destroyed4sho Posted February 3, 2013 Posted February 3, 2013 The breakup was months ago and nc started more than a month ago. Its been really difficult and I think im starting to get over her.one day and then the next day i can stop crying and have meltdown after meltdown like today. Yesterday I forced.myself to go.shopping at the mall.and all I can think about was her and "oh she would like this or she would like that" ...or "she will call me and get back with me" its obsessive. These are the things i think about even when im suppose to be getting my mind off her. Is this normal??!?!
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 4, 2013 Author Posted February 4, 2013 Is anyone else like this?! Does anyone think about there ex ALL day long after 5 months of bu and over 1 month nc? Not sure if Im normal right now.
StraylightRun24 Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Is anyone else like this?! Does anyone think about there ex ALL day long after 5 months of bu and over 1 month nc? Not sure if Im normal right now. While I'm not 5 months in (only a little over a month with both the breakup and NC) I'm right there with you destroyed4sho, so I would say it's normal....at least for the both of us. Just keep your head up and moving forward. You have to remember it will eventually get better. Unfortunately it takes a longer time for some of us. 1
flitzanu Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 The breakup was months ago and nc started more than a month ago. Its been really difficult and I think im starting to get over her.one day and then the next day i can stop crying and have meltdown after meltdown like today. Yesterday I forced.myself to go.shopping at the mall.and all I can think about was her and "oh she would like this or she would like that" ...or "she will call me and get back with me" its obsessive. These are the things i think about even when im suppose to be getting my mind off her. Is this normal??!?! would you think often about a loved one that has died? of course. this person is dead in your world now, and you can't just erase those memories. with time and healing, it just gets easier. 1
CarrieT Posted February 4, 2013 Posted February 4, 2013 Very normal. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship with a guy and six to eight months after break-up, I was still lying on my couch, weeping uncontrollably. It took a full two years to get over him. The heart is a resilient muscle and WILL heal. It just takes time and there is no norm on how long it will take. 1
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Very normal. I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship with a guy and six to eight months after break-up, I was still lying on my couch, weeping uncontrollably. It took a full two years to get over him. The heart is a resilient muscle and WILL heal. It just takes time and there is no norm on how long it will take. This makes me nervous bc my work is being affected too. I had meltdowns yesterday and today just non stop crying. I have been isolating myself from friends for the past 6 months bc of the fighting and heartache...i just cant seem to want anyone around me. My friends are sick of it and honestly i dont blame them. Im scared i wont find anyone again. I think that this is getting to.me and i KNOW she is already with someone else hopping around having a great time.
na49 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I'm almost 4 months post BU and 3 months NC. Yes what you're dealing with is completely normal. All I want is her, if I let myself sit and think. I can think of her for hours and hours on end and think of nothing else. Everything reminds me of her. Walking around campus today, I saw three girls who I thought were her but they weren't. I reminisce on the good times because they were so great and I forget the pain she caused me. I fantasize about her reaching out to me, apologizing, us starting over and living happily ever after together forever. It's ridiculous for me to think or want that though. Just have to stay strong I guess. No idea how long this takes, but I have been getting better even if it's only a little better. 1
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 I'm almost 4 months post BU and 3 months NC. Yes what you're dealing with is completely normal. All I want is her, if I let myself sit and think. I can think of her for hours and hours on end and think of nothing else. Everything reminds me of her. Walking around campus today, I saw three girls who I thought were her but they weren't. I reminisce on the good times because they were so great and I forget the pain she caused me. I fantasize about her reaching out to me, apologizing, us starting over and living happily ever after together forever. It's ridiculous for me to think or want that though. Just have to stay strong I guess. No idea how long this takes, but I have been getting better even if it's only a little better. Omgggg we share the same fantasy!! Lol....yeah i know she is never coming back. The fact is im so ashamed. Ive had relationships and BU before but never did i feel like this. It scares me bc maybe this time I was really in love, i mean more so than other relationships. And it scares me bc i lost it., its gone, never again. :-( not sure if i will ever feel this way again about anyone. I fantasize about us having conversations about how many kids we will have.!! I know we are done so why do i keep doing this ??? Im so ashamed.
