cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I'm feeling weak today and a little depressed. I never say this but I guess ill put it out there. I MISS HER... arrrrrgh. I said it. I better get my sh*it together. Actually though of emailing her and asking what she wanted in the email she sent me a while back. I even wrote an email (never sent and i deleted it) tearing her a new one about how selfish her communication was and I'm no backup plan etcetera. Somebody talk some sense into me.
ScienceGal Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 She left you for another guy, then sends a meaningless email that gives no indication she wants you back. In my opinion, I would not reach out to her. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you. You're grasping at memories of when you were happy with her, it's only natural to want to feel that way again. So sorry 3
ScienceGal Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 And how are the nightmares you posted about on 12/9? Still having them? What kind of progress in general have you made? I re-read her email and I see that she tried to call you on your birthday but realized she is blocked. That must be tough on you, because you're wondering what she wanted. I think that if she wanted a chance at reconciliation she would've been clear in her email about that. I would assume anything she was going to say on the phone she expressed in her email, especially since in awkward situations it's easier to write something than to say it. Do this.. sit on it for 24 hours. See how you feel tomorrow. It's been months, what's one more day? If you do decide to reach out, it should NOT be from a moment of weakness. 3
jovan Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Just do what I do, cry until you dry up, and after that go out for dinner. I like to go to the library at the late evenings and read there. Its so quiet, I really love it there. It help's me come down. 2
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Thanks ScienceGal. Appreciate the support. I rarely ask for it or start new threads. Believe it or not i think it was re reading that thread yesterday that got me thinking. This is one of those rare times that LS didn't help. lol Anyway. I agree I'm not going to email her now. Especially feeling somewhat down. It is an all around bad idea logically speaking and I'm feeling sorta emotional so it is an even worse idea. I've actually been doing OK. No more nightmares. I'm not crying anymore for quite a while. Sometime just wondering why I'm not further along. Maybe it is just impatience. I think i progressed fast early on but seem to have stagnated in my healing. Who knows ..maybe as a result of that email that has produced an occasional hopeful thought. In some ways id like to actually contact her to hear that she is over me again and happy in her new RS..how is that for weird thinking. And i feel strong enough to do this but i think that is over confidence on where i am. Of course underlying this most likely the desire that she changed her mind. I just need to keep on marching forward and let more time pass and keep busy.
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 I think that if she wanted a chance at reconciliation she would've been clear in her email about that. I would assume anything she was going to say on the phone she expressed in her email, especially since in awkward situations it's easier to write something than to say it. . What i think is messing me up is i she has a history of getting back together with EX boyfriends who she deeply cared about and I'm in this category. The thing is i shouldn't even want to get back together. We have been down this road before and it just led to another 2 years together that ultimately didn't work out...both our faults. So I'm kinda upset that I'm stringing myself along some. When i really need to be cutting all emotional ties.
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Just do what I do, cry until you dry up, and after that go out for dinner. I like to go to the library at the late evenings and read there. Its so quiet, I really love it there. It help's me come down. Not a bad idea. Although I haven't cried in quite while. I like the library idea. I think maybe ill head out with my Golden Retriever and flirt with some hot girls. He is a girl magnet! lol. Much more so than me. Getting out always seems to up my mood.
na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Well the longer it's been, I think the less emotional you will be. You probably want to email her, because you want to catch up with her. I wouldn't suggest emailing her an angry email. Maybe just a "hi how are you? thanks for wishing me a happy birthday. i had a great time" Breadcrumbs just f*ck with our heads. We aren't in their head, but we really wish we could be just so we know their intentions. She has a history of getting back with ex boyfriends so you are clinging to the hope that she might want to get back together with you. I'd imagine it would hurt more to hear her say that she's really done with you, than to figure it out for yourself. 1
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) I think id rather email. "What do u want?" Or "what did you want to talk about"? Edited January 14, 2013 by cavalier99
ScienceGal Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I think id rather email. "What do u want?" Or "what did you want to talk about"? If she just wanted to say hi, where does that leave you? If she wants to be "friends", where does that leave you? If she wants you, the wonderful Ex back, where does that leave you? If she doesn't even reply to what you send, where does that leave you? Bottom line, what are you hoping to gain from this?
