Do you find it easier to just want sex from a woman instead of dating/relationship?

[Ruby Slippers]

Smoother meaning I'm not like I am now all frustrated. It seems like when I let them know then they have all the power so they give me the BS. The progression from meeting to when they show how they feel takes longer or drags out to what seems like forever. I'm not worried, overthinking and vulnerable.

While it's never a good idea for a man or woman with feelings to become an over-adoring sap, I think it's a good idea to show your feelings in a natural way. Who wants to go around pretending all the time? Being real is much easier and more fun.

 

It takes some time to learn how to tune your dial so you're not giving too much or too little, but just the right amount to keep the flame burning nicely. Learning just takes time. Enjoy the experiences while you're learning!

[joystickd]

While it's never a good idea for a man or woman with feelings to become an over-adoring sap, I think it's a good idea to show your feelings in a natural way. Who wants to go around pretending all the time? Being real is much easier and more fun.

 

It takes some time to learn how to tune your dial so you're not giving too much or too little, but just the right amount to keep the flame burning nicely. Learning just takes time. Enjoy the experiences while you're learning!

 

Its tough. Im kind of playing catch up and thats another thing frustrating me.

[Ruby Slippers]

What do you mean "catch up"? You are who you are, and that's fine.

[joystickd]

What do you mean "catch up"? You are who you are, and that's fine.

 

I just started dating 5 years ago. This is the first time since i started thst i met someone i really liked. I usually stuck with casual sex

[Ruby Slippers]

I just started dating 5 years ago. This is the first time since i started thst i met someone i really liked. I usually stuck with casual sex

This is a good thing! Look, real feelings like love and everything leading up to it are not easy to handle. It can be scary and overwhelming when you haven't experienced it before. It feels wild, crazy, and unpredictable. But they're just feelings, and you will experience tons of different feelings all throughout your life. Feelings change, intensify, fade, pass, die out, grow in time, and all kinds of things.

 

You're lucky you met someone you really like. Don't be afraid of it. It's a blessing

[joystickd]

This is a good thing! Look, real feelings like love and everything leading up to it are not easy to handle. It can be scary and overwhelming when you haven't experienced it before. It feels wild, crazy, and unpredictable. But they're just feelings, and you will experience tons of different feelings all throughout your life. Feelings change, intensify, fade, pass, die out, grow in time, and all kinds of things.

 

You're lucky you met someone you really like. Don't be afraid of it. It's a blessing

 

As of right now its far from good. My anxiety level is high

[Lonely Ronin]

As of right now its far from good. My anxiety level is high

 

If you want a real relationship, you are going to have to learn to deal with it, because outside of very rare cases, it's always this way.

[joystickd]

If you want a real relationship, you are going to have to learn to deal with it, because outside of very rare cases, it's always this way.

 

Its so frustrating im on verge of sayin f@#k this and go back to just casual sex.

[Lonely Ronin]

Its so frustrating im on verge of sayin f@#k this and go back to just casual sex.

 

You want more than that thought right?

[Disenchantedly Yours]

For sure, a simple case of just sex is always going to be easier then having a real relationship with another human being. Other human beings are imperfect, just as we ourselves are imperfert. Mashing our imperfectness with theirs is a lot more difficult then skating and dabbling in just taking sexual pleasures for ourselves. But usually there is a certain sence of maturity that goes along with desiring to be in a relationship with another person. It requires more of us, it requires more kindness, more patiences, more understanding, more responsbility and accountability to someone other then ourselves...it's simply more work. And dually, more rewarding.

[joystickd]

For sure, a simple case of just sex is always going to be easier then having a real relationship with another human being. Other human beings are imperfect, just as we ourselves are imperfert. Mashing our imperfectness with theirs is a lot more difficult then skating and dabbling in just taking sexual pleasures for ourselves. But usually there is a certain sence of maturity that goes along with desiring to be in a relationship with another person. It requires more of us, it requires more kindness, more patiences, more understanding, more responsbility and accountability to someone other then ourselves...it's simply more work. And dually, more rewarding.

 

What kind of rewards? Id like to know because right now i am not seeing any.

[Lonely Ronin]

What kind of rewards? Id like to know because right now i am not seeing any.

 

Are you serious?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Its so frustrating im on verge of sayin f@#k this and go back to just casual sex.

 

Please give a try to not doing that. You obviously want to at least have the potential for a relationship, and you'll need to go through this discomfort and emotional risk sooner or later in order for that to be possible. That's not to say that this situation will necessarily "work out." It might, and it might not, but if it doesn't please don't let that be your excuse to say, "see? I knew I should never have allowed myself to have any feelings." It's really worth trying.

 

I'm hoping that you come to a point where you are actually able to share some of this stuff with a woman you really like and who knows you and accepts you for who you really are. Then you'll know that your misery was worthwhile!

[Ruby Slippers]

What kind of rewards? Id like to know because right now i am not seeing any.

If you're getting no rewards from crushing on someone or liking her, then it's probably best to move on and focus your attention elsewhere.

 

Does this girl like you back, or is she not into you? I think if you get more specific about this situation, you'll get better, less general advice and ideas.

[joystickd]

Are you serious?

 

Not really im just frustrated with this situation. Im so use to banging women already in relationships. Usually they are more proactive about guys they are into. Its no question about what their interests are because they are straight foward.

