Wife Cheated twice, Quite depressed & Shattered

[Just a Guy]

I would like to thank you Janedoe for correcting me. I am not very good with acronyms. In any case I think Zak1 needs to completely forget about his ex wife and concentrate on himself. The woman insulted his mother and has shown no desire to get back with him. Neither does she have any LOVE left for him. In these circumstances he would only be making an ass of himself trying to reach out to her. There are a lot of wonderful Muslim women in India who would be more than willing to be a loving wife to him and he should, after a due period of grieving over his dead marriage, look out for some of them. I am sure he will be happy in the long run.

[Zak1]

Hello,

 

I have got a news which will probably shock everyone here.

 

Day before yesterday, I got to know from one of her colleagues, that she is came back to Australia and have resumed work. I was totally shocked to know this because I wasn't even aware about it. Yesterday, I was spying on her and waited opposite her office. She finished with her work and then walked by the street and sat in a car. I followed her and was surprised to see her senior manager was driving the car. I have known about this man, he is 40 year old, 2 kids. Eventually, she got down at his residence and he went to park his car in the basement. While she was entering the lift, I caught hold of her and realized this bitch actually left me for this bloody married man. I confronted her and to my surprise I got to know that she came to Australia with her Mom. She took to me the hotel where her mom was staying which is actually bang opposite to this guy's residence.

 

I confronted her mom and asked her why are you here? she couldn't say anything I couldn't believe my ****ing wife left me for this married man and was about to make out with him had I not caught her outside his residence.

 

I feel I was played like a fool, I strongly feel her mom is also involved in this dirty game. I went totally mad and started abusing both of them for screwing my life.

 

Now, All they need is the divorce paper desperately. I told them do whatever you want I wont file for divorce as she screwed my life.

 

The only benefit I have in this case is that she cant get married until I divorce her. So she is desperate to get the papers.

 

Friends, I need suggestion -

 

1. Do you think I am doing the right thing by not giving her the papers?

2. I feel like going to her office tomorrow and speak to her senior management and disclose their dirty intentions and how they played with me. By doing so her senior manager's impression will get screwed up completely.

3. I am thinking about walking up to his wife and tell her everything so that even his life gets screwed. He broke my marriage and he deserves to suffer.

 

Please advise asap.

[Arabella]

Friends, I need suggestion -

 

1. Do you think I am doing the right thing by not giving her the papers?

2. I feel like going to her office tomorrow and speak to her senior management and disclose their dirty intentions and how they played with me. By doing so her senior manager's impression will get screwed up completely.

3. I am thinking about walking up to his wife and tell her everything so that even his life gets screwed. He broke my marriage and he deserves to suffer.

 

Please advise asap.

 

1. No. You want to move on too. What's the point of hanging on to the divorce for dear life? Give the skank a swift departure and good riddance! Besides, there's a pretty good chance once she's actually able to marry, her lover will end the affair.

 

2. Absolutely, do it. Make sure you're respectful and collected when you do so however. NO emotional displays, NO yelling!

 

3. Do it, but same rules as above. Be respectful towards the feelings of the betrayed spouse.

 

Above all, get a grip on yourself. You've been wronged, but don't become the crazy ex-husband. In anything you do, don't be abusive -- you will lose the moral high ground.

 

Good luck!

 

-A

[Owl]

OK...something doesn't seem right here. THIS:

 

Here is my story; I am 30 yrs. old recently got divorced from my wife. It was a love marriage and we were together for 5 years.

 

We have eventually got divorced last week but I am finding it very difficult to move on as I loved her so much and my love for her was beyond imagination.

 

Please advice what do you think about the entire scenario? was it good that we got divorced? I am missing her a lot and don't know how to Move on? Pls help.

 

Doesn't match at all with THIS:

 

 

Now, All they need is the divorce paper desperately. I told them do whatever you want I wont file for divorce as she screwed my life.

 

The only benefit I have in this case is that she cant get married until I divorce her. So she is desperate to get the papers.

 

Friends, I need suggestion -

 

1. Do you think I am doing the right thing by not giving her the papers?

2. I feel like going to her office tomorrow and speak to her senior management and disclose their dirty intentions and how they played with me. By doing so her senior manager's impression will get screwed up completely.

3. I am thinking about walking up to his wife and tell her everything so that even his life gets screwed. He broke my marriage and he deserves to suffer.

 

Please advise asap.

