aMguilts Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 (edited) here`s one that will help what i am on about lifegoes http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/337989-no-contact-nc-guide-long-walk-consolidated-discussion and the 180 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/314882-180 hope they help aM Edited April 24, 2013 by aMguilts
tojaz Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 every time she see`s you and you look glum and miserable it just fortifies her resolve that she is doing the right thing. elobarate? err ok well you haven`t really said WHY she feels she no longer loves you. If you did, and i missed it , i apologise so whatever the reason is, quite frankly irrelevant. she has her reasons. The worse possible thing you can to is to beg, grovel, plead, throw youself into a bottle, stop looking after yourself, walk around looking like a bad of s**t and being unhappy and misserable. Everyone and anyone on here will tell you , that is the biggest turnoff for a woman so until you grow stronger and more confident and accept what is happening in your life right now ....FAKE it. In total agreement with aM. Fake it 'til you make it! If for no other reason then to just keep yourself focused on moving forward rather then dwelling on where you find yourself in your current situation. Whatever outcome the future holds, that focus is going to serve you well. The possible added benefit is that it MAY have an effect on her view as well. That is by chance and dependent on many factors though. If you are just going through the motions hoping it will effect her... or even just to confuse her, your missing the point. What you want to convey (and eventually live) is that while you are not happy about the road she's chosen, and don't agree that it is necessary, that her ending her participation in your marriage doesn't close the book on you, life will not only go on, but flourish regardless of if she is there to witness it or not. Continue to put that out there....... you'll find out it was true all along. TOJAZ 3
Author LIFE.GOES.wrONg Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 (edited) What you want to convey (and eventually live) is that while you are not happy about the road she's chosen, and don't agree that it is necessary, that her ending her participation in your marriage doesn't close the book on you, life will not only go on, but flourish regardless of if she is there to witness it or not. Continue to put that out there....... you'll find out it was true all along. TOJAZ Well said and wonderful if it turns out to be true. I hope it does tojaz. TailSpin, I'm reading through your thread "How To Let Go" now. So well written. We seem to have very similar stories (unfortunately I guess). aM, thanks for the links. Unrestrained emotions tonight. On the way home I was angry that my kids will have to live in an apartment. That my wife's choice will deny me access to them for half the year. 6 months! Later, I was making dinner for myself, staring at the rows of cookbooks I knew would be gone one day. I opened the junk drawer hoping to find a rubber band. Junk drawers don't get opened often - it was like I had bumped into an old friend who hadn't heard the news yet. There was a picture of my wife maybe eight years ago. She was smiling, holding my oldest son, then 2. Looking straight at the camera - straight at me. I took that picture. I realized I hadn't seen that person in many years. I miss her so... I closed the drawer but the trap had sprung. Instant meltdown followed by a bewildering sense of gratitude when I thought about how quickly time passes. It was a weird mix of emotions and tears that must have tasted like sweet-tarts. Later still, putting my boys down, I thought about her alone somewhere. How scary this must be for her - having to find a place - away from her kids. The guilt I imagine (or want to imagine) she feels for following her heart into the unknown. I actually, for a moment, caught myself wanting to help her. And now I'm left feeling like the victim of some terrible tragedy. Edited April 25, 2013 by LIFE.GOES.wrONg
tojaz Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Well said and wonderful if it turns out to be true. I hope it does tojaz. The handy part of LS is that the vast majority of people you will come across are speaking from experience and everyone is in a different stage of that experience, so people can relate because they have either been there, are there, or are heading in that direction. 4 years ago I was where you are now and in my own case, I never once believed I would survive it, and while I'm not one of those that can come here and post that I am better off for having her gone. I can say I came out the other side a better person then who went in and life does indeed go on. Unrestrained emotions tonight. On the way home I was angry that my kids will have to live in an apartment. That my wife's choice will deny me access to them for half the year. 6 months! Later, I was making dinner for myself, staring at the rows of cookbooks I knew would be gone one day. I opened the junk drawer hoping to find a rubber band. Junk drawers don't get opened often - it was like I had bumped into an old friend who hadn't heard the news yet. There was a picture of my wife maybe eight years ago. She was smiling, holding my oldest son, then 2. Looking straight at the camera - straight at me. I took that picture. I realized I hadn't seen that person in many years. I miss her so... I closed the drawer but the trap had sprung. Instant meltdown followed by a bewildering sense of gratitude when I thought about how quickly time passes. It was a weird mix of emotions and tears that must have tasted like sweet-tarts. Later still, putting my boys down, I thought about her alone somewhere. How scary this must be for her - having to find a place - away from her kids. The guilt I imagine (or want to imagine) she feels for following her heart into the unknown. I actually, for a moment, caught myself wanting to help her. And now I'm left feeling like the victim of some terrible tragedy. No cure for this I'm afraid. Memories and reminders are going to knock you around for awhile. Remove the picture and learn to enjoy the memories for what they are.... a past you don't want to forget and don't want to be tarnished by what is happening in the present. Then file them away. TOJAZ 4
