He left me.

[aisuru]

So, I'm not going to say he wasn't in love with you but I think he loved you the only way he knew how. You've spent two years with him and I think he was patient for those two years hoping you would resolve your issues. You obviously haven't and from reading this it almost sounds as if you took him for granted. You had this person who was so good with you and you allowed your issues to affect the relationship to the point you're abusing him and hurting him emotionally. A person is only going to take so much hurt before they leave for their own good.

 

From his POV it doesn't matter that you've been together two years or that you lived with him or gone through do much. At the end of the day he's hurting and he's not happy being with you. So despite loving you, he needs to leave for his own mental and emotional health.

 

I'm going to say that you DO have to change in this aspect. No one on this planet is going to accept abuse like that. No one is going to embrace and be madly in love with that aspect of you. So YES, you do need to change. It's almost as if you were so naive in thinking he'd never leave you at all and kept insisting he'd never leave you and that he was too in love with you to ever leave that you didn't really bother trying to change at all.

 

Never assume someone wont leave you. Never assume you have someone forever because things change with the snap of a finger.

 

I also remember reading your past posts and how you would say you weren't going to be with him forever and that you were going to dump him eventually. So what hurts? The fact that you're single and have lost him, or your ego?

 

Thank you for this post. I needed to hear this tonight.

[Leigh 87]

Katzee - oh I could not care less about being single. I never have. I was perpetually single throughout my anorexia. I grew to realise that hey, you need to love being single and just let it happen (with relationships).

 

I learnt that it was sad and pathetic to go looking, unless your the type who desires a family - which I am averse to. I wish to remain childless.

 

I did not want a relationship when I met him. At all. In fact, I thought the notion of only seeing one partner for years was highly undesirable.

 

I enjoy being single. I look forward to it! It is losing my life with Andrew, and losing HIM that I am completely ... devastated about.

It is sharing my life with a person in a loving relationship. With HIM - I do not want to go and re bound. Ew:sick:

 

 

 

I have no desire for a relationship. My desire is to be happy, which to me, has nothing to do with a relationship. I was just so happy with the fact I had Andrew to hug in bed at night.

 

I

[Leigh 87]

You keep saying this over and over and over.

 

Are you trying to convince us or yourself?

 

 

 

Honestly - because it was so much more than some guy using me, when he cared little about me. Sorry, but the reality is just SO far off this.

 

So what he was not a typical guy in the way he used a hooker or two ages ago. That does not mean he did not love me deeply - maybe he will never lose his ability to have meaningless sex with a hooker, irrespective of how much he loves a girl? Ever thought of that?

 

I can tell when I guy is crazy about me, and he was. I was not a live in convenience. It was obvious he loved me a great deal - albeit not what STAR or others may call real love, he DID feel VERY strongly about me.

 

To imply that he could not give much of a fck is insulting and just not true.

[Leigh 87]

I am happy I am healthy and I am very happy that I have so much. I am happy on one level, I just cannot FEEL it so much seeing as the sadness and memories are utterly depressing.

 

STAR and others who may not see eye to eye with me - plz still support me. It helps a lot. I am a genuinely nice person. I want to listen to what you have to say. You could help me in future dating scenarios.

 

It seams like I don't listen to you - the only thing I disagree on is that Andrew does not care much about me, as you implied, and that he had me around for fun, and not because he felt a deep thing for me. It was more than that. Although I accept he may not have been IN love, he certainly did "love" me.

 

You know - we care and love one another as much as our own parents.

 

He took me in when I was anorexic and freakish - he overlooked past the unappealing nature of my ... way of being. He felt something for me form the moment we talked.

 

It may not have been love the way you see it, but he did care a great deal. He genuinely believes he is in love with me still.

[CarrieT]

'I have to completely disagree with this. Sometimes being given an ultimatum is the ONLY choice

 

I told my ex that She had two choices, She could either stop treating me like a human pile of trash, or I would leave her. This is not what I would call an unhealthy ultimatum. This was a you either want me or you don't. So I left her.

Keenly, you confirm my original assignation. A healthy relationship with good communication and understanding does not require ultimatums whatsoever.

