Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I would consider you an exception. As I said earlier it's primarily the motivation for having many partners, not the number of partners itself that is so important. You are definitely not in the majority, I'm talking about these girls that are being pushed into hookup culture by neo-feminism. Ok Ok I forgive you then. I was majorly offended to be honest!!! But, look: I know super intelligent, beautiful, AWESOME women whos leep with say, a few guys each year. They are able to have sex without emotions though. With guys who still have to respect them though! My boyfriends ex is a better catch than me ( beautiful, masters degree, travels the world, is crazy and interesting yet clever and.. just a great women) She is European, and she has fun with various guys when she is single. She is a really great catch, and she truly does know the difference between f*cking with a man she does not have emotions for, and a man she is in love with. With me ex, she loved him. So therefore, the sex with him was not due to her havng low standards.
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Ok ok ok, let me try to get you to think about things a little differently..... I prefer men who are not overtly romantic; because I feel that if a guy readily calls me beautiful every phone call or every time he seens me: If he regularly organizes candle lit dinners, or lays rose petals on my bed: if he is over the top romantic and always calls me his beautiul princess and does EVERYTHING for me (take out garbage, jumps to his feet to do every little thing for me). I would assume he was really nice like that to ALL girls he dated! I would not feel special! haha. .....So, if a girl sleeps with men she does not like, do you feel concerned that you are therefore, a guy she does not want t have a relationship with, seeing as she DOES sleep casually with men who she is NOT interest in a relationship with?
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Please read this below.... I think it has some VERY valid points that could change the way you view this! I know women who have high standards, and need to really like and respect a guy, and be respected back by them in order to sleep with them. Yet they keep it casual, because although the guy IS boyfriend material - she lacks emotions for him, and him towards her. As you know, you can find an attractive, wonderful women who is everything you look for in a women, and yet not have deep emotions for her. You either have it or not. Feelings are not guaranteed even with your dream girl (on paper). Basically: some women ONLY sleep with men who they are attracted to, and think highly of; they only sleep with the types of men who would be boyfriend material, but who they lack the emotions for. If a quality girl sleeps with you and does not want a relationship, it does not mean she necessarily has low standards then does it? It simply means she sleeps only with men she regards highly, but she cannot have deep feelings for all of them, so keeps it casual with some men. .......There is no logical reason to suggest that ALL women who engage in casual sex have LOW standards.
Author jamesbob Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Ok ok ok, let me try to get you to think about things a little differently..... I prefer men who are not overtly romantic; because I feel that if a guy readily calls me beautiful every phone call or every time he seens me: If he regularly organizes candle lit dinners, or lays rose petals on my bed: if he is over the top romantic and always calls me his beautiul princess and does EVERYTHING for me (take out garbage, jumps to his feet to do every little thing for me). I would assume he was really nice like that to ALL girls he dated! I would not feel special! haha. .....So, if a girl sleeps with men she does not like, do you feel concerned that you are therefore, a guy she does not want t have a relationship with, seeing as she DOES sleep casually with men who she is NOT interest in a relationship with? Well I think that falls under the whole thing about I'm simply a sex object to her, which I am not interested in being.
Author jamesbob Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 (edited) Please read this below.... I think it has some VERY valid points that could change the way you view this! I know women who have high standards, and need to really like and respect a guy, and be respected back by them in order to sleep with them. Yet they keep it casual, because although the guy IS boyfriend material - she lacks emotions for him, and him towards her. As you know, you can find an attractive, wonderful women who is everything you look for in a women, and yet not have deep emotions for her. You either have it or not. Feelings are not guaranteed even with your dream girl (on paper). Basically: some women ONLY sleep with men who they are attracted to, and think highly of; they only sleep with the types of men who would be boyfriend material, but who they lack the emotions for. If a quality girl sleeps with you and does not want a relationship, it does not mean she necessarily has low standards then does it? It simply means she sleeps only with men she regards highly, but she cannot have deep feelings for all of them, so keeps it casual with some men. .......There is no logical reason to suggest that ALL women who engage in casual sex have LOW standards. I can understand there can be some girls who would highly respect and appreciate a man's qualities and personality, want to have sex, but then still also not want a monogamous relationship for personal reasons. I don't think this would be common though would it? edit: I mean I definitely would want to be in a relationship if I found a girl that met all my criteria who I highly respected.. I don't understand why I wouldn't have romantic feelings for such a girl? Edited February 1, 2013 by jamesbob
KungFuJoe Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Because sometimes you can very physically attracted to someone, but not get along with them personally. That was me and my last "ex". I guess you could say we were bf/gf, but I don't think we were ever really exclusive and all we did was have sex, go out to eat, then come back and have more sex. The sex was amazing, but we used to fight like crazy about the dumbest things. At one point, we both agreed that we would just see each other for sex, and that's it. She'd call or page (yes, page) me and if I was free that night, I'd drive over, we'd have sex all night long, and I would leave in the morning. Or I would swing by for nooners (since I worked close to her home). And during that time, we got along GREAT!
