Necris Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Just wanted some advice on how to read people better to be more successful at dating. I was just thinking about that today and I realize that is one of my weak points I'm terrible at finding out if a girl is attracted to me or not. I simply can't tell, I always mistake niceness for interest so tips, reading suggestions, etc. would be nice for me or any other person who has difficulty to reading people, we humans are quite confusing at times. yongyong does make a point here in an earlier thread. I bet she was Just being nice to you. I bet she didn't even tell you 'you are cute', didn't grab your thighs and showed other obvious interest signs. All she did was being courteous by not blowing you away and kept smile on her face. You were all excited thinking 'oh she is into me, I might bang this girl' I bet when you asked her out, she responded like 'I guess we could' with her body language and voice tone. Maybe you should learn how to read women. While I didn't like the general tone of this and the fact yongyong isn't completely correct, yongyong did have a point, I'm terrible at reading people and in that particular circumstance she never did show me any of those "obvious interest signs" in fact no girl in my entire existence has ever showed me those kind of signs that I can remember, so I guess when a girl acts nice to me I always misinterpret what they are doing as I take that as a sign of interest. Its not like I have had any experience in real true interest soI want to see things that simply aren't there, so tips on avoiding this? Also do you ever mistake niceness for interest? Post stories here.
MrCastle Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 All my rejections have come from me mistaking a girl's niceness for interest. Ask yourself these questions, the answers may help you determine where she stands: -does she initiate physical contact ever?/find any silly reason to touch you? -how does she respond when you touch her? -what's her reaction when a conversation turns sexual or when you flirt , does she keep the banter going or does she change the subject? -does she ever ask you out one on one to hang or are you the one always setting it up? -does she respond back to your texts/calls in a timely fashion? does she provide meaningful responses instead of one word answers? does she ask questions? does she seem genuinely interested in knowing more about you? -does she ever talk to you about other guys? in my experience girls who do this are trying to let you know they see you as a friend
Author Necris Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Do yourself a favor and try not to pick the next handful of women you meet. Can you elaborate on this? What does that mean exactly?
carhill Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Be friendly and personable, but don't lead or insinuate anything more. Don't ask for her number, to go out, if she has a bf, etc.. don't even go into that area of life at all. Just have some chats, work up your sociability. On the 'actions and words' side, that has been a historical style, as I believe in relationships developing over time. On the 'reading' side, results have been all over the place so I don't put much stock in 'reading' anymore. One relatively clear commonality of 'reading', absent the usual shared interest conversations platonic friends have, is proactive and repetitive interest in my life as well as my social circle, if not otherwise known. As an example, if I share an event I and my friends participated in as part of a casual conversation, there will be proactive interest in such events, as well as who my friends are, etc, etc. As I've been 'handled' so much, physically, by unhealthy potentials, mainly MW's, I don't assign value to physical flirting, but YMMV on that, since decades of it have likely made me cynical. That said, it's pretty easy to escalate such flirting to the sexual level and the players will usually end the game at that point, so perhaps that type of 'reading' has traction in general. Good luck.
Author Necris Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 don't try to pick them up, don't act AT ALL like you're interested in anything more than the moment/conversation at hand. Be friendly and personable, but don't lead or insinuate anything more. Don't ask for her number, to go out, if she has a bf, etc.. don't even go into that area of life at all. Just have some chats, work up your sociability. also, as i posted, ignoring women or giving them a lack of attention, in my experience, works.. It's not the only lure out there, but I've had it work many times in almost insurmountable odds (not even exaggerating.) Unfortunately it IS a game, a dance, and the more you experience and practice you have the better off you'll be. sounds counter intuitive especially if you're not the type of guy women would ever approach, but whatever its not like I have anything to lose, I guess I could try it. Should I do this for a year and then see if I get any results?
