sattech200 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 She dumped me and her last words spoken to me 33 days ago were "Let go, I'm done. U not only made me mad but your broke my trust. I will never look at you the same." because I peeked at her Facebook account and found she spent the weekend with another guy last fall. This was a three year relationship. My last contact attempt with her was 7 days ago. I will not attempt contact again with her. What are the odds she's would come back at this point? Why the hell I would even want her back still perplex me and is a topic for another conversation at another time. All I can say right now is.... "LOVE SUCKS!" A very detailed explanation of what happened can be found in this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/378275-i-am-so-lost-can-t-get-myself-picked-back-up
TaraMaiden Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 ... Hope Mountain (Wales, UK) Bob Hope (Also born in UK) No Hope (born in the hearts of the desperate. Anywhere.) The odds? Put it this way, if I entered a three-legged blind horse with no sense of direction, in a race against you, I'm certain I'd win. Stacked against you, I think, would be the accurate conclusion.... 2
hockeyfan99 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 She dumped me and her last words spoken to me 33 days ago were "Let go, I'm done. U not only made me mad but your broke my trust. I will never look at you the same." because I peeked at her Facebook account and found she spent the weekend with another guy last fall. This was a three year relationship. My last contact attempt with her was 7 days ago. I will not attempt contact again with her. What are the odds she's would come back at this point? Why the hell I would even want her back still perplex me and is a topic for another conversation at another time. All I can say right now is.... "LOVE SUCKS!" A very detailed explanation of what happened can be found in this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/378275-i-am-so-lost-can-t-get-myself-picked-back-up yeah i have to ask the same question about wanting her back but LOVE makes you do all sorts of things that don't make sense. sense my ex BU with me i have done everything to win her back but when people find out how controlling she was they ask me, "whats the point". my reply.....b/c i love her more than anything. now as for the FB thing......i hate FB. to me it is nothing more than a tool to start a fight with someone ESP a girlfriend. i stopped using FB after the BU only b/c i found myself looking at her god damn page all day long going over all the messages she was getting. it drove me nuts and i had to stop but every now and again i login and peek just b/c i'm stupid and asking for trouble. now should you have been looking at her FB????? not really. to me it just tells me that somewhere in there you didn't trust her, just saying. so people are ok with sharing their FB acct info with their other half. but for me i don't feel its ok. you need some sorta privacy in your life. FB and emails sharing are a NO NO in a relationship, imo. now she is mad for two reasons. 1) she got caught, red handed. so of course she is going to lash out at you for looking. 2) you looked her acct w/o her permission. i would be mad too BUT the fact of the matter is that she hid that info from you and on that note "i" would be pissed if i found out that my ex had spent weekend with some other guy. my ex did that to me several times. not on FB but rather my email and youtube acct. made me SOOOOO mad that she did that.
hockeyfan99 Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 She dumped me and her last words spoken to me 33 days ago were "Let go, I'm done. U not only made me mad but your broke my trust. I will never look at you the same." because I peeked at her Facebook account and found she spent the weekend with another guy last fall. This was a three year relationship. My last contact attempt with her was 7 days ago. I will not attempt contact again with her. What are the odds she's would come back at this point? Why the hell I would even want her back still perplex me and is a topic for another conversation at another time. All I can say right now is.... "LOVE SUCKS!" A very detailed explanation of what happened can be found in this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/378275-i-am-so-lost-can-t-get-myself-picked-back-up sorry. forgot to comment on the odds. i would just say to give her some space and see what happens . let her know that you understand her being mad but she also has to understand you ALSO have a right to be a little upset yourself for find out the info that you did. i would NO CONTACT her for a bit and see what happens. she knows how to get in touch with you. you texting her does NO GOOD. trust me on this. i spent 5 months trying EVERYTHING to get my ex back and her sending me all sorts of mixed signals that we might get back together and then she says that we need to be in NC mode. now if its been months then i would say that your odds are not good. again i tried for 5 months and i would had to have a miracle to had gotten her back. give her some space. 1