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I can understand there can be some girls who would highly respect and appreciate a man's qualities and personality, want to have sex, but then still also not want a monogamous relationship for personal reasons. I don't think this would be common though would it? edit: I mean I definitely would want to be in a relationship if I found a girl that met all my criteria who I highly respected.. I don't understand why I wouldn't have romantic feelings for such a girl? Let me explain something:) Look, two people either have "it" or they don't. Strong, romatic feels cannot happen between any two given people Example: you may meet a girl who is everything you want in a women! Yet, you may not fall in love with her! It happens all the time, I have seen and heard about it. I know for a fact that you can come across your ideal girl, and not have the emotions to fall in love with her. ...........Therefore it is not uncomon for women, normally women of high quality, to be very SELECTIVE about men they sleep with. .....What happens many times James, is THIS: two people meet. They are so attracted to each other, think highly of each other, and while they wish a relationship could occur, they simply have no feelings towards eachother that are strong enough for a relationship. Instead, they have casual sex, or become FWB: they really like and respect each other, and both find the other person to be AMAZING.
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 James, this may scare you since it goes against what you fundamentally believe, but please have a think about this concept: It IS actually possible, for a women to casuall sleep around yet ONLY with men she thinks very highly of. This women has HIGH standards. Yet she cannot meet any great men who she has enough emotions for, in order to start a relationship with. Instead - she enjoys sex, and while she is not out every weekend with a different man, she does enjoy casually seeing men of a high quality. ................................................................... ........then she meets the right guy, AKA YOU!. She has true emotions for you, that she did not have with the other men. Therefore, she wants a relationship with you. I am dead serious: it IS technically possible, and you cannot disprove this: - It is POSSIBLE for a women to have high standards, and sleep casually with 5 or more men a year - it IS possible for this same women to know very well the difference between casual sex, and having true feelings for a man - it IS possible that this women can then truly want to be with you in a relationship, because your the right guy for her. - HOW does it lessen her appeal then, the fact that she has slept with a few too many men for your liking? IT DOES NOT mean she has low standards. Plenty of great women who have high standards casually sleep with men, because sex is enjoyable, and not every women needs a relationship to to enjoy sex! Enjoying sex with men is not a crime! As long as they are not out doing it every weekend, and indiscriminately, what is the problem with a women who enjoys sex outside of relationships? YOUR issue, my friend, is: you look down on women who have sex outside of relationships.
Author jamesbob Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 Let me explain something:) Look, two people either have "it" or they don't. Strong, romatic feels cannot happen between any two given people Example: you may meet a girl who is everything you want in a women! Yet, you may not fall in love with her! It happens all the time, I have seen and heard about it. I know for a fact that you can come across your ideal girl, and not have the emotions to fall in love with her. ...........Therefore it is not uncomon for women, normally women of high quality, to be very SELECTIVE about men they sleep with. .....What happens many times James, is THIS: two people meet. They are so attracted to each other, think highly of each other, and while they wish a relationship could occur, they simply have no feelings towards eachother that are strong enough for a relationship. Instead, they have casual sex, or become FWB: they really like and respect each other, and both find the other person to be AMAZING. I will believe you because I have lack of experience, though I cannot imagine that scenario for my own side of things.....
Author jamesbob Posted February 1, 2013 Author Posted February 1, 2013 you look down on women who have sex outside of relationships.[/i][/b] False. I make no value judgement about their person. I think the actions are a mistake sure, but I do not look down on women that partake in them.