cavalier99 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Dude. You've only gone 1 month NC. So this is when the real healing started. I'm sure you were stringing yourself along the months prior to this with some false hope. So i would say it is normal. You will see a big difference in the coming months as long as you stay 100 percent committed to NC and wanting to get better and indifferent. Cav 2
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 I agree with Cav, you are only one month NC so its just like you broke up a month ago. The prior months in which you were in contacted made the healing process all that much slower. Take it from me and Cav we are both about 4 months post BU and a few months of NC and we are doing a LOT better. The pain will slowly die I promise you this. You just have to be strong and maintain NC. If you need support come on here and vent and we will help you. As for the crushing pain that does go away in time. Soon it will be a dull pain that only bothers you every now and then. The good days will start outweighing the bad days. You will probably still think of her but it will not bother you. Trust me. Just be strong and do your best to power through it now. Try to keep yourself busy if you can. 2
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 Yeah, its been 5 months of LC and over 1 month NC....I know I shouldn't be thinking this way....but it seems that many people on this forum are getting ego textes or at least breadcrumbs from their exes....I haven't gotten a single text or at least a guilt text "Hi, how are you?" WHY??? She is such a *****en bitch....I really HATE her. I really do and I know she isn't even thinking about me for a minute. She said the whole "I still love you" BS line....and I believed it at the time. But its just a bunch of BS so that they won't feel guilty about the break up....to put you down easy. I ate it all up then, I was soo stupid. The funny part of this is that I have been through relationships before and have plenty of experience so I am not quite understanding why I am like this or why I feel like I was slighted in some way. I should of saw this coming from a mile away. I think I was so blinding by being in love with her that I wasn't seeing clearly.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Yeah, its been 5 months of LC and over 1 month NC....I know I shouldn't be thinking this way....but it seems that many people on this forum are getting ego textes or at least breadcrumbs from their exes....I haven't gotten a single text or at least a guilt text "Hi, how are you?" WHY??? She is such a *****en bitch....I really HATE her. I really do and I know she isn't even thinking about me for a minute. She said the whole "I still love you" BS line....and I believed it at the time. But its just a bunch of BS so that they won't feel guilty about the break up....to put you down easy. I ate it all up then, I was soo stupid. The funny part of this is that I have been through relationships before and have plenty of experience so I am not quite understanding why I am like this or why I feel like I was slighted in some way. I should of saw this coming from a mile away. I think I was so blinding by being in love with her that I wasn't seeing clearly. Be careful what you wish for. Not getting any breadcrumb text or any ego texts is the best thing that she can do for you. Trust me. It makes moving on a little easier. When she doesn't text you she is doing you a favor. If you read through the other peoples text it does feel good for the moment then it drives you nuts. You are constantly looking at your phone hoping that they text you again and wondering what they want. When they dont text you...you are left wondering what they are doing. Yeah...no Bueno! If you dont believe me read through Na49's post. He had a bunch of text from his ex and it was driving him crazy. It made him feel good for the moment then the next day he was contemplating and wondering what she wanted and deciding whether to reach back out to her or not. He had to finally block her. I'm sure he will read this and chime in about his experiences. My guess is he will tell you more or less of what Im saying. Trust me not having her text you is a good thing. My ex texted me about logistical issues and I had to ignore 95% of the texts because I just wanted to be left alone. I knew that if she kept texting me then I would never be able to move on. It got to a point where everytime my text would go off I would have anxiety attacks. Trust me you dont want that. As for the relationship part...well every relationship is different and things happen when you least expect it. A perfect example is my former relationship. In my last relationship I was never interested in my ex. We were best friends prior to dating and she was always in love with me but I wasn't really interested. She was in love with me for a few years before I decided to give her a chance. I only gave her a chance because I was single at the time and decided...hey why not. Lets give it a shot. We ended up going out for 9 years (most of my adult life), I fell for her hard and low and behold she ends up leaving me for another guy. Funny how things work huh? Someone who I wasnt really interested in the beginning ends up tearing my heart apart. Boy...I tell ya...life is unexpected! Edited February 5, 2013 by ItxWillxGetxBetter 5
