What if you're not attracted to your league?

[animalover]

yeahhhhh but I am in NO way the type of girl who you would LOOK at, and think ' wow, poor her, she is to ugly to attract decent looking men"

 

You got a boyfriend... right? You claim you attract 100's of men every year... so why would you care if some random dude in a forum would not like you?

 

I think you are far too insecure about yourself!

[candie13]

Attraction does not equal looks. It's about having a good body, for sure, but most importantly, a seductive mind and a serious dose of self assurance.

 

I remember this guy, who by all standards was average at best. Not very tall - 5'6'', rather thick, short dark hair - but not very thick and a pair of great blue eyes. He had the most impressive list of ex girlfriends. Honestly, they were all soooo hot! And all crazy about him! He had the most magnetic personality, great a chatting and at woeing girls. Very insightful, if you were having a serious conversation with him and sooo charming - more than getting into girls panties, he took the time to understand how women worked. He also liked his gfs young, so experience was a def advantage for him... whatever rocks your boat, but if one thinks you need to look like a god to be successful... that's nothing but an excuse for your poor ladies' skills!

[ascendotum]

.....

It is just that my experience in real life is .... just SO different to that..

 

I have a lot of people think I am hot/pretty, not every one will, but I get more men very easily interested in me based on my looks, more so than some butterface.

 

And that's what counts waaaay more than what someone random on the www says. Besides that I do think you are reading a bit too much into his post and taking it too much to heart. Your real life interactions should make you confident and this irrelevant.

[candie13]

hey, Leigh... I'd marry you... how do you feel about long hair, curly blondes ?

[animalover]

I don't think there are leagues at all... I think people look for different things in their possible partners... looks is a very important one but in my case it is not the most important one! I always look for a woman who needs to be smart, independent, healthy, classy, share my values about sex and only then to be pretty!

 

I wouldn't date a woman who is not smart even when she is a beauty... I would settle for a less pretty girl if she has the whole package...as long as she still has some attraction... I would not date a complete ugly woman... I have to be honest about it!

Edited February 11, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ascendotum]

Sorry, dude.....disagree.

 

There's being fashionable (what you're talking about), and then there's style. Style is timeless, fluid, effortless and unique to the individual. Fashionable is contrived and clunky on the wrong person. Sure, maybe it can make a person look a little more with it, but its hollow. Style is style....no substitute. Don't believe me? Watch me go to a club in jeans and a t-shirt and run circles around all the slicks.

 

People need to find a way to be comfortable with themselves, their look and their identity. Of course, that's not always a trendy look for a lot of guys, but they can always refine their look.

 

Of course, being fit and healthy is step 1.

 

I agree style is timeless. IAL is in his early 20s and while you might find fashion trends contrived, for many..especially women in their 20s its very big deal in projecting a better image. Chances are you have a decent build to fill out your t-shirt & jeans. A lot more clothes can look good on a guy if he has a good physique or the clothes have a good fit and are not dept store brand loose/boxy cut.

 

If the average joe guy in this pic, was having trouble attracting any girls that were not over weight, and he always wore old jeans & polo/t-shirt, many people here would instinctively advise him to become more stylish or go with a more 'edgey' look to stand out a little more.

Image

Edited February 11, 2013 by ascendotum

[man_in_the_box]

It's an anonymous board. Ofcourse certain people are going to score hits under the belt by insulting people on things such as physical appearance if that's the topic at hand. It's what we are sensitive for. It doesn't represent anything. I'm just your everyday average bloke but if I had to take into account the comments I got on my appearance on the boards I've frequented over the years I'd have to believe I'm a hulking troll. There's no point in taking these things serious because it's not objective at all and there's usually some deeper goal to put a person down or discredit him/her.

[Untouchable_Fire]

Well I do not have a low IQ, and I mi in circles of professionals.

I have a few really good friends who are engineers.

My group of friends are all colleges students.

And my entrance score into college was 93% on the official scale in Australia. Yet I hate math and used biology and chemistry with very little math involved to get that high of a score!

I understand that you want professionals who have finished college, of course, given your ages.

It is, however, rude of you, to assume I am from a low socio- economic environment, when I am middle class, going to get a college education, and already have friends who either have degrees or are in college.