Titania22 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 As hard as finding a partner who is compatible in all the other important ways, sometimes it is even harder to find a partner who is sexually compatible. In this circumstance, even taking time to get to know someone beforehand, once the sex takes place and the incompatibility discovered, any chance of an LTR ends. For people in this circumstance the # can increase, even if the person is not promiscuous, simply because it requires almost dumb luck to find a partner who is completely compatible and then hope that they are genuine too and not just trying to "hit and quit". Sexual compatibility isn't so easy for everyone. I really don't understand why it was so hard for you to understand TheWholigan and Emilia's stance. I thought they were quite clear. "Love changes everything, but only is the present."
yongyong Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 This is what Every Women will say. Find a dirty slut at a ghetto bar. she will say the same thing. Men like to say 'her? no I don't like her. I just wanted to get laid' Just remember, when they start explaining themselves before you even ask, then you know they are bullsxitting (like guys talking about money out of blue) I can't help you get over this... you have to do that on your own. I've had many sexual partners in the past. The reason I have sex with people is because I'm attracted to them, not just because it's someone to have sex with.
pbjbear Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I can understand there can be some girls who would highly respect and appreciate a man's qualities and personality, want to have sex, but then still also not want a monogamous relationship for personal reasons. I don't think this would be common though would it? edit: I mean I definitely would want to be in a relationship if I found a girl that met all my criteria who I highly respected.. I don't understand why I wouldn't have romantic feelings for such a girl? This is not common. If this is really your criteria for women you will be alone for most of your life. Most women will want to be monogamous. Its natural. Sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it too. You want a woman to be pure for you, but yet you dont want to commit. I gotta admit it is really strange thinking
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 I will believe you because I have lack of experience, though I cannot imagine that scenario for my own side of things..... So you do not think that if you met a women who pocessed all the attributes that you seek in a women and long term partner - that you ASSUME you would be able to fall in love with her, right? WRONG. You cannot just fall in love with a person because they are exactly the type of girl you WOULD want, who happens to be very attractive to you also. There DOES have to be "something" more to falling in love. I want to explain to you why some women and men are perfect for each other sexually, yet without a deep romantic or love connection. To start with, a LOT of super beautiful women miss out on true love, because: as long as they are sweet and have a cool enough personality, SO many guys want them! The guys are so happy to have a "trophy wife" that is super hot, and a sweet person too, that they overlook the fact that love may not acually be in the equation. They meet a girl they look at and think "wow she is SO HOT and smart and sweet, she is seriously the perfect type of girl for me, she is EXACTLY what I want". You know what though? Not all men can just feel love towards even the most perfect girl for them. ........................................................................
Leigh 87 Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 ......Therefore, PLENTY of single, decent, high quality men and women, want to be able to enjoy sex, but without having to wait for a long term, serious relationship to get it. Women like me have long learnt that to enjoy sex, hyou have to find a guy who likes and respects you a LOT as a person! They have to hink highly of you, and treat you with nicely, and not mind doing small things do you, that friends do to help their friends. I hope my bf and I last a long time, but should I ever be single again, I would still want to enjoy sex! But not every month with a NEW guy, and not with just ANY guy! ......This is what I would do if I were single: ( it involves sleeping with multiple guys per year, albiet not over the top!) I would rather STAY SINGLE until the right guy comes along. It takes some time to meet the right guy, so I would, in the mean while, seek out a casual friend with benifits. It means I have a good friend who likes and respects me, and who I enjoy spending time with; and vise versa. For a few months, I would use only him for sex. I would find someone I could go out to clubs with occasionally too, so I could have drunk sex and all the fun stuf some women do more indiscriminately at clubs, when they are in the mood to hook up. I would want to experience sex outside a loving relationship, but I would seek out the right person for it, make sure they really like me, and ENSURE they are a person who has NO romantic feelings for me, nor do I have feelings for them. ..............I would probably go through about 4 friends with benifits in a year, if I were single...... which means sleeping with 4 guys per year, potentially. How would me enjoying sex with a friend with benifits before meeting you, the right guy, matter to you? I do not have low standards. And I only sleep with men I really like; I just do not have romantic feelings for ALL the men I really like. I like their personality and looks the same as my serious boyfriends, but lack the emotions for them, even though they are great guys and I have high standards to begin with.
yongyong Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Whatever standard you have, just stick to it. People who doesn't meet that standard will get mad and call you judgmental. eg:) I was talking to this girl who does weed sometimes. In her standard, it's totally fine and a guy who can't understand her is Judgmental. Yes, there are this many stupid people out there. They will justify it and blame you for having standards. you don't have to argue with them. you don't have to ask others. (eg: drug clean friend will totally support your concern. Another drug user will get offended and tell you not to be judgmental since it's about personality) just keep it quiet and do whatever you feel like. I am pretty sure I already offended at least 50% of people who read this comment since weed is just a common drug in U.S LOL If you have to ask, make sure to ask right people. Girls who were slutty in the past will say 'the past doesn't matter' Clean girls won't say such things.