boblet Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Hmm as much as I think NC helps heal etc., I guess it really is so difficult to completely cut ties with a person you spent so much time with. I guess you'd have to weigh the pros and cons of emailing her, do you think you'd end up in a worse place by doing so? Maybe you should consider what you think it is she wanted, to avoid any disappointment if you had any expectations. I think in some way, even if they act like coldhearted idiots when we reach out to them, it could also help extinguish any hope you might have, or it could better establish that they're not the same person. But it should be all about you and your well-being, whichever option sustains your sanity at the end of the day 1
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 If she just wanted to say hi, where does that leave you? NO WHERE. DAY 1 If she wants to be "friends", where does that leave you? NO WHERE. DAY 1 If she wants you, the wonderful Ex back, where does that leave you? WITH A MAJOR DILEMMA If she doesn't even reply to what you send, where does that leave you? SHE WOULD RESPOND. BUT NO WHERE. DAY 1 Bottom line, what are you hoping to gain from this? You nailed it on the head. I have nothing to gain. What i really want is to be indifferent and NC is the only way. Thanks for the insightful questions. Cav
ScienceGal Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Glad to help The only reason to reach out is if you are certain you want to reconcile. Even then, you need to be prepared to be let down. As always, it's a risk.
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 Hmm as much as I think NC helps heal etc., I guess it really is so difficult to completely cut ties with a person you spent so much time with. I guess you'd have to weigh the pros and cons of emailing her, do you think you'd end up in a worse place by doing so? Maybe you should consider what you think it is she wanted, to avoid any disappointment if you had any expectations. I think in some way, even if they act like coldhearted idiots when we reach out to them, it could also help extinguish any hope you might have, or it could better establish that they're not the same person. But it should be all about you and your well-being, whichever option sustains your sanity at the end of the day I'm not sure id end up in a worse place or not. Everyone says it is day 1 if you contact them. I think id need to sleep with her for this to happen. But ill play it safe and stay NC.
ScienceGal Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) I'm not sure id end up in a worse place or not. Everyone says it is day 1 if you contact them. I think id need to sleep with her for this to happen. But ill play it safe and stay NC. Yeah, I don't think it'd be day 1 emotionally. It's just once you open the communication lines, you are opening yourself up to being drawn back in. Slippery slope. Whatever choice, as long as you go into it knowing what you want and preparing for the let down of not getting it, you'll be just fine. Also, know to walk away again, and quickly, when you don't get what you want. And again, I wouldn't reach out unless I wanted to reconcile, but that's me. Edited January 14, 2013 by ScienceGal 1
jags2bowl27 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 Yeah, I don't think it'd be day 1 emotionally. It's just once you open the communication lines, you are opening yourself up to being drawn back in. Slippery slope. Whatever choice, as long as you go into it knowing what you want and preparing for the let down of not getting it, you'll be just fine. Also, know to walk away again, and quickly, when you don't get what you want. And again, I wouldn't reach out unless I wanted to reconcile, but that's me. IM sorry i have to step in here. Cavileer... I was left for another guy too and look.... she came back to me, i didnt go back to her and i got my hopes up and guess what, she decided she wasnt ready yet... but she had time to still be with the new guy thats 2 doors down from here and she knows for 4 months. what im getting at is in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM EVERRRRRRRRRRRR contact her for try and work things out. SHE made the decision not for herself, but for the BOTH of you. SHE needs to come to you and say SHE messed up. Until you hear this from HER, without provoking her saying it, then you have nothing to consider but moving on. BALL IS IN HER COURT, AND SHE BETTER START PRACTICING MORE AND QUICKLY because honestly, if your like me, the longer this back and forth bull sh*t goes on, the less respect i grow for her over time. SHIITTTTT.... if she even contacted me right i wouldnt text or call her back. I wont speak to her again after she tried coming back when realizing i had someone else unless she stands right on my door step. That wont happen, she has too much pride in her decisions so guess what, ON TO THE NEXT ONE 1
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 IM sorry i have to step in here. Cavileer... I was left for another guy too and look.... she came back to me, i didnt go back to her and i got my hopes up and guess what, she decided she wasnt ready yet... but she had time to still be with the new guy thats 2 doors down from here and she knows for 4 months. what im getting at is in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM EVERRRRRRRRRRRR contact her for try and work things out. SHE made the decision not for herself, but for the BOTH of you. SHE needs to come to you and say SHE messed up. Until you hear this from HER, without provoking her saying it, then you have nothing to consider but moving on. BALL IS IN HER COURT, AND SHE BETTER START PRACTICING MORE AND QUICKLY because honestly, if your like me, the longer this back and forth bull sh*t goes on, the less respect i grow for her over time. SHIITTTTT.... if she even contacted me right i wouldnt text or call her back. I wont speak to her again after she tried coming back when realizing i had someone else unless she stands right on my door step. That wont happen, she has too much pride in her decisions so guess what, ON TO THE NEXT ONE Your absolutely right! Moment of weakness i guess. F that sh*t. I'm not sending anything. Onward and upward. She got what she wanted and so will I..Total and complete indifference and eventually a new hot, intelligent, compatible girlfriend! Rock on! 2
ScienceGal Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I just got to the gym and it makes me smile to see all the active guys running around this place (at least that's one thing in common with me, right? I CANNOT wait until I am ready to date again. Being single does not suit my personality, but I'll put the time in. It's important.
