Tomorrow's the big day! Here comes baby!

[delighted_delilah]

The topic came up and she told me I shouldn't need a test now that I see he looks like me.

 

 

The baby has some similar features of mine, that's for sure.

 

 

There was a question of paternity with my youngest; the presumed father, with whom I had unprotected sex, ON the estimated day of conception, denied paternity throughout the whole pregnancy. I was with someone else once, three weeks before estimated day of conception, and used a condom. Anyway, denial of paternity, fair enough; we were not dating, were FWB for four years. Anyway, my daughter was born and came out looking EXACTLY like him and his son. I asked 'hey, will we be doing that test?' and was told 'no, she looks just like us, not necessary.' A year goes by, with him being a pretty lackluster 'dad' and finally he requests a DNA test. The he puts it off until she is 18 months old, at which point, SHOCKER: she is not his. Let me add that he and his family were horrible, absolutely horrible about all of this, even though I was honest from day one.

Back on subject.

The two men looked nothing alike, nothing. Yet my daughter DID look just like the non-biodad. Please, please get that test! You owe it to yourself and the baby. I hope you get the outcome you wish for xoxo

[delighted_delilah]

Calling today to figure out the test. Might just get it court ordered. I don't like the way things have been going. She won't let me see the baby until we get results which is bull**** if you ask me.

 

She is likely experiencing the hormone crash, which can make even stable women go absolutely nuts. Not making excuses for her, btw, just trying to offer some insight.

 

Get that test, get it court ordered if you must. Keep a log of what you have done to support her and the baby both emotionally and financially since day one, and keep a log of every time you ask to see baby and are denied. This will cover you a**, which you unfortunately need to do.

[The_Face]

All the drama over this test. I want to say I'm surprised it's still happening, but I'm not.

 

First, my ex wanted me to go along with all of this purely with blind faith, expecting me to embrace this boy as my son, without proof.

 

Now, she's telling me I cannot embrace him as my son, until we get proof he's mine?

 

What the ****.

 

She's only keeping me from him out of spite, and because she's scared. Reality has finally sunken in that we're doing this. She has no more wiggle room to try and convince me I shouldn't need it, or to get in my head and make me feel bad about it. All of her old methods, while hurtful and unnecessary, haven't worked in the long run. It's happening. Now, all she's left is to use the baby as a way to punish me for this. Typical, I would be punished for having a logical reaction to something she did.

 

Hiring legal assistance, I feel I have no choice anymore. The test will be court ordered, and that's that. I don't need this psychological abuse any more. She can pout and throw a fit that I'm taking it this route, but it's been a long time coming. And I'm tired of this. One of the downsides to the route I'm taking now, is that I won't get the ball really rolling until Wednesday afternoon at the latest. So in the meantime, not only is that time that the baby is stuck alone with her, but that's also time that just makes it look to her like I'm dragging my feet. I could just tell her the real deal, at least then she'd understand the delay, but I'd rather not give her the heads up I got a lawyer. She'll just go ape**** on me for that, too.

 

If we're going to be parents, she really needs to grow the **** up, and think about her son. Not her damn pride. Suck it up, take the test without bitching and moaning and robbing your son of time with his father. This will NOT be the way things play out for the next 18 years, if he is mine.

 

Whatever the outcome of the test, I just hope that boy is taken care of, by whoever the dad is. This is all a waste of energy that could be better put to use on being a good parent.

 

This girl is such a mind-f**k.

[xxoo]

Get the legal assistance. Wednesday--or a week or two--seem like forever from the perspective of now, but it is a blink of an eye in the scope of parenting a baby. Your focus now needs to be going through the proper channels, and being absolutely beyond reproach in the eyes of the court if/when custody hearings become a reality.

 

Do something to cope with the stress while you wait--spend time with good friends, exercise, take a trip....whatever helps you cope.

[whichwayisup]

She's only keeping me from him out of spite, and because she's scared.

She isn't absolutely sure it's yours and that's why she's scared.