TheFinalWord Posted February 1, 2013 Posted February 1, 2013 Whatever standard you have, just stick to it. People who doesn't meet that standard will get mad and call you judgmental. eg:) I was talking to this girl who does weed sometimes. In her standard, it's totally fine and a guy who can't understand her is Judgmental. Yes, there are this many stupid people out there. They will justify it and blame you for having standards. you don't have to argue with them. you don't have to ask others. (eg: drug clean friend will totally support your concern. Another drug user will get offended and tell you not to be judgmental since it's about personality) just keep it quiet and do whatever you feel like. I am pretty sure I already offended at least 50% of people who read this comment since weed is just a common drug in U.S LOL If you have to ask, make sure to ask right people. Girls who were slutty in the past will say 'the past doesn't matter' Clean girls won't say such things. I agree, it is good to have a standard (mine is the bible; many don't accept it and actively mock it, but I have learned thousands of years of cumulative human wisdom has merit). I also agree there is no need to argue about your standards. If you do, you are trying to change a person. Most people don't just take advice anyway, they have to learn it by experience. With that though, I do believe in redemption. Everyone deserves a new chance at life. We aren't slaves to our past, even though many people try to make us just that through judgmental words. Just like trying to change someone is not good, and we should stick to our standards, trying to tell someone their standards can't change is not true. I used to do drugs and now I do not. I quit smoking weed (I have done much harsher drugs; weed was not even a drug to me). After a year clean, my mind was completely different. I was in a fog and did not even know it. Now, I would never revert; I like being in full control of my mind at all times. So redemption and second chances are possible.
Author jamesbob Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 ......Therefore, PLENTY of single, decent, high quality men and women, want to be able to enjoy sex, but without having to wait for a long term, serious relationship to get it. Women like me have long learnt that to enjoy sex, hyou have to find a guy who likes and respects you a LOT as a person! They have to hink highly of you, and treat you with nicely, and not mind doing small things do you, that friends do to help their friends. I hope my bf and I last a long time, but should I ever be single again, I would still want to enjoy sex! But not every month with a NEW guy, and not with just ANY guy! ......This is what I would do if I were single: ( it involves sleeping with multiple guys per year, albiet not over the top!) I would rather STAY SINGLE until the right guy comes along. It takes some time to meet the right guy, so I would, in the mean while, seek out a casual friend with benifits. It means I have a good friend who likes and respects me, and who I enjoy spending time with; and vise versa. For a few months, I would use only him for sex. I would find someone I could go out to clubs with occasionally too, so I could have drunk sex and all the fun stuf some women do more indiscriminately at clubs, when they are in the mood to hook up. I would want to experience sex outside a loving relationship, but I would seek out the right person for it, make sure they really like me, and ENSURE they are a person who has NO romantic feelings for me, nor do I have feelings for them. ..............I would probably go through about 4 friends with benifits in a year, if I were single...... which means sleeping with 4 guys per year, potentially. How would me enjoying sex with a friend with benifits before meeting you, the right guy, matter to you? I do not have low standards. And I only sleep with men I really like; I just do not have romantic feelings for ALL the men I really like. I like their personality and looks the same as my serious boyfriends, but lack the emotions for them, even though they are great guys and I have high standards to begin with. I think you're very unique. I don't know what I think about this... For me, love is a choice, if someone is feminine and meets my criteria, I will love them and be attracted to them... I have heard girls say things like "I hope he wins me over" so it isn't the same, maybe that is why I can't understand.
Author jamesbob Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 Right. If sex is only a number, like how many times she's gone bowling, or how many times she has been to a concert. It's irrelevant if she adds to that number while in a relationship. What's the difference in sex and going to a concert? Can she not go to concerts with her friends now that you guys are together? You want her all to yourself I thought? Adding to this Instead of not wanting to have sex with anyone else, and not wanting her to have sex with anyone else, why don't you not want to eat oranges with anyone else instead? Just eat oranges with her exclusively now. Why do you value a monogamous sex life if sex is the equivalent of any other enjoyable activity? Can thewho or emilia or whoever it was answer this? If sex=bowling or any other enjoyable activity, why do you pick sex to become exclusive when entering a relationship with someone? Why don't you make bowling exclusive and keep having sex with your friends too?
KungFuJoe Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 jamesbob, The reason why no one is answering is because this is one of those questions where, if you don't already know the answer, then you just won't understand.