[Arabella]

OK...something doesn't seem right here

 

I caught that too... I assumed the OP simply misspoke in his original post, and he meant to say that he was separated (not divorced). That would make the story sound right.

 

-A

[Owl]

I caught that too... I assumed the OP simply misspoke in his original post, and he meant to say that he was separated (not divorced). That would make the story sound right.

 

-A

 

Perhaps, but misspoke on three seperate occasions in the same post? No offense to the OP...but given the frequency we've seen folks try to mislead us here, it makes my spidey senses tingle.

[turnera]

Definitely tell their employer. Definitely tell his wife.

 

No need to make a decision on the rest just yet.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Owl and Arabella, while you folk are right where you stand, the fact is that in Muslim marriages the husband can divorce his wife accordingly to Muslim Personal Law by repeating the word Talak three times to his wife. However because of the requirement of Western laws where a person has to follow divorce proceedings in a Court of Law and there is a proper legal methodology involved, Zak1 would have to follow that procedure in Australia where he and his wife are presently located to have a formal divorce executed. Zak1 is right when he says he has divorced his wife because according to Muslim Personal Law he has fulfilled the requirements. Confusing no doubt for you folk but that is how it works. Warm Wishes!

[Arabella]

Hi Owl and Arabella, while you folk are right where you stand, the fact is that in Muslim marriages the husband can divorce his wife accordingly to Muslim Personal Law by repeating the word Talak three times to his wife. However because of the requirement of Western laws where a person has to follow divorce proceedings in a Court of Law and there is a proper legal methodology involved, Zak1 would have to follow that procedure in Australia where he and his wife are presently located to have a formal divorce executed. Zak1 is right when he says he has divorced his wife because according to Muslim Personal Law he has fulfilled the requirements. Confusing no doubt for you folk but that is how it works. Warm Wishes!

 

Ok, that makes sense, actually. Thanks for the explanation! Perhaps this is what the OP meant then.

[Zak1]

Hi Owl & Arabella, I am definitely not here to mislead anyone, infact I am just too depressed and looking for help from the members here.

 

As Just a Guy rightly explained and I am thankful to him for clarifying, As per the Muslim law you can divorce your wife by repeating Talaq word 3 times which I did. However, The legal paper work is still required to make sure we are officially no longer partners.

 

Anyway, I am just going through insomnia as I couldn't believe my wife who I loved so much was caught outside her manager's residence. Her obvious intention was to sleep with him. Its not even been a month since we separated and this is what she wanted to do. Its too depressing and terrible to feel last year she slept with my cousin who was just 18 and wanted to leave me for him. And now just after a year, I found out she left me because she wanted to be with her manager who is 40 yrs old, 2 kids etc.

 

 

Now when I caught her, she was totally zapped. She begged me not to come to her office and disclose anything about both of them. She said it could ruin his married life. I told her bitch you ruined by married life and how do u expect me to spare the guy who is the reason behind this. She said I am willing to resign on Monday and return to her home country but she is **** scared and doesn't want me to come to her office at any cost.

 

Now the good thing is that, She cant get married to him until I officially sign the divorce papers. So I am thinking, This bitch betrayed me so many times even after forgiving her in the past. She never cared about me, hurt my feeling every now and then, And as few people here rightly said Forgiveness should be earned and not given so easily. I did a mistake by forgiving her so soon in the past. may be that's the reason she took me so lightly and continued her cruel intention.

 

I pity myself but happy that I eventually came to know the reason why she left me otherwise I would have always been in dark and thinking "Y" she did this to me.

 

Guys, I really really loved her and treated her like a Queen, I always used to get so many surprise gifts for her but never got anything in return in this 5 years of relationship, But now when I pass by her favorite clothing stores I literally get tears in my eyes because I now have no reason to buy surprise gift. I feel soooo lonely and don't know how to move further. Yes eventually I will but this is the most difficult phase of my life.

 

Any advise?

[Vijju159]

Gosh, what a twist in tale. She is no more worth to grieve. I believe you said she was manipulative during the divorce where people from her side backing her, apart from her mom are others aware of it? You come from a family where tradition and culture are valued. If I were in your situation, yes exposing her affair would be the choice.

