How to end a friendship that just won't go away quietly

[Teknoe]

so, they're baaaaaack. Well, two of them. These two keep trying to bring me back into the fold. I just reactivated my FB, posted a new photo and my fear came true: these 2 ladies came out of the woodwork to comment. One messaged me asking if I wanted to hang out.

 

I said I will be busy.

 

She followed up: Sorry for the late notice. We can hang out in November.

 

In other words, she's not going to stop.

 

I was drafting a short message to tell her I'm no longer interested, but then I stopped. I realized... the easiest thing to do here, and the less dramatic... is simply to defriend her, and everyone else in the group. It sucks that I have to do this, but it's the only way to get rid of them and be at peace. Even if I tell her I'm no longer interested in hanging out, I will always feel guilty seeing her posts on FB, or whenever I post updates and I know she can read them.

 

Really sucks it has to come to this, but it's for the best and with the least amount of resistance. It is what it is. I haven't seen this group since July 2013, and before that, Halloween 2012. We have been disconnected for a long time now, yet these two ladies keep coming at me. Sheesh.

 

I just want my peace and quiet from them. And rather not send a dramatic little message stating that I'm finished. They should understand by now. Argh, lol.

[whichwayisup]

or just create a new fb account, add friends you only want on your list and block the ones with your new account so they won't find you online.

[preraph]

I think the best way is to keep it minimal and just say, Oh, thanks, but I'm busy." They try to reschedule, say, "I can't. I'm just really busy these days." Don't ever get specific or offer any details so that you don't get caught in lies later, plus you want them out of your business, not talking to others about what you're busy doing. If they ask for details, cut them off and say, Hey, I've really got to run. I'm right in the middle of something."

 

As for FB, you control your social media. You can do it any way you want. You can keep those church friends in a category that only gets the barest minimal info or you can make an announcement that for personal reasons, you're going to make a bunch of cuts to pare it down to only your male buddies or something like that. If the girl whines "But how will I keep up with you," at that point you tell her you're scaling back, no excuses, and get her off the phone or walk away, whatever. If she persists, you'll have to tell her no at some point.

 

There's an app to change those baby photos into something else and at one time it was the most popular app out there. No one wants to see that except family. I don't know what people are thinking, honestly.

 

Take back control. Refuse all invitations if that's what you feel like doing.

[Teknoe]

I think the best way is to keep it minimal and just say, Oh, thanks, but I'm busy." They try to reschedule, say, "I can't. I'm just really busy these days." Don't ever get specific or offer any details so that you don't get caught in lies later, plus you want them out of your business, not talking to others about what you're busy doing. If they ask for details, cut them off and say, Hey, I've really got to run. I'm right in the middle of something."

 

As for FB, you control your social media. You can do it any way you want. You can keep those church friends in a category that only gets the barest minimal info or you can make an announcement that for personal reasons, you're going to make a bunch of cuts to pare it down to only your male buddies or something like that. If the girl whines "But how will I keep up with you," at that point you tell her you're scaling back, no excuses, and get her off the phone or walk away, whatever. If she persists, you'll have to tell her no at some point.

 

There's an app to change those baby photos into something else and at one time it was the most popular app out there. No one wants to see that except family. I don't know what people are thinking, honestly.

 

Take back control. Refuse all invitations if that's what you feel like doing.

 

 

Ooh, I like that "I can't, I'm really busy these days" response. I think instead of blocking or defriending them, I'll just straight up ignore them.

 

I shouldn't be scared of them, or let them dictate how I use FaceBook, or not use it. I am sweating over this more than I should, since I know I will never hang out with them again. It's not like I'll say yes ever again, so why sweat it? They're from my past. I guess I just feel guilty that a few members are still reaching out. It's weird because for one of the girls, I've been such a bad friend to her, but still she keeps coming back. I really do think she has a crush on me, despite being 11 years my senior. I feel uncomfortable around her. I have a theory that she dreamt we got married, and now she believes it's a prophecy from God, lol. It's the only thing I can think of that explains why she's so hung up on me, and always trying to get me to be a part of the group again. I didn't even wish her happy bday last year or respond to her bday invite.

 

Yet a year later, she treats me the same. Most normal people would file you under "He grew apart from me. OK, whatever" but she keeps coming back to me as if I treat her like a girlfriend. You can see why I feel awkward around her. She really does make me feel uneasy.

[preraph]

^ Yeah, as you can tell even from posts on this board, there's a lot of those people like that girl out there who hang on despite the fact you've rejected them or aren't treating them well. Lots of bad self-esteem out there, people who maybe grew up like that or something else bad and don't feel they deserve better. And you hit the nail on the head about her feeling it's destined or something. Especially young women tend to believe that because a lot of them were kind of raised on those fairy tales where there's this one right person for them out there and that if they love them, then that MUST mean that person must love them back and they keep making excuses why it hasn't happened yet. It's sad.