Got email after almost 3 months BU. Trying to Fiend Zone Me - I Feel Mini Mind- F-K

[cavalier99]

I check my email, just now, for the 1st time in a few days. Im 11 weeks NC and Ive been doing great recently . Going out meeting girls ecetera. And surprise surprise. She emailed me - 2 Days ago.

 

Im not resoponding but it did sort of do a mini minf F-K on me but not as bad as I thought.

 

I had blocked that email for my B-Day with a vacation reminder that said "Undeliverable" But removed it a few days ago. Ohh well. Here is the email..she wrote to me in Spanish so I translated:

 

Cav,

 

Sorry to be writing it not my intent to bother you or make you uncomfortable.

 

I only wanted to let you know I thought of you on your Birthday last week and tried to call but you have me blocked.

 

I hope everything is going well with you, your family, and your business.

 

I hope one day we can talk again. You know "normal".

 

I always remember you with a lot of love and affection.

 

G

 

PS I also remember " X "(My Golden Retriever). He is so beutiful and playful and full of life.

 

 

Thoughts anyone? I pretty sure I know all the answers anyway. She misses the Dog more than me

 

Cavalier

Edited December 22, 2012 by cavalier99

[na49]

Makes me wonder if my ex would go through the trouble of emailing me when I block her number. Hmmmmm

 

Well, I can understand the mindf*ck but you know how to deal with it. Maybe a little guilt ridden, a little confused why you haven't been bothering with her. Stay anonymous, she doesn't need to know what you've been up to. Almost 3 months of NC and it just gets better every day.

[cavalier99]

Makes me wonder if my ex would go through the trouble of emailing me when I block her number. Hmmmmm

 

Well, I can understand the mindf*ck but you know how to deal with it. Maybe a little guilt ridden, a little confused why you haven't been bothering with her. Stay anonymous, she doesn't need to know what you've been up to. Almost 3 months of NC and it just gets better every day.

 

Thanks bud. I give out advise so much but occasionally need support! It was a nice email but not really helpful to me. Back to NC. Well I didn't break NC so I'm cool. Deleting now.

 

This goes to show you that they will contact you if they want to.

 

I even told her soon after BU.

 

NEVER CONTACT ME UNLESS YOU ARE DYING HAVE CANCER OR SUFFER A SEVERE CAR ACCIDENT AND EVEN IN THOSE CASES GET SUPPORT ELSEWHERE.

[NavyAirTraffic]

I pretty sure I know all the answers anyway. She misses the Dog more than me

 

LOL!!

 

Yes you do. This is a compliment to you, she's cheating (emotionally) on her new man with you! How do you think he'd feel if he saw this email? Lol again. Patterns never end do they? She leaves you looking for greener pastures, honeymoon phase begins to wear off and she's doing the same thing to the "new guy"!!

 

Just be happy he'll suffer the same fate as you, he won't have it better than you, and the next guy and next guy.

[cavalier99]

LOL!!

 

Yes you do. This is a compliment to you, she's cheating (emotionally) on her new man with you! How do you think he'd feel if he saw this email? Lol again. Patterns never end do they? She leaves you looking for greener pastures, honeymoon phase begins to wear off and she's doing the same thing to the "new guy"!!

 

Just be happy he'll suffer the same fate as you, he won't have it better than you, and the next guy and next guy.

 

I have no idea what is going on with the new guy. Could be great or not so much or he is gone now.

 

She does have a history of getting back with EX's she really cared for (I'm in this category) even years later. She has NEVER not had a boyfriend.

 

I'm not going to get sucked in. I have no idea if it is friend zone stuff or opening salvo to see me. Either way it doesn't matter because it is OVER... MY CHOICE!

[na49]

I have no idea what is going on with the new guy. Could be great or not so much or he is gone now.

 

She does have a history of getting back with EX's she really cared for (I'm in this category) even years later. She has NEVER not had a boyfriend.

 

I'm not going to get sucked in. I have no idea if it is friend zone stuff or opening salvo to see me. Either way it doesn't matter because it is OVER... MY CHOICE!

 

My ex is like that too, she's so insecure she needs to have approval from a boyfriend. Probably why she had a guy lined up while she was still with me... You're like proof that NC does work. Almost 3 months and you're doing great. It probably is friend zone stuff, if that. I mean even after breaking up, they are permanantly etched into our brain so it's hard to forget about them, and them to forget about us. At the end of the day they are human and would like to be civil just as much as we would. We don't want to be civil though, we want them to leave us the f*ck alone!