Mr. Lucky Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 No cure for this I'm afraid. Memories and reminders are going to knock you around for awhile. Remove the picture and learn to enjoy the memories for what they are.... a past you don't want to forget and don't want to be tarnished by what is happening in the present. Then file them away. TOJAZ And realize that right now the only thing those memories lack is perspective. Think back to some of the challenges in your life that you surmounted and how they helped shape you into the person you are now. If you reconcile with her, the introspection you're going through now will give you a better marriage. If that's not to be, the process will make you a better partner for someone else. All of this pain and turmoil will someday have value. If we're paying attention, life teaches us lessons... Mr. Lucky 1
Steadfast Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 (edited) Unrestrained emotions tonight. On the way home I was angry that my kids will have to live in an apartment. That my wife's choice will deny me access to them for half the year. 6 months That's better. And it's a natural progression. You're 'catching up'. Still far behind, but on the way out of heartbreak hotel and rolling towards reality. Your devastation is the result of the lose-lose situation your wife has placed you in. Don't waste time on 'what ifs' because there is nothing you could have done to change the mind of a woman who wants (or thinks she wants) something else. That lose-lose? It's being the cause of the pain by pulling the rug out from under your life, then resenting you for adding to her guilt by expressing it. Her heartlessness? It is caused by her belief that you stand between what she has and what (or who) she wants. It's very possible that she doesn't see your suffering as suffering...but as manipulation. You 'working' her to get what YOU want. She's put a lot of time and effort into this. Your trying to undo it. She doesn't want it undone. It's also likely that her disinterest in your suffering is because she's dealing with so much of her own. The coldness is a wall she's built. Believe it. You may be certain that she's not seeing anyone, but know this; she is not going into this alone. Someone or something is influencing her...even if it's the thought of the life she dreams of living. Here's another fact; you stand a better chance of having dinner with Salma Hayek (with her dressed in nothing but revealing lingerie) that convincing her to tell you what that is. Deep down, she's ashamed. She knows just how selfish it is. She has enough problems swallowing the guilt without you adding to it. But it won't stop her. It's collateral damage. Messy, but necessary. Nail down that custody agreement. Nail it tight. Forget her issues, troubles and pain and focus on the pain of those who had no say in this. Once you allow that reality to sink in, you'll get even more angry. Your ultimate weapon? Be nice. No matter what and no matter where. Just be nice. Accept this new life and embrace the determination needed to make it the very best life possible. You will be shocked at her reaction. Trust me. Don't force this positive outlook to win her back, play games or for revenge. Do it because it is what YOU need to be the best father and man you can be. Do it to rebuild your self esteem. Restore your confidence. You need those things. Who cares what she needs? She chose this. So be it. One day at a time. Ok? One hour at a time. Get up on your feet. Edited April 25, 2013 by Steadfast 9
aMguilts Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 Well said and wonderful if it turns out to be true. I hope it does tojaz. TailSpin, I'm reading through your thread "How To Let Go" now. So well written. We seem to have very similar stories (unfortunately I guess). aM, thanks for the links. Unrestrained emotions tonight. On the way home I was angry that my kids will have to live in an apartment. That my wife's choice will deny me access to them for half the year. 6 months! Later, I was making dinner for myself, staring at the rows of cookbooks I knew would be gone one day. I opened the junk drawer hoping to find a rubber band. Junk drawers don't get opened often - it was like I had bumped into an old friend who hadn't heard the news yet. There was a picture of my wife maybe eight years ago. She was smiling, holding my oldest son, then 2. Looking straight at the camera - straight at me. I took that picture. I realized I hadn't seen that person in many years. I miss her so... I closed the drawer but the trap had sprung. Instant meltdown followed by a bewildering sense of gratitude when I thought about how quickly time passes. It was a weird mix of emotions and tears that must have tasted like sweet-tarts. Later still, putting my boys down, I thought about her alone somewhere. How scary this must be for her - having to find a place - away from her kids. The guilt I imagine (or want to imagine) she feels for following her heart into the unknown. I actually, for a moment, caught myself wanting to help her. And now I'm left feeling like the victim of some terrible tragedy. hey think its time you spilled what happened to bring along this change of events? why wont you see your kids for 6 months?? aM