carhill Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 IME, this (ignoring, et. al.) only works if one is an otherwise obvious high value male whom women flock to anyway. I noticed this dynamic when women would blow by me to get at such apparent examples. As my value wasn't so obvious, my 'lack of attention' was invisible to them. Even a criminal who could spin a good story would find more apparent potentials in such regard, or so I noted in a number of cases. 'Tooting one's horn' is, retrospectively, an important facet of utilizing this methodology, so consider it part and parcel of the methodology, IMO. 1
xdahliax Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 honestly.. I think you should mind you own until you're more comfortable being yourself and having conversations with members of the opposite sex without ulterior motives. The ignoring thing works only because women wonder why you're not checking them out. If a Woman walks into a room, and every head turns, she'll notice the one that doesn't. THAT is like bamboo in shallow woman's finger nail- she won't be able to take it. Out here, Afghanistan, there is literally 1000ft of penis per .5ft of vagina. Not even exaggerating, I wish I was. I've gotten more than enough under the worst conditions imaginable. And actually, it's helped me out back in "real life," too. I've also have used and mentioned this approach all over LS. Cause for me, it works. I've had plenty of flings here and there, and when I ask why/what they noticed about me, more than enough have said "you ignored me." "you weren't interested, so i was." I know it's crazy... It's just something that, over time of being shy at first, has worked out to my advantage. the dynamics even play out IN the relationship, too- if you're shallow enough...by achieving the unsaid "upper-hand." it's all pretty ridiculous. This won't work for all women, obviously, but generally it works and piques women's curiosity. It will certainly work on a dumb little attention whore, if you're into that sort of thing Vaginas are really short.
Snowman219 Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 You should learn to read people to be better at life, not just dating. You just have to slow down and let things develope, I think. The whole "plant the seed, **** the plant." Your post always come off a bit rushed, and I get on you for it, but you really need to approached, or be approached, with a take-it or leave-it attitude. Too eager and it's over, too forward and that can end the same way. All of this depending on the level of person/man you are. The better looking and well rounded, the easier it will be, obviously. Do yourself a favor and try not to pick the next handful of women you meet. Wow...here we go with the soul mate bulls***. Just pluck and f***.
LittlePrince Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Women play games, pretend to be interested to get attention, and play it off as just them being nice when you start taking their fake interest seriously. There is no way you can read them better so you can know when they are just being nice or are authentically attracted since they are always manipulating those around them. This is their social lubrication and their prehistoric, biological survival strategy. You can give them a taste of their own medicine but that's about it.
Author Necris Posted October 22, 2012 Author Posted October 22, 2012 honestly.. I think you should mind you own until you're more comfortable being yourself and having conversations with members of the opposite sex without ulterior motives. The ignoring thing works only because women wonder why you're not checking them out. If a Woman walks into a room, and every head turns, she'll notice the one that doesn't. THAT is like bamboo in shallow woman's finger nail- she won't be able to take it. Out here, Afghanistan, there is literally 1000ft of penis per .5ft of vagina. Not even exaggerating, I wish I was. I've gotten more than enough under the worst conditions imaginable. And actually, it's helped me out back in "real life," too. I've also have used and mentioned this approach all over LS. Cause for me, it works. I've had plenty of flings here and there, and when I ask why/what they noticed about me, more than enough have said "you ignored me." "you weren't interested, so i was." I know it's crazy... It's just something that, over time of being shy at first, has worked out to my advantage. the dynamics even play out IN the relationship, too- if you're shallow enough...by achieving the unsaid "upper-hand." it's all pretty ridiculous. This won't work for all women, obviously, but generally it works and piques women's curiosity. It will certainly work on a dumb little attention whore, if you're into that sort of thing What I was trying to say is that for someone like myself the ignoring thing may not actually work, to get that effect where women feel like chasing you because you ignored them you have to be desired first, she has to already feel interested in you first. Think of it this way if some girl you are already uninterested in ignored you, you want feel like chasing her would you? Now I do think it might be important to not make interest too super obvious as that may make you look desperate which is bad.
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