Author jamesbob Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 (edited) jamesbob, The reason why no one is answering is because this is one of those questions where, if you don't already know the answer, then you just won't understand. Well it appears as though they think sex is in fact more important than any other physical activity they enjoy. Otherwise why make it exclusive? If it is in fact more important to them than any other physical activity that they enjoy, then they do in fact care if the gal they are dating has no problems sleeping with people they barely know for fun. This leads to a bit of a disconnect here where they say "I don't care if casual sex was just a fun activity for them before, but it isn't anymore now that we're a couple." If it was just like any other activity, they wouldn't want it to be exclusive would they? Edited February 2, 2013 by jamesbob
Leigh 87 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Well it appears as though they think sex is in fact more important than any other physical activity they enjoy. Otherwise why make it exclusive? If it is in fact more important to them than any other physical activity that they enjoy, then they do in fact care if the gal they are dating has no problems sleeping with people they barely know for fun. This leads to a bit of a disconnect here where they say "I don't care if casual sex was just a fun activity for them before, but it isn't anymore now that we're a couple." If it was just like any other activity, they wouldn't want it to be exclusive would they? I enjoy sex and I am capable of going from casual sex, to a loyal, monogomus relationship. A lot of women are like me. They want sex, and do not want to wait until they find the right guy. It takes a while to find the right guy! Why does it makes us slutty, if we do not want to wait months or a year, to have sex with the right guy? We just find other guys to have sex with, not too many of course, we are not sluts about it. When we find the right guy, sex changes for us: it becomes more meaningfull and intense, when it is done with a person we deeply care about, and are falling for. We have sex because it feels good, or because it feels great with the right partner. ............................ Seriously. I am a VERY loyal girl! I LOVE my boyfriend:love::love::love: very much I do..... I want him SO badly! Yet, if i were single, I woule have casual sex with various guys. Not every weekend, but I would still engage in sex outside of relationships
Author jamesbob Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I enjoy sex and I am capable of going from casual sex, to a loyal, monogomus relationship. A lot of women are like me. They want sex, and do not want to wait until they find the right guy. It takes a while to find the right guy! Why does it makes us slutty, if we do not want to wait months or a year, to have sex with the right guy? We just find other guys to have sex with, not too many of course, we are not sluts about it. When we find the right guy, sex changes for us: it becomes more meaningfull and intense, when it is done with a person we deeply care about, and are falling for. We have sex because it feels good, or because it feels great with the right partner. ............................ Seriously. I am a VERY loyal girl! I LOVE my boyfriend:love::love::love: very much I do..... I want him SO badly! Yet, if i were single, I woule have casual sex with various guys. Not every weekend, but I would still engage in sex outside of relationships Why don't you have sex just because it feels good or with the right partner with guys besides your boyfriend? You can respect and admire other guys besides your boyfriend and have sex with them without becoming attached yes? Just save the meaningful and intense sex with your boyfriend exclusively.
Leigh 87 Posted February 2, 2013 Posted February 2, 2013 Why don't you have sex just because it feels good or with the right partner with guys besides your boyfriend? You can respect and admire other guys besides your boyfriend and have sex with them without becoming attached yes? Just save the meaningful and intense sex with your boyfriend exclusively. I don't get it. Once I am WITH a guy I fall for, I do not WANT sex with others. That simple. I truly do not. The idea is very unappealing to me! My point was: it takes time to find a guy worthy of being a long term partner. It can in fact, take months or a year, before finding a guy I have strong feelings for...... Therefore, why is it so hard for you to digest, the fact that I can have casual sex with men I do not want a relationship with, and then go on to find a guy I am super into, and ONLY want him? Yes, the guy I am in a relationship with is WAY mroe special than the casual sex dudes. The sex with a guy I have feelings for is very different to the sex I have with men who I DO NOT have strong feelings for.
Author jamesbob Posted February 2, 2013 Author Posted February 2, 2013 I don't get it. Once I am WITH a guy I fall for, I do not WANT sex with others. That simple. I truly do not. The idea is very unappealing to me! My point was: it takes time to find a guy worthy of being a long term partner. It can in fact, take months or a year, before finding a guy I have strong feelings for...... Therefore, why is it so hard for you to digest, the fact that I can have casual sex with men I do not want a relationship with, and then go on to find a guy I am super into, and ONLY want him? Yes, the guy I am in a relationship with is WAY mroe special than the casual sex dudes. The sex with a guy I have feelings for is very different to the sex I have with men who I DO NOT have strong feelings for. Because why does the activity change, and why sex specifically? Why couldn't it be some other activity that you enjoy doing with intelligent attractive men? Why not........ horseriding? Or video games? Why does sex change when you get in a relationship if, when outside of a relationship, it is no different from other personal activity that you do with people you are interested in?
Recommended Posts