BF "relieved himself" moments after breaking up

[crederer]

That's probably one of the most messed up things I've ever heard.

 

I had an ex that when I broke up with her she basically raped me. I could have over powered her, but if a man did to a woman what she did to me, it would definately have been considered rape. Too long to post the details but....

[soccerrprp]

EEEEEWWWWW! Something is off with this guy! Or he's a total scumbag!

[J_L_C]

Stop bashing yourself through a wall to excuse his behavior. I must have been doing something wrong. I must have been lacking. That comes from a place of zero self-love and zero self-esteem. It's all my fault. I'm not likeable. I'm nothing. I did XYZ so that's why it was okay for him to humiliate me. I deserve to be treated like s***. Quit that victim crap.

 

And not everyone is going to love you. Not everyone is going to like you. I have had ex's treat me like s*** only to one day move on to another and treat them far better than they did me. You're not an exception. Maybe they were just assh0les or just assh0les with me. I will never know. You will never know.

 

Please find a new therapist.

 

I'd like to think that if he treated me that way then he would treat another that way too. I don't like to think it was just something about me (chemistry, personality or otherwise) and that some other girl is more "worthy" of his good behaviour. Ouch.

[Kay_29]

now you see the real.... be happy to be out!

[stillafool]

I don't know why I can't get past this. As I posted earlier, I feel like there was something about ME to give him motive to treat me this way. If everyone is saying he NEVER loved me, then whoever he ENDS UP LOVING will NEVER get this a s s hole treatement. Yay for me.

 

Who cares who he ends up loving in the end. Hopefully he will improve hisself and shown some woman true love in the end. If not it will be no sweat off your back because hopefully you will be so blissfully in love with another guy who loves and respects you. Stop worrying about his healing and what he will do in the future with other girls. The future is not promised to any of us. What are you doing to help yourself get over him?

[venusianx13]

That's really disgusting. My ex behaved in similar ways. I'm not qualified to diagnose anyone, but it wasn't normal behavior. Knowing this, it was easier to move on (finally). You should try and look at it that way, instead of ruminating on it.

[Zahara]

I'd like to think that if he treated me that way then he would treat another that way too. I don't like to think it was just something about me (chemistry, personality or otherwise) and that some other girl is more "worthy" of his good behaviour. Ouch.

 

Stop thinking. That's your problem. You're trying figure out what was/is going on in his head. You can't. He treated you well when you were dating. He treated you like crap when it ended. How do you figure that out? Again, you can't.

 

You don't even know who he is because he went from one extreme to another. So, quit trying to figure him out. Quit trying to drill in your head that maybe you weren't worthy of any decency or respect because it was something you did. How about he was just an assh0le? Why does it have to be something wrong with you?

 

He may treat the next like crap. He may treat her like her queen. If he could not see your potential, then that was his problem but that doesn't lessen your worth because your worth is determined by you. Not him.

[Simon Phoenix]

I'd like to think that if he treated me that way then he would treat another that way too. I don't like to think it was just something about me (chemistry, personality or otherwise) and that some other girl is more "worthy" of his good behaviour. Ouch.

 

Instead of worrying about who he might find, why not work on yourself so you can find a proper guy that will treat you well? I really just don't understand where you got such a low opinion of yourself that you keep trying to blame yourself for this monster. Odds are that you weren't the first woman he treated like crap and odds are that you won't be the last. It's time for you to be active in moving on. This is extremely unhealthy. Your ex was an a--hole. Don't allow him to turn you into an a--hole.

 

Trying to figure out what another person is thinking is one of the biggest wastes of time on this Earth. Yet you've spent 10 months on it. You are incapable of controlling yourself, much less another person. So please, stop.

[BC1980]

You will never get a satisfactory, so there is no point in thinking about it. You cannot figure out what someone else is thinking.

[Zahara]

I know the masturbating thing was clearly messed up, but is there any chance it was just an isolated incident where he got carried away without thinking?

 

I am not making excuses for him, but I just never thought he was getting jollies off of my pain. That IS messed up and if that's actually what that was all about, then I DO NOT want to think of him ANYMORE. But I'll never know deep down what caused him to behave in that way.

 

Isolated incident? Did you forget all the other things he did to you that constitutes him being an assh0le and one that is not deserving of you?

 

1. Posssibly cheated on you. Met a woman and asked for her contact information 3 weeks before your break-up and within days of the break-up, this woman was at his house.

 

2. Called you an idiot and that you weren't too bright. And YOU questioned how someone who loves you could ever talk this way.

 

3. Asked you to stay on the pill so that he could have "EX-SEX" with you.

 

4. Didn't have any concern when you had a health issue.

 

5. Nearly exposed you to an STD when he lied to you about not sleeping with others and didn't want to use protection with you, when he was sleeping with others.