SimonSerenade Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 You need to move on man, this girl has got some problems, pegging you with trust issues when she was the one fooling around behind your back, there's no going back after betrayal, the heart can't recover after that man, not when your a sensitive guy, this girl's talking down to you and treating you like a child, she is a selfish b1tch! but you know what man, she did you wrong and 90% of cheats always return, every ex I've ever had who's cheated has always come back, always out of the blue, always begging for forgiveness, sounds like she hates herself and that makes her reflect that hate on you, don't take it too personally man, I know a 3 year relationship is a massive dump down the drain right now and your really hurting from it and so you should, that's 3 years you emotionally invested in her only for her to turn on you like that, just focus on yourself man, keep active, find something new to love, improve yourself, pick yourself up and tell yourself over and over you don't need her and trust me, she'll be back one way or another and a confident you will tell her to get stuffed because she isn't worth your time, if nothing else right now your looking for the satisfaction that you meant something to her, looking to know 3 years didn't go to waste in her eyes, that's something she isn't going to give you for a long time so you got to accept that and keep fighting on, what matters if what you felt those 3 years and what she meant to you, if she can be a heartless b1tch like that then who cares what she thinks, she just isn't worth any more of your time, cheer up dude, I'm rooting for you. 1
Author sattech200 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 This is more encouraging then I expected! Thank you everyone! TeraMaiden: A favorite one of mine that could be added “Hope is the last thing you do before your defeated” In life in general I tell myself that every time I catch myself saying “I hope” Hockeyfan99: To be honest I really don’t know why but yea, love makes us do some real funny things! It’s just something I take seriously I guess. I can only see the positives and she was everything and then some. The few times I have forced myself to see the negatives I tell myself that I can do so much better. She just had, what was most important to me, a lot of good qualities that I want from a mate. As far as fb goes, there’s a lot to this situation that is explained in my other post. She has always said that she has nothing to hide, in fact she looks at hiding things just as bad as cheating. I personally don’t see what the big issue is. I wouldn't have a problem at all if she looked at my stuff, in fact she has done it to my cell phone before. Long story that is explained in other post but in a nut shell, Last fall I went through a lot of setbacks in life and by the end of the year I had crawled into a pretty deep state of depression. The relationship was kind of put on the back burner while I worked on myself. I just thought she was giving me space during this time. I feel real bad because she had some events where she really needed me to be there for her and I wasn't Biggest mistake I made during the relationship. the first of the year, she said she wanted a full commitment from me after 3 years. I move in and we start building the rest of our lives together. I took a day to really make sure I was ready and decided that I was! That I was going to give it my everything. I finally took my wall down and let her in. I was working hard to make the best out of it. Sending her flowers at work ‘just because’ making dinners when she got home late. Etc… But something just didn't feel right, Just a lot of little things like protecting cell phone when she used to leave it laying around etc… and maybe I read into a few of them the wrong way but the last thing that happened made me decide to go looking for answers. Her computer was sitting right there and I couldn't resist temptation to look. In fact I feel that I should be able to look at her stuff without worry if I’m in the type of relationship I thought I was in. One that we share everything with each other and hide nothing. That nothing could ever be found that would even slightly hurt the other. Our relationship was truly about each other and that’s what I thought we both wanted. We talked a lot about that stuff the first year and she was the one that brought most of this stuff up, and I completely agree with it. We both were still healing from previous relationship where our ex’s cheated on us. That’s a big part as to why I’m so lost and left wondering so much,. I never once even had the slightest suspicion I would find anything. Never once did I even have the thought cross my mind that I couldn’t trust her. I never thought Id be able to feel that way with someone because my previous relationship before that was 17 years and I was blindsided when I found her cheating on me. I don’t even care if she cheated on me or not. What’s most important is that we work together, work through it, and have a happy life together. The week after I confronted her with what I found, on two occasions, I delivered a dozen roses to her house with a long hand written letter. She was home but I didn't even knock. I just laid them on her porch and left. I made it clear in those letters that I didn't care what happened, weather she cheated or not, that we could work through that and move on with a happy life. That’s how much I fell in love with her :( I mean last fall when this happened I wasn't there for her when she really needed me to be. That is the greatest mistake I made in this relationship. I've learned, and firmly believe, “If you’re not taking care of your women someone else is” and it holds so true unfortunately. I do agree with the space part and that’s where I’m at. That is the only thing I have left that might possibly help. My last attempt to contact (via email) was 9 days ago that just said “I love you, I’m trying to forget but I can’t” Then I finally accepted that I will only push her away more, to leave her alone. That she can’t miss me if she still thinks I’m there. Such a struggle reaching that point when the last thing I want her to feel is that it’s too late to turn it around. I just don’t understand how she can go into this no contact mode so quickly and so easily when she was the one that wanted our life together and made it clear the beginning of January. SimonSerenade: Thanks man! It is so