[cavalier99]

My ex is like that too, she's so insecure she needs to have approval from a boyfriend. Probably why she had a guy lined up while she was still with me... You're like proof that NC does work. Almost 3 months and you're doing great. It probably is friend zone stuff, if that. I mean even after breaking up, they are permanantly etched into our brain so it's hard to forget about them, and them to forget about us. At the end of the day they are human and would like to be civil just as much as we would. We don't want to be civil though, we want them to leave us the f*ck alone!

 

 

I think I'm doing OK. I mean we were together 8 years. This doesn't seem to have affected me very much. Heart isn't beating fast. No panic. No desire to respond and regress.

 

I did however feel the need to post and get support opinions so obviously I'm no 100 percent better.

 

I guess ill see how I feel over the next couple days. Rock On! Yeah for NC. Not for what it does to her ....but for me!

 

It is sort of an ego boost but i don't really want her to boost my ego. I need to do it myself!

Edited December 22, 2012 by cavalier99

[cavalier99]

Ok upon further analysis this email did slightly screw me up some and got me analysing what she meant by "talking normal". I'm assuming as friends. Which wont happen.

 

Must stop. Amazing how 1 email can affect you some.

[na49]

Well I think it's okay, I mean you haven't heard from this person in almost 3 months. It's normal to wonder what's up. At least your heart isn't beating fast, mine still does whenever I get a message from my ex. Or when I think it might be my ex and it's not. I feel like any type of contact from them can cause us to have a setback. It's like we are programmed to analyze anything they do or say and figure out how it relates to us even if it doesn't.

[itsmyfault]

Ex girlfriend who?

[CptSaveAho]

"Go F*^K Yourself" is my favorite response to those types of emails

 

They expect it

 

Her response would be the typical "I was just trying to be friendly"

 

Then you ignore

Edited December 23, 2012 by CptSaveAho

[cavalier99]

"Go F*^K Yourself" is my favorite response to those types of emails

 

They expect it

 

Her response would be the typical "I was just trying to be friendly"

 

Then you ignore

 

Really? Id consider it. Maybe NC would be best? I can walk this one off. I still cant figure out what "Hope we can talk one day. You know "NORMAL". Means?

 

Normal what? Normal like me not telling her f-k off and die? Lol

 

Ahh f-k it. Not worth the thought.

Edited December 23, 2012 by cavalier99

[denxnis]

That feeling of regret and "oh sh*t did I choose wrong" is finally catching up to her.

 

Take the advice you gave to me and dozens of others, no contact. Any response will give her the impression that she still has you as an option.

 

Stay strong brother.

[cavalier99]

That feeling of regret and "oh sh*t did I choose wrong" is finally catching up to her.

 

Take the advice you gave to me and dozens of others, no contact. Any response will give her the impression that she still has you as an option.

 

Stay strong brother.

 

Thanks bud. Your right. Wasn't planning on sending anything. But i did sort of like the f off idea for a split second.

 

I'm fine actually. Just sort of threw me off a bit reading/getting the email.

 

I just sort of liked it better, believe it or not, thinking that she never even thought of me. I guess this will also make me stronger in the long run. NC ALL THE WAY!

[ScienceGal]

Wow, that email had no point other than her trying to get a feel for where you're at.

 

Are you still NC? Did she reach out again? How are you feeling now?

 

 

My recent ex said that our future friendship is up to me. No thanks, I do not remain close friends with exes. Why would I? Especially when I meet someone new! Discussing being "friends" during the healing process is just their attempt to not let go completely, to keep the hook in. It's selfish of them.

Edited January 12, 2013 by ScienceGal

[cavalier99]

Wow, that email had no point other than her trying to get a feel for where you're at.

 

Are you still NC? Did she reach out again? How are you feeling now?

 

Never broke NC. And haven't heard from her again. I think she wanted an ego boost but who knows.

 

I must admit it did sorta mess me up because it was so nice. I'm actually OK but wish i was further along. I needed to reconcile that email with the idea i had before that she never thought of me. So my brain needed time to readjust.

 

I think any communication ESPECIALLY nice communication is a setback.

 

Now I'm just trying to burn her out of my head. So still no idea what she wanted and really don't want to go there because it will F me up and give me hope.

 

....and HOPE is what will destroy your recovery.

 

Maybe well have a coffee in a year or 2 and catch up when i don't give a sh*t any more.