 

You did not need to give an ultimatum - you needed to end the relationship because (I believe), you knew the relationship was not going to last and an ultimatum would change nothing.

[crederer]

It's very possible he still loves you. I've been in his shoes. I loved the girl but she had some issues that she chose not to address. I didn't give her a time frame but I said "I can't live like this forever."

 

She went on for about 3 more years like this and it got to a point I just couldn't take it anymore. She is a good person at heart, but holy hell it was so hard to be with her. It had a tremendous effect on me and I became very unhappy. I dreaded going home because I didn't know what kind of mood she'd be in.

 

I bet he still has feelings for you. If you figure things out, and were able to prove it to him somehow, I'm sure he'd give it another go (I would have, at least). These issues take a long time to fix, if he sees you're putting in an effort, he may come around. But that being said, do it for yourself and not for him. Because regardless of whether or not he'd be willing to give it another go, these issues will cause you troubles in future relationships, whether it be boyfriends or family or friends or whatever.

[Leigh 87]

:(I am not even entertaining the idea of him wanting me back. It is not healthy.

 

I think he loved me enough to marry me - he asked me too, when he got the ring.

 

I know how he felt about me.

 

I do not believe it will just go away.

 

Just because he still loves me though and has "feelings" for me, does not mean he will try to keep them alive.

 

As of ..... 3 or 4 days ago, I would have said YES if he asked me to marry him.

 

I pictured myself growing old with him. And he felt these things too.

 

I cannot even go fcking shopping because it is way too painful. I have ONLY shopped for TWO - and got "his' food for 3 years now. The thought of going shopping for just me... it haunts me.

 

Waking up is terrifying.

 

Going to sleep terrifies me.

 

just ....:(:(:(:(

[crederer]

Yeah, you're probably right that entertaining the thought of getting back together is not for the best.

 

But as I say, and your posts seem to indicate it as well, it seems you have some emotional issues that you need to work out. I don't know if you are in therapy or anything but I think it would be a good idea. Some issues need some outside assistance to make them better.

 

And I don't mean issues with being dumped, I mean your emotional issues that were there while you were still in the relationship.

[Leigh 87]

Keenly, you confirm my original assignation. A healthy relationship with good communication and understanding does not require ultimatums whatsoever.

 

You did not need to give an ultimatum - you needed to end the relationship because (I believe), you knew the relationship was not going to last and an ultimatum would change nothing.

 

 

 

We would have worked had I not had issues. The love and core of the relationship was there - we were very secure and loving. Always so happy, BESIDES when I had an episode.

 

We had the love, no one was there, no one felt how strong it was. We looked at couples around us and thought fck we love each other more than anyone else possible could, we felt that strongly.

[Art_Critic]

We would have worked had I not had issues. The love and core of the relationship was there - we were very secure and loving. Always so happy, BESIDES when I had an episode.

 

Do not take responsibility that isn't yours.. you have no idea what was truly in his head.. it sounds like he had many of his own issues that helped all of this along so the fact you had some issues of your own to deal with wasn't the entire reason he petered out.

 

It also sounds like his issues lead to or enhanced many of your insecurities Leigh..

The man wasn't a prince to you on many levels and you really should put some of the failure squarely on his shoulders where it belongs, of course you own some too.. but the failure was a mutually created event.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting... keep posting and things will get better.

[KatZee]

We would have worked had I not had issues. The love and core of the relationship was there - we were very secure and loving. Always so happy, BESIDES when I had an episode.

 

We had the love, no one was there, no one felt how strong it was. We looked at couples around us and thought fck we love each other more than anyone else possible could, we felt that strongly.

 

Leigh you still contradict yourself at every turn. In one breath you say you guys were so happy there was no drama and he loves you so so much and you would marry him.

 

In other threads you've written you state you didn't see him forever and were going to dump him eventually and that you started drama every single night.

 

A person cannot be subject to drama on a daily basis and be so happy. It just doesn't work that way. Stop trying to convince all of us or yourself of the love he felt. Obviously deep down he was extremely unhappy and it's why he's made the choice he did.