TheBladeRunner Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 You may be certain that she's not seeing anyone, but know this; she is not going into this alone. Someone or something is influencing her...even if it's the thought of the life she dreams of living. Here's another fact; you stand a better chance of having dinner with Salma Hayek (with her dressed in nothing but revealing lingerie) that convincing her to tell you what that is. Deep down, she's ashamed. She knows just how selfish it is. She has enough problems swallowing the guilt without you adding to it. This is soooooooo true I am willing to bet, someone had my STBXW's ear a long time ago! And sorry Steadfast......Salma is here with me right now!.....Salma! Get your hands off me and put on some cloths! Nail down that custody agreement. Nail it tight. Forget her issues, troubles and pain and focus on the pain of those who had no say in this. Once you allow that reality to sink in, you'll get even more angry. This was the first thing I did after DDay.........Like Al Pacino say's in the Devil's Advocate........"Don't let em' see you coming".......and she didn't. She couldn't believe I filed so quick......I couldn't believe she betrayed me. She signed off on the custody agreement without any representation on her side. Don't force this positive outlook to win her back, play games or for revenge. Do it because it is what YOU need to be the best father and man you can be. Do it to rebuild your self esteem. Restore your confidence. You need those things. Who cares what she needs? She chose this. So be it. I felt the same way Steadfast, it was her choice and I needed to worry about me, not her. OP, I would suggest you consider the same. 2
tojaz Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 hey think its time you spilled what happened to bring along this change of events? why wont you see your kids for 6 months?? aM Strong second!
Author LIFE.GOES.wrONg Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 Steadfast, Lucky, Tojaz - thanks. hey think its time you spilled what happened to bring along this change of events? why wont you see your kids for 6 months?? aM 50/50 custody is 182 nights - half the year - six months total. Today was the first day I have not cried (yet). I felt really lonely today for the first time. The strangeness of not seeing/speaking to my wife (stbx i guess) is starting to sink in. I met with a therapist. He said "do you wanted to try and win your wife back?" Is that an option?!? I thought. My gut tells me the chances of success are so low it's not worth holding onto the hope. But it made me realized that I tried to make it work when we were together, through six months of therapy, and I couldn't. Maybe the only chance left for us to be together is for us to be apart. Embrace the divorce to save the marriage? As weird as that sounds its somehow given me a path to being "positive" around her. At least that's what I feel right now.
Shocked Suzie Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Steadfast, Lucky, Tojaz - thanks. 50/50 custody is 182 nights - half the year - six months total. Today was the first day I have not cried (yet). I felt really lonely today for the first time. The strangeness of not seeing/speaking to my wife (stbx i guess) is starting to sink in. I met with a therapist. He said "do you wanted to try and win your wife back?" Is that an option?!? I thought. My gut tells me the chances of success are so low it's not worth holding onto the hope. But it made me realized that I tried to make it work when we were together, through six months of therapy, and I couldn't. Maybe the only chance left for us to be together is for us to be apart. Embrace the divorce to save the marriage? As weird as that sounds its somehow given me a path to being "positive" around her. At least that's what I feel right now. i struggle with the whole forgiveness thing?? im really not sure where my head is yet on this...ive always enjoyed a mixture of friends, i think its a interesting healthy way to be, but ive always had those around me that i want in my life, that i enjoy being with, giving to and have a mutual respect for...so why would i want my Ex in my life more than i need to?? would you choose to have a person that treats you like crap hanging in the background?? once my finances are done and dusted, its just his contact for the kids sake isn't it?? He said to me ages ago, i hope we can be friends one day...why?? don't get me wrong im not going to be a pain in the butt, i want him to be 100% in my kids life...not really interested in him being in mine?? maybe that'll change..bit confused on that one atm Great to hear you've had some professional help, think this really helps to clarify stuff
trippi1432 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 LifeGoesWrong - Could you elaborate some more on the changes that took place leading up to your wife wanting to end the marriage? I know you stated that the two of you had tried therapy and the counselor stated that she "chose" to love you and there is an issue with her ability to love. That certainly couldn't have been the case the entire 13 years do you think? If there isn't someone else involved, it sounds more like she has lost her identity or has a fear of losing herself in the marriage (or perhaps did). In your first post, you also referred to an argument that was skirting the real issues...who avoided the real issues, I assume her most of the time? Personally, I can understand the panic behind hearing the words "I don't love you anymore", "I don't know if I love you", "I love you but am not 'in love' with you" and I know the depth of pain and panic that happens in that case. A trial separation is not always a slamming door, but how we emotionally handle ourselves during that time, can determine which way the door swings. I can also tell you from personal experience that I've gotten the "I don't know if I love you" and watched an ex-SO employ the "no contact" and 180 you asked about to a "T". Of course that makes me believe him 100% that he doesn't love me. I've seen posters here not look at the situation from the other side and employ techniques like dating (to get their self esteem back) and wonder how they totally burned the bridge. There is a lot of advice on these boards, a lot of perspectives and some things work....some things don't. It really comes down to your own personal situation, you and her. The most important point is acting with integrity when you feel your world is coming apart. Put yourself and your kids first, but being receptive to when your wife really wants to discuss the real issues instead of hiding behind the small stuff that probably led up to the real issues of her not knowing her own heart.