nice to hear that kind of support from people especially at a time where my self confidence has been shot to hell. Even worse, for the first time ever in my life, I have lost the desire to make life better. I know that once I reach the point of walking away it’s really going to launch my efforts of making my life better simply so I can rub it in her face someday. That just does nothing for me now though Another reason I want this to work so bad, not that I feel she is everything I want from a lifelong partner, but because I’m certain it’s going to be a LONG TIME before I will let myself even become close with another person again. I do have a LOT of work ahead of me in my own life. At this point I have lost just about everything that has ever given me hope, or should I say something to keep my spirits up and keep working hard towards having a happy, successful life. Last fall, between thanksgiving and Christmas when I was hiding under a rock and spent the holidays alone, all by myself. I had two pretty bad breakdowns during this time and that when I decided I never want to be alone again. That’s when I said it was time for me to work hard at restoring the relationship with her. I just don’t want to be alone and if it can’t be with her it won’t be with anyone for a very long time. I don’t know if I’ll ever take my wall down again. Three years of not having the slightest hint she would ever do anything like this just really made me lose faith in humanity. There is only ONE way to never get hurt again
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Ok, I have to say, I'm feeling a bit Mike Tyson-ish today.... I posted a comment in another thread.... And now, I see this comment - There is only ONE way to never get hurt again Which I take to mean one of three things: I'm gonna treat all women as disposable bitches and break their hearts before they can break mine - or I'm gonna be a player and never tie myself to anyone for very long, but just enjoy FWB relationships - or I'm going to stay alone, single and unreachable for good. So, we have: Guys who frankly, wither and collapse and seem incapable of cohesive and sensible thought because their brains are turning to mush, or guys who think the only way to sail through life is to harden up and be more solid than the Rock of Gibraltar. Men: You have to find yourselves a middle ground! These are break-ups. They're not break-downs in peace talks by the United Nations negotiating a peace settlement for Syria - they're just a parting of the ways of two people, embroiled in something that had ceased to function as was hoped. perspective, people!! God, I am so mad today...... 1
Author sattech200 Posted March 13, 2013 Author Posted March 13, 2013 I protected myself for almost three years for fear of this very situation. The first year we dated we talked a LOT about being hurt from our previous relationships and how much that meant to each other. Her ex had also cheated on her. That’s actually how we started to get to really know each other. I had recently gone through the same thing after a 17 year relationship. January 2nd of this year she told me she wanted all or nothing; she wanted a full commitment from me. She was the one that wanted this and I felt I was ready. How does someone that wants that, that just the day before our split is talking about our future together, just simply turn around and walk away? How does someone like that all of sudden become silenced and leaving me with so many unanswered questions? Why can’t she even give me closure on this? I’ve made it clear I didn’t even care if she cheated, that we could work through it. But she still continued to walk away saying almost nothing. I don’t know what the future holds for me but I have a hard time believing I will ever trust anyone again with my heart. It’s just not worth it when the pain is this great.
Sugarkane Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 It seems people fall out of love alot. But somehow very rarely fall back in love again for some reason.
amaysngrace Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 What are the odds she's would come back at this point? Slim to none....and Slim's in Texas... 1
portableversion Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 Ok, I have to say, I'm feeling a bit Mike Tyson-ish today.... I posted a comment in another thread.... And now, I see this comment - Which I take to mean one of three things: I'm gonna treat all women as disposable bitches and break their hearts before they can break mine - or I'm gonna be a player and never tie myself to anyone for very long, but just enjoy FWB relationships - or I'm going to stay alone, single and unreachable for good. So, we have: Guys who frankly, wither and collapse and seem incapable of cohesive and sensible thought because their brains are turning to mush, or guys who think the only way to sail through life is to harden up and be more solid than the Rock of Gibraltar. Men: You have to find yourselves a middle ground! These are break-ups. They're not break-downs in peace talks by the United Nations negotiating a peace settlement for Syria - they're just a parting of the ways of two people, embroiled in something that had ceased to function as was hoped. perspective, people!! God, I am so mad today...... i wnet to confessin to blabb my hurt and frustration, anger and depression of bing divorced. Priest said men usually take these really hard if they are dumped, harder than women usually. I think for many of us it would be easier to be stuck in syria and get blown away. lost love is the absolute worst case event. back in the day ii had a gf of 7 months dump me i was devastated i was still angry at her 2 yrs after the fact and with a new woman, my new ex who divorced me. This time around it has been so much worse. The tears has been relentless.