 

Also stop saying you're happy and healthy. You are neither. Starting drama every single night is not the behavior of a healthy person, and you're very obviously not happy. Please do seek help. It's what we've all told you for months (some of us years now.)

[melodymatters]

Leigh ! {{HUGS}}

 

I am SO sorry honey ! I know you loved each other and I agree with the others who have said that you have made tremendous progress over the years.

 

Andrew WAS good for you. Maybe he will be again, or maybe it is time for you to move on in your journey.

 

Take care of yourself. You WILL live through this.It is very much like a death and you will have to accept the waves of grief crashing in on you, over and over, but it WILL get better.

 

Again, my thoughts are with you, stay strong !

[AlexDP]

Leigh you still contradict yourself at every turn. In one breath you say you guys were so happy there was no drama and he loves you so so much and you would marry him.

 

In other threads you've written you state you didn't see him forever and were going to dump him eventually and that you started drama every single night.

 

A person cannot be subject to drama on a daily basis and be so happy. It just doesn't work that way. Stop trying to convince all of us or yourself of the love he felt. Obviously deep down he was extremely unhappy and it's why he's made the choice he did.

 

Also stop saying you're happy and healthy. You are neither. Starting drama every single night is not the behavior of a healthy person, and you're very obviously not happy. Please do seek help. It's what we've all told you for months (some of us years now.)

 

Though I would just stop focusing on him altogether. Whether or not he was deeply unhappy we cannot know. It is obvious though that someone who is willing to put up with her behavior for this long has some deep issues himself as well.

 

None of that matters though when the real question should be why she is so unhappy and insecure that she is making these relationships toxic. No doubt we will only hear about this guy for months to come.. And he will probably come back at some point anyway.

[Star Gazer]

Although I accept he may not have been IN love, he certainly did "love" me.

 

...

 

He genuinely believes he is in love with me still.

 

You're contradicting yourself.

[Leigh 87]

First of all: I AM a very happy person. I did not have much on my mind each day over the past year; only how happy I was to be experiencing life in the moment, and how happy I was to have a wonderful man to come home to (and connect with on all levels)

 

Second of all - Andrew was not miserable for the majority of the time. We were mostly very happy, and has intermitted blow ups; still FAR TOO MUCH PAIN to cope with in the end but NO, Andrew was not desperately miserable most of the time.

 

I am a deep thinker and know what my own predicament was. And his.

 

It sounds bad but... I am remarkably getting over it more now.

 

I have accepted the end.

 

I will cry hysterically at he idea of losing the home I lived in; the dogs I looked after; I will miss my way of life! SO much.

Does that mean I think I desperately need it back? No. I will miss it to hell without that thought. That is how I feel now.

 

I am actually really excited about finding a person to share my life with again.

And in the meanwhile, I get to experience the rush and excitement of being single.

I got a taste of how wonderful it is to have a person to share your life with, but I will not strive for this; I am not totally ugly and hopeless. So... No rush.

 

I will have lonely nights; I WILL Listen to Rhiannan's "stay" song and cry my eyes out if it is on - it was one of my fave songs until well.. it described my break up:(

I will burst out crying hysterically, for the fact that I will dearly miss my 3 years with Andrew. I will miss out daily routines. It is not just about that - I will SO miss him. Everything about him.

 

I have accepted us both meeting other people.

 

I honestly see Andrew as a man that I will be good friends with for 30 years. We both feel that THIS is what we were truly meant to be, rather than life long lovers.

 

We have a vibe from each other and a feeling of... us both being genuine, life long friends, who are there to hug each other tightly if one of us is down. NOT YET of course. After no contact and after we well.. hook up with other people and are fine with it.

 

This is not really the end for us, in our mind; it is the beginning of a close bond.

 

We really have each others backs. We knew from the minute we spoke that something was up; weird vibes and not being able to forget each other.

We both had a very weird thought; we felt.... that we needed to be together, for a reason.

 

It was never crazy chemistry, although we were very attracted to one another and had great sex.

It was not like he was infatuated with my looks or me; I was a freak with no personality to speak of.