 

Put the wanking aside and getting off on your pain. What about the above does not register with you that he didn't care about your well-being - emotionally, mentally or physically?

[Sittinginmcds]

Ok so he breaks your heart tries to have sex you say no a he jerks off right there? Is that right? Now you want to know what that means-It means he is a selfish dick.

[J_L_C]

My thoughts.

 

1. He was hurt a lot when he was younger.

 

2. He learned to love himself/life instead of coping. Started to dislike people and not trust them.

 

3. Afraid to get close to people, so any feelings he has towards another person is focused on himself (go to 2.).

 

4. Cause of this he had no problem degrading you because his love for you was actually for himself. And yes he got off on your pain. A sad truth but it's the truth.

 

I could be wrong. You wanted an answer, though, so there it is.

 

It's ironic you mentioned he may have been hurt when he was younger. He was... But not from love. He was severely bullied as a child and had life coaching for the past year. The focus was on developing confidence, being assertive and learning how to be positive to all things in life. He definitely loves himself to the point of arrogance. His commonly used line was "I'm a great person who deserves the best and won't settle for anything less". He thought I would benefit from life coaching too and was always trying to "fix me" in the name of "care & concern".

 

He used to tell me he was a pretty special guy and that I'd be hard pressed to find anyone like him. He said he has high expectations and expects a lot from the one he's with. He is such a show-off around others, has to be the life of the party and impress. He's never at fault and everyone else is an "idiot" if something goes wrong. Eventually he told me he just shook his head at the choices and decisions I made in my life and that's probably why he said I was a "***kking idiot who isn't too bright". I'm well established in my career as a teacher and he keeps getting let-go from jobs. Do the math hehe.

[Simon Phoenix]

It's ironic you mentioned he may have been hurt when he was younger. He was... But not from love. He was severely bullied as a child and had life coaching for the past year. The focus was on developing confidence, being assertive and learning how to be positive to all things in life. He definitely loves himself to the point of arrogance. His commonly used line was "I'm a great person who deserves the best and won't settle for anything less". He thought I would benefit from life coaching too and was always trying to "fix me" in the name of "care & concern".

 

He used to tell me he was a pretty special guy and that I'd be hard pressed to find anyone like him. He said he has high expectations and expects a lot from the one he's with. He is such a show-off around others, has to be the life of the party and impress. He's never at fault and everyone else is an "idiot" if something goes wrong. Eventually he told me he just shook his head at the choices and decisions I made in my life and that's probably why he said I was a "***kking idiot who isn't too bright". I'm well established in my career as a teacher and he keeps getting let-go from jobs. Do the math hehe.

 

No need to continue to sweat this lawn jockey then. He sucks, you don't. Case closed counselor.

[underpants]

Oh my goodness.

 

Consider this.

 

You are taking a lovely walk on a beautiful day. The birds are chirping, the flowers are in bloom and there is a lovely breeze in the air.

 

All of a sudden you step in a pile of ****.

 

Do you ask yourself, think to yourself:

 

Oh this smells awful. I wonder what caused this to smell so bad. I hope I didn't hurt that **** when I stepped in it. Does that **** miss me, think about me? I am in love with this stinking pile of ****. What if this pile of **** treats the next shoe better then me.

 

NO!

 

You think. Yuck! I just stepped in a pile of ****. Wipe it off your shoe and be perturbed for a little while.

 

You can't polish a turd.

[J_L_C]

You guys aren't helping.

 

This is a traumatic experience for her. Things like this are solved by confronting them, not suppressing them.

 

Suppressing this experience also suppresses her emotions, sadness, and loss. That will eventually lead to low(er) self-worth, and low(er) self-esteem.

 

Even if it juggles her mind, over time it will fade away at an appropriate pace. I'm sure she has tried to let it go (even if not stated here), but it's in the back of her mind, at all times.

 

You are right. I DO feel worse about myself. Prior to my relationship with him I why shy in certain situations, but overall I was fairly happy, spunky and care-free. Since this, I've been questioning a lot about myself. It's really brought me down. It was so bad in fact that I had to take a leave from work for awhile. Since going back to work things have gotten better but it's still a tough go for me. I think about our relationship every day and constantly swirl things around in my head. It definitely is a traumatic experience for me because I was so in love and so trusting of his feelings for me. Everything that transpired after our split completely shocked me and made me wonder who I was really dating. That's the part that continues to scare me...you never really know a person.

[J_L_C]

No one is asking her to supress it. Of course supressing emotions doesn't work. But obsessing over it is not going to help her either.

