joystickd Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Men dont mind waiting if they know the woman is consistent with that belief. A lot of men have heard the stories of guy waiting months or even yeats really loving the woman the relationship ends and she meets someone and he doesnt have to wait. Imagine how the guy that had to wait feels. In a way the deal feels one sided because im waiting and investing my time and feeling to show you i want more than just sex but what are you doing to show that. Then the thing is how do i know you are waiting too. Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I think it mostly depends on what you're looking for. When I was in my 20s and had zero interest in marriage, I assumed we would have sex within the first few dates. And I thought it was pretty magnanimous and gentlemanly of me to only have sex with one woman at a time. When I got older and started thinking about settling down, things changed completely. I started evaluating women in a different ways, because the things I thought would make a good wife and a good mom are very different from what I thought made a good girlfriend. I think that a person's willingness to wait for sex generally reflects the type of relationship they want. People looking for a LTR leading to marriage are going to be more cautious in vetting someone before entering a relationship. If you're just looking to bang someone, then nothing much matter besides how they look. Of course, there are some people who just lack impulse control and feel compelled to do everything that runs through their mind without considering the consequences of their behavior or how it might affect others. They can be totally and madly in love with you on the first date and then completely forget about you three weeks later when the next shiny bauble catches their eye. And there are apparently women who will date a guy they have no interest in for weeks and months, simply to avoid being alone. There is no way to be sure, but I think a person's behavior is the best indicator of their intentions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 What are you women that want to the man to wait doing to let the man know you are really interested in him and at some point want to have sex with him? In the eyes of most men what you do while waiting is essentially like being a male platonic friend and let's be honest here most men don't want to be that. What are you doing to let him know he is not that? If you notice women kind of blur that like between that and sex has become really the only difference. Link to post Share on other sites
daisybuchanan55 Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 There's a lot you can do to indicate interest without sticking the P in the V. I typically go a little "further" each time we hook up. Goes from kissing to making out to feeling up to oral sex to real sex. I think a lot of younger people in their 20's do this. Not sure about the older set. Would be interested to hear. For me, actual intercourse is a bigger deal than everything else. I think guys generally can figure out what's going on when we go further each time as we become more comfortable with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 What are you women that want to the man to wait doing to let the man know you are really interested in him and at some point want to have sex with him? In the eyes of most men what you do while waiting is essentially like being a male platonic friend and let's be honest here most men don't want to be that. What are you doing to let him know he is not that? If you notice women kind of blur that like between that and sex has become really the only difference. Honestly, if you are with a woman who will kiss, cuddle, make out, hold hands with, go on dates with, have intimate conversations with, and sleep in the same bed with a male platonic friend (and you're not into cuckolding), you've got way bigger problems on hand... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 What are you women that want to the man to wait doing to let the man know you are really interested in him and at some point want to have sex with him? One example I can think of is the PDA's I often observe amongst my married female friends. How they treat their husbands in public view; the types and levels of affection, care and love shown are nothing like how they treat their platonic male friends like myself. The man is clearly 'special' to them. A single woman can do the same even if remaining currently abstinent. I've met some single women who knew how to balance this equation well and their affection, love and care carried over into the bedroom when things progressed that far. Prior, though there was no overt sex, there was a sexual feeling and synergy which permeated the interactions. However, for a man who sees such actions, without PIV sex, as antithetical to his relationship and sexual style, such a woman would be incompatible. If chemistry felt, to him, had to be acted upon immediately at the genital sexual level, then they missed, presuming her perspective was different. It's really no different than any other relationship parameter. If there's a meeting of the minds, there is. If not, not. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