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 Be careful what you wish for. Not getting any breadcrumb text or any ego texts is the best that thing that she can do for you. Trust me. It makes moving on a little easier. When she doesn't text you she is doing you a favor. If you read through the other peoples text it does feel good for the moment then it drives you nuts. You are constantly looking at your phone hoping that they text you again and wondering what they want. When they dont text you...you are left wondering what they are doing. Yeah...no Bueno! If you dont believe me read through Na49's post. He had a bunch of text from his ex and it was driving him crazy. It made him feel good for the moment then the next day he was contemplating and wondering what she wanted and deciding whether to reach back out to her or not. He had to finally block her. I'm sure he will read this and chime in about his experiences. My guess is he will tell you more or less of what Im saying. Trust me not having her text you is a good thing. My ex texted me about logistical issues and I had to ignore 95% of the texts because I just wanted to be left alone. I knew that if she kept texting me then I would never be able to move on. It got to a point where everytime my text would go off I would have anxiety attacks. Trust me you dont want that. As for the relationship part...well every relationship is different and things happen when you least expect it. A perfect example is my former relationship. In my last relationship I was never interested in my ex. We were best friends prior to dating and she was always in love with me but I wasn't really interested. She was in love with me for a few years before I decided to give her a chance. I only gave her a chance because I was single at the time and decided...hey why not. Lets give it a shot. We ended up going out for 9 years (most of my adult life), I fell for her hard and low and behold she ends up leaving me for another guy. Funny how things work huh? Someone who I wasnt really interested in the beginning ends up tearing my heart apart. Boy...I tell ya...life is unexpected! This X100000. SAME thing with my ex. I met her at a mutual friends party. I just ended a three year relationship about 6 months before and wanted to be "free" and do what I thought which was be a "player" and have one night stands and whatever. She was attractive, but I wasnt too interested. After a while, I could tell she was REALLY into me, but I wasn't too much. I was single and actually slept with someone else the night after I met her lol. After I while, I was like "eh, why not? What else I am doing?" Went out with her, and I felt amazing about her after a while. After dating, going strong, moving in, etc.....after three years, she leaves ME for another guy! Not anywhere near 9, but you get the point. As for the OP, I'm on four months BU and its gets easier. I'm not done healing at all, but I can function. If you are worried about work, then know it does get better in terms of just dealing with life. You will get to a point and realize life will work itself out without you stressing about it all the time. 2
cavalier99 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) The nice B-day email I got in December set back my recovery weeks. Wish she didn't sent it. Nice emails are the worst. Hate them. Take a look at a thread i started on it..I typed out the email. You would think you would want that ......but you dont. Edited February 5, 2013 by cavalier99
h3braica Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 The breakup was months ago and nc started more than a month ago. Its been really difficult and I think im starting to get over her.one day and then the next day i can stop crying and have meltdown after meltdown like today. Yesterday I forced.myself to go.shopping at the mall.and all I can think about was her and "oh she would like this or she would like that" ...or "she will call me and get back with me" its obsessive. These are the things i think about even when im suppose to be getting my mind off her. Is this normal??!?! 5 weeks of BU. i feel like i'm going crazy. woke up again at 4am with thoughts of him. i've been emotional through out the day. thought i was fine the past weeks but i was wrong. i'm tired of crying. when will this pain end? 2
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 The nice B-day email I got in December set back my recovery weeks. Wish she didn't sent it. Nice emails are the worst. Hate them. Take a look at a thread i started on it..I typed out the email. You would think you would want that ......but you dont. Cav, what is the title of that thread? I tried to look for it but cant find it. Thx.
cavalier99 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) Cav, what is the title of that thread? I tried to look for it but cant find it. Thx. No prob. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/363441-got-email-after-almost-3-months-bu-trying-fiend-zone-me-i-feel-mini-mind-f-k Then the email led to this thread weeks later. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/367564-arrrrgh-feeling-down-today-wanted-send-email Edited February 5, 2013 by cavalier99
Author destroyed4sho Posted February 5, 2013 Author Posted February 5, 2013 (edited) No prob. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/363441-got-email-after-almost-3-months-bu-trying-fiend-zone-me-i-feel-mini-mind-f-k Then the email led to this thread weeks later. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/367564-arrrrgh-feeling-down-today-wanted-send-email WOWWWWWW, that email tore me up a little. Oh God, your right! I don't think that I can handle an email like that right now. I think that was like a nail in the coffin. It was a closed letter, no questions or interest in interaction. No regrets or apologies. It was definitely a guilt letter and trying to keep you in her back pocket. If that were sent to me, it would set me back because its another reminder/confirmation that she still does not want you back. To me, it reads like this.. "hello, i dumped you...hahaha...and I still dont want you back yet...haha...happy bday :-)" And the PS thing about the dog, she threw that in there as a distraction,so you won't catch on to her contacting you because of guilt, keeping you in the back burner, etc... Damn. Screw her. Your right I don't want to be contacted by her. Edited February 5, 2013 by destroyed4sho 2
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 5 weeks of BU. i feel like i'm going crazy. woke up again at 4am with thoughts of him. i've been emotional through out the day. thought i was fine the past weeks but i was wrong. i'm tired of crying. when will this pain end? 5 weeks is fairly new. Everyone is different but for me it was about the end of the 2 month/ 3 month mark is when the pain wasn't as bad. Things started to look up. I was still thinking about her everyday and i'm still doing that now but for the most part it doesnt bother me. Every now and then it bothers me but nothing like it was the first month or two. Hope that helps. Are you on strict NC?