TaraMaiden Posted March 13, 2013 Posted March 13, 2013 i wnet to confessin to blabb my hurt and frustration, anger and depression of bing divorced. Priest said men usually take these really hard if they are dumped, harder than women usually. If you went to confession, you're Catholic. If a Catholic priest tells you that, he probably said it to make you feel better. He probably says the same to women - although women are less likely to confess pain of the heart to a celibate priest whose superiors more or less condone inappropriate sexual behaviour by those underneath them, with minors. But I digress. .. I think for many of us it would be easier to be stuck in syria and get blown away. lost love is the absolute worst case event. That - quite frankly - is a disgustingly callous thing to say - in light of this article. I will let its words express my disgust for me. back in the day ii had a gf of 7 months dump me i was devastated i was still angry at her 2 yrs after the fact and with a new woman, my new ex who divorced me. That's all on you. Why marry someone when you're not over your ex? And why waste 2 years of your life mourning a relationship that lasted a little over half a year? I'm sorry - truly, I really am - but the only one nourishing and perpetuating your anger and sense of loss, by then, was you. What were you thinking? And more importantly - why? Did you not attend counselling? This time around it has been so much worse. The tears has been relentless. I take it you took advice and read the No Contact thread in my signature? Please know this: You DO have the power, at your disposal, to turn your life around, by changing the way you think. It takes work, and some reading, and understanding how your mind works and why. But you can do it. The bad news is - ONLY you can do it. But you really have to WANT to do it. No half-hearted attempts, no 'woe is me' moments which set you back. Sheer determination to not live like this for one more day. Up to you. Do you want it enough - or do you need more depression time? Read the following: I read something on the internet, that struck a chord.... Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so. After that, it's self-inflicted. A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact: That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them... They were missing the point. If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time. Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain. So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.' This is the problem with situations like this: Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there".... They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references.... The trick is to not start rolling the snowball. Pick it up and throw it, and move on. It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind. But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'. Pain is valid. Emotions are valid. They deserve to be honoured. But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty. I wrote that some time ago, but it's as valid for you as for anyone else who's having difficulty putting one foot in front of the other, and who's dragging their baggage around believing they can't put it down.......
Blastoplast Posted March 15, 2013 Posted March 15, 2013 You need to move on man, this girl has got some problems, pegging you with trust issues when she was the one fooling around behind your back, there's no going back after betrayal, the heart can't recover after that man, not when your a sensitive guy, this girl's talking down to you and treating you like a child, she is a selfish b1tch! but you know what man, she did you wrong and 90% of cheats always return, every ex I've ever had who's cheated has always come back, always out of the blue, always begging for forgiveness, sounds like she hates herself and that makes her reflect that hate on you, don't take it too personally man, I know a 3 year relationship is a massive dump down the drain right now and your really hurting from it and so you should, that's 3 years you emotionally invested in her only for her to turn on you like that, just focus on yourself man, keep active, find something new to love, improve yourself, pick yourself up and tell yourself over and over you don't need her and trust me, she'll be back one way or another and a confident you will tell her to get stuffed because she isn't worth your time, if nothing else right now your looking for the satisfaction that you meant something to her, looking to know 3 years didn't go to waste in her eyes, that's something she isn't going to give you for a long time so you got to accept that and keep fighting on, what matters if what you felt those 3 years and what she meant to you, if she can be a heartless b1tch like that then who cares what she thinks, she just isn't worth any more of your time, cheer up dude, I'm rooting for you. This. I know you shouldn't have been on her profile, but what is she doing spending a weekend with another guy, let alone not telling you about it. Clearly she knew you wouldn't have approved of it, and if she really cared about you she would have been up front about it!
ThatJustHappened Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 OP..why have you not addressed the fact that she cheated on you?
Coping Vortex Posted March 16, 2013 Posted March 16, 2013 She dumped me and her last words spoken to me 33 days ago were "Let go, I'm done. U not only made me mad but your broke my trust. I will never look at you the same." because I peeked at her Facebook account and found she spent the weekend with another guy last fall. This was a three year relationship. My last contact attempt with her was 7 days ago. I will not attempt contact again with her. What are the odds she's would come back at this point? Why the hell I would even want her back still perplex me and is a topic for another conversation at another time. All I can say right now is.... "LOVE SUCKS!" A very detailed explanation of what happened can be found in this thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/378275-i-am-so-lost-can-t-get-myself-picked-back-up My ex BU with me 3 1/2 months ago. She had been dating a new guy. She kept the door open for us up until three weeks ago. Even with her saying that it was NEVER going to happen. You my friend have way less of a chance than I had. And I had no chance.
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