makingmehappy Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 The hardest thing for me right now - 10 days in - is how far out in front she is from me. This has been something she's been thinking about for years. Now that its done she has this cavalier - lets get on with the formalities - attitude. I don't think she's lost a night of sleep over this. Points to above quote... That is exactly how I feel. That mine had this planned and was pretending to be vested in our relationship until he was ready to say the words and make then next step. I feel very hurt and deceived over this and angry that he is having so much fun.
Gunny376 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 The hardest thing for me right now - 10 days in - is how far out in front she is from me. This has been something she's been thinking about for years. Now that its done she has this cavalier - lets get on with the formalities - attitude. I don't think she's lost a night of sleep over this. Points to above quote...↑ That is exactly how I feel. That mine had this planned and was pretending to be vested in our relationship until he was ready to say the words and make then next step. I feel very hurt and deceived over this and angry that he is having so much fun. "Take the pebble from my Grasshopper! You've much to learn!" Get in! Sit Down! Grab-a-hold, We're going for a ride Lady!" And your going to have to white-knuckle it all the way down to the bitter very end! Divorce/LTR seperation is the "E-ticket" roller-coaster RIDE from HELL! 3
2sure Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I think there is an emotional process that goes hand in hand with the legal/logistical process of divorce. Kind of like the wake before a funeral. It prepares you, it's hard, but good for you. Embrace the process. You aren't not gong to see your children for six months. You're going to see them half the time during the week or whatever you are able to work out that is best for them. Many people actually do not see there children for months and it's a different thing. I'm pointing that out because soon its going to be time o make the seperation work so that the divorce works. Soon, you are going to start to realize that this woman may not have any idea what she wants, how to love, or who she is.... And it isn't going to hurt you or give you false hope...it's going to irritate you. Embrace that too. Just think, in the near future you are going to find out for the first time in a long time what it feels like to be really loved by someone who really wants to love you. After divorce, you will no longer be faced with uncertainty. Find your process and make it work for you . 1
Act Two Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I get the losing the kids 50/50. This is probably one of the greatest griefs of my life. How can a mother give up her babies? I understand this pain that you feel right now. HOWEVER. I am determined that the time I have them, I will be the best mother for them that I can possibly be, and will be there for them no matter what, when or where if they need me. I will support my STBX in co-parenting and make his life as easy for him as we try to parent separately. Maybe focusing on them 100% while you have them you can end up still having an excellent relationship with your kids and help them through this process as well. Re-train your thoughts that while you grieve the loss of 50%, try not to think of it catastrophically. Think of how you can make your 50% time better than it was even before. 2
Steadfast Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 I dislike when anyone says you can win your wife/husband back. The implication is that this person is something you need to better yourself for, like they're better then you and are a sideshow prize for getting the softball in the bouncy bucket. Don't listen to this. It's deceptive. Work on yourself, don't worry about her. She's made her choice. The best thing as a man we can do is to let her have it, with all of its trappings. ^^THIS^^. Strong second. Absolutely true and right. Can't agree more. And, as long as we're on the subject of therapists, fire yours. Find a life coach and work on the situation as it has been presented to you. Go forward, not backwards with 'therapy' that keeps you running in circles, giving false hope and coming back (and paying) session after session. Make it better, not worse! My disdain for this 'profession' is limitless. Keep posting. Good help is available here. 3
