somedude81 Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 This is great advice. When a girl likes you and wants you to make a move, most of the time it'll be blatantly obvious, to the point where there's little to no doubt about what she wants. Be a great, appealing guy until this happens, or try your luck asking her out "blind" if you're feeling bold. I think this is a pretty surefire way to have success without risking much embarrassment. Develop some appealing, attractive qualities, demonstrate them tastefully, and girls will be the ones coming to you. Do this well enough and you'll very rarely have to approach girls. If you do, they'll already have noticed the good things about you so you've got a foot in the door already. This is low risk/moderate reward and I can't say it's ever done me wrong. Some guys can wait forever and that obvious sign never comes. Trying to become a great appealing guy, is infinitely harder than it seems.
carhill Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Why am I like this? You haven't had enough exposure to married people. Hang around MW's enough and they'll break you of that habit/perspective/behavior. Anybody else have the same problem? Mine is the opposite. I mistake kindness for kindness. That and too many MW's being 'kind' has ostensibly desensitized me to the whole 'signals' thing. It's all been so ambiguous that I just gave up and see kindness as kindness and relish those moments in a sea of indifference and hostility.
normal person Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Some guys can wait forever and that obvious sign never comes. Trying to become a great appealing guy, is infinitely harder than it seems. It won't just "happen," you need to make it so. I know it sounds cliche but you need to strive to be the best person you can be before you start getting "green lights" from girls. Start going to the gym and dressing your age (you'll feel and look better and it'll boost your confidence which in itself is attractive). Learn to be personable, engaging, have some good stories, be funny but not at anyone's expense, get some experience doing interesting things you can talk about. Be comfortable with everyone and interested in their lives. Have many things to offer. Laughter, resources, help, comfort, insight, etc. Be wanted or needed. People who do these things are most commonly the kind of people others want to be around. When you've made it so others are very grateful for and almost dependent on your company, the girls will follow. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's entirely possible. 1
PJKino Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Same with me im so used to women ignoring me or looking to make eye contract with a friend saying help me leave this guy whenver i approach that any women who smiles or talks to for a few seconds i get excited lol
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 This is great advice. When a girl likes you and wants you to make a move, most of the time it'll be blatantly obvious, to the point where there's little to no doubt about what she wants. Be a great, appealing guy until this happens, or try your luck asking her out "blind" if you're feeling bold. I think this is a pretty surefire way to have success without risking much embarrassment. Develop some appealing, attractive qualities, demonstrate them tastefully, and girls will be the ones coming to you. Do this well enough and you'll very rarely have to approach girls. If you do, they'll already have noticed the good things about you so you've got a foot in the door already. This is low risk/moderate reward and I can't say it's ever done me wrong. Maybe I should just give up on trying to ask girls out and just wait for that one day for a girl to approach me or at least wait until I get strong signals (honestly the strongest "signals" I ever get is just simple friendliness unfortunately). I'm quite certain that way lies failure, but its no different than the failure I experience all the time approaching however.
aed Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Yes to this 100%. There are a good number of men who get STRONG signals but if you are not one of those by a certain age, it's pretty much NEVER going to happen. Or very, very rarely at least. One woman came all the way back with me alone to my parent's house to spend the night while they were away. Ends up she was not interested. Of course, you know when a woman is definitely not interested, but of the rest, you just have to crapshoot. what are strong signals? the only real signals are: when a girl ask you to go on a date or tells you she is into you. When you interact with allot of women, all the 'other' (non-verbale) signals are given quite frequent, but it doesnt mean anything in most of the casus. for example: some say a girl likes you when she touches and flicks her hair and licking her lips (girls do this all the time: dry lips (because of the lipstick) and being bored and playing with her hair).
Author Necris Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 It won't just "happen," you need to make it so. I know it sounds cliche but you need to strive to be the best person you can be before you start getting "green lights" from girls. Start going to the gym and dressing your age (you'll feel and look better and it'll boost your confidence which in itself is attractive). Learn to be personable, engaging, have some good stories, be funny but not at anyone's expense, get some experience doing interesting things you can talk about. Be comfortable with everyone and interested in their lives. Have many things to offer. Laughter, resources, help, comfort, insight, etc. Be wanted or needed. People who do these things are most commonly the kind of people others want to be around. When you've made it so others are very grateful for and almost dependent on your company, the girls will follow. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's entirely possible. What happens when you are not the extroverted hang out with tons of people and have tons of friends kind of guy? Also why is that regular guys never have to do any of that and they eventually get girls, they don't even really have to try it just comes naturally, but someone like myself will have to put in an extreme amount of effort to even get slightest bit of attention from women?
