Urban Rubble01 Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Well, an odd thing happened today. I haven't talked to her in about a week (I called for a couple minutes to say happy birthday last week). I was planning on going a month without calling, we were supposed to go out to eat in a couple weeks but I was going to push that back and just kind of chill for 1 month. Well, I called her today because of a weird situation. She lives up in Seattle and I live about an hour away in our hometown. Her parents live down the road from my house. So, I'm looking out my window and I see what I thought was her car drive by. It was the same car, coming from the direction of her house, and even had stickers in some of the same spots. So I called her to see if that we her driving by. She didn't pick up so I'm sitting there getting pissed, thinking she's avoiding me. Well, about a half hour later I see that same car drive by, it wasn't hers but it looked literally exactly the same. So she calls about an hour later, laughing at me. I explained what happened and she thought that was hilarious and then we just got to talking. She said alot of things that put me at ease. She asked what I was doing for Halloween. I told her and she said she was thinking about coming out here if I wouldn't mind. I said I'd love to see her. I told her how I was planning on trying not to talk to her too much for a month or so (i know, probably a dumb thing to do) to give her space but told her that I'd love to see her. From there we got to talking about alot of different things. She mentioned that she was talking to her friend about how she missed me, so that was cool. Somehow we were talking (kind of just joking) about how our kids would be short if we had them. It was cool because she still talked about it by saying "our kids". We were just messing around, but still, we always did that before and it felt good to hear her sound like she feels the same. Somehow the conversation turned to how I've been doing and all that. She said she was suprised at how well I'm handling it. I told her how I'm doing alright but it's still hard. I told her that I'm handling the distance fine but the hard part is just not knowing whether or not it'll work out in the end. She told me that she knows it will, which was HUGE to me. She said that we've always been an exceptionally different couple and that she has no doubt that we have something special (the very thing that people call me naive for when I say it on here =). So that was great, she didn't have to tell me that stuff but it made me feel SO much better. See, she told me that she knows it will work out awhile ago, but that was after I had asked her . So I get to wondering if she really feels that way or if she's just trying to make me feel better. But now with her telling me that unprompted, that was a big sign. It lets me know that at least for now she still feels the same. I know her feelings could change later, but at least I know that she isn't lying to me and all that, she would not be so malicious. Anyway, just thought I'd share. She made me feel alot better. I'm not getting my hopes up, I know that she could change over the next few months. But still, just hearing her talk like she still loves me just puts me at ease. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 CONGRATS ON HOW WELL THAT WENT!!! Now just be careful since i have found that bc they have one good day and are vulnerable and spill more than they might have intended, it doesnt mean next time you talk she will be receptive to talk about you two or even want to talk at all........... i know it doesnt sound like anything she would do or whatnot, but i was in similar position (i.e. she called me and told me how since she broke up with me her life[school, self-image, work, social life] was "spiralling downward" and she was unhappy and missed me.....and said she will always love me FF to next talk: just meant love you as my friend and miss my best friend and you are not the one for me..... Heart breaking...it was then that i started to lose hope and slightly after i found out she was seeing the guy that flirted with her 1 week before she broke up with me....4 weeks later he was calling her baby...(dont ask how i know) now i see she is the type who cant go without a man or attention and with me becoming a physician i am going to spend alot of my residency years at the hospital with long hours and she does not have the make up to be my wife...so all is well since this is the LORD's chosen path for me.... So please realize it might have been a weak (missing you) time but ultimately there is a reason she broke it off with you and she wouldnt have done it if she wasnt sure (at least at the time)....so she will swing back and forth and the less you let her know you are down trodden w/o her the better....she wants to see (subconsciously) that you are a man and therefore (possibly) one that she doesnt want to get away! dont tell her anymore of your NC secrets....just tell her you have been busy lately and that you have been concentrating on having fun since life is too short to dwell or some **** like that... you seem bright, make it up even if your heart (which i know) is deflated like a limp balloon... But great news as long as you take it (like you said in your post!) with caution and a grain of salt....It is good she devulged (sorry for sounding like a spy novel but this is how our women are speaking to us: in signals and codes- i think we need the frickin german enigma machine or the holy grail to figure them out!) some secrets , but now she may realize it and play it close to the vest.. SMILE YOU JUST HAD A GOOD DAY! Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 guys, Urban Rubble---good news, but i agree with Head/heels keep your guard up I had the same thing happen to me with nice moments with the ex and it got me no where, just more disapointment, just watch yourself man...believe me I have burn a few times by nice moments like that...I am soory to tell you this but just guard your heart... Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 sad thing is (like in bigacesteve's case) they really think at the time they want you back....only to realize later that they dont and crush your heart again!! Sad that they are so lost/confused/discombobulated within themselves that they go fishing for love when they get weak....sad that they arent dignified enough to stay away if they are not 100% healthy and really know what they want when they try to come back!! they only end up hurting us in the process and they go on like lost souls looking for what (actually who) can make them happy!!! Little do they know it is within themselves to find their happiness and not with someone else.... I really ache that people are so stupid and thus that makes me stupid for spending 4 years trying to help someone smarten up in life and thinking i will EVENTUALLY reap the benefits...i guess i was not as smart as i thought i was....luckily i am smarter now bc of it! I know i wouldnt think that it is another persons fault or whatnot for being unhappy with myself...i do think i would be smart enough to take te time to realize that maybe it is me i am unhappy with and i shouldnt go out and pounce on the first cute guy i feel some chemistry with... ie ---- he will love me bc he is new and i think he is so hot! god love me and my ex for all her insecurties and irrational thoughts and behaviours (british spelling!) bc i wish no ill will in her direction... i realize, Lord that she knows not what she does and is searching through these rough times for what can make her happy... Please allow her to find that she herself has to face herself in order to be personally happy and to not run away as she always has....God love her mistreated mind, she did not deserve the first bf who broke her apart and caused her to be in turmoil with herself from then on....if there is justice, he will suffer on earth until he repents to you and your son for the pains he has caused her and ultimately me....but so much more for her...In your blessed name i pray, amen! God love that beautiful angel Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 good work getting that bowflex!!! i have been working out every other day and taking note of my progress in a notebook.... to get to building muscle........eat 1.0-1.5 grams of protein for every lb. of you weigh....and break it into 6 meals a day at 3 hr interval.... 0 and 4 i.e.- i weigh 160 lbs.... i need 160 to 240 grams of protein a day to put on serious muscle....so just go with 160 for example.... divided by 6 meals = 160/6 =26 grams per meal (about) so at 8 am, 11 am, 2 pm, 5 pm, 8 pm, 11 pm you should eat 26 grams at each sitting.... times can vary but the 3 hour thing is key as is 160 grams.... dont eat like 50 grams and then 40 and then 5 and then 40 (etc ) or you will not absorb the higher numbers (like the 50 and 40 grams ) in full. another bit of advice, there is a 30-45 minutes window after your workout that you need to get protein into your body asap.....i promise.... but it really needs to be a fast absorbing protein like whey protein from a workout store or online....Optimum Nutrition is the best (100% whey protein) and know that meat takes 4-6 hours to break down into peptides that can then form amino acidsa and the protein from milk (casein) takes 4 hours... while the whey takes roughly the time it takes to absorb the liquid since the proteins are actually in the amino L acid form....DR J you know all about these amino acids and the L form and how your body can use them...so this is what i have learned....it really has helped me bulk up in less than 1 month... oh and finally eat your 26 grams right before you sleep as this is another prime muscle building time...i use the whey with milk so that i have about 4 good hours of muscle building... if i do this i never,, i mean never wake up sore even if i busted my arse at the workout center....finally eat like this even on your off day... and if you find yourself weitghing more, it is okay bc muscle weighs more than fat and you will burn more kcals with more mass ok enough of the muscle/testosterone lecture... sorry lexi b, mj, atlous, .... oh and this will work for you tooo! Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Lol, head/heels... well I'm already 5'9'', I think I might scare the bejeezus out of some guys if I bulked up like that too (talk about intimidation) Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 Hey Guys, first: head/heels--- thanks for that work out and protein advice...you must have read my mind or something, I was just thinking about that yesterday as I finished assembling the bowflex....I lost a lot of wieght from my break up I used to be 150 and now I think I am about 135 or so...Ineed to gain back muscle mass...thanks....I find I dont know if you all have it in the US ..Carnation Instant breakast meals...they are meal replacement and they have about 15 grams of protein in each shake which is nice to add to a meal and they taste good... To everyone--- I saw the last couple of posts with Head/heels and UR01 and I noticed something, all of us here (i think I mentioned this before in this posts) we give so much in our relationships and care for our sig other...the breakdown seems that they either cant return that love or that they get scared or something that they dont deserve it....Like for me and MJ, some of you guys....it seems like our exs go out with an @$$hole after us, my ex she is seeing this guy and I ask her is it good relationship...she tells me that they have issues and its generally Ok.....WTF is up with that when we were together we never had a fight or anything like we would always talk it out .....and she cant see that this guy she is seeing is not good for her???? if she does not come back to me, but find a guy that would treat her right like I did or just a good guy.....Why do people do this? I cant figure out what kind of hold that people like this have on our ex's........... I just dont know why it turns out that way is there way to fix it? why cant they see what we see in the realtionship that is good and that we should continue with it... Guys if all can give me you input on this today, that would be great...I just dont feel like my self today... P/s read head/heels post before the his bodybuilding post....it better explains what I am talking about.. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Nothing like when the ladies have that moment of weakness and let thier guards down and share thier feelings to you only to try and reverse it the next week and spin doctor what they said. What I find funny is that they think by doing that you are dumb enough to believe they didn't mean what they said. It has become my belief that people don't really lie or misinterpret their strong feelings for a person...they lie when they try to act like they don't feel that way. If a perosn has an emotionla moment and says they love you, miss you, etc they meant it. If the next week they say they didn't mean it THAT way then they are just trying to cover their ass for letting the truth slip out and shwo you they still feel for you the same way they always did. Humans are *****ed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 Weird, Yeah I humans are *****ed up....people just hurt in the end by stupid things they say....why not just say the truth is that too much to ask?....oh well Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Hello everyone. Yes, I totally understand that I've got to keep my guard up. I'm trying to. I'm getting into the mindset that we're going to have to be apart for this school year or whatever, no matter what. It's good because we've talked about that and she understands that I feel the same way, that we did need a break. I'm happy with the fact that so far at least she's been honest and hasn't tried to hide what she feels. I know her well enough to be able to read her and tell when she isn't being genuine, and I'm confident that she isn't going to be playing any games. I don't really feel like she let her guard down because I don't really feel like there has been a guard up. I know that she doesn't probably even totally understand how she feels right now, but I know she's being honest with me as best she can. But I am going to try and limit cotact for awhile, hope she keeps missing me. She'll be home for Thanksgiving so I figure I'll just wait and see her until then, she mentioned that I had promised to take her out for a late birthday dinner so I guess I'll do it then. This will be the longest (by far) I've gone without seeing her in like 5 years ! But it'll be fine, I'm feeling good because I think we're on really good terms and we know where each other stand. head/heels I really need to learn more about all this diet stuff. I work out, but I have no idea of what I should eat, when, how much. I pretty much just eat fruit, tuna sandwhiches and chicken all day. Do you know of any good websites or books to explain (in basic terms) some of the things you were talking about ? With all the free time I've been having I work out more than I ever have, but I don't have any clue of what to eat to build muscle. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Hi everybody, just read all the posts and glad some are doing well and some are still in a big hole(which sucks). As for me, it was a pretty painfull week. Just got back to my house and man it just sucks seeing my grandfather that way and all. I do miss my grandmother alot, but it was kinda strange feeling like I was the 5th wheel there. My sister had her b/f with her. Me and my sisters friend and her b/f, you know etc... so i dunno it kinda sucked and I did think of my ex just a little but I did get a chance to talk to my aunt(who has superadvice with those things). She just said, you know you will find someone better who is not confusing and not immature and doesn't have a glass half full(a girl should have a glass full and not be confused). Its wierd, I can emphasize what my grandfather is going thru. I went thru it 2 months ago, I felt like in a way my ex died because she left me(realistically she's alive of course), but what i mean is, like she is not there anymore, she's out of your life and probably won't come back. So, I can understand my grandfather's pain and that sucks the most. About 50 years of marriage, you know they had there major fights before but they were still there. I guess in a way god has someone who is better for me and who can treat me right , who knows really. Anyway, I am back and I feel better and will post later tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 HEy Nick14, Glad to have you back buddy, I am glad to hear you are doing better and sorry again for your loss. Boy 50 years of marriage, thats awesome, what kills me is that we all have only done a spit in the bucket compaired to your grandparents and we have problems, it seems like nowadays people dont stick it out (with in reason ofcourse ie no cheating ect)....its hard to find a love that is lasting today,...its like well the the sh@t is hitting the fan let me get the ***** out..... I am glad you are back....take care Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Thanks dr.J and no I am not partying this weekend for halloween. Since Santa Barbara is the capital of the party world this weekend(out of towners and etc), I for one is not going to be the stupid one and get hammered and plus downtown cover charges are pretty pricey. So, I'll be at home chillin or just working out on Sunday night or sleeping. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 yeah, people these days don't try to work through any problems and run away hence the 50% divorce rate. If you get married these days and actually last more than 5-10 years you have accomplished something. Pretty sad. I need to go back into the old days and live there...I think I woudl ahve fit in better then since I actually have some of the values they had back then. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 yeah, people these days don't try to work through any problems and run away hence the 50% divorce rate. If you get married these days and actually last more than 5-10 years you have accomplished something. Pretty sad. I need to go back into the old days and live there...I think I woudl ahve fit in better then since I actually have some of the values they had back then. Yeah. I feel the same way sometimes. But I don't think it's necessarily the case that people run away more. I think it's simply a case of people picking the wrong partners. It probably happened just as much in the "old days" but people were just more inclined to stay with someone they weren't happy with because divorce wasn't as socially acceptable. I know that I see alot of older couples that cannot stand each other but are just together because they got married and they were going to stay that way regardless of how they feel. I think people just need to be wiser about who they choose to marry. Even if they're still married, you can tell the older couples who really love each other and the ones who just stayed together out of necessity. Sorry to hear you're feeling bad Nick. Stay strong man. I'm going out to do a little partying tonight, but I'm not going to drink. I'll get depressed the next day if I do. So I'll be the good ole DD. I actually went out last night and talked to a cute little Korean girl all night, but I didn't get her number because I'm not interested in going out with any girls any time soon. But it was cool to get some confidence. See you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 I feel it is both people jumping the gun and getting married with someone they shouldn't (society's view that everyone should get married by a certain age) as well as people just not being able to handle rough spots that occur and since divorce is so socially acceptable/common, people feel there is no point to tyring to work styuff out because they can go find someone else to be with. It all IMO leads to people being emotionally screwed up. I smile inside when I see people (specifically females) who can stick stuff out and put in an effort rather than just run away when they don't get things going the way they want 100% of the time. One of the scariest stats right now is how many people get infected with an STD at one point in their life and that stat is only expected to increase over the next 5-10 years. I saw an article on this a while ago and it said something like 50% of people (well it was talking about the U.S. but that only means it's worse in under developed countries)under the age of 25 will have had an std at one point in their life. That's messed up. Seeing