 

She had no feelings for you and never had a courtesy when you were begging her to stay. Reveal her actions even though, she is resigning from work and let the dudes wife know the truth. Apart from this do not be violent in behavior and do not waste too much time on her but let everyone know why she left you.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Zak1, Sorry to read of your continuing trauma. I suggest that you carefully read BryanP37's complete thread. It is a template on how to deal with a callous and unrepentant cheating wife. Also, your wife has given you a clue as to what you should do. After all you do not now owe her anything now, not even giving her the time of day. Go to her office and expose her and the cheating boss of hers who she is deciding to marry. Hope you get the courage to do so. Also expose her thoroughly at home and ensure her reputation and that of her family is trashed completely. You would know how to do that. Warm wishes!

[Zak1]

Hello Everyone,

 

I am back with a news!! Finally I went to her office today and exposed her and her boss about what they did to me. Her Director & HR Head heard my story but they couldn't do much about it, They said its a personal matter and they would like to keep it away from the office.

 

The best part is as soon as my wife came to know that I met her Director, she immediately resigned and left the company. She will get her visa cancelled and go back to her home country in few weeks.

 

On the other hand, I met her Boss who she was dating in the evening and discussed about the entire thing. He gave me a lame story to safeguard himself. He said when your wife was in Asia she called me and said she is now divorced and would like to resume work and need some financial help to come back to Australia. She requested him to arrange for her hotel accommodation until she finds an apartment to stay. He said I am a nice guy so though about helping her and hence booked an apartment for her and also went to receive her and her mom at the airport.

 

I asked him what was she doing outside your residence? He again made up a story saying I dropped her outside my building and requested her to wait at the lobby so that he could park his car and walk by to search for an apartment for her. I told him don't give a crap because I caught her entering your lift. He denied it and stuck to the same thing.

 

I exposed my wife's past to him and told him about my cousin affair as well. The idea was to make him realize to what extent my wife could go to so that he thinks twice before entreating her more. I also told him that I wont give her divorce papers as she screwed my life and its her time to feel the pain.

 

He was shocked to know the story, However I told him that you have given a bull**** story to me because I know you are the reason why my wife left me and also told him that if at all he ever speaks to her or tries to meet her then I will walk up to his wife and expose him. He got so scared and said I am really scared of my wife and please do not walk up to her as he loves her and kids. I said did you not think before screwing my life? But Again, he swore and said I haven't touched your wife yet. Which I think is crap.

 

Now eventually, he promised he will cut all ties with my wife and never entertain her call or messages.

 

So the bottom line is, My Wife lost everything in a span of 1 month. She lost me but I think she will realize and repent later, She lost her Job and her new love.

 

I am quite adamant on not giving divorce papers so soon. I want her to suffer for few months, realize what she did to me, feel the pain like how I did and still living with it.

 

Just a Guy - Yes I did go through Bryan's thread and I really appreciate how strongly he handle his case. I wish I was so strong.

 

Anyway Guys, What do you think was my approach right? What is your advise on this?

[turnera]

Awesome. I hope you'll stay around and help other men by encouraging them to expose early and strongly.

[therhythm]

I always wonder what people find so gratifying on vengeance.... so you hurt her back, she lost everything .... did that help you in anyway to heal your wounds?

You have gone to her same level, you are not better than her anymore...

[turnera]

meh, she MADE that happen by her choices. Which she KNEW were wrong and did anyway.

[therhythm]

meh, she MADE that happen by her choices. Which she KNEW were wrong and did anyway.

 

Life is full of choices... You are only responsible for yours... just because other people take the wrong choices it does not make your own wrong choices right....

Vengeance is poison... and a bad advisor... You can't undo things once you have done them...

[Realist3]

I always wonder what people find so gratifying on vengeance.... so you hurt her back, she lost everything .... did that help you in anyway to heal your wounds?

You have gone to her same level, you are not better than her anymore...

 

I often wonder about this state of mentality as well. I know a lot of people do it and support it especially on here; but at the end of the day, or lets say after a few months it won't do anything.

 

To me it is a sign of internal weakness. If you are hurt that bad then walk away and let them be their miserable selves.

 

But the act of inflicting pain on others under the guise of vengeance or making yourself 'feel better' is totally empty.

[Realist3]

In this particular case his wife fell out of love and Zak could not accept it.

 

It is like trying to have a love relationship with a caged animal. It was never going to work he just didn't want to accept it.

[Zak1]

Well I am probably not convinced by Therhythm & Realist3 comments.

 

I had to expose them at work because I couldn't take the fact that my wife was dating her Boss. They planned it well, she left me saying she would never come back to Aus. Just after 3 weeks she comes back again to Aus without me knowing about it.

 

I cant express in words what pain I am going through, she has always betrayed me, played with my feelings and didn't even care and wanted a easy way out.

