Is it possible for women to stay happy in long term marriages?

[miss_jaclynrae]

This is exactly what I am scared of happening to me. Are there any long term married women this doesn't happen to?

 

If I am supposed to put my wife first then why was I called a controlling male chauvinist pig when I told my ex to stop listening to her manhating friends. Why was my father called a patriarchal oppressor when he told my mother that her newfound friends were trying to destroy their marriage. They can have their hateful friends who try to destroy their marriage but I can't? Why the double standard?

 

Even if I do drop him it hurts that I have to let another friend go. He will be the third friend I had to drop because he is trying to destroy marriage. Pretty soon I will have no male friends left at this rate.

 

 

I will give you MY own opinion. It isn't true for all, but it is true for a few women I know. I bitch to my best friend. She bitches to me. We talk crap about our men together, but want to know something else? We 100% have an unspoken understanding that we love the men we are with and are just looking to vent and feel validated, and we both hold no judgement on one anothers relationship or man. She bitches about him not helping with the kids, I call him an *******, but ultimately I support her relationship and think he is a good guy.

 

I had best friends when I was married, I vented with them, but instead of validating and being supportive, they started turning me against my husband. No more support, just wondering why I was with him and ultimately it led to me ending that friendship.

 

 

That being said, the bolded is something that is really worrisome. It shows that you think women who have friends who turn their wives against their husbands is acceptable. It isn't. And anyone who truly values their marriage would know where the line is drawn. Unless it is something where it puts a family or person in danger such as abuse of course.

 

 

The other thing that bothers me is that you value your friendships so much more than you value your wife. My husband was my best friend, I had a ton of girlfriends but then guess what? I only had one. She is all I need, why? Because she is a TRUE best friend. She is supportive and there for me and lets me man hate all I want. A real friend understands the boundaries of what they should and should not say. A real friend knows that when you moan about your wife being a bitch, you aren't saying she is a bitch.

 

 

 

I feel bad about your view right now, but ultimately, this isn't your wife ruining your relationship and hating you, it is you doing it.

[Woggle]

Why would we open our hearts AGAIN and share those personal feelings AGAIN about how much we love our husbands, after all these years, when you only ignore us and focus on the rantings of your messed up friends and family members?

 

Listen: you are betraying your wife.

 

You are so afraid of being betrayed by her, but you are betraying her. You are choosing your friend at her expense. You are allowing your mind to be poisoned, at your marriage's expense. YOU are not holding up your end of your marriage responsibilities. YOU. Not her. YOU.

 

Because sometimes I just need reassurance that I am not married to the only woman who does not hate her husband.

[xxoo]

Because sometimes I just need reassurance that I am not married to the only woman who does not hate her husband.

 

I love my husband

 

Now step away from the internet, your mother, and your misogynist friend and go lay a huge kiss on your wife

[Woggle]

The more I think about it the more I just think this guy wants me to be miserable with him but when he has me reading those article I just fume. I really can't read misandrist comments on any forum without getting riled up.

[KungFuJoe]

Believe what you want. I am just freaking out now because I have read one too many horror stories and it has me scared. Reading gender war stuff almost triggers a PTSD kind of response in me.

 

Then go seek help! It's like you're sitting here with a gaping wound on your arm that is festering and infected and you just want to tell people to come look at it.

 

Go see a freakin doctor and get help!

[xxoo]

The more I think about it the more I just think this guy wants me to be miserable with him but when he has me reading those article I just fume. I really can't read misandrist comments on any forum without getting riled up.

 

Then don't read them. Be a good husband. A good husband would say "No, I'm not interested in reading that stuff." That's strength.

 

For what it's worth, I find sex to be a great way to cope with anxiety. Channel all those strong feelings into something healthy and fun, and strengthen your relationship in the process!

[KungFuJoe]

I've been with my wife for almost 14 years. Our 11 year anniversary is this August. She loves me MORE than she did when we were first together. Everything about us is stronger and better than it has ever been and at the rate we are going, it's just going to keep getting stronger. We have this bond that has just strengthened over time the more we get to know each other.

 

You know why? Because we LOVE who the other person is. I love who my wife is...I love her personality, the way she thinks, her positive attitude, her open mind, and her strong strong strong grip of common sense. And she feels the same way about me.

 

Positive attitude begets positive attitude.

 

What YOU are doing is called a self fulfilling prophecy. You keep doing it, and everything you "wished" for will come true.

[Woggle]

So how do I break the news to my friend to stop trying to pull me in when all he does is make me feel like I am a weak and pathetic beta male. He said to me that recently I went from an alpha to a beta male who women will eventually abuse and that he can't even see me as a man anymore. How do I tell him to cut that crap out?

[xxoo]

So how do I break the news to my friend to stop trying to pull me in when all he does is make me feel like I am a weak and pathetic beta male. He said to me that recently I went from an alpha to a beta male who women will eventually abuse and that he can't even see me as a man anymore. How do I tell him to cut that crap out?

 

"STFU dude. I'm more man than you'll ever be."

[KungFuJoe]

So how do I break the news to my friend to stop trying to pull me in when all he does is make me feel like I am a weak and pathetic beta male. He said to me that recently I went from an alpha to a beta male who women will eventually abuse and that he can't even see me as a man anymore. How do I tell him to cut that crap out?

 

Dump him...drop him like a rock.