 

Sorry she's keeping you away from the baby but I guess on some level if the baby isn't yours, you won't bond and become attached so staying away is better in the long run.

 

Do a court order and get this over with asap. Still surprised the hospital can't just do a swab of you both and send it off to the Lab.

[CC12]

She won't let me see the baby until we get results which is bull**** if you ask me.

 

I can understand why she would do this. On the surface, it seems like she's just doing it to punish you, and she might be, but I wouldn't want someone bonding with my baby if there was a chance he wouldn't be around much longer.

 

I can also understand why you're upset and bothered by how things have happened, but your hostility for her is not productive. And it's possibly a little misplaced. Yes, it's frustrating. But it's not all her fault. It's just a difficult situation.

 

Why didn't you get this paternity test stuff figured out already? You just assumed the hospital would do it, okay, but when you learned that they wouldn't, why weren't you immediately researching how you could get it done?

 

And even now, instead of just getting it done already, you're hiring a lawyer and you want to get the test court-ordered. Why? It sounded like both of you are on board for getting the test done. Just get it done. Then hire a lawyer if you need to.

 

It just doesn't make sense to me, what you're doing.

[blindotter]

Why does the test have to be court-ordered? Why not just do it and then take legal action if necessary? Lawyering up is a sure way to set a combative tone from the start.

 

As a mother myself, I understand that (a) there is the postpartum hormone crash where all women get tearful and emotionally intense about 3 days postpartum and (b) why would you want to bond with or care for a child that may not be yours? If you get the test done, you will know in a few weeks and that's that.

 

Also no court will agree to shared custody of such a young infant, they usually wait for a few months to establish a custody plan because very young infants sleep like 3 hours at a span and eat and poop, that's pretty much it. A few weeks is nothing compared to 18 years, you have to be in it for the long haul and develop some patience.

[pink_sugar]

She isn't absolutely sure it's yours and that's why she's scared.

 

Sorry she's keeping you away from the baby but I guess on some level if the baby isn't yours, you won't bond and become attached so staying away is better in the long run.

 

My thoughts exactly!

[The_Face]

Why does the test have to be court-ordered? Why not just do it and then take legal action if necessary? Lawyering up is a sure way to set a combative tone from the start.

 

As a mother myself, I understand that (a) there is the postpartum hormone crash where all women get tearful and emotionally intense about 3 days postpartum and (b) why would you want to bond with or care for a child that may not be yours? If you get the test done, you will know in a few weeks and that's that.

 

Also no court will agree to shared custody of such a young infant, they usually wait for a few months to establish a custody plan because very young infants sleep like 3 hours at a span and eat and poop, that's pretty much it. A few weeks is nothing compared to 18 years, you have to be in it for the long haul and develop some patience.

 

Thanks. Anyway, I'm getting my swab tomorrow. My ex will be doing hers at a different facility, closer to her home. Ultimately, court didn't need to come into the picture.

 

As for setting a combative tone, that is not my intention. My opinion is she's created the combative tone, from day one. Sure, my idea to get the court involved right off the bat was a little pre-mature, but it was genuinely coming from a different place, not anger. I've been stuck doing everything her way and always being made out to be an *******, and I was tired of it, so I figured it be best to have someone else involved to set things straight. But...

 

as it stands now, we are doing this civilly, without court-order. If the child is mine, though, I do fully intend to hire that lawyer and if getting a legal parenting plan set up is "combative" at that point, well, I don't care about that. The fact is, if the child is mine, the courts WILL need to get involved to establish a parenting plan. I already know about courts opinion of shared custody when it comes to infants, the lawyer already broke that down. But it's still a smart move to get my ducks in a line. And seeing as my ex is prone to mood swings and taking things from me when she's upset, it's a precautionary move I feel I have to make. This is to prevent further complications when it comes to me being able to see my son on a schedule.

 

I will agree though, had I gotten one as of now, and went the route of getting the test court ordered would have taken way longer and been unnecessary.

 

I know I'm not perfect. But I am trying to do what's right for the baby. This has all been new to me, what can I say?