 

Emotional IQ is not the same as intelligence. That is why I listed them out separately. Emotional intelligence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Here is an example. I spent Saturday skiing with some friends in Whistler BC, one is the CFO of a large company. He is not just handsome, he is also educated, gentlemanly and accomplished. His current GF is a bit chubby... but cute, graduated from Harvard Law, and works in a big firm.

[animalover]

But I am pretty to some men.

 

It is not a rarity for men to find me pretty. Not all men do, but it is not RARE.

 

My question is... why do you need so much external validation?

I think you should really begin to understand that the first person who should like you is yourself... build some self esteem and don't allow other people to score offense on you that easily! You keep repeating that you are attractive... I am not going to enter to evaluate that here because it is not relevant... I just finding disturbing how easily you allow other people to get to offend you and how much validation you need from external parties!

[Robert]

Anymore pot shots being thrown at ANY member here concerning their looks gets an automatic 'thrown out of the game for good' infraction.

 

It amazes me that people can post such offensive trash and not expect consequences.

 

This thread is not about one person, let's leave it lie please.

[mesmerized]

Emotional IQ is not the same as intelligence. That is why I listed them out separately. Emotional intelligence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Here is an example. I spent Saturday skiing with some friends in Whistler BC, one is the CFO of a large company. He is not just handsome, he is also educated, gentlemanly and accomplished. His current GF is a bit chubby... but cute, graduated from Harvard Law, and works in a big firm.

 

Lol what?? That was an example of "EQ"??

 

You're being a douche and hate to break it to you, you're not that smart yourself.

[Leigh 87]

Emotional IQ is not the same as intelligence. That is why I listed them out separately. Emotional intelligence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Here is an example. I spent Saturday skiing with some friends in Whistler BC, one is the CFO of a large company. He is not just handsome, he is also educated, gentlemanly and accomplished. His current GF is a bit chubby... but cute, graduated from Harvard Law, and works in a big firm.

 

 

 

 

I get you.

 

You and your friends look for women who are doctors or lawyers, and are not too bad looking.

 

I can live with that. I am getting degree as a social worker, and will make only 50K a year here in Aus.

 

The pay is so low I am going to work behind bars too, to get about 80K a year:)

 

 

....I do not think your friends are better than me or of a higher quality purely due to their education though.

 

I have had highly educated people with PHDS interact with me, and find me to be a real character.

 

Although I am not a high achiever, but I aim to do what makes me happy. Which is not going for a fancy degree.

 

That's just me though.

[animalover]

Lol what?? That was an example of "EQ"??

 

You're being a douche and hate to break it to you, you're not that smart yourself.

 

I haven't seen how he has been a douche at all... he is just speaking about other values besides physical appeal to be important for some people.

I also find very important for a woman to be smart, does that make me a douche?

 

I think people should also be able to accept that there are people who look for different things in life and that we don't necessarily qualify for the dating list of everyone else... you can be ruled out from someone else list for things you may find silly but are not silly for the one that ruled you out... it is his choice... nothing wrong with that...

[Mme. Chaucer]

My argument was using the "Well, you don't like fat women" argument when the guy is complaining about being short doesn't make sense....because women can lose that weight if they want to. The guy can't be taller simply by putting in effort.

 

So your argument doesn't make sense.

 

I don't think you even understand what I am trying to say.

 

All I want to do is to use the fact that SD does not like fat women as an EXAMPLE, so that maybe he can understand that women who do not like short men probably feel exactly the same way.

 

Whether or not a fat person can lose weight is immaterial.

 

What makes no sense is to say that if somebody doesn't like ME for who / what I am, they're "stupid," but if I don't like THEM for who / what THEY are, that's fine.

 

As I said before (obviously not clear enough), a BETTER argument would be comparing short guys to ugly girls....because neither can change that part of themselves without surgery.

 

Except that I have not been comparing anyone with anyone. I've just been talking about respecting others preferences as you wish for yours to be respected.

 

SD has said numerous times, with a lot of attitude, that he should not be expected to lower his standards enough to date girls he doesn't find attractive, and I agree that no one should do that. Which includes girls who don't find HIM attractive.