Gunny376 Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 ^^THIS^^. Strong second. Absolutely true and right. Can't agree more. And, as long as we're on the subject of therapists, fire yours. Find a life coach and work on the situation as it has been presented to you. Go forward, not backwards with 'therapy' that keeps you running in circles, giving false hope and coming back (and paying) session after session. Make it better, not worse! My disdain for this 'profession' is limitless. QUOTE] ↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑↑ Couldn't agree more! These so-called" duty experts often do more harm than good. I've learned that its simply best and easier to embrace the pain, make it your own, run to it and not from it. When we were little we've all touch an open flame with our fingers or open hand. We got burned, we felt pain. We learned not to do that! That's part of what pain is? Our teacher. Pain is simply weakness leaving the body! Learn from it, grow from it, learn the lessons it has to teach you well! 1
Steadfast Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 When we were little we've all touch an open flame with our fingers or open hand. We got burned, we felt pain. We learned not to do that! That's part of what pain is? Our teacher. Pain is simply weakness leaving the body! Learn from it, grow from it, learn the lessons it has to teach you well! Again, well said. This ^^ is the kind of advice anyone who suffers betrayal needs to read. Pain is necessary. Not enjoyable, but necessary nonetheless. People spend too much time being afraid of it, running away from it, or numbing it with drugs. The pain wins when we do that. Thanks Gunzs-
Author LIFE.GOES.wrONg Posted April 28, 2013 Author Posted April 28, 2013 LifeGoesWrong - Could you elaborate some more on the changes that took place leading up to your wife wanting to end the marriage? I know you stated that the two of you had tried therapy and the counselor stated that she "chose" to love you and there is an issue with her ability to love. That certainly couldn't have been the case the entire 13 years do you think? I year ago my wife sat me down in a near panic. She told me she was having thoughts about getting out of the marriage. She didn't feel like I was tuned into her enough. I tried to give her what she needed but I never seemed to get it right. I'm more laid back and she's more controlling which stems from a dysfunctional relationship with her mother (who is also very controlling). Our arguments usually started because I put a bowl back in the wrong cupboard, or forgot to notice that something needed to be taken care of or put back in order (forgot to bring the trashcans in off the street or something). She interpreted these as signs of me not being tuned into her needs. I'm not lazy and I'm not a slob. It just didn't seem like a big deal to me at first. I loved her and I thought that was enough. But now I don't think she ever really loved me. Like the therapist said- she chose to love me so she was always weighing that choice against other options. We would argue about little things instead of addressing the real issue - which I think someone here stated very well - she started to see me as an obstacle to *something* in her life. What? I don't know. Many have said its another man - but I think its the opposite. She wants total control of her life without having to answer to someone else. We started therapy a few months after that first time she told me she wanted out. I found out that she had been feeling that way for several years. That was devastating. During therapy I really tried to be more tuned into her. I really wanted to save the marriage but I could see now, in hindsight, that she was gone. I think subconsciously I knew so I become more defensive - not wanting to put my heart too far out there - constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. That made things worse. I January I told her I felt like I was the only one trying to save the marriage. That's when I asked her point blank if she loved me anymore. The rest is in my initial post. The last two weeks have been hard, but I've come to accept that this is necessary because it was inevitable. I don't know if I can be mad at my wife for loosing a feeling - I hope I can someday if it helps me get out if this shock and depression. I always felt like I married up - like my wife as outside my league. This has really shaken my sense of self-worth. I feel discarded, left behind. I have to find a way to unlove her some how.