 

Anyway... again, getting swabbed tomorrow after work. I should know by the end of the day where and when my ex will be getting hers and the baby's. And then, it's just a matter of time. Could be less than a week for results.

[melodymatters]

misplaced. Yes, it's frustrating. But it's not all her fault. It's just a difficult situation.

 

 

 

Not her FAULT ??? Sleeping, no make that f*cking two different guys, and not knowing who the potential bio dad is and getting upset that a guy might want to KNOW if it's his kid before dedicating his life and 20% of his income for someone who is clearly playing games ( be here for the appointments and the birth, but now you can't see him because you don't "trust" ME because , yeah, there WAS other sperm in my vagina, but like so, what, man up " ) is NOT HER FAULT ????

 

Good luck Face. My wish for you is it is NOT YOURS, but you meet the love of your life, non psycho chick, who wants to marry you and have YOUR children on the way to the DNA test and you all live happily ever after. This " Baby mamma" is a nightmare, and I feel bad for you AND the kid.

 

If it's yours, the kid may be great, but your new woman will have to deal with this psycho b*tch for the rest of HER life ( weekends, holidays, your children together, finances, screaming phone calls at 2am over a bug bite that surely you and your new wife must have caused) because some guy didn't put on a condom... sucks ALL THE WAY AROUND.

[The_Face]

Thanks, melodymatters!

[CC12]

Not her FAULT ??? Sleeping, no make that f*cking two different guys, and not knowing who the potential bio dad is and getting upset that a guy might want to KNOW if it's his kid before dedicating his life and 20% of his income for someone who is clearly playing games ( be here for the appointments and the birth, but now you can't see him because you don't "trust" ME because , yeah, there WAS other sperm in my vagina, but like so, what, man up " ) is NOT HER FAULT ????.

 

Did you purposely misread what I wrote? I said it's not all her fault.

[The_Face]

Did you purposely misread what I wrote? I said it's not all her fault.

 

When it comes to getting a paternity test, and the negative energy surrounding the test, yes, it IS all her fault.

 

But.. really, when it comes down to it, none of this has to do with who's fault it is anyway. All that ever should have mattered was knowing the truth, for the sake of this new life that's been welcomed into the world. So all this drama and manipulation, guilt-tripping and all that, that's done. It never should have gone on this long, but what matters is that it's over.

 

As usual, I appreciate anybody's advice and opinions, no matter on which side they may lean. Thank you, everybody. Things are on the right path.

[blindotter]

If it's yours, the kid may be great, but your new woman will have to deal with this psycho b*tch for the rest of HER life ( weekends, holidays, your children together, finances, screaming phone calls at 2am over a bug bite that surely you and your new wife must have caused) because some guy didn't put on a condom... sucks ALL THE WAY AROUND.

 

Well it may or may not end up like that, that seems like a bit of an extreme and overly negative premonition for the future. It could end up like my situation where the mom eventually abandons her kid when he's 11 years old to his biological Dad and moves to Canada with her new boyfriend, never to be seen again except for random drunk texts and equally random, guilt-fueled "child support" payments...:/

 

Or, in some really awesome coparenting situations I have been lucky enough to know of where both parents move on with their lives and are able to put aside their differences in order to put the best interests of the child first. I like to think that anything that CAN go right, will go right, and you have to hope for the best.

 

But.. really, when it comes down to it, none of this has to do with who's fault it is anyway. All that ever should have mattered was knowing the truth, for the sake of this new life that's been welcomed into the world. So all this drama and manipulation, guilt-tripping and all that, that's done. It never should have gone on this long, but what matters is that it's over.

 

As usual, I appreciate anybody's advice and opinions, no matter on which side they may lean. Thank you, everybody. Things are on the right path.