escafeld Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Paige, you tell a man what your boundaries and expectations are even before you get to the bedroom. Do that up front, so he'll know what to expect. To answer your question: It seems like it is a thing of the past, but it shouldn't be. Women who give it up to early and easy are the ones who end up getting used. I'm afraid I'm not a fan of this perspective where women 'have' something that they give away when they have sex with a man. Sex is a pleasurable activity for BOTH parties and if a woman (or man) is using it as a tool to win approval or as a form of currency rather than simply something that you might enjoy doing with someone you're close to then I think that's wrong. I've had a relationship where I slept with a girl on the first date and it resulted in a 20 year marriage and others where women have had a coy approach to sex and it's broken down fairly quickly (for unconnected reasons). My firm belief is if it feels right DO IT & ENJOY IT without recriminations or expectations! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 There is no way to be sure, but I think a person's behavior is the best indicator of their intentions. Here you go. Yes, we need to judge based on the behavior not words, and that's why you need to meet the guy a few times before sex, to see how he behaves. Our friends here who argue for sex early don't have a LTR as a goal despite their protests. JonasB even admitted that guys lie, but supposedly it's OK and acceptable because "they need to", since they want early sex and the women won't give it up casually for the not so good looking. Still doesn't make dishonesty OK, why would I want someone who thinks it's ok to lie to reach their goals? And sorry for the not so good looking, I repeat that it is "fair" that the not so good looking don't get casual sex, and the good looking do. Yes, it is fair because nothing in life is free if you didn't hear that. The good looking bring their looks to the table, and they give the woman validation, if they don't bring commitment. The not so good looking need to bring the commitment and love to compensate. That's why I stay away from the pretty ones, I don't want what they offer. Problem is, I strongly resent the not so good looking ones who want exactly the same thing and would use any means, step on anyone to get it. In my view, they don't deserve it and shouldn't seek it. Cynical? Maybe. So we need to work in our own interest, since the men do the same. As a woman it is usually pretty clear quite quickly, if you keep your eyes open, that is. Even if he's trying to lie. If he pushes for sex early (within three dates), and you are not looking for casual (fine if you are, go ahead, sometimes we need casual), it's not for you, despite all these arguments and whining here and out there. For me personally, the physical side needs to be escalated slowly and in a subtle way. I learned that questions like "what do you like to do in bed", asked at the second date are not good news. There are also other subtle signs that you can watch for, he cannot keep up the charade if you are smart and watch. For example, one of my guys pushed for sex, but wouldn't hold my hand in public, and he would take me out of town so he's not seen with me (small town), all while saying exactly what our male in the rush brigade here says "sex is soooo important, I want long term yada yada yada". Actions didn't match though, so here you go, it was justified to lie, bc he wasn't good looking perhaps, but if you pay attention to actions, lies don't matter. Keep your feet on the ground even if he wants them in the air, and your eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Life isn't fair, deal with it. I am dealing with it Link to post Share on other sites
Pillow Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 For me, the answer would be no it's not. As I said before, all or most of my friends are virgins in college. One is now getting married to another one. In fact, my generation of 23 year olds are actually more socially conservative than the older generation of 30 year olds. We are less likely to smoke, less likely to do any drugs, less likely to have teen pregnancy, more likely to be vegetarians, more likely to exercise, more likely to have friends of different races, etc. The millenials are a very moral generation. People always try to put in that we aren't, but we wouldn't have Taylor Swift as a icon if we were all sluts. There is actually statistic that showed college students are split 50/50. Half are virgins or in committed, long-term relationships and half sleep around. We are the generation of virginity bracelets (Selena Gomez, Hope Solo, Jonas Brothers) and announcing you are a virgin on live tv, etc. It's another form of rebellion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 You are operating on the assumption that all men, like you, need sex before they fall in love. I assure you that this isn't the case. It's fine to disagree on whether or not the opposite is common. In fact, I certainly am not claiming that it is common, although frankly I have personally had no problems finding such men. What I am saying, is that some men do fall in love with a woman before having sex with her (not necessarily on the first date), and some men do desire to commit to a woman (not necessarily marriage, but exclusivity) before having sex with her. And, surprise surprise, some men themselves prefer to get to know a woman and establish exclusivity before having sex! Ergo them choosing to wait is not necessarily related to whether or not they have 'options', as you claim. No, just... no. Please speak for yourself. You cannot possibly know what '95%' of men want or do, especially as you don't date men. Statements like these are precisely the sort of pressure I'm talking about. It insinuates that there is something 'wrong' with men who choose to wait, or that they are 'inferior'. Surely you can see that. Ok, I have re read a bit my posts and honestly it looks like I am desperate to get laid :lmao:... that is not the actual reality, I value many things when it comes to chose a partner but chemistry is one of the most important ones.. If by date three she is not wishing to have sex with me as much as I am wishing to have sex with her it has no point to wait, even when we can maybe create a bond by dating, it is not the sparkling passion I look to find in the person I will one day choose as my life partner. I am not going to discuss with you anymore if guys that can get easily laid would wait or not, obviously you have an strong opinion on that and I a have mine but at the end of the day both are no more than speculations as we are discussing other people way to