as how that will most likely keep increasing over the years, I am guessing that within 10 years that number will be 67-75% of all the youngins out there. Insane. Naturally those people will help spread stuff to the rest of the sexually active population and will only increase the total number of STD infected people out there. Better start quadruple bagging it now before it's too late. hehe Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 stat too!!! 50% of 19-24 year olds have an STD in that time period (ouch) sadly my EX doesnt know this stat and (not that that would deter her in anyway from looking for the greener grass but i know that i am super scared about that ) i am sure the guy she ran to from her hometown is festering with them (if he is anything like her other hometown friends (guys and girls) ) so i am sick for her but that is the way life goes....i am happy now since i know i will not take her back but instead keep myself happy and make myself (thru the LORD) the man i want to be.... I want to fix some of the things i realized since the break up about myself and make myself a man...god fearing, non-judgemental , non-fixing, better listening , and no more taking my SO for granted.... oh, well se la vie UR----- i cant say that i have anywhere to go online but i have found out alot by reading and talking to people (magazines are great sources of infor....) ASk me if you have any specifics! what i wrote to DRJ is the most important...there is also some supplements you can buy that do aid in getting stronger and all but all i can recommend is phosphagen by EAS which is a creating delivery aid....it works well too.... good night all NICK- i am praying for you.......actually i am praying for you all...GOD BLESSED EACH OF US WITH CARING HEARTS AND HE HAS A PLAN FOR US... I PROMISE ..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 31, 2004 Author Share Posted October 31, 2004 Hey HandH, I tired that phospagenand creatine combo with protein shakes, many moons ago i did not noticed too much results, have you?...I think for me I had a supe high metabloism ( i am very skinny) but now its slowed down, I think it may work for me now, but I am not too sure....how did you find it? Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 [font=arial] So I went to the ball last night looking like cinderella and my date ditched me and my ex phones and yells at me for three hours. I was not in the mood to go anywhere so I got readly dateless and headed off. When I arrived at the supper everyone was already sitting down and eating and everyone I mean everyone was yelling come sit with us, or Jaime over here, pull up a chair. I felt as though at that moment I wanted to cry and I don't know why. A woman that I go to school with came up to me as I was about to leave and yelled I'm ENGAGED! I hugged her and congradulated her. I had three other girls come up and tell me they were engaged and then they would ask holy **** do you ever look hot tonight were is your date? I was like I have to go for a smoke they said ok talk to you later as I quickly made my exit I heard them yell She doesn't smoke. I was like phewwww! I cried in my car in my pretty red dress thinking about all the horrible things he had said to me that day. I cried because I seen everyones faces with the ones they love, husbands boyfriends, and fiances. The ones that were single were just as happy to be there and I was lost somewhere inbetween I felt like I don't belong there. I felt as though I was some alien that couldn't keep a guy and a loser at best. I was feeling sorry for myslelf big time! I mean my ex told me that now he has feelings for this new whale and that he was going to ***** who ever he wants and nothing he does is any of my business. I know that I hate him I hate him for being someone he is not. I hate him for changing into someone I could never be with. I hate that I am wasting my time on some piece of sheet and I could be doing other things and getting over him. May be its because I loved him sooo much and may be he did not love me that much seeing as he can just move on so quickly. I truly hate him for hurting me so. I truly hate everyone that is happy and has someone to cuddle with every night who adores them and will never hurt them. I am on postpartum and I take care of mom and baby and I find my self envious of other women for the first time. They have husbands who look up to them and think they are brave and look at them with admirable respect. I never had that and pondering over the question "why" is not going to get me anywhere. I am lost within myself feeling unable to gain control over my emotions. I was doing so well. I used to believe that he wasn't for me and that I was lucky to be out of the relationship so he could go ***** someone else up. Now I am another wreck that can't stop the emotional roller coaster. Everyone around me is engaged and married and I feel like I truly should segregate myself from society and stay in my house and never leave. I need something and I don't know what. I am sorry guys I am having a VERY awful week feel very isolated and alone although I am attending school and laughing on the exterior. On the