sattech200 Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I am so lost. Can't get myself picked back up. I’m such a mess. I’m facing the end of a three year relationship that has brought me to my knees. The first two years were awesome having some of the best times of my life with her. My previous relationship was 17 years and was more of an opposites attract relationship. Being with someone that I was so compatible with really made a difference. It was scary at how well we could read each others minds. She was so supportive and sincere. She was truly there for me in so many ways….we were there for each other in so many ways. Last year was a difficult year for me starting with a court/custody issues. Then losing my beloved job of 13 years, then loosing the house that I had. Really sent me into a deep depression having so much hit all at once of which I crawled under a rock and hid. I didn't want to face anything. She was there for me but decided to give me distance. Between thanksgiving and Christmas I had two bad breakdowns from being all alone with nowhere to go or spend it with. I made the decision I never wanted to be alone again. I was working to pick myself back up and wanted to give the relationship my best. Between Christmas and new years we really started talking again on serious level. We did a lot of talking and on Jan 1st she told me she wanted a full commitment from me, all or nothing. This was something I took seriously, it was the biggest decision I have ever made for ‘myself’ but I felt ready and said yes with excitement. I finally took my wall down and let her in, I was doing everything that I thought I should be doing. Sending flowers to work just because, cooking dinners when she worked late, etc… But something didn't feel right. Deep down inside my gut something was telling me that something was wrong. Just a lot of little things that had changed. I just happened to be playing around on the computer where her Facebook was logged in and I couldn't help but peek. This is where I found she went and spent the weekend last fall with another ‘guy’ friend. Nothing was explicitly said but some messages were deleted and there were some things that would really lead one to believe things had happened. This had brought a lot of emotions and feelings to surface from my previous ex. I tried keeping this to myself but it hurt a lot, it kept eating at me. I finally broke down and confronted her with what I found. She basically said that she has never slept with anyone during the three years we were together and kicked me out saying little else. A couple of days later I placed a dozen roses on her front porch with a very long hand written letter saying I was sorry and we could work through anything together if we tried. A couple of days later I delivered another dozen roses with a short I’m sorry letter. I finally received a response saying “Let go, not only did you make me mad you broke my trust and questioned my loyalty. I will never look at you the same again” This was about a month ago and the last thing she has/will say to me. About that time I reached out to her best friend who said I couldn't have accused her of something further from the truth. That she was really ready to make me her everything but has lost the fight for me. That she didn't know if it was truly over but for now no means no. That I needed to work on myself and making my life better. I’ve recently tried reaching out to this friend and her mom and neither will even respond to me. One of my friends talked to her a couple weeks ago and she made it clear to him that it was over. This hurts worse than when I lost my loved one of 17 years. Is someone’s facebook that damn sacred? Heck, I wouldn't mind at all if she checked mine. She always walked around saying she had nothing to hide. In fact she said that she considered hiding things just as bad as cheating itself. I’ve spent a lot of time reading posts on here and have realized mistakes I made specifically trying to push and pry at the wrong time. I vow to no contact from this point foreword. It’s just absolutely killing me. I’ve been left with so many unanswered questions and even more lost wondering. Right now I am sitting here beating myself up for screwing this up. One of the last things in my life to give me a positive outlook on life. I’ve been really falling into a deeper depression with no desire to make things better. I am obsessing over trying to find out so many answers….like if there is another guy and she was looking for an out or is she really being honest. It would actually make me feel better if there was someone else cause then I would know it’s not all my fault and tell me what kind of person she truly is. Or if she’s just taking time then I could respect that. But this not knowing is killing me. I was hurt a lot from my previous ex of 17 years and we talked a lot about this for the first year. I just can’t believe she would walk away so easily with only saying a few words. Most importantly how do I even begin to start picking myself up when I have almost nothing left to look forward to anymore. I’m so lost and so miserable…. This pain and hurt is so overwhelming I can’t take it anymore. I’ve had several bouts of crying for days on end. Ughh I wish it would just go away.
Mcnulty Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 First off, go to your GP and tell him how you're feeling. You had a lot of bad runs, what with losing your job and your home, I can understand how it sent you into a depression. BUT, you pulled yourself out of that...commend yourself for that, you did it once, now you can and will do it again. Yes, you made a mistake, looking at her FB without her permission, but she is contradicting herself, surely, when she says hiding stuff is as good as lying, she hid the weekend away from you, so she is not blameless. She may well have had another guy in the wings and you confronting her has broke the camels back so to speak and she's cut and run. Forgive yourself for checking her FB, you've had a lot going on and you trusted your gut...hey, it was right! It takes 2 to end a rel. this is the case with this situation, don't be so hard on yourself mate.
Author sattech200 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thanks man. It really is nice to hear some support at a time when my self esteme is at an all time low. I guess one issue that im really strugling with right now is thr spying part. Everyone sayes its bad, dont do it. But as it stands right now its all my fault. However, if i were to find that shes with someone else it would really take a lot of weight (blame) of my shoulders, show me exactly what type of person she truely is, and confirm that she chose greener pastures over me. I sure as hell wouldnt be waiting around hanging onto my last thread of hope if that was confirmend. However, if i found her doing her normal thing and that shes just taking time to herself then i could fully respect that and wait patiently. I know its wrong but what is a logical explination as to why i shouldnt when the alternative is a lifetime of wondering? Im honestly looking for a good explination so i stop wasting so much time and gas. Thank you everyone
Author sattech200 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) Duplicate post Edited March 9, 2013 by sattech200 Duplicate post
thefooloftheyear Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 She has to be kidding.... SHE wants a committed relationship with you, yet she gets annoyed that you looked at her FB? The way I see it, committed relationships are all about transparency. She used that as an excuse to dump you, so she could run off with the other guy.. How convenient for her...She did wrong and now YOU are the bad guy. All her "guilt" is now off her shoulders.. Ridiculous... TFOY
Author sattech200 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thank you very much! Nice to hear that im not entirely crazy here. Those were my thoughts exactly but im questioning everything. With two solid years between us and her wanting and planing that life long comitment just days before my head is still spining with wth just happend? All of that is so easy to say untill my damn heart gets involved. Ughh...stupid me for actually trusting.
