Author Devildog Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 Well, time has caught up with me my friends. I leave now for the final act in this saga. When next I post it will be as a Divorced Man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 It's all finished. And the end came silently and alone. No sigh of relief. No weight of the world off my shoulders. A few questions from the lawyer, the judge pronouncing that the Marriage is dissolved, and that was that. A piece of paper, that is all it was. I guess a piece of paper signed by some official doesn't tell us what our feelings are. In the end, it's just a piece of paper. Mrs. Devildog no longer legally exists. I am officially a Divorced father. It says so on a piece of paper, signed by a judge and duly notarized. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I wish I had something to say to you just now that was profound and comforting. All I can say is that if I were in your position, I think I'd probably be most comforted by my children. You know, I wouldn't change a hair on their heads. You took a walk through the fire, buddy.....no mistake. You're a card-carrying member of the "been there and done that" club. But you've got an amazing little person in your life to show for it. I think even fraught with the problems you'll still have with her mother, every one of her little smiles will make it all worth it somehow. Link to post Share on other sites
SummerRae Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 LadyJane that was beautiful. Thank you. DDog, you know I'm here rootin' for ya too! PM me if/when u need to talk. You are going to be better because of this, I promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 Thank you all. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for the advice and compassion of a large number of folks here. I owe you all a debt of gratitude. I'll survive this. I've emerged from worse tragedies. But there is always going to be a certain degree of sadness I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted March 18, 2005 Author Share Posted March 18, 2005 I have to admit, the divorce has been a set back for me. The last 3 days I have been in a bit of depression. I keep thinking about how things were in the begining, how this could have been avoided. What if I had made her see the truth? What if I had forced her to confront the real source of her unhappiness? Could things have been different? I need to shake this feeling, this sadness. She has called the last two days just to talk basically. I still care about her, still want her to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Hey Snoop-Devildy-Doggy, I can appreciate how you feel. I often say to my ex, "I still care, but I care from an arms length away now". Then again, with some of the crap she still pulls even that is sometimes a stretch. The reality is that you can't force someone to love you and more importantly you shouldn't have to. Chin up DD. Better days ahead. Y Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog What if I had forced her to confront the real source of her unhappiness? Could things have been different? You're beating yourself up. How could you have "forced" her to do ANYTHING? Re-read your thread, and remember.... She wasn't listening to a word you were saying for the longest time. I agree with Yikes. Care....but do it from an arm's length away, at least for right now. Give it three weeks and then re-evaluate your feelings. It's too fresh, and you're too vulnerable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted March 20, 2005 Author Share Posted March 20, 2005 Just to let everyone know, I am doing alot better now. Got through the rough spot with some good advice from some good folks here. I know I will always care about my XW. It is just my nature. Once they get in to certain depth, there is no cutting them out completely. I just hope that doesn't cause problems down the line, with new relationships. I have to make sure that the care is kept to a certain level that doesn't interfere. The bullets are being stopped again. And I am making decisions that are for my own good. Kind of a new thing for me. I don't usually take care of me first. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 DD, glad you are doing better...And I'm really happy to hear that you are putting yourself first. It hasn't been an easy time for you - So start enjoying the little things in life to build up your happiness again. Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 Yay for DD! Glad to hear that you are living for YOU now. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted March 20, 2005 Share Posted March 20, 2005 I'm glad to hear you're feeling better. What have you been doing to keep your spirits up? Have you been getting out of the house and seeing friends? Taking up any new hobbies, or revisiting some old ones? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted March 22, 2005 Author Share Posted March 22, 2005 So, today I have been unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace. My counselor has turned me loose. My last session this morning. I was kinda expecting it. Even going once a month there wasn't enough to discuss to fill the whole hour. So I guess I am clinically sane now. That's a scary thought. Link to post Share on other sites
PatientOne Posted March 22, 2005 Share Posted March 22, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog So, today I have been unleashed upon an unsuspecting populace. Thanks for the warning DD, I'll hide my daughters! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 It's been awhile since I posted any updates on what is happening with me. The last few weeks I have been spending alot of time with a wonderful woman. A single mother working on her Master's Degree in Psychology. We have so much in common it is scary. That list of what we look for in our next relationship? I did that, set the requirements incredibly high. Figured I would never find anyone that comes close. She meets them all and has added a few new ones to it. For right now we are just "friends" but do alot of things together, talk alot, laugh alot and just generally give each other a good time, short of physically. Under the small world category, it gets interesting. Like I said, I live in a small town area. It turns out the "friend" of the XW had an obsession with this woman. When I told her about what had happened with my marriage, and who it was, she got really upset with the "friend" of the XW. So she has been hoping to really burn both my XW and her "friend" for what they did. We took our daughters to the pool yesterday afternoon. XW called about 4 times while we were there. She called again on the way home, and the woman I went with asked if she could answer the call. So, I let her. XW went ballistic! I could hear my XW and I don't have a speaker phone. She handed me my cell phone and said loud enough for my XW to hear "here honey, it's for you. XW ended up calling back an hour later to "apolgoize" but it wasn't an apology as much as it was a fishing expedition to find out who it was I was with. Since part of the goal here was to burn both the XW and her "friend" I gave her the name. XW called back this morning to honestly apologize, admitted she was jealous when she heard a woman's voice answering my phone. Admitted she was so angry and upset she gave her self a migraine. But atleast now she is acting a bit more adult about the situation. Maybe now she will start trying to be civilized for our daughter sake. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog XW called back this morning to honestly apologize, admitted she was jealous when she heard a woman's voice answering my phone. Admitted she was so angry and upset she gave her self a migraine. But atleast now she is acting a bit more adult about the situation. Maybe now she will start trying to be civilized for our daughter sake. Well DEVILDAWG, that is why I preach when a lover does u wrong you should do the same to them. None of this being "nice" bull-krap. Being nice does not work. You see how the EX reacted when another woman answered your phone. HA HA H A i love it. this is the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted April 25, 2005 Author Share Posted April 25, 2005 Yeah ALPHA, I am inclined to agree with you here. XW got a major attitude adjustment with this one. But the fun is just starting here. This woman is a smokin' hottie. She will be attending a few weddings in the next few months with me, and she has this slinky little black dress she plans on wearing. My XW's sister is most likely going to be at one of these weddings too. So I have a feeling the XW will be acting a bit more civilized and mature on a permanent basis when all is said and done. Her little delusions of thinking I would be miserable, lonely and pining for her until the end of my days will be shattered. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 26, 2005 Share Posted April 26, 2005 DD- Miss ya madly Sounds like things are progressing. LOVE the answering the phone thing- that was totally awesome!! Smokin hottie huh? Gotta love that description! By the way, still haven't tried your suggestion yet- but I'm thinking about it this weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
Yikes Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Hey Devilty-Doggity, Nice one... perfect. That HAD to warm the cockles of your heart. You probably couldn't have ticked her off more if you tried, gotta love it. Like the old saying goes, the best revenge is being happy, and if you are happy with a hottie, more the better I always say. Evidently just another case of "I don't want ya, but I don't want anyone else to want ya either". Congrats, Y Link to post Share on other sites
Israfil Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog She handed me my cell phone and said loud enough for my XW to hear "here honey, it's for you." ah, just a taste of sweet revenge. *licks lips* luv ya, DD. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by Yikes You probably couldn't have ticked her off more if you tried, gotta love it. Sure I could. She suggested I forward my cell phone to her cell phone, so anytime my XW called she could answer and say I was sleeping or in the shower and would have to call back. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 OMG that would be classic!! He's in the shower! Answer sleepy and say "He's busy right now" and then giggle! Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 What up DOG! That's the way to do it. kudos! I was thinking have her answer "DD's Pants!, He's not in them right now...." ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Devildog Posted May 24, 2005 Author Share Posted May 24, 2005 XW called me this past weekend sobbing. Saying she was sorry she couldn't give me what I wanted and needed in a marriage. Basicaly made me feel guilty somehow for what happened and that I was moving on with my life. I got over that. She called again this morning and asked if there was no chance for us ever again? Uh, no, there really isn't. Now somehow, in her screwed up head, she has rewritten history or something and the divorce and everything was my decision and my doing! If I would have given her the time to get her head straight we could have worked things out. Uh, I'm sorry, but if to get your head straight means you needed to be able to date other guys, there is nothing to work out. I should have trusted her with dating these other guys, then there wouldn't have been a problem or divorce. She obviously has no freakin clue about the definition of a marriage! See, I might be old fashioned here, but my understanding of a marriage does not include dating other people when you are married and have children together. Going out and giving other people a test drive to see if the person you are married to is better or not isn't my idea of what a marriage should be. Of course the timing of this makes you wonder. My "friend" answered my phone again last week when the XW called, so the XW has convinced herself that she "interrupted something". (Like either of us would have answered the phone or even realized there was a phone if that was happening). So basically XW is both jealous and realizes that I'm not a safety net. After she gets done with her little flings she knows she can't just walk back and find me waiting with open arms. And suddenly she is back-pedaling on her stories again. The initial "friend" issue was her helping him through a rough time again instead of her needing someone to talk to. Crap like that. She has basically gone back to square one with everything. The difference is this time, she is on the other side. Maybe she will get the help she needs now to straighten her self and her life out. Maybe then she will be able to have a healthy relationship with someone in the future. But it isn't likely that it's going to be with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted May 25, 2005 Share Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog She called again this morning and asked if there was no chance for us ever again? I don't think we needed Miss Cleo to make this prediction. This was always just a matter of time. If even the tiniest portion of you is tempted....you need to remember that she would have to EARN her way back. What a long 'row to hoe' THAT would be! Link to post Share on other sites
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