Treasa Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 In some places that's considered sexual assault. I would have cut it off or called the cops while he was doing it. 1
fancy feast Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I'm not sure he was getting off on my pain per say, but he is an extremely sexual person. He got very riled up and just couldn't "abort mission" so to speak. He had to deal with it right then and there and I just couldn't believe it. It was literally so soon after he broke the news to me! What a sad, disgusting person. That's all the information you need to comprehend this. I do, however, understand how this can haunt you. And that's normal. If you haven't talked to someone yet, you should do so. I really doubt anyone here (unless theyre a trained professional) is equipped to help you through this.
forgetmenot75 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 What a jerk. There is something deeply wrong with this guy. This is the creepiest thing I read so far today. I'm very sorry you wasted your time with him. Move on, he definitely has some serious issues, very serious. :S
Simon Phoenix Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 It's just scary to be with someone for such a long time and not see ANY signs of such capabilities. He was amazing while we were together. Ted Bundy was charming to women before he killed them. But I'd say the killer part of him was a big part of his personality, just like the masturbating monster part of your ex was a big part of his.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 J L C I just hope you are on the jury when the shyt hits the fan for me... All kidding aside, you shouldnt even be posting about it..Its only going to bring you further down. TFY
na49 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I didn't mean to make it sound like I was making excuses. I was just explaining what happened. I was indictating I didn't think he was doing it BECAUSE OF the pain I was in. He's just the type to try and get as much as he can, WHENEVER he can. It's just disgusting given the state of things. I just honestly cannot comprehend it. Well I think (and everyone else thinks) he was doing it because of your pain, but the reason actually doesn't matter. You really do sound like you make excuses when you try to explain it to all of us. Like we're missing something, and you want us to tell you something different. You've been posting your story here for a while. We aren't missing anything unless you aren't telling us. We all are in agreement your ex has major issues and you shouldn't be as fed up with him and who he dates as you are because it is doing NOTHING for you. Nada. Zilch. So have you gone to counseling yet? 1
Author J_L_C Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 I have gone to counseling, many different types actually. But all they keep telling me are the typical things like "get a hobby, hang out with friends". I get it, but honestly, it's not helping me to get past the desire for the guy that I used to have and it's not addressing my depression with who he turned out to be. I know the masturbating thing was clearly messed up, but is there any chance it was just an isolated incident where he got carried away without thinking? I know we've all done things we surely regret and some things we are ashamed of. I know I have done some things that make me cringe when I think of them, but I know I am a good person and sometimes there are circumstances in which we lose control. For some it's their temper and taking a bad mood out on others when although not socially appropriate, does not indicate they are a terrible, god-awful human being. I am not making excuses for him, but I just never thought he was getting jollies off of my pain. That IS messed up and if that's actually what that was all about, then I DO NOT want to think of him ANYMORE. But I'll never know deep down what caused him to behave in that way.