chex Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 What happens when you are not the extroverted hang out with tons of people and have tons of friends kind of guy? Also why is that regular guys never have to do any of that and they eventually get girls, they don't even really have to try it just comes naturally, but someone like myself will have to put in an extreme amount of effort to even get slightest bit of attention from women? How do you look? (I want a picture, but you don't have to if you don't want to)
carhill Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 See also the OP's two previous threads on this topic: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/343365-do-you-ever-mistake-niceness-romantic-interest http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/353027-how-read-people-better-always-mistake-niceness-interest
normal person Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Maybe I should just give up on trying to ask girls out and just wait for that one day for a girl to approach me or at least wait until I get strong signals (honestly the strongest "signals" I ever get is just simple friendliness unfortunately). I'm quite certain that way lies failure, but its no different than the failure I experience all the time approaching however. You can do both concurrently. You can't merely "wait" though. You have to proactively demonstrate and attract. Think about it like this, typically the engine of attraction for men to women is looks. It's similar for women to men, however women can also be just as attracted to a guy because he makes her laugh, she admires the fact that he's very accomplished at X, he's an awesome guitar player, etc. I honestly think men in general have an advantage in that sense because you don't see much of it if the genders are reversed. Looks are only part of the equation to a girl. If you don't have them, you can just as easily appeal to the rest of her sensibilities. The caveat is that you actually have to demonstrate these qualities. She needs to see or experience you showing them. You can't sit back and wait for her to ask if you have any special talents, you know? Unless you show them yourself, she'll assume you don't; you're pretty much invisible until you do. What happens when you are not the extroverted hang out with tons of people and have tons of friends kind of guy? It's not necessarily extraversion, but you do need to do something. You can't sit and wait. Attention is earned, not given. If you give nothing, you will most likely get nothing. As a guy, the onus is on you to give a girl a reason to be attracted to you even if she earns your attraction just by being good looking. That's the way it is.
jobaba Posted March 11, 2013 Posted March 11, 2013 I noticed every time a woman acts friendly with me I seem to always mistake her friendliness for interest even though by now I should know that friendliness does not equal she's into me. A girl could look plain and not usually very noticeable but if she acts friendly she becomes several times more attractive in my eyes, then I eventually end up asking her out, getting rejected, and ruining a potentially budding friendship. Why am I like this? Anybody else have the same problem? Then again women being friendly isn't exactly all that common for me so the friendliness I do get I tend to magnify it several times of what it really is. Yes. Story of my life. I think it's pretty typical for me. Sometimes I act, sometimes I don't.
Author Necris Posted March 11, 2013 Author Posted March 11, 2013 (edited) You can do both concurrently. You can't merely "wait" though. You have to proactively demonstrate and attract. Think about it like this, typically the engine of attraction for men to women is looks. It's similar for women to men, however women can also be just as attracted to a guy because he makes her laugh, she admires the fact that he's very accomplished at X, he's an awesome guitar player, etc. I honestly think men in general have an advantage in that sense because you don't see much of it if the genders are reversed. Looks are only part of the equation to a girl. If you don't have them, you can just as easily appeal to the rest of her sensibilities. The caveat is that you actually have to demonstrate these qualities. She needs to see or experience you showing them. You can't sit back and wait for her to ask if you have any special talents, you know? Unless you show them yourself, she'll assume you don't; you're pretty much invisible until you do. It's not necessarily extraversion, but you do need to do something. You can't sit and wait. Attention is earned, not given. If you give nothing, you will most likely get nothing. As a guy, the onus is on you to give a girl a reason to be attracted to you even if she earns your attraction just by being good looking. That's the way it is. I am not super attractive, I have absolutely zero musical or dancing ability of any kind, and no being the funny guy doesn't make women attracted to you, I'm often the funny guy but women have absolutely no attraction towards me. I have other talents and hobbies but these things have zero appeal to women. The only visible special qualities I have is my friendliness/respectfulness, maybe humor and possibly intelligence. Honestly going after women is just a huge waste of time for me the best thing to do is just forget about it, and do something else. Edited March 11, 2013 by Necris
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