act... Coming back to me I am a wild, passionate and adventurous person and I would not settle for less than wild, passionate and adventurous, a woman who is not willing to take risks for me is not worth of my time! People to whom a certain fetish is important (as opposed to being able to take it or leave it) should absolutely discuss it prior to having sex, IMO. In the case of that thread, it certainly seemed like it was important to him, otherwise he would have no problems leaving it aside when she told him she wasn't comfortable with it. I actually fully agree with you on this but the key word here is should, people usually don't do what they should do and that may create horrible situations. Anyway when it comes to sexual compatibility kinkiness is just a small part of it, what about libido, stamina, initiative, passivity and again the most important for me CHEMISTRY. I don't have anything against women waiting for sex as long as they want, I just would not wait Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 For me, the answer would be no it's not. As I said before, all or most of my friends are virgins in college. One is now getting married to another one. In fact, my generation of 23 year olds are actually more socially conservative than the older generation of 30 year olds. We are less likely to smoke, less likely to do any drugs, less likely to have teen pregnancy, more likely to be vegetarians, more likely to exercise, more likely to have friends of different races, etc. The millenials are a very moral generation. People always try to put in that we aren't, but we wouldn't have Taylor Swift as a icon if we were all sluts. There is actually statistic that showed college students are split 50/50. Half are virgins or in committed, long-term relationships and half sleep around. We are the generation of virginity bracelets (Selena Gomez, Hope Solo, Jonas Brothers) and announcing you are a virgin on live tv, etc. It's another form of rebellion. We are the generation of extremes it seems Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 In the end, it's a question of compatibility. The sex early male brigade has a large sex early woman brigade they can couple up with (I know, only if they are good looking oh well). The rest are not sexually compatible, simple as that, find a compatible woman. If as a woman you have sex at the first or second date, you can "fall" into a 20 yr relationship, but you might need to sleep with many men before that happens, unless you are so lucky uppps slept with ONE guy and he asked me to marry him. If you, as a woman, are fine with sleeping with many men, and strong enough to deal with the consequences of some of these not calling after sex, more power to you and everyone is happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 In the end, it's a question of compatibility. The sex early male brigade has a large sex early woman brigade they can couple up with (I know, only if they are good looking oh well). The rest are not sexually compatible, simple as that, find a compatible woman. If as a woman you have sex at the first or second date, you can "fall" into a 20 yr relationship, but you might need to sleep with many men before that happens, unless you are so lucky uppps slept with ONE guy and he asked me to marry him. If you, as a woman, are fine with sleeping with many men, and strong enough to deal with the consequences of some of these not calling after sex, more power to you and everyone is happy. I think you are undermining the capacity of woman to judge the intentions of men. Men are simple beings, we are not very difficult to read when it comes to it if you use your brains and not your heart to make the judgment... Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I think you are undermining the capacity of woman to judge the intentions of men. Men are simple beings, we are not very difficult to read when it comes to it if you use your brains and not your heart to make the judgment... Completely agree with you 100%. You can tell the intentions early if you use your brain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I'm afraid I'm not a fan of this perspective where women 'have' something that they give away when they have sex with a man. Sex is a pleasurable activity for BOTH parties and if a woman (or man) is using it as a tool to win approval or as a form of currency rather than simply something that you might enjoy doing with someone you're close to then I think that's wrong. I've had a relationship where I slept with a girl on the first date and it resulted in a 20 year marriage and others where women have had a coy approach to sex and it's broken down fairly quickly (for unconnected reasons). My firm belief is if it feels right DO IT & ENJOY IT without recriminations or expectations! Exactly this! If someone has the idea that is making me a favor for having sex with me then I don't want it... Sex is a mutual pleasurable experience and if it end or not in a relationship should not be regretted by anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
joystickd Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Honestly, if you are with a woman who will kiss, cuddle, make out, hold hands with, go on dates with, have intimate conversations with, and sleep in the same bed with a male platonic friend (and you're not into cuckolding), you've got way bigger problems on hand... You know some women will wait and not even do that. Even some women do that with men they have no interest in really having sex they just someone to occupy time Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Keep your feet on the ground even if he wants them in the air, and your eyes open. Got THAT right! Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) Yes, you men are very simple beings. All you want is, first and foremost, your penis satisfied, then food & water, then money, success and power so that you can Lord it over people. I see you totally have a great impression about men... I guess with such a wisdom you have already achieved that powerful man (not arrogant) who will allow you to control his life... Emm now that I think about it, it is not you the one who was dating a 40 year old man who lives with his mom, doesn't have a job and is a drunk and drug abuser that by the way dumped you? Someone needs to learn to have some respect for the other gender or will have a tragic love life ... Edited June 1, 2013 by therhythm Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 My experience dating men around my age (I'm 26) vs. older men (32+) is like night and day. Usually older guys are much more experienced and understand the benefits to building a relationship prior to having sex. Younger guys are horny, not likely thinking about commitment and unable to see the long-term benefits of being a bit more picky. I'm enjoying your posts, but as a woman of 35 who's dated a broader range for a longer duration, I disagree with the above. Let me explain. There is a small window age- and relationship-related where a guy who is relationship oriented is more patient and willing to wait for sex, and I've found it to be among the never-married guys who are 30-35. These guys understand the value of waiting, both for the woman (protect herself emotionally) and for him (let a relationship really develop, and not die out fast). They're willing to wait, within reason. Older than that the window, and they've got a lot of relationship experience under their belt, likely divorced, and they just don't see sex as sacred. Rather, they're more concerned, at their age (time is running out!), of not wasting their time on someone they're not sexually compatible with (which they've learned through the aforementioned experience). Most of the guys I've been dating lately are late-30's and early 40's, and I'm finding them less patient than the guys I dated in my 20's. But guys in their 20's, yes, unless they're religious and waiting for marriage, they're horny and looking to get it as soon as they can. However, that doesn't mean they just want sex. I'd say about 50% of them fall immediately into a relationship with their score, whereas the others just notch their bed post and move on to the next. It's really impossible to tell with these guys until you actually do the deed. Waiting won't tell you which guy he would have been. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Any man of any "quality" level will wait for a woman who is the "right" woman. He may be having sex with others during the waiting period, but he won't kick her to the curb unless the waiting is really extreme...as in, till marriage. While waiting on you, he could end up in a relationship with one of the others he's having sex with... and thus yes, kick you to the curb. Timing is everything. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I think it is prudish, not that it is a bad thing, just compared to me. I just don't see the point in waiting out of fear, the beautiful thing about relationships is the risk. I fully believe in just jumping in and seeing what happens and going with the flow. Unplanned, I want you sex, is amazing, and I don't think waiting makes any relationship more likely to last, or giving it up too soon, more likely to not work. I think people who hold out on sex for them it is a control thing, and in a way, it is a game, a game I don't like to play. Nothing is guaranteed, so I could either have great sex and have it not work out, or no sex and have it not work out. Or, I could have great sex and it work out. From my experience, if a man likes you, when you have sex doesn't matter that much. So why not do it sooner? To each their own though! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Let me ask you this: let's talk about high-quality women. I consider myself "high-quality." Not being conceited, just laying out the facts. In shape, attractive, good dresser, good job, and I'm a public figure who many people have seen on TV. By this definition, a "high quality man" is in shape, attractive, employed, popular. Is that all it takes? Really? That's not "high quality" to me. That's all superficial. "High quality" involves a person of character and integrity, who has a great sense of humor, can roll with the punches, has emotional intelligence, capable of empathy, a generous spirit, wants to make something of himself and his life, etc., etc. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sillyanswer Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Nothing is guaranteed, so I could either have great sex and have it not work out, or no sex and have it not work out. Or, I could have great sex and it work out. Or the sex might be bad, and so you don't want to stick it out for a relationship, and you can cut your losses rather than invest any more time. But let's hope for great sex. I like your optimism. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Not even sure how to reply as I've never had to "wait" for sex. The first time I had sex was within a week or two after getting my first kiss and I actually had to fight the girl off of me when she tried to rape me because I was afraid of getting her pregnant. I dunno...I guess I'm a huge advocate of chemistry and passion...if it's not there, I don't really feel a need to go any further. Most of the girls I've been with...we had sex either on the first date or there was some very strong sexual contact within the first 3 dates and the only reason why we didn't have sex right away was because there no opportune place to. If I've gone out on a handful of dates with a girl and there's no sex or no sign of anything leading to sex, it doesn't go any further. NOT because of the lack of sex...but because of the lack of chemistry...if that makes sense. I would never EVER pressure someone for sex. This makes me wonder what guys really meant when they told me it didn't work out with so-and-so (or even me?) because of a "lack of chemistry." Hmph. Link to post Share on other sites
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