rather_confused_girl Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I would have punched him right in the penis! Sorry it sounds like something somebody mentally ill would do. You got lucky! 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I have gone to counseling, many different types actually. But all they keep telling me are the typical things like "get a hobby, hang out with friends". I get it, but honestly, it's not helping me to get past the desire for the guy that I used to have and it's not addressing my depression with who he turned out to be. I know the masturbating thing was clearly messed up, but is there any chance it was just an isolated incident where he got carried away without thinking? I know we've all done things we surely regret and some things we are ashamed of. I know I have done some things that make me cringe when I think of them, but I know I am a good person and sometimes there are circumstances in which we lose control. For some it's their temper and taking a bad mood out on others when although not socially appropriate, does not indicate they are a terrible, god-awful human being. I am not making excuses for him, but I just never thought he was getting jollies off of my pain. That IS messed up and if that's actually what that was all about, then I DO NOT want to think of him ANYMORE. But I'll never know deep down what caused him to behave in that way. You just did!! You need to stop...Isolated or not this is dealbreaker behavior by anyones measure...Good grief!! TY 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I have gone to counseling, many different types actually. But all they keep telling me are the typical things like "get a hobby, hang out with friends". I get it, but honestly, it's not helping me to get past the desire for the guy that I used to have and it's not addressing my depression with who he turned out to be. I know the masturbating thing was clearly messed up, but is there any chance it was just an isolated incident where he got carried away without thinking? I know we've all done things we surely regret and some things we are ashamed of. I know I have done some things that make me cringe when I think of them, but I know I am a good person and sometimes there are circumstances in which we lose control. For some it's their temper and taking a bad mood out on others when although not socially appropriate, does not indicate they are a terrible, god-awful human being. I am not making excuses for him, but I just never thought he was getting jollies off of my pain. That IS messed up and if that's actually what that was all about, then I DO NOT want to think of him ANYMORE. But I'll never know deep down what caused him to behave in that way. FOR THE EIGHTY-EIGHTH MILLIONTH TIME, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop asking this question, the answer will always be the same. It doesn't matter what caused him to act this way, the point is that he did. And anyone who does act like this is a bad seed. WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES AND JUSTIFY THIS MAN'S BEHAVIOR? Even if you did know the reason, then what? You can't "solve" it, nor is it your job to. Seriously, I'm at wit's end with you. I almost think you are trolling us.
na49 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I have gone to counseling, many different types actually. But all they keep telling me are the typical things like "get a hobby, hang out with friends". I get it, but honestly, it's not helping me to get past the desire for the guy that I used to have and it's not addressing my depression with who he turned out to be. Okay. So have you got a hobby or hung out with friends? Or have you been trying to decipher your exes behavior after dumping you? Have you been sitting around hoping he will change, worrying about the next girl he dates? Also you need to go to better counselors if that's ALL they are telling you. but I think they are telling you other things, and you are choosing not to listen. They don't get paid the big bucks to just tell you "find a hobby and make some friends". They know what they're talking about. So, find a new counselor who can help you deal with your issues. Or go back to one of the previous counselors, you're giving up too quickly. They deal with depressed people and can help them. They can help you too. You're no different. I know the masturbating thing was clearly messed up, but is there any chance it was just an isolated incident where he got carried away without thinking? I know we've all done things we surely regret and some things we are ashamed of. I know I have done some things that make me cringe when I think of them, but I know I am a good person and sometimes there are circumstances in which we lose control. For some it's their temper and taking a bad mood out on others when although not socially appropriate, does not indicate they are a terrible, god-awful human being. I feel like you want us to tell you that your ex jerking off in front of you after breaking up with you is okay. Do you think it's okay? If you don't think it's okay, why does it matter what his intentions were? Yes, people do stupid things. Jerking it in front of you isn't ALL this guy did after breaking up with you though. He did other things too. Yeah. for some it's their temper. for others it's masturbating at a really inappropriate time when someone is in front of you crying their eyes out because you just broke their heart. are you posting here to actually get help? or just convince us that your ex wasn't a bad guy?
Author J_L_C Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 FOR THE EIGHTY-EIGHTH MILLIONTH TIME, NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop asking this question, the answer will always be the same. It doesn't matter what caused him to act this way, the point is that he did. And anyone who does act like this is a bad seed. WHY DO YOU KEEP TRYING TO MAKE EXCUSES AND JUSTIFY THIS MAN'S BEHAVIOR? Even if you did know the reason, then what? You can't "solve" it, nor is it your job to. Seriously, I'm at wit's end with you. I almost think you are trolling us. What does that even mean?
CelticGibson Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Oh my god. That is the worst I have ever heard. You seriously dodged a bullet there. He must be some sort of sick Narcissist or worse. Ugghhh doesn't bear thinking about...