Author sattech200 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 And to take my love (or is it stupidity?) One step further i made it clear to her in that long handwritten letter with the dozen roses and a couple of ignoired emails since that i didnt care what happend. If we work together we can work through anything. Never really got any type of response from that.
portableversion Posted March 9, 2013 Posted March 9, 2013 (edited) omg that stinks so bad, yeah sounds like a cheap excuse, oh u violated my fb privacy, how could she have been serious about a serious commitment, sounds like hot air and bs to me. God im surving from being thrown under the bus from a 17 yr relationship, this story scares me. No wonder i tried so hard to cling onto what i had, its a viscous cruel world out there, people do such horrible things to each other. Afffairs of the heart are the worst, so let me ask which was worse loosing ur job , ur house or the love. Personlly i would trade the other two if i was able to keep love. probably should just become a priest and hide away from this people just cant be trusted bro i feel for u so bad, what a nightmare, and as i can see loosing out on a 17 yr long deal did nothing to "toughen" u up for this. Sounds like it has completely kicked ur ass. I think im terrified of women, the ways they have hurt me is unimaginable, had no idea such pain was possible, getting my leg broke in 3 differnt places was tiddly winks compared to being rejected, going to funerals for family members was a funny joke compared to being rejected well at least one day we do indeed die, it will be a relief that the odds of this bs happenig will one day be zero. thank god for mortality. i used to be afraid of death and now i look forward to it as a real bright spot, probably the best thing we got going for us Edited March 9, 2013 by portableversion
Author sattech200 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 Thanks man! I hear ya. Loosing my love was by far the worst although it was also one of the last positive things in my life that gave any hope for a bright future. I fear where i would be right now if my two daughters werent in my life. Over the past week, for the first time in my life, i have actually lost the desire to sucede and prosper. I dont want to mislead by any means if i havnt said this above already. Ive certainly made my share of mistakes in both relationships. In the second one they were only minor issues with all the setbacks i went through. I just cant understand for the life of me this silent treatment Im having to endure. Guess its only building the resentment quicker and faster. I also want to say this website has been tremendiously helpfull. Ive always said ive been stupid when it comes to relationships and this stuff but spending so mich time on here the past few days has really tought me a lot and help work through some the pain and hurt with a better understanding of my feelings and myself. omg that stinks so bad, yeah sounds like a cheap excuse, oh u violated my fb privacy, how could she have been serious about a serious commitment, sounds like hot air and bs to me. God im survving from being thrown under the bus from a 17 yr relationship, this story scares me. No wonder i tried so hard to cling onto waht i had, its a viscous cruel world out there, people do such horrible things to each other. Afffairs of the hear tare the wrst, so let me ask which was worse loosing ur job , ur house or the love. Personlly i would trade the other two if i was able to keep love. proabbly should just become a priest and hide away from this people just cant be trusted bro i feel for u so bad, waht a nightmare, and as i can see loosing out on a 17 yr long deal did nothing to "toughen" u up for this. Sounds like it has completely kicked ur ass. I think im terrified of women, the ways they have hurt me is unimaginable, had no idea such pain was possible, getting my leg broke in 3 differnt places was tiddly winks compared to being rejected
Author sattech200 Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 So...this morning started out ok but I noticed around lunch time her mom liked one of my fb posts. This certainly brought a lot to surface. Only the second time I can remember that her mom liked/commented on my FB with the first one being a few weeks ago. Damn I don't know what to think about that. Ex has me blocked on FB. And just a little while ago I realized today is officially one month since she said her last words to me via text. "Let go, I'm done. U not only made me mad but your broke my trust. I will never look at you the same." That's all I've been left with. Guess I need to work on working myself up to deleting the text messages now.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 10, 2013 Posted March 10, 2013 So...this morning started out ok but I noticed around lunch time her mom liked one of my fb posts. This certainly brought a lot to surface. Only the second time I can remember that her mom liked/commented on my FB with the first one being a few weeks ago. Damn I don't know what to think about that. Ex has me blocked on FB. And just a little while ago I realized today is officially one month since she said her last words to me via text. "Let go, I'm done. U not only made me mad but your broke my trust. I will never look at you the same." That's all I've been left with. Guess I need to work on working myself up to deleting the text messages now. Block her mom, or dump your acct totally.... TFOY
Author sattech200 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 I know. Just feels so disrespectfull. She really helped me a lot last year. Im gonna give it another few weeks i think and then probably do that unless it becomes an issue. I have a business profile page on fb so hate to close account and loose that source for business related activities....however i am aslo giving some serious thought to some major life changes...i dont know right now. Still have a little hope left but probably not for much longer.
Author sattech200 Posted March 10, 2013 Author Posted March 10, 2013 I just can't believe this is how things are going to end. It's like you just vanished from my life one day when the day before we were planing to spend the rest of our lives together. I've tried so hard to let go but it only seems like I'm trying to hold on tighter. Damn, I would be more understanding if I was cheating and got caught or something along those lines. But NC for over 30 days now with very little explanation?? After everything we talked about and planed together?? I just can't comprehend that this it truly the type of person you have become. This isn't the person I fell in love with. Why??? (I hope these random blurbs like this don't violate forum rules or annoy people. Seems to help just a little to get some things out there in the open)
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