cavalier99 Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 WOWWWWWW, that email tore me up a little. Oh God, your right! I don't think that I can handle an email like that right now. I think that was like a nail in the coffin. It was a closed letter, no questions or interest in interaction. No regrets or apologies. It was definitely a guilt letter and trying to keep you in her back pocket. If that were sent to me, it would set me back because its another reminder/confirmation that she still does not want you back. To me, it reads like this.. "hello, i dumped you...hahaha...and I still dont want you back yet...haha...happy bday :-)" And the PS thing about the dog, she threw that in there as a distraction,so you won't catch on to her contacting you because of guilt, keeping you in the back burner, etc... Damn. Screw her. Your right I don't want to be contacted by her. Ha. I like your take on the email. Inspite of knowing she doesn't want back... it still gave me some false hope..and got me grasping a wisps of smoke. I mean it sounded nice. Lol
Heartfail Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 It's like emotional tinnitus. You walk down the street and you are thinking about them like an irritating hum in the back of your head. You sit in a meeting making notes then realise you aren't writing anything because you're remembering that time you were on holiday and they reached across and rested their hand on your knee whilst you drove. You pick up some ingredients in the supermarket and feel a wave of sadness that you'll be eating it alone and think back to some arbitrary meal you ate together some time. Then you start thinking of the new person in their life. What are they doing this evening. Will they be sat at home alone crying writing on a forum. Probably not they'll be out at some exciting event, drinking, laughing, holding hands, kissing..... Then you get that ground opening up and you're falling through a black hole feeling. Then one morning you are walking down the street and you realise all you are thinking about is whether the bus is on time. You speak up in the meeting and feel good when everyone responds well. You'll be in the supermarket buying those ingredients and for the first time in ages youll realise you finally have a real appetite. Then you'll force yourself to imagine him and her her and him and you know what? You won't even be able to picture his/her face properly or imagine what that intimacy feels like with them. It just won't hurt like it has. Those times will get longer and longer. You must try and find a way back to your friends.... they are going to save your life right now. Busy busy busy. A good friend of mine said last night that you have to gte yourself back to the kind of person who they fell in love with- happy, sociable, funny, because if there is any timy fraction of hope they would want to get back with you it's that version they would want back.... and by the time you've got yourself back to that- YOU'LL BE OVER THEM ANYWAY and probably wouldn't have them back anyway. That piece of advise has kept me going the last 24 hours.
ItxWillxGetxBetter Posted February 5, 2013 Posted February 5, 2013 WOWWWWWW, that email tore me up a little. Oh God, your right! I don't think that I can handle an email like that right now. I think that was like a nail in the coffin. It was a closed letter, no questions or interest in interaction. No regrets or apologies. It was definitely a guilt letter and trying to keep you in her back pocket. If that were sent to me, it would set me back because its another reminder/confirmation that she still does not want you back. To me, it reads like this.. "hello, i dumped you...hahaha...and I still dont want you back yet...haha...happy bday :-)" And the PS thing about the dog, she threw that in there as a distraction,so you won't catch on to her contacting you because of guilt, keeping you in the back burner, etc... Damn. Screw her. Your right I don't want to be contacted by her. Lol...told you...be careful what you wish for. Take it from us....you never want to hear from the ex ever. You feel good for the moment then its back to square one. Sucks A#$
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