 

Get it?

[Mme. Chaucer]

The pay is so low I am going to work behind bars too, to get about 80K a year:)

 

You're going to work as a prison guard?

[KathyM]

If you're not attracted to people in your league, you have three options:

 

1. Improve yourself to raise your attractiveness level.

 

2. Adjust your expectations to those who are in your league or lower, and adjust your ideas of what makes people attractive. It's not just the physical.

 

3. Be alone.

 

Don't expect the world to change for you. It won't.

[Mme. Chaucer]

IT DOES NOT MATTER. People like what they like, and there is no reason why anyone's preferences should be more worthy of respect than someone else's.

It's fine to not want to date fat people, and it's fine to not want to date short people - older people - ugly people - redheads - certain races - whatever.

Anyone who has preferences of their own is out of line for criticizing other people's preferences.

 

Would you support a company making hiring decisions based on this kind of thinking? We are hiring for customer service people - Redheads and fatties need not apply!

 

Are you seriously trying to compare hiring policies with dating / relationship criteria? I hope not.

 

I agree with you that people should be allowed to create personal relationships based on whatever criteria they want.

 

What do you mean by "should be allowed"? Of course everyone is allowed to choose their own dates and mated based upon their own criteria, unless you are talking about arranged marriages.

 

However, that doesn't mean we should give people a blank check to be as cruel and capricious as they want.

 

Do you think it's "cruel and capricious" to not date someone you do not find attractive? I doubt it, because it's not.

 

And "we" are not in charge of giving people a blank check or not. Everybody is in charge of their own love life, and their own behavior. I believe that people should treat one another with kindness and respect, even if we need to refuse someone's romantic interest (or turn them down for a job, whatever).

 

If a business doesn't have hiring practices I support... then I voice my opinion and boycott. I don't see anything different within this area of life.

 

What are you saying, exactly? That if someone does not want to date you because they do not feel attracted to you, that you'll boycott them??? They'll probably be okay with that!

[ltjg45]

You make an effort to get into a higher league. It is kind of easy for males because their league depends on their incomes unless they are still in high school or college.

 

In an economy where looks matters even more when being hired?

 

Sure.....go and make top-dollar as an ugly male with all of that good-looking competition out there.

 

You will be lucky to get a part-time entry level job.

 

This is 2013, not 1950.

[iris219]

I believe one of the major reasons why some of the guys on here struggle is because they want a girl much more attractive than themselves. I'm not sure what can be done about this. It's unfortunate that they can't be attracted to women below them in attractiveness. Almost every man I've ever dated has been below me in looks and I'm fine with that. Many men don't seem to be OK with dating women less attractive.

 

Yes leagues do exist.

 

I've basically been told (by women) that if a girl above average in looks, she can get any guy she wants and that there is no point in trying to pursue her.

 

It really sucks seeing women every day that I know I will never have a chance with. That really only is a man issue. Women don't look at a guy and think that he's out of her league. As long as the girl is halfway decent looking, she can pretty much date any guy she wants as long as he's single. And even then that won't always stop somebody.

 

Of course we do. I know who I have a chance with and who I don't. I wouldn't waste time with a man I had no chance with. I see some of the struggling men on here doing just that with women.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Sure.....go and make top-dollar as an ugly male with all of that good-looking competition out there.

 

 

I KNOW. All the rich guys are SO handsome. Donald Trump - what an Adonis! Bill Gates? Hold me back, I'm swooning! Warren Buffet, Sheldon Adelson, ohmygod, I'm so lust crazed when I look at their pictures!

[Mme. Chaucer]

I believe one of the major reasons why some of the guys on here struggle is because they want a girl much more attractive than themselves.

 

Yep. Not only WANT, but feel ENTITLED to an exceptionally (objectively) attractive woman.

 

Big problem is that they have NO idea about how attractive they are themselves, or what is compelling to women. They think that because they are not fat, and don't have a gigantic festering carbuncle in the middle of their forehead, they're good to go - refusing to acknowledge the many vagaries that make a man attractive in the eyes of women, which usually extend far beyond the realm of what a man objectively looks like.

 

Of course we do. I know who I have a chance with and who I don't. I wouldn't waste time with a man I had no chance with. I see some of the struggling men on here doing just that with women.