aMguilts Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 (edited) I year ago my wife sat me down in a near panic. She told me she was having thoughts about getting out of the marriage. She didn't feel like I was tuned into her enough. I tried to give her what she needed but I never seemed to get it right. I'm more laid back and she's more controlling which stems from a dysfunctional relationship with her mother (who is also very controlling). Our arguments usually started because I put a bowl back in the wrong cupboard, or forgot to notice that something needed to be taken care of or put back in order (forgot to bring the trashcans in off the street or something). She interpreted these as signs of me not being tuned into her needs. I'm not lazy and I'm not a slob. It just didn't seem like a big deal to me at first. I loved her and I thought that was enough. But now I don't think she ever really loved me. Like the therapist said- she chose to love me so she was always weighing that choice against other options. We would argue about little things instead of addressing the real issue - which I think someone here stated very well - she started to see me as an obstacle to *something* in her life. What? I don't know. Many have said its another man - but I think its the opposite. She wants total control of her life without having to answer to someone else. We started therapy a few months after that first time she told me she wanted out. I found out that she had been feeling that way for several years. That was devastating. During therapy I really tried to be more tuned into her. I really wanted to save the marriage but I could see now, in hindsight, that she was gone. I think subconsciously I knew so I become more defensive - not wanting to put my heart too far out there - constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. That made things worse. I January I told her I felt like I was the only one trying to save the marriage. That's when I asked her point blank if she loved me anymore. The rest is in my initial post. The last two weeks have been hard, but I've come to accept that this is necessary because it was inevitable. I don't know if I can be mad at my wife for loosing a feeling - I hope I can someday if it helps me get out if this shock and depression. I always felt like I married up - like my wife as outside my league. This has really shaken my sense of self-worth. I feel discarded, left behind. I have to find a way to unlove her some how. yours and my situation are similar, but i`m ? months ahead did you see any flags at all in the beggining? tabboo now i guess your last sentence got me thou from what the saying goes` there is only 1 thing certain in this life and thats death and taxes` We all can only do our best for ourselves And someway along the line we all f*k up, (to want of a better phrase) carry on loving her, thats not the mistake you made it`ll be a mistake if you don`t Know that it WASN`T you that didn`t do all you could . Can only do so much She`s NOT out of your league She`s in a different one, one thats lower than yours;) aM Edited April 29, 2013 by aMguilts 2
Author LIFE.GOES.wrONg Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 (edited) Thanks aM. It seems like there are many people here who have it far worse than me... but I'm in significant pain this morning. Weekends are bad. Mornings are always worse. Monday mornings are by far the worst! Into my third week now. I was doing fine Saturday but have since been stepping into traps that remind me this is real. They sting like hell and knock the wind out of me. Examples: Was sitting with my boys Friday night watching TV when I heard (what I thought) was the the front door latch opening. Immediately thought - mommies home! Then reality flooded in like a fire hose on a birthday candle. It was the cat - of course. Mommy's not coming home from work late anymore. Had one of those reflex, knee spasms while sleeping. My muscle memory went haywire when my foot slipped through her side of the bed - not striking the warm leg that used to be there. My "I'm sorry" had no-one to hear it. Woke up and cried the rest of the night. Was filling out an application for health insurance (now that I'm dropping off my stbxw plan). Hit the third question like a brick wall: "single-married or divorced?" Oh great, now I can't fill out applications anymore. Took a walk for an amount of time not measured in minutes but in tears. It was a long walk. If anyone knows anymore traps I should prepare for please share. Gunny, I love your posts man. Edited April 29, 2013 by LIFE.GOES.wrONg
aMguilts Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Thanks aM. It seems like there are many people here who have it far worse than me... but I'm in significant pain this morning. Weekends are bad. Mornings are always worse. Monday mornings are by far the worst! Into my third week now. I was doing fine Saturday but have since been stepping into traps that remind me this is real. They sting like hell and knock the wind out of me. Examples: Was sitting with my boys Friday night watching TV when I heard (what I thought) was the the front door latch opening. Immediately thought - mommies home! Then reality flooded in like a fire hose on a birthday candle. It was the cat - of course. Mommy's not coming home from work late anymore. Had one of those reflex, knee spasms while sleeping. My muscle memory went haywire when my foot slipped through her side of the bed - not striking the warm leg that used to be there. My "I'm sorry" had no-one to hear it. Woke up and cried the rest of the night. Was filling out an application for health insurance (now that I'm dropping off my stbxw plan). Hit the third question like a brick wall: "single-married or divorced?" Oh great, now I can't fill out applications anymore. Took a walk for an amount of time not measured in minutes but in tears. It was a long walk. If anyone knows anymore traps I should prepare for please share. Gunny, I love your posts man. well until you divorce , you put you are married, you can change it later it`s REALLY good that you are seeing when you are at your worst so you can `prepare ` yourself for it, and every week will get easier for you you seem to have a really good head on you and i reckon you are doing ok? aM
aMguilts Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 like you said.... there are many, many more out there far worse off `s to you for saying that keep posting aM
Author LIFE.GOES.wrONg Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 well until you divorce , you put you are married, you can change it later You know... it hurts more to write or say "wife" right now.
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