 

Things are looking up and that is great. The first few weeks of a child's life are pretty hectic. Among developmental psychologists and pediatricians the first three months of life are often referred to as "the fourth trimester" - baby is still getting used to things like regulating their own body temperature and having to communicate to be cleaned or get food (and crying is their only way of communication). O6 weeks old or more they start to smile, and once they are once they are past the three month mark they start to develop more of their own personality. My second child is just shy of 4 months now and he is smiley and giggly and starting to sleep longer stretches at night and just all-around more enjoyable, and he is also starting to bond more with his Pops. For a while there he just wanted to be around the 24 hour milk bar, if you know what I mean, nyuck nyuck nyuck.

 

I still wish you the best of luck, it seems like you are trying to achieve some balance in a very crazed situation.

[The_Face]

Did my swab today. One step closer.

 

My ex will be contacted before the week is over, by either the lab that's closest to her or somebody affiliated with the lab, i don't know, but in any case, they will be able to work with her and give her different available times she can come in. Hopefully that will put an end to her unnecessary bitching about how she can't get to the appointment, and the 1,000,001 reasons why she can't.

 

Fact is, she's taking this test. And she is responsible for getting herself there, not me.

 

Now I wait.

[Balzac]

Have you been notified about her side of the testing data?

[The_Face]

Have you been notified about her side of the testing data?

 

I got a text from her that her's is a week from today, as well as a confirmation email from the lab. A little surprised they couldn't get her in sooner, seeing as I got in within 24 hours, but okay, whatever.

 

In the meantime (not that anyone asked) I am still forbidden from visiting the baby. If he's mine, this sucks. If he's not, then these couple weeks away won't matter at all.

 

I am sooooo tired of waiting.

 

Am I a dad or not? I need to know!

And to go with that, I need to be around him, if I am his dad!

 

I probably won't know the truth for a couple weeks. Oh well.

[delighted_delilah]

Did she swab today, do you know?

[The_Face]

I believe so.

 

She texted me at one point today, how she couldn't find the "stupid ****ing place" and later, once she did find the building, she texted me again asking me if I went through the courts, because apparently, the test was being done at or near the courthouse. I replied that I didn't know the location of her test, so it was all news to me, really, and ended it by saying I was glad she ended up finding the place. Haven't heard back from her. Don't really expect to, either.

 

Tick tock tick tock....

 

I'm excited to see the baby boy again soon, if, well... anyway. Shouldn't be much longer now. Until I get the results, I guess I'll go check out the Water Cooler or something lighthearted here on LS. Maybe I'll offer someone else advice, for a change!

[pink_sugar]

I've been checking every day to see if you have news!

[whichwayisup]

I believe so.

 

She texted me at one point today, how she couldn't find the "stupid ****ing place" and later, once she did find the building, she texted me again asking me if I went through the courts, because apparently, the test was being done at or near the courthouse. I replied that I didn't know the location of her test, so it was all news to me, really, and ended it by saying I was glad she ended up finding the place. Haven't heard back from her. Don't really expect to, either.

 

Tick tock tick tock....

 

I'm excited to see the baby boy again soon, if, well... anyway. Shouldn't be much longer now. Until I get the results, I guess I'll go check out the Water Cooler or something lighthearted here on LS. Maybe I'll offer someone else advice, for a change!

 

I hope this baby is yours. If it is, I REALLY hope she lets the paternity test thing go, acts mature and the two of you can start with clean slate - As co parents with respect for one another. Equals.

[The_Face]

I hope this baby is yours. If it is, I REALLY hope she lets the paternity test thing go, acts mature and the two of you can start with clean slate - As co parents with respect for one another. Equals.

 

That would require a helluva lot of maturing on her part. I try to be optimistic about that, but I also don't want to get my hopes up any more. If she can act mature, though, I am more than ready to wipe the slate clean an co parent more effectively. Only time will tell. Thanks whichway!

[amaysngrace]

When do you find out??

[The_Face]

When do you find out??

 

Could be anywhere from 5 days to a number of weeks, from the various employees I spoke to. Checking the email and the mailbox every day in anticipation. And any time my phone vibrates, I wonder if it's the lab!

 

Any day now...

 

The 9+ months of uncertainty will finally end!!!

[The_Face]

No update yet. A week since my ex took the test, so... results? Maybe today? Gettin' impatient!