LIFE.GOES.wrONg Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 The best I can confess to my journal these days is that I do miss who I thought she was and what I thought I had. I was going to write a post on this but you said so well. I also miss the security of having a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 I thonk I mean this in a more literal sense... she has changed. It's not an image in my head, everyone aroind me agrees that this person she is now is not the same person. Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 1, 2013 Author Share Posted May 1, 2013 Sorry about typos doing this from my phone at work to stay sane Dan Link to post Share on other sites
TailSpin75 Posted May 1, 2013 Share Posted May 1, 2013 Hi Dan - there's no doubt she's 'different' now... the cat is out of the bag (so to speak). But what you carry around (I suspect), as do I - is the woman that is in our mind's eyes - clearly a different woman from the one who has cast us to hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Bawling my eyes out at work. I just want it to go back to normal... she's at my home woth my daughter rightnow Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I want it over, no more work, no more bills, no divorce, no more pain Link to post Share on other sites
TailSpin75 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Dan... I am so sorry my friend... this day sounds like a day to just make it to bed time - to put this day behind you. I am sorry to hear of your pain... Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 She can't possibly know how much I love her, how much she means to me. Link to post Share on other sites
TailSpin75 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 She can't possibly know how much I love her, how much she means to me. Those may be feelings that mean more to you than they do to her. It's an incredibly selfish act to walk away from the history you've shared. In my case, the love, the vows, the investment I made became a valueless currency to her but remained the breath of life to me for a long time... I still have those moments to be honest. Grieving a loss - is a personal experience, an individual experience that transforms you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I don't know how to act when I get home tonight. I know I'm supposed to keep calm and impersonal, but I don't think I can tonight... Dan Link to post Share on other sites
TailSpin75 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 I hope for the best from you Dan (for you and your confidence). After nearly 5 months I'm able to 'act the part' but it still comes with the emotional blast afterwards. And still... I've only seen her a handful of times in person this year. Like everything about this - it does get easier with time my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Strange how good feels bad... I was jist walking through the casino I work at and a random lady said "Excuse me.." So I stopped thinking she needed help. She said "What's your name?" Great, she's got a complaint... I said "Dan" She said "You're beautiful" Instinctively I pulled my left hand out of my pocket... I don't even like the idea of being single. I loved knowing I have a wife at home who loves me. Sucks, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Just got home from work. She tried to hug me again. I told her again she didn't need to do that any more. Again. She has no idea how much it kills me to do that. I want to hug her so badly it eats me up. She said "You don't want to be friends anymore?" I said "You decided not to be friends when you treated me like that. Lies upon lies. Cheated on me. Abandoned your family." She just kept saying I was making it up and that I was wrong. She was stoned when she left. Dead inside, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 She folded the laundry, left me a plate of dinner in the refrigerator. When I got home she was laying on my couch watching our favorite show. How can I even get mad at her when she's acting like everything is fine?! I know she thinks she's being nice, she said "I just left when I knew it was over" WTF! She's screwing with my head! Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 She folded the laundry, left me a plate of dinner in the refrigerator. When I got home she was laying on my couch watching our favorite show. How can I even get mad at her when she's acting like everything is fine?! I know she thinks she's being nice, she said "I just left when I knew it was over" WTF! She's screwing with my head! She's really not being fair with you when she attempts to hug you, she is being very selfish... I'd say she is doing this because she fully understands how much you love her and she is trying to keep the door with you open for her own self centered reasons. In the early days of my breakup my Ex used to do usual little jobs that gave me hope that he'd come back, but after a while that stopped....I think for him it was just habit and guilt. For my mental health I realized that I needed to look at the bigger picture and decide if I'd have him back if he did come back....my answer was no, I could never trust him again, he was my rock! He'd never looked at another woman and I thought he loved me 100%...how could I trust and love him again....I know I couldn't that gave me some closure and allowed me to move forward....not fully move on, but forward 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Thanks Suzie, Totally agree, but she seems to be being genuine. Like she really believes we can be friends. I feel like an ass being the way I'm being. But what she doesn't undersrand is I can't be JUST friends with her, and she would never be able to be more for me... Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Thanks Suzie, Totally agree, but she seems to be being genuine. Like she really believes we can be friends. I feel like an ass being the way I'm being. But what she doesn't undersrand is I can't be JUST friends with her, and she would never be able to be more for me... Dan My Ex emailed me and said im probably the last person you want to talk to but im hear if you need to talk...what the !!!! as far as im concerned if we was arguing/fighting and he had half a reason for an affair then maybe few years down the line friends....but seriously! who wants a friend/someone in there life that does that mine was the same at first, it changed when kids and money got involved and the possible pressure from the GF kicks in...all too much for me shes being selfish and messing with your brain 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 She has assured me that she will not be turning back... these things she does isn'tto lead me on, sshe's just doing what, in her mind is the best she can do... sucks Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 She has assured me that she will not be turning back... these things she does isn'tto lead me on, sshe's just doing what, in her mind is the best she can do... sucks Dan step up the tempo then Dan! this will change i assure you. Be polite and under your house your rules... don't let her linger when you come home, for your emotional well being. If she thinks your being cold 'tough' how cold is she being saying she's done and has moved on it will get easier as she will change Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Not NO! But Hell NO! I say again! Cheaters are ~ insecure ~ full of doubt about themselves ~ lack the abilty to self validate without the external validation of others ~ worry too damn much about what others think of them ~ are selfish ~ are self centered ~ narcisstic ~ immature The list is almost endless. I KNOW who and what I am, and what I'm about! I KNOW I'm a decent person! I KNOW I can make it own my on! I KNOW I can adapt, improvise, and overcome. I KNOW there's not a woman on the planet I can't live without (although I seriously doubt that there are more than a few that I can live with!) I KNOW that what one will abuse? Another can certainly use! I KNOW I've got more to offer most women ~ than most women have to offer me! I KNOW what I'm bringing to the table. I KNOW that I'm a good man! I KNOW that I'm a good catch! And the list goes on and on.............................. No BRAG! Just FACT! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I guess the thing I don't understand is how she can think she wasn't cheating. I mean we aren't leagaly seperated yet and she's doing this guy. She doesn't believe it's cheating cause she's moved out and gave me her ring... but she's still my wife. In Washington it's a no fault state though so yoi can pretty much just do what ever you want it seems. Hurt so bad every day, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Ya know, it just occured to me.... almost a week after. I didn't get a single thing for my 40th birthday. Life is over, Dan Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 Wow, hard morning. Can't stop crying! I want her back so bad today. She took more of her stuff last night befire I got home, I didn't see it until I went to bed. Everything here, hers, mine, ours has an emotional attachment to me. Hell the first thing she took was her coffee maker and I don't even drink coffee. But I've made it for her hundreds of times and I bought her that How does the human body make so many tears? Link to post Share on other sites
Author WreckedDan Posted May 2, 2013 Author Share Posted May 2, 2013 I want to call her so bad and tell her how I feel, but I don't think she will hear me Link to post Share on other sites
Shocked Suzie Posted May 2, 2013 Share Posted May 2, 2013 Wow, hard morning. Can't stop crying! I want her back so bad today. She took more of her stuff last night befire I got home, I didn't see it until I went to bed. Everything here, hers, mine, ours has an emotional attachment to me. Hell the first thing she took was her coffee maker and I don't even drink coffee. But I've made it for her hundreds of times and I bought her that How does the human body make so many tears? Mine did this too...wanted to be friends and slowly whilst I was out took his stuff lol, it hurt at first and then I was happy he was taking his crap! Try to divert your thoughts, read, walk, tv, plan your wknd... Link to post Share on other sites
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