 

It was more of a "knowing" feeling that we needed to be together.

 

KatZee - I was only talking sh*t when I alluded to only seeing Andrew as a short term thing. I have always been crazy about him and wanted us to work long term. I only said it because he acted in a way that may me... annoyed and like " fine I will play it cool until you step up"

 

I believe there are people in life that are drawn together.

 

Andrew lost his mum, and I was at he brink of overcoming a screwed up life.

 

We helped each other more than anyone else could have helped us.

 

I am at college now, making friends, and living a normal life. I look and feel normal. I am happy.

 

I was never happy before I met Andrew. Seriously; I had a hard life. I was not poor and had living parents, but I was not happy because.. I lacked the ability to create happiness.

 

I HONESTLY know what it feels like to be content and happy now.

 

I am extremely happy to be alive each day, I smile every day about how happy I am.

[Leigh 87]

Guys.... I am not deeply unhappy and insecure. At all.

 

I love who I am, and want to change some things.

 

You guys don't know me. I do not go around causing drama for kicks, cos I am bored..

 

I grew up miserable. I made a deal with the devil actually, saying "if you allow me to be happy, truly happy one day, you can kill me earlier than my time"

 

It was only after I met Andrew, that I realised my capacity to experience happiness.

 

It took some time, but honestly... I am an extremely happy person. Which is also evident in why I NEVER gossip, bitchh, or talk about others. I honestly have better things to do - I LOVE life and what it has to offer, way too much to resort to that sh*t.

 

Andrew is the type of guy who really has a grasp on how to live a happy and drama free life. HE taught me his principal of living. HE helped give me the tools to be happy. Simple as that.

 

I know what Andrew did for me - and NO I am NOT SURE if he was truly IN love with me - but he sure did LOVE me a GREAT deal.

 

I am not actually sure if he will meet another girl who he "truly" loves and be like " okay, I have lost my ability to have sex with a hooker if she offers it"

 

I have very good gut instinct. That is one thing about me - and I am not sure Andrew WOULD change for ANY girl.

He has been around a good deal of girls and felt nothing compelling, besides me and ONE other girl.

I am the first girl he has felt like this about; and he would have felt the same way about the other girl had they stayed together.

 

The DRAMA I caused was internal., not because I hated myself though. I had other issues.

 

Hating one self involves jealousy; I have none. I am not perfect, for instance, to look at. But I am glad I look unique, you know? I would never want to look like anyone else. I have the same capacity to be happy as some hot model who is rich and looks better on paper.

 

I am far more mature and self aware than people on here know. Hence why many peoples opinions on here do not really convince me that they somehow KNOW who I am better than I do.

[Leigh 87]

You're contradicting yourself.

 

 

To clarify: HE believes he was crazily in love with me, and he does not think it is often that he would run across another women who he loved MORE. He thinks he loves me as much as he CAN love a women.

 

Personally? I do not believe that to be true. Although I think he came pretty close with me. It was NOT a very shallow level of love he had for me like people here wrongly assume.

 

I know he did not love me only on a shallow level. He would have done anything for me. I was his world, pretty much. He most looked forward to coming home and seeing me; he stopped going out to clubs on his own accord, because he preferred to spend his nights on the weekend with me.

 

I think he may have been IN love with me, but maybe not in the deepest sense. He LOVED me in a very deep way, but not in the way needed for a life long relationship, perhaps.

 

I realty don't know. Maybe time will tell.

 

He loved me a great deal, and he would not be easily able to feel that for most women he dates. It is a STRONG love, even if it is not the type that you are looking for personally.

 

Hookers aside, he treated me ideally on a daily basis. And did not need hookers, as it was a thing we experimented with and decided was not for us.

[Leigh 87]

wtf. I AM NOT MISERABLE. LOL.

 

I know how I feel. I do not wake up and go to sleep with dread.

 

I am always very excited to wake up and be alive, really.

 

LOL.

 

I find this quiet Ludacris. I happier than anyone I know in real life. I do not worry about the small things.

 

I do not need years of therapy to be happy, thanks. I need therapy to figure out how to develop ways to handle my issues, rather than taking them out on other people.