 

Look...I had a best friend since I was 14 (freshman year in high school). We got along SO well...same sense of humor, same friends, both played basketball. We were INSEPARABLE...hung out every day every hour every minute.

 

Fast forward 24 years...we're both 38. I wrote him off. Done. No contact. Haven't spoken to him in a year.

 

I should have done it earlier. He was no good for me. He was fun to hang around, but he was a nutcase and just dragged people down with him. He was my best man at my wedding...which he MISSED because he got too drunk the night before. He almost let me daughter DROWN when she was 2. Yes, you heard that right. My fault for trusting him with her...but the dude seriously only ever cared about himself.

 

I stayed his friend for so long out of PURE loyalty...but he was never a good friend.

 

When you feel like someone is sucking the life out of you...cut the effing cord.

 

Another reason why I kept him around was because he was the reason why I ended up with the wife I speak about so much today. So I felt like I "owed" him. But that only goes so far...

[Woggle]

Also how do I live with myself for having a freakout after the longest period without one?

[xxoo]

Also how do I live with myself for having a freakout after the longest period without one?

 

Back on the wagon!

 

All you can do is brush yourself off and start again. Setbacks are a normal. Those who succeed persevere despite setbacks.

[pteromom]

Most of them say a woman's in love period only lasts a few years then after that he is only valued as a walking wallet or security.

 

You know what? It is 100% within your power to ensure this doesn't happen. Continue to love her like you did to make her fall in love with her. Grow with her. Accept her for who she is and be grateful for her. Put effort into loving her. Laugh with her. Flirt with her. Talk to her.

 

It doesn't matter what OTHER women do. You have a woman... now what are you going to do to keep her?

[pteromom]

Reading gender war stuff almost triggers a PTSD kind of response in me.

 

Have you ever really sat down and worked through WHY this happens?

 

Is it because it goes back to wanting power when you were a child, and that you never want a woman to have power over you again?

 

Whatever it is, I agree with others who are saying you need counseling. If you don't get counseling, I fear your negative outlook and bitterness is going to eventually wear down your marriage.

[Eggplant]

The majority of divorces are initiated by women. That doesn't mean it was always the women who truly left the marriage.

[2sunny]

I know this is a provocative title but I knew no other way to put it. It seems that many women after a while just don't have any feelings for their husband anymore. That is why you see so many divorces after the kids have left where the woman dumps her husband. Even the marriages that do stay together the women seem to just stay out of security and dont really have that in love feeling anymore.

 

Are there are any women after being married for a long time that still have in love feeling and would still marry him in a heartbeat or do most just eventually fall out of love?

 

 

 

Yes! It IS possible for women to stay happy in long term marriages Wog.

[Woggle]

Have you ever really sat down and worked through WHY this happens?

 

Is it because it goes back to wanting power when you were a child, and that you never want a woman to have power over you again?

 

Whatever it is, I agree with others who are saying you need counseling. If you don't get counseling, I fear your negative outlook and bitterness is going to eventually wear down your marriage.

 

I think it is mostly not wanting to feel week. My father never defended himself against my mother and I don't want to be like that. I always viewed my mother as a strong and independent woman but in the end she is probably as weak as can be inside.

[Pyro]

TBF is actually admitting this but people call me paranoid.

 

For claiming to be a funny guy you sure don't know how to take a joke/sarcasm.

 

You seem like the type that takes everything seriously.

[Woggle]

For claiming to be a funny guy you sure don't know how to take a joke/sarcasm.

 

You seem like the type that takes everything seriously.

 

I actually am very funny usually but not when I am like this. I also look at everything women say suspiciously when I am like this.

[Pyro]

You also need to find some new friends, OR keep the ones you have but NEVER EVER discuss women or relationships with them.

[Woggle]

I am just slowly losing my friends from before I moved to Jersey. A few have openly tried to sabotage my marriage and the others are involved in crime. I have one who still lives in NY that talks sense into me when I get like this but the rest of our friends have abandoned him because they say he changed too much.

[Pyro]

I am just slowly losing my friends from before I moved to Jersey. A few have openly tried to sabotage my marriage and the others are involved in crime. I have one who still lives in NY that talks sense into me when I get like this but the rest of our friends have abandoned him because they say he changed too much.

 

and it is sad that you even take what they have to say seriously.

 

So you should be asking yourself if it is possible for you to remain in a long term marriage. If you keep making threads like this then we can already predict the answer.

[Woggle]

and it is sad that you even take what they have to say seriously.

 

So you should be asking yourself if it is possible for you to remain in a long term marriage. If you keep making threads like this then we can already predict the answer.

 

Because for the most part my mentality was I would take a bullet for them and I trust them with anything. I am starting to see how much my one friend though tries to sabotage my marriage. He even got mad at me for going on this cruise since I never was interested in them. To him it is a sign that I am whipped and he is trying to make me a man again.

[Pyro]

You really need to take part in a co-ed group of abuse survivors again. That seemed to keep you sane.

[xxoo]

I'm really impressed that your eyes are opening about your friend.

 

It sounds like he is happiest when you are miserable. What kind of friend is that?

 

You see it as being there for you when you are down. I think he is happy that you are down, because misery loves company. When you are happy, he tries to bring you down again. Not on purpose; I'm sure he actually believes his nonsense. But essentially he is trying to drag you down to his level.