inside the joculairty is a facade. Help me for I feel so down and out that I don't even know myself. I love this forum because I can spit out my inner thought and rant and rave and no one will tell me that I am crazy. Thankss for listening guys I hope all of you are staying strong and I hope that none of you will contact them it is not worth it! [/font] Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 I feel like sending him a hate mail Let me see. You don't have a career, you live at home with mommy, you do not own a car or anything. You don't have a real job, you cheat on all your women, you may have a disease. Everyone in the college of nursing thinks you are mentally ill and you hurt my daughter. Well Janelle you have quite the catch good luck. you were right when you said you don't deserve me your right! Grow the **** up! You get what you put in and guess what you put nothing in so lets see you get nothing! and thus you have nothing! You will never amount to anything. I mean doesn't he feel bad about everything? Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 31, 2004 Author Share Posted October 31, 2004 Hey Atlous, I am so sorry that you had a bad night.....I know exactly what you are going through feeling that you are alone and then you see all your friends with someone or getting married...I went through the same thing every time i see my firends, I love them but i hurts me to see them happy with someone.....your ex is a peice of s*** I think you have to just forget this bastard and move forward, nhe is not for you, not guy ex or what ever should yell at you for 3 hours and hurt youl like that...***** him and the horse he road on...***** I am so pissed right now I want to kick his a$$ and I know the rest of teh boys here want to do the same.....what you have to do now is cut this guy off from your life, he is a bastard... I know you are hurting and there are signs all around you ie couples etc,....I see them all the time.....now I am better it does not bother me so much, this will happen for you as well just give it time.....whats good in your situation is this guy totaly scared your heart so that you have no reason to want him back..... this is better than in my situation, my ex still calls/ e-mails once in a while and she is wtill with this guy and I feel I should wiat and see if she will come back...I am now thinking of just start looking again...but I feel llike a hypocrite when I tell her I only want her....but what about me, she is will someone I am alone right now....I dont know what to do...see what i mean...you have a clean break now so use it for you and forget about him take care guys Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted October 31, 2004 Author Share Posted October 31, 2004 p/s atlous dont send him s*** dont let that sun of a baitch think he got the best of you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
crazydawgzz Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 i feel for you atlous, i'm proud of you for staying so strong for so long, you know in you heart he wasn't the one. You will come out a stronger person. Trust me. You controll how you feel. Always remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
kodiak Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 hey everyone- I have been really busy laely working and stuff so I havnt had much time to be on the shack. I feel totally out of the loop now. Hows everyone doing. This thread is kicking ass drjones, good job my brother. I think it might set a record. Anyways im doing ok. I met a new girl that is really cool. We have hung out a couple times and it has been fun. I still miss my ex so much though and she is always back in my mind. I think i wont talk to her anymore. This has been the longest time since she hasnt called and I figure she just forgot about me, Oh well. It was going to happen sooner or later. It kinda hurts but what can you do, you know. It sucks not being able to spend halloween with her like last year. It sucks to think that she probably is with someone else too, who knows. I hope everyone has a good and safe halloween. If there is some good news from anybody please let me know, its kinda hard to keep up with all these posts. Take Care evryone......Kodiak Link to post Share on other sites
Author djones Posted November 1, 2004 Author Share Posted November 1, 2004 Hey Kodiak! Good to hear from you buddy....I am glad to hear that you are going out and its great to hear that you met a new girl...I hope it works out....I understand what you mean about still loving your ex I am haveing the same isssues as well read my last post before this one.......I am doing good, I too kind of thought of triing back the dateing thing, so actually I started this afternoon on the internet dating sites....I sent out one e-mail to this girl her profile was really cool, she in the dental field and she sounds smart and looks cute.....I will see if she replies...read my last post, see what I said about being a hypocrite...I still feel for her, but I dont have someone right now and she does...so what do i do? take care Link to post Share on other sites
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