 

You are very wrong about me. I am the one who is probably happier than you are.

[lonewalker]

Hey girl. Yes.. itbhurts like u r grieving on the death of a close famiky members

 

 

Becoz thats how it feels. The death of ur loving relationship with him. Its that painful. An i am oretty sure.. most of us here felt that kind of pain before.

 

U just wish u could be someone else... just for a min so itnwould hurt lesser.

 

Cry as much as u want. And try to kick ur own butt out and go out with close friends or family members. U have to.

 

Staying at home is no good.

If u have to, force urself to work

 

at the end of the day only time can heal.. just like a open wound.... it hurts like hell and nothing seems to work.

 

I am sorry that u have to go through this

For now, just vent as much as u want here even if what u said doesnt make sense or logic.

 

We are all here becoz we felt that pain before. u will be alright... just keep telling urself so.

[Leigh 87]

And in a year or two I will be in a fine place to enter into a relationship, thanks.

 

I do not need to be single and miserable with my life for years before I "learn how to be happy".

 

LOL. I am not kidding when I say this: I JUMP FOR JOY to be ALIVE each day.

 

I read A LOT of books about people who overcome adversity.... People who are happy with seemingly a lot less than I have, for instance; food, shelter, and love around them.

 

Why don;t you analyse someone who you have an idea of? Who you have met in person maybe?

[lonewalker]

If it hurts it hurts.

 

 

I think trying pretend its ok is going to make healing slower. Its perfectly normal to be sad and grieving over it is completely healthy.

 

I think u should let ur emotions flow...as the wound is still raw. Telling urself u r happy now is just not facing reality... but if u r really happy.. good for u. But i think its ok to grieve when the breaksup happened so recently... but after u r done crying... know that u r not alone.

[KatZee]

I know he did not love me only on a shallow level. He would have done anything for me. I was his world, pretty much. He most looked forward to coming home and seeing me; he stopped going out to clubs on his own accord, because he preferred to spend his nights on the weekend with me.

 

I think he may have been IN love with me, but maybe not in the deepest sense. He LOVED me in a very deep way, but not in the way needed for a life long relationship, perhaps.

 

I realty don't know.

 

So he loved you beyond a shallow level, but then didn't love you in a deep sense? Can you see that you talk in circles and constant contradictions?

 

You can also stop bringing up hookers. None of us have even said one thing about that.

[AlexDP]

I find this quiet Ludacris.

 

You also talked about going to uni, but I can only see that you still can't spell. And English is my third language.

 

Sorry, but you have to do better. In every possible way. You have to do better when you're serious about going to uni. You have to do better when you're serious about having a healthy relationship. You have to do better if you want to become a happy and mentally stable person.

 

Quit saying how great you are and how everyone adores you, because you know people leave you and you should ask yourself if you're not driving them away.

[AlexDP]

And in a year or two I will be in a fine place to enter into a relationship, thanks.

 

I do not need to be single and miserable with my life for years before I "learn how to be happy".

 

LOL. I am not kidding when I say this: I JUMP FOR JOY to be ALIVE each day.

 

I read A LOT of books about people who overcome adversity.... People who are happy with seemingly a lot less than I have, for instance; food, shelter, and love around them.

 

Why don;t you analyse someone who you have an idea of? Who you have met in person maybe?

 

These people probably don't have an obvious personality disorder. And if they do, they probably realise that and want to work on it.

[Star Gazer]

wtf. I AM NOT MISERABLE. LOL.

 

I know how I feel. I do not wake up and go to sleep with dread.

 

I am always very excited to wake up and be alive, really.

 

LOL.

 

I find this quiet Ludacris. I happier than anyone I know in real life.

 

What? You JUST said:

 

I refuse to sleep, cos I am TERRIFIED of the feeling of.. Waking up.

 

Waking up is terrifying.

 

Going to sleep terrifies me.

 

just ....:(:(:(:(

 

You're not making any sense, Leigh.

 

You're filled with dread, you're not.

 

You're miserable and depressed, you're not.

 

???