Do you find it easier to just want sex from a woman instead of dating/relationship?

[joystickd]

I ended up getting friendzoned. Very frustrated right now. I asked if she was up for going out and she came out and said that she had been seeing someone and considered me one of her best friends and didnt want to mess that up. Its my fault because i broke all the rules i set for myself and played the sucker game

[spiderowl]

So you can easily meet someone and have sex with them. It's quick and easy. But if she is happy to walk away after sex, then she has no feelings for you. Do you want her to have feelings for you or just to sleep with you? It sounds to me that you would like both but don't want her to assess you for a long-term relationship.

 

If you are going to be with someone for more than a night or two, then you do need to know whether you are suited on more levels than just physically. She needs to know that too. Women are just as aware as guys that sex can be just sex, but if a guy likes you, there is a responsibility in that, both to yourself and to him. He doesn't just want sex, but wants more - what if I sleep with him and have fun but feel I don't want more? He's going to be hurt and that's not fair. Also, she won't want a guy getting attached to her if she really only wants him for the odd night's fun.

 

The deliberation is important and the fact that she is considering you is good, I think. She hasn't ruled you out yet. You've probably been a bit spoiled by being able to have sex when you want it. Most guys don't have that luxury and might well be prepared to wait for a great girl.

 

Update, sorry to hear it. I doubt it had anything to do with breaking your rules. Sometimes we just have to make ourselves vulnerable and sometimes it doesn't work out. How did you respond to her decision, by the way? Did you say anything to her?

Edited January 12, 2013 by spiderowl
read whole thread!

[NoMoreJerks]

Actually everyday I care and think of someone else. In the context of protecting me yes I will think of myself because I'm not going to have happen to me what happened a few years ago when I made myself vulnerable to someone. I was hurt on the deepest level.

That sucks, for you. You are letting that person who hurt you, hurt you even more, and ruin your life. You're doing more harm to yourself than good, by choosing to remain stuck in the past. You will miss out on the opportunity to meet, get to know, and get into a relationship with some great women, because of this. My ex was the same, and he never really opened up to me because he was scared of being hurt again. Well, guess what: he just missed out on being in a relationship with a woman (me) who loved him and cared for him deeply , so much so that she stuck around far longer than anyone would stay around, if he treated them the same way that he treated me (verbal and emotional abuse , blackmail, threats of break-up, constant drama, blame-game, non-stop criticism and projection, etc.)... Too bad for him. He just let his ex ruin his life yet again, by refusing to let the past stay in the past. It's irrational. Some people love cuddling with their pain from the past, but they never face that pain head-on, and so , they never process it / deal with it -- instead, they learn all the wrong lessons from it, and never move on. At the end of the day, you can choose to be immature about this, and wallow in self-pity, but I can assure you that's not going to get you anything more than whores who go around having one night stands -- definitely not a quality woman who wants to love and be loved.

Edited January 12, 2013 by NoMoreJerks

[joystickd]

So you can easily meet someone and have sex with them. It's quick and easy. But if she is happy to walk away after sex, then she has no feelings for you. Do you want her to have feelings for you or just to sleep with you? It sounds to me that you would like both but don't want her to assess you for a long-term relationship.

 

If you are going to be with someone for more than a night or two, then you do need to know whether you are suited on more levels than just physically. She needs to know that too. Women are just as aware as guys that sex can be just sex, but if a guy likes you, there is a responsibility in that, both to yourself and to him. He doesn't just want sex, but wants more - what if I sleep with him and have fun but feel I don't want more? He's going to be hurt and that's not fair. Also, she won't want a guy getting attached to her if she really only wants him for the odd night's fun.

 

The deliberation is important and the fact that she is considering you is good, I think. She hasn't ruled you out yet. You've probably been a bit spoiled by being able to have sex when you want it. Most guys don't have that luxury and might well be prepared to wait for a great girl.

 

Update, sorry to hear it. I doubt it had anything to do with breaking your rules. Sometimes we just have to make ourselves vulnerable and sometimes it doesn't work out. How did you respond to her decision, by the way? Did you say anything to her?

It's not that its easier but its that I get some success when I just look for sex as opposed to going through the normal motions of dating. It's weird.

[joystickd]

Now my thing is why couldn't she have said that earlier and why even tell someone that you really liked me if you consider me one of your best friends WTF. I'm just hurt right now. It's rare that I meet a woman I really like. I got to get off here :(

Edited January 12, 2013 by joystickd

[phineas]

YEP.

 

We as men have a bad habit of imagining the ideal women as being kind, inviting and warm, and someone that we can show our weakness to, but the reality is that women simply hate weak men.

 

Its the cold hard reality that men need to face and address, women despise men that show any weakness, because they want to be taken care of.

 

That's right, they despise you for wanting the same things that they demand from men: security, protection, reassurance, etc. these things a man must earn, by overcoming insecurity, and danger in order to earn self assurance which women respond to.

 

This is why you do best with women you are not that into (all men do). Once you like a girl and get emotional.. she senses this and loses attraction.

 

Life is funny.

 

Pretty much.

I've been hanging out with a woman who said she just wants to be friends, yet clearly is interested in more.

When I contact her maybe once a week to hang out she clearly has been missing me because she will actually call me back.

 

But if I contact her every few days she takes longer to respond.

And when she contacts me, if I take a while to respond, she insta texts. But if I respond in a timely manner she will take hrs to respond or won't respond at all.

 

I LOL! hard at this because I know exactly what she is doing.

 

I used to fall into this trap & get friendzoned.

 

So I fixed that problem.

I don't do them favors.

I don't contact them until I'm going to do something that day or the night before & ask them if they want to tag along.

I don't talk about my feelings.

I do talk about other women.

I basically just treat them like a new friend while I continue to pursue other women.

IN THEIR PRESENCE!

 

Because hey, she isn't my GF. She said she just wanted to be friends. ROTFLMAO!

 

Oh and if they say they want to date, unless they are ready to sleep with me NOW I tell them we should just stay friends then because their obviously not ready for a relationship & the difference between a friendship & a relationship is sex.

 

I think it's the ultimate sht-test & i've failed it hard in the past.

Edited January 12, 2013 by phineas

[joystickd]

I'm more mad at myself than anything. I disregarded everything I usually do because I really liked her. Never again will I do that. I see the results I get when I do