 

I wont take a blame on me for her resignation because I never went to her office expecting the organization to take a call on these people. It was her personal decision to resign and leave.

 

You cant hurt the one you love the most, But i have now realized she never loved me all she did was played with me and was waiting for an opportunity to cheat again. We were planning to start a family and she shattered my dreams to become a father. Hate her for everything.

 

Eventually I will give away the papers but I need her to feel what pain and suffering is all about. I am glad that her Boss will cut ties with her and the day she will be left alone she will repent for what she did to me and i pray to God that she dies to come back to me again and at that time i wont accept her at any cost.

 

 

One thing I realized Never ever stay in a relationship if your spouse cheats on you because " Once a cheater always a cheater" I gave 2 chances and again i was cheated. That tells the story.

 

Any Suggestions or does anyone of you still think i did the wrong thing by exposing them?

[Just a Guy]

Hi Zak1, Good to know that you handled the matter rationally and purposefully. Please remember that Therhythm and Realist are not in your shoes and so they can offer their opinion but you are equally free to ignore it if you think it does not fit in with your situation. It is all very well for people to offer such high sounding but really empty advice or take a High Moral ground when they have Not been in your shoes and do not know your pain. Yes, if you were Jesus Christ you would act the way they are suggesting you should have. However you are human and have been hurt in a very personal and agonizing way. What you have done is Not wrong.

 

In the US Army I believe they have regulations that treat such matters very seriously and if a person reports his or her service spouse for infidelity, leading to breakup of the marriage or a serious threat to it, the US Military takes a very serious view of it and probably suspends the people involved in an affair, from the service. I do not pretend to know US Military regulations but have read about them here and this is my understanding of them. Your having taken action the way you have has imposed consequences on your ex wife and will be a lesson for her for her lifetime. I really cannot understand how a young Muslim girl from India could behave like your ex-wife did. Normally Muslim girls are sweet natured and very devoted to their husbands. Your ex-wife it appears is a monster and you are well rid of her. Cheers!

[Zak1]

Hi Just a Guy, Its always wonderful to hear from people like you as it encourages to take a rational decision. Yes everyone has a right to express their views but I did what I felt was right because the pain is unbearable. Feels my heart has been stamped over and broken into pieces. Even today I cant stop crying and wonder Y it had to happen to me after all the love and affection I showed towards her.

 

Its always difficult for emotional people to move on, I wish I was strong enough to say I care a damn about her and deleted all the memories.

She left but gifted me with sadness, memories and loneliness.

 

I have to eventually Move On as I have responsibilities and need to take care of my retired parents. Impact on my work will jeopardize everything around. Ain't easy to think of getting in love or getting married as the scares are really deep.

 

Just a Guy - She was a Non -Muslim before marriage and got converted once she married me. so now she is converting back to her religion. What an insult and disrespect she brought to me and my religion. I am sure God is watching and she wont be spared by him for the mess she did.

 

I don't know how to look forward and I feel I have lost my smile and just surrounded by sadness, stress and depression.

[Zak1]

Hi All,

 

My wife has filed for divorce this morning, She has sent me a scanned copy of Court Notice letter and I need to attend the hearing next week.

 

So eventually she is dragging me to court. What a bitch I married. After screwing my life this was the last thing she had to do to me.

 

Let the case go on for months.

 

Any Advice?

[turnera]

Do only what benefits you and what makes you happiest. If you want to see her suffer and wait for months or years, postpone as much as you can. If you want her out of your life asap, go file and order it done asap.

[Zak1]

2long I think you are right. No point holding on to it as it will simply consume more time and energy and moreover I wont be able to move on thinking the papers are still pending.

 

The best punishment for her is to set her free and make her realize I don't care and she aint my concern anymore.

 

The dirt needs to be off my clothes and I think I should invest more time on discovering my hobbies, May be play football, cricket, gym a lot. Need to concentrate on work as that's my bread and butter.

 

I hope what happened to me doesn't happen with anyone. I will always keep praying to God that make her repent for her actions someday. Repentance should be so deep and unbearable.

 

She has shown no remorse infact she is roaming with her mom, updating pix on facebook and I like a dumb person crying thinking y she did this to me. But now I wont shed a tear because "Once a Whore always a Whore"

 

Wish me luck to fight this phase off and move forward and hopefully get a beautiful, loving and caring woman in the future.

 

Just a Guy - Waiting for your comments too.

 

Cheers!!