Author J_L_C Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Honestly, I have tried. I have other issues of my own though. I think my OCD has A LOT to do with this. I also have serious concerns around abandonment, so even if he is indeed an *********, I somehow feel like I still wasn't good enough for him. I often find myself thinking I didn't do any of the right things to be able to keep him around...I wasn't somehow good enough to keep the bad guy in him from coming out. SOMETHING changed and he unleashed the beast, but I tend to blame myself or at least look for the shortcomings in ME. I have discussed my self-esteem issues ad-nauseum with my therapist. In fact, I have quite a high sense of self-esteem in every area BUT relationships. THAT'S my problem and I can't seem to figure out what to do about it. I just always feel like things are my fault or that somehow I could have prevented things from going this way. Thoughts like "What is it about me that he wouldn't stay?" or "Why do other girls keep his interest?" or "He says he is still searching for that ONE GIRL to WOW him, wasn't that me?" It's a REALLY sucky and self-defeating feeling.
forgetmenot75 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I know the masturbating thing was clearly messed up, but is there any chance it was just an isolated incident where he got carried away without thinking? NO. that was creepy and I'm sorry you can't see it. You need to break the bubble you are in right now and start seeing things clearly..
underpants Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Ahh hell, this guy does not have an issue, he has a subscription. There is no fixing this person. Leave that to doctors with lousy jobs. Bullet dodged is the attitude you need to evolve in your brain. 1
forgetmenot75 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 J L C, when I try to picture you crying and he touching himself, I feel nauseous the least. Don't let him touch you again YUKK :sick: 1
Author J_L_C Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I wanted him back for the looooooongest time. I was still all caught up in the relationship we had and the events of our breakup didn't matter at the time. I would never get back together with him now. If he came around, apologized and changed his mind, I still wouldn't. I have too much resentment to ever feel that kind of pure and innocent love for him again. He really broke an honest connection. It still hurts though and I still mourn what we used to have. I just wonder how much of him was an act now.
Author J_L_C Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 It sounds to me like your just trying to figure out how he could switch from sweetheart to scumbag, just like that, and you not see any signs. Some people are really good at hiding their true selves (sociopaths and serial killers are among the most common) almost ritualistically. Stop wondering why and beating yourself up because you didn't notice any signs. Now you know and take comfort in the fact that it came sooner rather than later. That's the biggest problem I've had with things. We had a fantastic relationship and I just don't know who THIS guy is. I wonder how many signs I overlooked along the way.
stillafool Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 That's the biggest problem I've had with things. We had a fantastic relationship and I just don't know who THIS guy is. I wonder how many signs I overlooked along the way. Stop wondering who he is. He has already shown you what and who he is. Clearly you were wrong about him. He dumped you, and masturbated to your pain and you are still on here talking about this psycho? Get a new therapist if the current one is working for you. Have you tried new hobbies and making new friends yet? Talking about this creep on LS is not helping you and you just need to accept the fact that this guy didn't love you. The good news is he isn't the only man in the world. Get off the computer and get out and have some fun. I guarantee you he is.
Author J_L_C Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I don't know why I can't get past this. As I posted earlier, I feel like there was something about ME to give him motive to treat me this way. If everyone is saying he NEVER loved me, then whoever he ENDS UP LOVING will NEVER get this a s s hole treatement. Yay for me.
Janesays Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Ugh. What a weirdo creep. Seriously. This guy is waaayyy creepy. Congratulate yourself for dodging a bullet.
Zahara Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I don't know why I can't get past this. As I posted earlier, I feel like there was something about ME to give him motive to treat me this way. If everyone is saying he NEVER loved me, then whoever he ENDS UP LOVING will NEVER get this a s s hole treatement. Yay for me. Stop bashing yourself through a wall to excuse his behavior. I must have been doing something wrong. I must have been lacking. That comes from a place of zero self-love and zero self-esteem. It's all my fault. I'm not likeable. I'm nothing. I did XYZ so that's why it was okay for him to humiliate me. I deserve to be treated like s***. Quit that victim crap. And not everyone is going to love you. Not everyone is going to like you. I have had ex's treat me like s*** only to one day move on to another and treat them far better than they did me. You're not an exception. Maybe they were just assh0les or just assh0les with me. I will never know. You will never know. Please find a new therapist.
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