up my past as a put down. I love some of the sex Ive had, and I love the fact that Im very giving to the women I choose to have sexy time with. So I dont mind that some girls have gotten me to go down on them (or vice versa) without any intercourse.

 

Lmao, and how am I trying to shift guilt? I feel NO guilt over ANY sex Ive had, and if I knew you in real life, youd already know how many people I slept with and most of the details. It doesnt bother me at all.

 

And im not judging anyone here. Im saying people shouldnt be put down or lied to because they seek partners similar to them. Im sure silvermercy, tbf, and a few other women here would be taken aback by some things Ive down in my sexual past, but I wouldnt call them insecure because of it. They like what they like, and they like more conservative men. Thats not me, and thats fine.

 

PS - I never said oral wasnt a form of sex. It is sex, but it isnt sexual intercourse. Whenever people say "sex", they mean penis inside a vagina, sexual intercourse. Thats how most of us use the term. However, I think we all know that oral is a form of sex.

 

Gotcha. I'm just trying to distinguish what is reasonable based on one's personal beliefs as they live by, as opposed to it being based on personal feelings of inferiority.

 

So that aside, how would you feel about disclosing your number of sexual partners?

[kaylan]

Blah blah blah. You had casual sex, didn't you? You said you had sex within three first dates and jump on women fast, didn't you? You're no saint and me thinks your "number" would be multiplied by far if you could get attractive women much easier than you do now, this is the same for every other guy.

Yes Ive had casual sex before. Yes Ive had sex quickly before. None of that invalidates anything Ive said. Especially considering I dont hide who I am, nor am I ashamed of anything Ive done.

 

Also, I could easily have twice the sex partners Ive had already if I had less self control, and less emotions and personal morals regarding sex. Trust me on this. I went to a college that was 65% female, and the girls were very liberal sexually. Ive had my chances.

 

Not every guy can easily just sleep around and not do a lot of thinking before or after. Ive made a thread before highlighting the fact that I feel very weird when Ive had casual sex with girls I didnt have some sort of connection with.

The essence of you would be the same, you just would have more opportunities. That's why I have to laugh when I hear stuff like similar sexual "views" based on numbers. An attractive woman with similar sexual views as yours can easily have a much higher number than you. You understand that, right?

Honey, you dont know my essence at all. You really dont. You dont really know the bulk of my sexual views.

[kaylan]

This is where I have an issue, similar sexual background does not equal similar sexual view.

That is such a wrong statement. So because I have had a lot of sex means that I don't value it, or think its special? Crock of **** if you ask me.

To some people it means exactly that. Your views on sex lead you to an ability to have many partners, while someone elses views on sex may have led them to have sex with less partners.

 

They wont be able to understand your viewpoint or believe you view sex the same as them if you ended up sleeping with way more people than them.

 

And thats alright for them and their dating life. People usually date those similar to them because it breeds understanding. Its why a lot of people go from having fewer sex partners and telling themselves they couldnt date someone with a high number, to being ok with dating someone with a high number once their own number grows.

 

Personally I want a girl whos got a similar past to mine and whos been halfway around the block, but nothing to crazy. I can understand some casual sex, but because of my own morals and emotional feelings with sex, Ive never been able to have many one night stands, or sleep with multiple people Ive barely know.

 

Ive had casual sex, but its almost always been with friends or friends of friends. Only one ever has it been a complete stranger. And even after that we are still friends.

[miss_jaclynrae]

And this is where I think it's BS. You're wrong. Similar views does not equal similar sexual history.

 

 

 

 

Why? Because views can change, but your history can't.

[therhythm]

Even if it is because a person feels superior, why would a person waste their time on someone that looks down on them. Why not look for those with similar views about the.past?

 

As I have said before, some people make judgements about me because I'm in an interracial marriage.

 

If I took their judgement personally, or felt a need to prove myself to them, I would be wasting time, energy & headspace on someone that doesn't deserve it. Id rather.just weed out people like that from my life and surround my family with those that won't make negative assumptions.