na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Posted January 14, 2013 I thought being single fit my personality. Then I was in a relationship and realized how great it feels to be in love with someone who loves you the same. I would love to have another chance in any relationship just because I know so much more now. It feels so far away though... so I'd better enjoy my single life for a while. A really long while...
Author cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Posted January 14, 2013 (edited) I just got to the gym and it makes me smile to see all the active guys running around this place (at least that's one thing in common with me, right? I CANNOT wait until I am ready to date again. Being single does not suit my personality, but I'll put the time in. It's important. Way to go. Get rocked for you! Its still early for you so gym, keeping busy, your masters program, is great for you. Look what happened to me today and I've been holding strong. So don't give in to any urges. They can be insidious. Soon enough you'll be dating, when you are ready, and he will fade into the past. Edited January 14, 2013 by cavalier99
ScienceGal Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) Way to go. Get rocked for you! Its still early for you so gym, keeping busy, your masters program, is great for you. Look what happened to me today and I've been holding strong. So don't give in to any urges. They can be insidious. Soon enough you'll be dating, when you are ready, and he will fade into the past. Yeah, I'm not in a rush. I obviously want to have someone in my life, but not just anyone. I want to make better choices this next time around, whenever that may be. Part of it means being emotionally ready. So, I'm just going to keep busy and keep moving forward. I don't know why I have this surge of optimism, probably from my workout. At any rate, I'll take it. My hope right now is being channeled into this thought, "his leaving only took me out of a bad situation and set me free to find a better one someday. If I don't go through this, I will never get there, and there matters more to me than anything because it holds my dreams and my happiness". I'm excited for my life. Hope you're feeling better than earlier Edited January 15, 2013 by ScienceGal
Author cavalier99 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 I don't know why I have this surge of optimism, probably from my workout. At any rate, I'll take it. My hope right now is being channeled into this thought, "his leaving only took me out of a bad situation and set me free to find a better one someday. If I don't go through this, I will never get there, and there matters more to me than anything because it holds my dreams and my happiness". I'm excited for my life. Hope you're feeling better than earlier Glad you feeling optimistic! I'm feeling much better. Thanks. I plead temporary insanity. Im back!
LostOne1 Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 Man I know how you feel.. I have a urge to contact my ex too. The worst part is next week is her birthday and part of me wants to be nice enough to say happy bday. Although it wont do much and I can't expect to have things change by just saying happy bday. But I will see how I feel. I just know I keept telling myself that I can't contact her. It would look so sad.. 6 months BU and 3 months NC and I still contact her.
Author cavalier99 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Posted January 15, 2013 Man I know how you feel.. I have a urge to contact my ex too. The worst part is next week is her birthday and part of me wants to be nice enough to say happy bday. Although it wont do much and I can't expect to have things change by just saying happy bday. But I will see how I feel. I just know I keept telling myself that I can't contact her. It would look so sad.. 6 months BU and 3 months NC and I still contact her. Yeah these urges just sneak up on you. I'm finding that when i have them I'm definitely not thinking clearly. Good thing i posted here and have support from you guys. Well walk you thru it next week if needed. I don't think it is a good idea by the way. I mean she didn't even say hi at school and in the end it accomplishes nothing like you said.
fancy feast Posted January 15, 2013 Posted January 15, 2013 I'm feeling weak today and a little depressed. I never say this but I guess ill put it out there. I MISS HER... arrrrrgh. I said it. I better get my sh*it together. Actually though of emailing her and asking what she wanted in the email she sent me a while back. I even wrote an email (never sent and i deleted it) tearing her a new one about how selfish her communication was and I'm no backup plan etcetera. Somebody talk some sense into me. Your silence is much colder, and much more piercing. 1
Recommended Posts