 

Cav

Edited January 12, 2013 by cavalier99

[ScienceGal]

I'm glad you didn't break NC! And I am glad she didn't reach out again.

 

I agree with you about hope. I always have hope and it kills me! I maintain hope until I meet someone new who restores my faith in really moving on. Even if I don't date the new person, my hope shifts to the possibility of being with someone new. But, a lot of healing has to be done first (takes time... sigh)

[na49]

I feel like the only way I'd be able to tolerate being "friends" with my ex is when I am dating someone that I love more than her (which I don't see right now ). Maybe that's why they want to be friends with us? They found someone better, so it doesn't hurt them at all.

 

That's frustrating as hell if that's the case.

[puzzled1]

I am a prime example to what happens when you respond. If your ex is anything like mine, she will do very manipulative things to get you to respond. Mine begged to take her back. Then she effed up my game. It took 3 times of meeting with her that I was knocked off my feet...

 

Just don't respond, and keep up NC!!

[Hopeful714]

Ugghhhh...I'm so different from everyone on this board.

 

I thought it was a nice e-mail. I don't know the background to this story, but after 8 years its obvious you are still on her mind, and for one reason or another she wanted to reach out. I don't know her, or what she's like so I can't say if there's bad intent or not.

 

Her talk as "normal" comment meant no fighting...just a "normal" adult conversation between the two of you.

 

Do as you will...but don't tell her to F off. She reached out. You meant something.

[RespectfullyAlone]

Cav as in "Cav" from TotalF1? Kimi Rules!! haha

 

What is the story of your breakup? Did she leave you for another guy? GIGS?

 

I too read that email and so wish my ex would send me one just like it. I also reinforces my view that even if a girl got cold feet, gigs or had a guy on the side, if you were good to them, and they during your short time together expressed how amazing you were, the best ever so to speak, even if they left you, those feelings surely must remain somewhere inside of them? Maybe they bottle them up for a rainy day, but don't move to ever kill them or forget them.

[cavalier99]

Ugghhhh...I'm so different from everyone on this board.

 

I thought it was a nice e-mail. I don't know the background to this story, but after 8 years its obvious you are still on her mind, and for one reason or another she wanted to reach out. I don't know her, or what she's like so I can't say if there's bad intent or not.

 

Her talk as "normal" comment meant no fighting...just a "normal" adult conversation between the two of you.

 

Do as you will...but don't tell her to F off. She reached out. You meant something.

 

I don't think there was bad intent. And the email was friendly. BUT she is used to having EX's as friends that she would talk to every so often...not much (She was honest with me about any communication) Don't know how she pulls it off because she has devastated quite a few guys over the years and most still pined for her even after being married or in other relationships etcetera.

 

Never bothered me because we were solid. But i just don't want to end up in her friend zone. She moves on quite well as long as she has new guy. So I'm assuming it is friend zone stuff and curiosity.

 

The last I know from a few days after BU she is trying with a new guy and that is why she left me. (Not an EX)

 

So I definitely didn't see anything there that said Cav I want you back... and she didn't show up at my door or continue to try to contact me...so that to me tells me a lot.

 

I really have no clue what she is doing and if that relationship worked out. I'm assuming it is fine or she would be bothering me more. Who knows.

 

I'm just not ready to break NC to hear her say i want to be friends etcetera and mess up my healing.

 

Also I'm not sure Id want her back after some of the BS she pulled the last week we were together while we were wrapping things up. Lying to my face about dinner with new guy behind my back before planning to see me same night.

 

Either way it isn't happening. I'm staying NC and am going to get over her and contact her if I want too and on my time line.

 

I know she cares for me, appreciated our relationship, and she isn't a bad person, but she did leave and that is all the reason I need to cut her out of my life. I wont tell her to f-off..silence is better for everyone.

Edited January 13, 2013 by cavalier99

[Hopeful714]

I know....I hear ya.

 

I realize its best to remain NC to continue the healing and move on.

 

Just a bad day here. I guess Id just be thankful for a crumb right now just to know I was thought of. You were!

[cavalier99]

I know....I hear ya.

 

I realize its best to remain NC to continue the healing and move on.

 

Just a bad day here. I guess Id just be thankful for a crumb right now just to know I was thought of. You were!

 

Yeah it was nice..but be careful what you wish for because this bread crumb probably set me back a couple of weeks at least and i didn't even respond.

 

I already knew she respected me ecetera and was grateful for our time together...so hearing form her again made things harder. I liked it better thinking i was a total after thought or non existent.