 

Personally, I NEVER thought about whether I had a chance or not with a guy and what league we were all in or out of. I mean, after I got out of the painfully shy and awkward phase where I was sure that I would never have a chance with ANY guy.

 

I NEVER think about whether a man is "above" or "below" me in looks. If I liked a guy and he didn't like me, I NEVER thought it was because he was "out of my league" or "above" me. I just figured that I did not do it for him. And I was not a very confident person.

 

I have no idea whether my husband is above or below me in the looks department. All I know is that we are deeply in love with each other and have a lot of chemistry. And we are very complementary; people comment on it often. Not because of looks but because of how we play off of one another in all ways.

[SJC2008]

I believe one of the major reasons why some of the guys on here struggle is because they want a girl much more attractive than themselves. I'm not sure what can be done about this. It's unfortunate that they can't be attracted to women below them in attractiveness. Almost every man I've ever dated has been below me in looks and I'm fine with that. Many men don't seem to be OK with dating women less attractive.

 

I'd say I'm about a 6. Going by your logic that means I'm going for 8's or better? I chose 8 becuase 7 wouldn't be "much" higher now woiuld it? You couldn't be more wrong. I've never shot for women way better looking than me. I'd date a plain jane if I was attracted to her. My problem is that my looks are very subjective. I have a long face and a big head, I HATE my head it's not round, from the side it looks like one of those old school garbage trucks Image Detail for - Green Garbage Truck. Royalty Free Stock Photo, Pictures, Images And ... Put me in a room with a 100 people and I gurarentee you I'll have a bigger head than 97 of them. I know my looks are subjective becuae I have been called ugly, weird and creepy, cute, hansome, movie star sexy, fine and beautiful.

[iris219]

Personally, I NEVER thought about whether I had a chance or not with a guy and what league we were all in or out of. I mean, after I got out of the painfully shy and awkward phase where I was sure that I would never have a chance with ANY guy.

 

I NEVER think about whether a man is "above" or "below" me in looks. If I liked a guy and he didn't like me, I NEVER thought it was because he was "out of my league" or "above" me. I just figured that I did not do it for him. And I was not a very confident person.

 

I have no idea whether my husband is above or below me in the looks department. All I know is that we are deeply in love with each other and have a lot of chemistry. And we are very complementary; people comment on it often. Not because of looks but because of how we play off of one another in all ways.

 

Hmm...I've always thought it. I'm a realistic person, and I know guys don't want to date down in looks. Lucky for me, most men ARE below me when it comes to attractiveness.

 

There's a reason why you rarely see very attractive men with less attractive women.

[ltjg45]

I KNOW. All the rich guys are SO handsome. Donald Trump - what an Adonis! Bill Gates? Hold me back, I'm swooning! Warren Buffet, Sheldon Adelson, ohmygod, I'm so lust crazed when I look at their pictures!

 

Donald Trump, at his age, does look better than the majority of males 20 years younger than him. I'm afraid to think what his age is. (No, I don't want to know so don't tell me.)

 

Back that up with his bank account and the fact that he's an alpha male that doesn't deal with BS of any kind and he is a winner.

[somedude81]

I believe one of the major reasons why some of the guys on here struggle is because they want a girl much more attractive than themselves. I'm not sure what can be done about this. It's unfortunate that they can't be attracted to women below them in attractiveness. Almost every man I've ever dated has been below me in looks and I'm fine with that. Many men don't seem to be OK with dating women less attractive.

A very common and misguided belief.

 

"You are constantly getting rejected, therefore you must only be asking out women out of your league. Ask out girls in your league and you'll start getting dates."

 

That's all well and good if most guys weren't already pursuing women that were similar in looks to them. I prefer girls that are cute, and I generally don't bother with the hot girls at all.

 

I also have no issue dating women who are a bit below me in looks, as long as they aren't that much overweight.

 

Of course we do. I know who I have a chance with and who I don't. I wouldn't waste time with a man I had no chance with. I see some of the struggling men on here doing just that with women.

Oh?

 

When was the last time you saw a guy, and felt that you had no chance with him based on his looks (not his socioeconomic status.)