[ThaWholigan]

As of right now its far from good. My anxiety level is high

That's just your comfort zone pulling you back in. The only way you're going to learn anything is to push you way out of it. It's gonna be f*cking hard dude, trust me. But I guarantee you that even though there may be some pain in there, it will be worth it in the end.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

What kind of rewards? Id like to know because right now i am not seeing any.

 

I think what you personally are struggling with is that being in relationship requires you to care and think of someone else. Sometimes even our own needs. And I don't think you've had much experience in having to think about someone else other then yourself. I don't say that as a put down. It's just based on what I've taken away from things you've said. It's easy to look out for ourselves and find short term ways to self gratify ourselves. It's much more difficult to have to think of someone else, to have to think about how we are treating someone else and to actually follow through with satisfying their needs as well as ours.

 

The rewards of a relationship are plenty. But I can't simply give you a long list because I think you'd probably shrug it off anyway. I think it's simply something you have to experience for yourself.

 

And the truth is, thinking of people outside of ourselves and our own needs makes us better people. Thinking of ourselves is easy.

[joystickd]

If you're getting no rewards from crushing on someone or liking her, then it's probably best to move on and focus your attention elsewhere.

 

Does this girl like you back, or is she not into you? I think if you get more specific about this situation, you'll get better, less general advice and ideas.

 

I know she told a mutual friend that she really liked me. Its just confusing because i dont see it

[Mme. Chaucer]

I know she told a mutual friend that she really liked me. Its just confusing because i dont see it

 

Have you gone out with her?

[joystickd]

Have you gone out with her?

 

Yeah about 2 weeks ago. We talk everyday. Right now she has been spending a lot of time with her daughter that just came home from college.

Edited December 28, 2012 by joystickd

[joystickd]

I think what you personally are struggling with is that being in relationship requires you to care and think of someone else. Sometimes even our own needs. And I don't think you've had much experience in having to think about someone else other then yourself. I don't say that as a put down. It's just based on what I've taken away from things you've said. It's easy to look out for ourselves and find short term ways to self gratify ourselves. It's much more difficult to have to think of someone else, to have to think about how we are treating someone else and to actually follow through with satisfying their needs as well as ours.

 

The rewards of a relationship are plenty. But I can't simply give you a long list because I think you'd probably shrug it off anyway. I think it's simply something you have to experience for yourself.

 

And the truth is, thinking of people outside of ourselves and our own needs makes us better people. Thinking of ourselves is easy.

Actually everyday I care and think of someone else. In the context of protecting me yes I will think of myself because I'm not going to have happen to me what happened a few years ago when I made myself vulnerable to someone. I was hurt on the deepest level.

[joystickd]

I'm calm now so I will say this. I'm straight forward about what I want and its frustrating to have someone say " I need to figure out what I want from you" and then go and tell a friend that they really like me. I have a limited amount of patience for women when it comes to dating/feeling thing. Its mainly because of this http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/256626-im-just-wondering

 

I look back on it and that's the reason I'm having issues now. Back then in 2006-2007 I was so desperate that any woman that gave me some attention. I accepted any type of bad behavior from that person. I used to get yelled at in public by this person and just took it. I spent a good amount of time dwelling on everything that had happened after it was all said and done. When I had made that thread I was still figuring out what I should have done and what not to do next time. I would have rather stayed a virgin looking back on it that to have dealt with her. I spent 2 years after all of that not dating. While at the same time I got another job got laid off then went back to school. Then I when I did finally met women I was just cold. I met about 3 that had boyfriends or married. The last one had a boyfriend and she wanted more from me. She even dumped him in the hopes I would be with her. I just couldn't do it.

'

The woman I am talking about in this thread I work with. We talked a lot and it was the first time I met a woman I could have a real conversation with. I know one of the problems is that I slept with another coworker there that was married in 2011. She thinks I may do her like that. Hell when we started talking hell I didn't even really push for sex like I usually do. I done everything on my end to show what I want. I'm like miles out of my comfort zone and it feels like I'm naked in the middle of a shopping mall during Black Friday. This is my frustration I put myself out there and became vulnerable and I'm not getting the results I thought I would. Its a part of the game I guess:(

[Els]

I just started dating 5 years ago. This is the first time since i started thst i met someone i really liked. I usually stuck with casual sex

 

I think that if you have feelings for her, you would only be doing yourself a disfavor by shoving them under the rug and pretending to be satisfied with just sex. Of course, if you are satisfied with just casual sex, than the opposite applies.

 

If we never expose any vulnerability and lock ourselves into an impenetrable shell just to prevent ourselves from failing or getting hurt, we may never fail or get hurt, but we will never succeed or experience love either.

[joystickd]

I think that if you have feelings for her, you would only be doing yourself a disfavor by shoving them under the rug and pretending to be satisfied with just sex. Of course, if you are satisfied with just casual sex, than the opposite applies.

 

If we never expose any vulnerability and lock ourselves into an impenetrable shell just to prevent ourselves from failing or getting hurt, we may never fail or get hurt, but we will never succeed or experience love either.

Yeah you are right. My biggest fear is having what happened to me 5 years ago. That person hurt me so bad. It took me a long time to recover from that and even now I still hear stuff like " Oh I heard from her that you are a stalker and you dented her car".

[joystickd]

Buuuummmmmppppppp