 

People have the right to be as judgemental as they want. It's not always fair or right, but it happens all the time. It's a hard lesson to learn. It's also hard to watch your kids realize this. People can and do judge, and often times their judgements are unfair or wrong or stupid. They still have the right to judge though.

 

What I tell my kids is ... There are always going to be people that judge, people that think they are better than you. You decide whether to let it bother you or not.

 

We can't control another persons behavior, thoughts or opinions. We can control our reactions, though.

 

Really sad that you teach your children to accept judgment and superiority bull $hit from others... Fortunately many people (Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, etc), didn't accept those kind of judgments and the consequences that come along those judgments... Life is much better because people like them chose to fight for what they believe and they represented...

Fortunately some women fought for women to be able to vote and to enjoy and talk about their sexuality...

 

Women are still judged and killed in many countries for just enjoy their sexuality... should we tell them that they need to accept it?

 

You can't avoid people choosing to judge you but you can fight the judgement when is unfair and can bring consequences to you and people who is like you.

[silvermercy]

Did I just imagine it or people really compared the struggles of Mandela, Gandhi and other important historical figures with promiscuous people?? Seriously now?? Are you serious???

[mesmerized]

Really sad that you teach your children to accept judgment and superiority bull $hit from others... Fortunately many people (Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, etc), didn't accept those kind of judgments and the consequences that come along those judgments... Life is much better because people like them chose to fight for what they believe and they represented...

Fortunately some women fought for women to be able to vote and to enjoy and talk about their sexuality...

 

Women are still judged and killed in many countries for just enjoy their sexuality... should we tell them that they need to accept it?

 

You can't avoid people choosing to judge you but you can fight the judgement when is unfair and can bring consequences to you and people who is like you.

 

I wish I could love this post a thousand times. I've always been the one to praise rebellions and people who don't accept bad treatments and change the world for the better. If humans always thought like quiet-storm, world would certainly be a much much worse place.

[Pillow]

In my personal belief the reason why so many women get up in arms about numbers is because of this:

 

they don't want to marry players but they slept with them when they were younger.

 

I'm a girl and this is what I believe. The players are the men with high number of sexual partners, and good, regular guys tend to have much lower numbers. And when certain women are young they sleep with players. They then become upset when marriage quality men ask them about their number.

 

Basically, these women are pitching hissy fits and tantrums because they want it their way: they want to sleep with players at will, then act all innocent around marriage quality men.

[ThaWholigan]

 

You can't avoid people choosing to judge you but you can fight the judgement when is unfair and can bring consequences to you and people who is like you.

 

This is a good point.

[silvermercy]

What is this? A freedom struggle from the oppression of these bad and evil people who dare to place some standards in their relationships? Like most people do with most other things in life?

 

Are these posts for real??

[therhythm]

Did I just imagine it or people really compared the struggles of Mandela, Gandhi and other important historical figures with promiscuous people?? Seriously now?? Are you serious???

 

I am serious on comparing the damage and danger of people who sit in a high horse filling superior than other people just because their sexual background...

 

I am not talking about deciding not to choose this people as your partner... that is a right everyone has...

 

Making insulting statements and asserts based on nothing...

The right of a person of his own sexual life is a basic right of a person, if you begin a judgmental campaign against those people you are no better than those who attacked others (who had nothing to do with you, you don't even know us) just because they think and act different than you...

 

So yes... judgmental negative attitude is as bad when you discriminate people because their sexuality or because the number of people they have slept with

[ThaWholigan]

What is this? A freedom struggle from the oppression of these bad and evil people who dare to place some standards in their relationships? Like most people do with most other things in life?

 

Are these posts for real??

That's not really the point from what I can see.

 

There's no problem with not wanting to date a previously promiscuous person. I think they take offense to being negatively portrayed as weak or some other wholly negative archetype.