 

She needs to replace the obsessing with a positive activity to channel the energy into. Hence why the counselor suggested a new hobby, but I don't believe she's actually tried that. She gains comfort from the obsessing. That won't end well.

 

JLC, I asked you earlier about how you've tried to actually incorporate a new activity into your life to channel this energy and you didn't answer. Did you actually try taking up a hobby, or did you dismiss what the counselor said because it wasn't what you wanted to hear?

 

The purpose of therapy is to indulge you for one or two sessions to get it all out of your system, then after that, they will start to provide you with solutions to kick-start the healing process. It's not about going there week after week and talking about the same problem over and over.

 

So - did you start a hobby? Did you start NC? Did you box up/delete/purge everything that reminds you of him?

 

I got rid of his things the first week after we split. That's when I caught him with the girl he started "talking to" before we'd actually split. I burned all of our pictures and tossed every gift he ever gave me. I erased his phone contact and blocked it too. I don't listen to any songs that remind me of "us". I avoid it all.

 

As for keeping busy, I recently went back to work. I just couldn't deal with my depression at the time and the burden of work stress was too much. I am spending a lot more time with friends but there honestly isn't a hobby I am much interested in. I used to work out a lot and haven't gotten the desire back.

I still spend a lot of time alone but I enjoy it. I read or listen to music. I also enjoy writing. Solitary activities bring me peace. But I recognize I lost a lot of myself while in this relationship and due to its demise as well.

[underpants]

It definitely is a traumatic experience for me because I was so in love and so trusting of his feelings for me. Everything that transpired after our split completely shocked me and made me wonder who I was really dating. That's the part that continues to scare me...you never really know a person.

 

Well that part does suck.

 

I think once you get through this, and you will. You will be thankful when someone does reveal themselves to you. You may even develop skills that allow you to pick up on things sooner before you invest too much of yourself into a relationship.

 

How about a class of some sort? You can be solitary learning a new thing and maybe even meet some interesting people in the process.

[J_L_C]

No, I'm not 'cyberstalking' him. He deleted and blocked me on facebook ages ago.

 

I constantly feel like I am waiting for something that's never going to happen. I don't mean getting back together...just a friendly message saying "hi, I still know you're alive" basically. I just honestly thought I would have heard from him by this point and I'm growing more and more frustrated when I don't. I honestly don't think I will ever, EVER hear from him again.

[siankat]

call him up

[J_L_C]

Knowing me I probably will call him up sometime. I don't get how I could have meant so much at one point, only to mean this little now.

[J_L_C]

That's true. I just wish I mnew what on earth was going thru his mind when he did what he did (jerking off incident)..

[CarrieT]

That's true. I just wish I mnew what on earth was going thru his mind when he did what he did (jerking off incident)..

 

Frankly, when I guy has his dick in his hand and there is active wanking, very little is going through his mind that can be intelligently explained in a cohesive or comprehensive fashion that would ever satisfy the burning question in your mind...

 

 

Seriously. You think HE would be able to tell you what he was THINKING at that point???

[Leigh 87]

He is disgusting.

 

I feel sorry for him.

 

I do not believe people who lack empathy to that extent are EVER going to find true love.

 

I am so sorry you had to waste your time with such a horrible person.

 

I think you should seek a therapist and tell her everything; that a guy you loved broke your heart and then masturbated in front of you.

 

Therapy, and improving your own life and cutting this....... utter moron out of your life.

 

I have never heard of a guy this terrible.

[J_L_C]

He is disgusting.

 

I feel sorry for him.

 

I do not believe people who lack empathy to that extent are EVER going to find true love.

 

I am so sorry you had to waste your time with such a horrible person.

 

I think you should seek a therapist and tell her everything; that a guy you loved broke your heart and then masturbated in front of you.

 

Therapy, and improving your own life and cutting this....... utter moron out of your life.

 

I have never heard of a guy this terrible.

 

Thanks Leigh87. I'm not so sure I agree with the other saying he "masturbated" to my crying. I know him and that wouldn't be the reason. He is a very sexual person and wanted to get one last romp since he didn't know where his next sex would be coming from. That's no excuse that he did that of course. But doing it cuz he got turned on from my pain??

[Simon Phoenix]

Thanks Leigh87. I'm not so sure I agree with the other saying he "masturbated" to my crying. I know him and that wouldn't be the reason. He is a very sexual person and wanted to get one last romp since he didn't know where his next sex would be coming from. That's no excuse that he did that of course. But doing it cuz he got turned on from my pain??

 

Your pain certainly didn't turn him off. I mean, I get horny as much as the next guy, but there are certain triggers that would turn me off. At the very least, your misery wasn't enough to deter him from getting off. It's a despicable act and he couldn't have cared less about your pain no matter how desperately you try to spin it.